From the Heart: A Valentine's Day Anthology

by Anthology

  Kara sank back against the sofa cushions, her head falling back as she sighed. While I waited, I pressed my hand a little harder on my stomach. I didn’t think I was supposed to really feel anything yet, but I knew there was a life growing in there. A tiny, yet very real life.

  “It’s a heck of a decision,” Kara said eventually.

  “Do you have any words of wisdom? Any advice on how to figure this out?”

  “No. Because you need to be making this decision with Declan. If you absolutely had to make these decisions alone, then I’d probably have some advice for you, but you don’t have to. Declan just needs to get his head out of his arse and help you.”

  “Like I said, I think his silence is his answer. So, let’s assume I am alone. What would your advice be?”

  She raised her head and looked at me. “I guess I’d tell you to look deeper into your options. All of them. Talk to an abortion clinic, find out about adoption, and look into how you would go about bringing up a child alone. And then, I think, once you’ve done that, you’ll have a better of idea of what you are or aren’t comfortable with.”

  Chapter 5

  Kara’s advice for me was way better than me chasing my thoughts around in my head, so when I got home that afternoon, I did as she suggested. I opened my laptop and did some real research into abortions and what happens, and also discovered that clinics offered a chance to discuss options and offered advice no matter what steps were taken next. If I couldn’t figure it out on my own, what harm would it do to make an appointment and talk to someone unbiased?

  Just as I was about to call the number of a local clinic, there was a knock at the door. I sighed to myself as I stood up to answer it. I suspected it might be Lucas. Kara had said he might drop by to see me this afternoon, and it was kind of him, but I finally felt like I was making some steps, and I didn’t want to stall or get confused again.

  My jaw dropped when I saw Declan on the doorstep. It was three thirty in the afternoon – he should have been at work. Just like always, my heart beat faster at the sight of him and for a second I wasn’t sure what to do. My first instinct was to throw myself into his arms and let him heal some of the pain I’d been living with. But then I remembered how he’d distanced himself. I registered the seriousness in his brown eyes. He looked as tired as I was, with dark circles under his eyes and a two-day-old beard on his chin. I liked him clean shaven, but the scruff was kinda sexy too, and it added to my need to touch him. I swallowed, trying hard to resist.

  “Hi,” I said, keeping my voice as neutral as I could.

  “Can I come in?”

  I stepped back, opening the door wider for him, and he came inside. As I closed the door behind him, my brain raced with thoughts. Why is here now? Where has he been? Has he made any kind of decision about us? About the baby? Or is he going to do his usual thing of ignoring the issue?

  “Would you like a drink?” I asked as he lurked in the hallway, head down and his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

  “Coffee would be good, thanks.”

  I nodded towards the living room. “Take a seat.”

  Declan slowly walked into the lounge, and I took the few minutes making our drinks to prepare myself for what was coming. I already felt the prickle of tears and the strengthening of the ache in my chest. I breathed deeply and blinked the tears away. I needed answers from him, no matter what they were. I needed to know where we stood.

  As I entered the living room, I stopped abruptly when I saw Dec holding my phone. His eyes flicked to my laptop screen then to me.

  “You were going to make an appointment for an abortion?”

  His voice was quiet. Not angry, just softly questioning.

  I placed our steaming cups on the table. “I was going to make an appointment to discuss my options.”

  His jaw clenched, his teeth clashing together so hard I was surprised they didn’t shatter. “Your options? I thought they were our options.”

  A small flame of annoyance lit up inside me, ready to ignite me in a burning fury if he continued to look at me with such accusation in his eyes.

  “Where were you, Declan? You promised to call me. Promised.”

  “I told you I needed some time.”

  “But you still said you’d call and you didn’t. And you ignored my call, and you didn’t call back. What was I supposed to think?”

  “You called once. If you were ready to make this decision, why didn’t you try harder?”

  Unbelievable. So far he’d blamed me, stormed out, spent the night in the home of a woman who’d been trying to get in his pants, blurted out the news of my pregnancy to people before talking to me about it, broken his promise to call me, and I was supposed to try harder?

  My stomach twinged sharply, and I placed my hand over it, my eyes widening at the pain. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if it was a baby thing, or if it was the sheer agony of this conversation. All I knew was I needed to sit down immediately, and Dec moved aside and pulled out the chair I’d been sitting at in front of my laptop. He knelt down in front of me, the indifference in his eyes turning to concern.

  “Are you okay?”

  I nodded, still holding my stomach as whatever it was that had come over me slowly ebbed away as I inhaled and exhaled deeply.

  Declan took my hands. “Are you sure?”

  The confusion of his behaviour made me drop his hands, and I stared at him. “Now you care?”

  “I always cared.”

  “Really? Because so far that hasn’t exactly been clear.”

  He swiped his tongue over his lips as if trying to moisten them then took a few slow breaths. “Eden, you know how crap I am with things like this. I can’t handle them, and I can’t process them the way you do. You’ve always known this about me. And this… you being pregnant… it’s messed with my head, but I’m here, okay? I came back to talk. I know I should have done that sooner, but fuck, if this had happened a year ago, you’d never have seen me again. That’s not a reflection on how I feel about you though.”

  No. It was a reflection on how he felt about him. About how he never felt good enough.

  Declan took my hands again and this time his brown eyes stared into mine. “When I came here today, I thought I knew what I wanted to say. I thought I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to be a father because I’m not ready. And then…” His eyes flicked to my laptop screen again, and they seemed to dim a little. He nodded towards the clinic webpage. “I saw this. I saw the number on your phone, and I wanted to yell at you. Not because you didn’t discuss it with me though. Because in that one second when I thought you might go through with an abortion… I felt like I was losing everything.” He looked up at me again, and tears clouded his eyes. “How can that happen? How can that small thought of you actually calling an abortion clinic have made me see things differently?”

  I shook my head, my own tears forming again. “I don’t know,” I whispered. “I don’t think I could ever have gone through with it though. I’m pretty sure I want this baby, Dec. There are so many reasons why I shouldn’t, but I do.”

  Dec let go of my hands and brushed his fingers over my cheeks. “Eden, I’ve spent the last few days imagining how things would be without you. And I hated it. I didn’t think I could do the dad thing, but I still wanted you. But…” He moved one hand down to my stomach. “This is real. This is happening, and I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose either of you.”

  The warmth of his hand on my stomach made me want to smile the biggest smile, but I couldn’t trust it yet. He’d had his decision made, and then he’d changed it in a moment. What was to stop him changing it back?

  “Declan, this… it’s not going to be easy. This is you supporting all three of us for a while. This is us sacrificing going out whenever we want, being able to afford a takeaway whenever we want. It’s going to make us tired and cranky, and it’s going to mean that we can’t be selfish. Ever again. It means, if you’re telling me we can do this, you have t
o really mean it. Because the idea of losing you and having to do this by myself is terrifying.”

  Declan’s familiar, warm smile made my tears spill over and he used his thumbs to wipe them away. “Do you know how long I wanted to be with you, Eden? Because it’s a lot longer than you realise. Probably longer than you wanted to be with me. I fucked things up over and over, and then I finally got you. I am not going to fuck this up too. I might be an emotionless dick sometimes, but that’s never stopped me loving you. Never.”

  Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to breathe again. To feel his hands on my face, to feel his words as they sank into me.

  “For an emotionless dick, you’re pretty good with words sometimes.”

  I heard him laugh softly before he pressed his lips to mine, breathing life back into my body. “Don’t get too used to it. Before you know it, I’ll be back to my usual self.”

  My own laugh sounded more like a sob – a happy sob – as I said, “That was the boy I fell in love with.”

  “Well…” Dec trailed his lips across my jawline, sparking my nerve endings into action. “Now it’s time for be the man you deserve. You reckon I can do it?”

  “Declan Fox.” I wound my arms around his neck and kissed him again, basking in the joy of tasting him again. “I think you already have.”

  The end.

  Copyright © 2016 R J Thompson All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews.

  This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the prior consent of the publisher in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  How it Began.

  Carly groaned inwardly as she read the text that had just come through. She had only just finished packing up her desk for the day and was more than ready for the weekend to start. She had managed, much to her surprise to get the Friday afternoon off, but giving the sob story that it was her birthday had helped. Now it was time to get home and chill before her friends arrived and they went out for the evening.

  25 at last Carly thought as she packed her diary into her purse, it had seemed like the last 5 years had dragged and it had sucked big time. Ever since her big brother and her parents had died in a car accident she had been left to fend for herself as well as deal with their left over debt. She had been left with nothing and even had to take a loan to pay for the funeral.

  If it wasn’t for Robyn, her best friend and house mate she would have been depressed and she doubted she would have survived. So five years of neglect and self-pity Carly was more than ready to make a change.

  From Tart @ 12:25pm

  Carly, hurry your arse up!! I want to go shopping!!!

  Rxx

  This was the other thing Carly didn’t want to do. Her friends although supportive were lucky, lucky in the sense that they were bean poles whereas she was as far from that as you could get. In short Carly was the “Fat friend” of the group. The one that never got looked at twice and tended to get whispered about, and not in the good way.

  Carly knew this from a lot of personal experience and had gotten very good at pretending the jibes didn’t hurt and she was excellent at hating what she saw whenever she looked into a mirror. Not that she did that very often.

  Carly’s shoulder sagged as she typed a reply to her friend

  To Tart @ 12:27pm

  Shopping? Really? I don’t really feel like it Robyn

  Cxx

  She grabbed her overly large handbag and threw her phone inside, then pushed her chair under the desk and headed for the lift and down to her friend waiting outside.

  Carly could see Robyn as she drummed her fingers on the steering wheel of her blue Fiat 500. After she had climbed into the passenger seat, she smiled at her friend.

  “Robyn no shopping please,” she begged, “You know I hate it, it always gets me down.”

  Robyn just smiled, “Nonsense Carly babes, we will find you a sexy as hell outfit for our night out,” Robyn took a breath. “Besides we never go shopping Carly, it’s about time you got out of this funk.”

  With a grin she pulled the car out of the space, easily joining the flow of traffic. The sound of the radio filled the silence as Carly desperately tried to come up with any excuse as to why she should skip shopping, unfortunately none were coming to mind.

  Carly used to adore shopping, purchasing new things satisfied that small part that all women have, but now after 5 years spent cheering herself up using food she was limited to where she could get her clothing. It also didn’t help that due to her current body shape she looked horrendous no matter what she wore. Fuck she hated herself, Carly frowned then started to chew on her nails. Her focus on the skin surrounding her right thumb as she blankly stared out at the scenery that passed by.

  “Carly honey come on, it won’t be that bad.”

  Carly shrugged her shoulders and kept her face turned towards the passenger window, “It always is Robyn, its ok for you. The perfect size 10. The last time I was that size, I was 10.”

  Carly sighed and turned in her seat, her larger frame making the leather squeak.

  “I’m 25 tomorrow, overweight, extremely single and in a job that holds zero satisfaction for me. If it wasn’t for you I would also be homeless. There isn’t really anything I’ve just said to get excited about is there.”

  Robyn reached over and took hold of Carly’s right hand and tugged it from her mouth, the skin on her thumb already red raw from the chewing. Robyn kept her eyes focused on the road as she steered the car.

  “Honey I am always here for you, that will never ever change and its wrong what your parents did to you, so never doubt that I will support you no matter what.”

  As they pulled into the car park of the local shopping centre Robyn squeezed Carly’s hand before releasing it to manoeuvre the car into a space.

  “But? I know there is a but in there Robyn so spit it out.”

  As Robyn slid the Fiat in to a space she quickly cut the engine and turned in her seat to face Carly.

  “But, and it’s a big but Carly, I will not agree with your whole self-hate thing you have going on right now. I know you don’t see it but you are a beautiful woman with a heart of gold. I don’t know what you see in the mirror but you need to stop hating it. Come on honey you need to stop hating yourself, it’s not healthy.”

  Carly turned again to look out of the window, she wanted to run away from the sympathy and pity etched on her best friends face. It didn’t help Robyn could read her like an open book, her voice came out quiet as she answered.

  “I will try, but it’s not as easy as that, I wish it was, I wish I could turn off that particular switch in my head but I can’t.”

  Robyn nodded, “I understand Chica, I really do. So let’s start with an ity bity shopping spree and then tonight we let rip, What do you say?”

  Carly breathed in slow and deep before she released in one quick exhale.

  “Fuck it, you are right,” Carly placed her hand on the door handle and pushed it down to open the door, “Let’s go.”

  Later That Night

  The music pulsed and the drinks flowed, Carly couldn’t help but smile wide as the girls placed the next round of drinks on the table, they each quickly grabbed a glass and raised them high in the air.

  “Carly our chica!! We love you girl, Happy Birthday!”

  Carly kept smiling and raised her glass in response, then followed their actions and downed the shot, the h
arsh liquid burned as it ran down her throat, but then instant warmth as it hit her stomach and added to the already growing buzz she was getting.

  There was no way she was unable to smile when she was out with these lot, they always managed to pull some stupid stunt whilst they were hammered. Only this time Carly would be joining in and not sitting to the side because she was the driver. They hadn’t drifted apart since school like most of people do, they had made a pact to always keep in touch.

  “We dancing or what…come on I bloody love this song!” Hayley shouted to be heard as Bruno Mars Uptown Funk started. Her hands already in the air, she headed straight for the dance floor. The rest didn’t need much encouragement and as one they squealed and weaved their way in and out of the crowd to join her. The club, even though it was still early, was filling up quickly and the dance floor had become rammed. Head down Carly tried to fight her way to the dance floor, on occasion she had to shout over the music to be heard just to get passed, which garnered more than one shitty look in her direction. Shouts and grunts erupted to her right as an argument started, bodies jostled and more than one slammed into her. She pushed back and again tried to make it to the dance floor. Just as she was about to step onto the lit up dance floor she was pushed by a firm body, her own tumbled to the floor as multiple drinks from the fighter coated her from head to toe as she hit the deck.