“No.” I waved his offer away. “I’m good; I have money.”
“I know you do. But you’re going to be my wife, and so”—he shrugged—“my money is your money.”
“You know what?” I snatched the card from him. “You’re right. My dress is on you, with our money.”
His smile stretched across his face, and I knew my taking that credit card meant as much as my saying yes to all of this.
I was filled with contentment, knowing I was bringing genuine happiness to this man who’d never had enough of it in his life.
“THIS IS ALL going to be perfect,” I told myself through the mirror. Gathering the gown, I rushed from the dressing room, to the cashier, then hopped into a cab, even though I was only a half mile away from the hotel. I checked my watch; truly, the next time I wanted to see Xavier was when we were standing before the magistrate. So I texted him because I didn’t even want to bump into him in the lobby:
Have you left?
Not even five seconds passed before he responded:
Just jumped into a cab. Where are you?
On my way to become beautiful for you.
You don’t have to do anything for that. You are already amazing and I love you so much.
I read his words again, then pressed the cell phone to my chest. Now I knew this moment was right; this man had just texted his truth: he loved me so much.
I sent him: ♥ ♥ ♥ then leaned back. Canal Street was jammed with the holiday tourists that crammed the city, but I didn’t mind. The extra time gave me a few moments to reflect.
As the minutes passed, I felt more secure in our decision. Xavier had to be the man God had chosen for me. There were too many signs. We’d come to New Orleans, and he knew a magistrate here. Things like this didn’t just come together. Not unless they were meant to be.
When the cab finally slowed to a stop, I smiled as I used Xavier’s credit card to pay the fare, then with one last deep breath, I slid out. It was time for me to get ready for the rest of my life.
26 Xavier
The magistrate’s office was only five short blocks from our hotel, but even in October, it was still in the low eighties, too much New Orleans heat for this suit and these shoes. Five blocks would’ve felt like five miles, so I slid into one of the waiting cabs, then sat back.
Was this really going to happen? I shook my head. For the last couple of hours, that question had played in my mind because I’d never come this close. But I needed to stop questioning what was divine. Glancing at my watch, I nodded. It would happen, in a little over an hour.
When the driver rolled to a stop at the address on Poydras, I tossed twenty dollars into his hand, more than doubling the fare on the meter. The driver thanked me, but the moment I’d paid him, my mind had already fast-forwarded to my future.
Like Will had told me, the lobby doors were unlocked, and I took the elevators to the fifth floor. When I stepped into the all-white, leather-and-chrome waiting area, I realized this was a suite of offices, all darkened, all empty, it seemed. Before I could call out, Will stepped from the center office.
“Bruh-man.” Will strutted toward me, wearing a shiny bronze suit with a red plaid bow tie. He reached for my hand, then we embraced in one of those brother hugs. “It’s been a while.”
“Yeah, the last time was at our fifth reunion, right?”
“That was the last time we saw each other, but I’m glad we’ve stayed in touch.” He led me into the office that was opposite the style of the reception area. This was more traditional, with a cherrywood desk and bookshelves to match. Will gestured for me to sit in one of the oversize wingback leather chairs.” So, what’s going on with you and this marriage thing? Doing this was a surprise to her, but you want her to think it’s legit, even though it won’t be?”
It did sound convoluted, but I was not going to explain it to Will. He and I had been friends our first year at NYU, but rather quickly, I discovered Will was a twenty-four-seven hustler. Since I was going into law, I took a step back from him, not wanting to get caught up in some present mess that would drag down my future. By the second year, we were more acquaintances than friends.
But over the years, I’d hit him up occasionally on social media, just having a feeling that one day, I might need some of his connections and skills. My hunch was proven right when last year, after doing a little research and finding out that New Orleans was a no-waiting-period city for marriage, I’d reached out to him.
Finally, I said, “I wanted our marriage to be legit, but with this holiday and all…” I paused, hating to go into any of this. “We’ll get it fixed. Her father is a pastor.” This part of the plan hadn’t been thought through yet, but I could make it happen. I’d get her father to issue us a new license, maybe convince him and Chastity we should have a license with his name signed to it. I finished telling Will, “I just want us to do something where it’s the two of us. We’ll go back and have a ceremony and celebration in New York.”
“Cool. My brother will be here in a little while; you got the money?”
I nodded. All one-hundred-dollar bills, as Will had requested. He opened the envelope, flipped through the money, and I wondered how much would get into his brother’s hands. But that wasn’t my problem. I’d paid; now, somebody was going to stand up and marry me and Chastity.
I reached into my jacket. “Here are the rings. I haven’t quite figured out what to say about these since this was supposed to be spontaneous and…”
“No worries, I got you,” he said. “I got a story ready if she asks. So she’ll be here at three?”
I nodded. “What about the paperwork?”
“Milton will take care of that. I got you with this hookup, and he’s got you with the paperwork. It’ll all look official. No worries, just remember when we mail it to you, it won’t be signed.”
“That’s fine; I’ll give you my office address, and you can mail it there.”
“No worries,” he said. I hated when people said that over and over because it meant just the opposite. “Chill here,” Will continued. “I got a call to make, but we’ll get started right at three. My brother is always on time.”
I nodded. Chastity was a stickler for punctuality, too. So at three, my life would begin.
Will stood, but before he stepped out of the office, he paused. “For reasons I’m sure you’ll understand, my brother is gonna come in here and do this. He wants no conversation about this, nothing on the record.”
I got that. His brother and I operated in the same legal space. His risk was professional—mine was personal.
Once I was left alone, I exhaled, not realizing I’d been half holding my breath. This was happening; Chastity and I were going to be united. Just the two of us.
Those words were like a shot in a time capsule taking me back to a place I hadn’t revisited for so many years…
February 6, 1995
“Mama, when are you coming home?” It was the same question I’d asked her for four years, though there was more urgency in my tone now. Couldn’t she hear that?
“Now, X, didn’t I ask you to be my little man for me?”
“I know all that,” I said, thinking she still thought of me as a six-year-old kid. “But, Mama, when are you coming to get me?”
“I’m trying so hard, baby.” Sadness spilled from her words. “Please believe me when I tell you I love you and I can’t wait to see you.”
That didn’t answer my question. “If you can’t wait, then come home.” Right then, I had a thought. “Can you at least come for my birthday?” My birthday was in a few days, and if Mama showed up, this time, she wasn’t leaving without me, even if I had to stuff myself in the trunk of her car.
“X,” she began, now sounding like she was crying, “if I could come there, I would. But I can’t.”
Why did she keep saying that she couldn’t come?
“I’m going to do what I can, X.” There was such conviction in her promise. “Because all I want i
s for it to be just the two of us. A family. Like I’ve always promised.”
THAT WAS MY final memory of my mother’s voice.
Just the two of us, I heard her saying over and over.
If there was any truth to heaven and angels, then I was sure my mother was up there finally fulfilling her promise. She was guiding me to having what she’d promised but never been able to deliver.
I glanced at my watch and tried not to fidget. But it was difficult because in less than thirty minutes, my mother’s wish for me and the greater desire of my heart would finally come true.
* * *
JUST LIKE WILL had cautioned me, his brother Milton walked into the office and shook my hand as if this were an ordinary meeting.
“So, you guys met at NYU?” Milton asked.
I glanced at my watch. It was just about three, and though she wasn’t late, I’d expected Chastity to be here by now, as excited as I was. I let Will answer his brother, since I wasn’t interested in chatting. I wanted to stand by that door, a lookout for my fiancée. As I took another quick glance at my watch, I wondered why had I agreed to meet Chastity here. We should have walked through these doors together.
As we sat, Will chuckled as he shared a couple of our freshman exploits. I listened, hardly laughing, completely remembering why I’d been so right to distance myself from this dude. But every minute or so, I took another discreet glance at my wrist and watched the minutes tick solidly past three.
A microwave-type heat burned my soles. Chastity wasn’t coming, and my mind fast-forwarded to what I’d find back in our suite… the hotel’s stationery with her writing: Dear Xavier…
I was ready to burst. And then…
A soft knock on the door, followed by an almost whisper: “Hello?”
The door inched open, and I popped out of the chair. But before I could take more than a few steps, I stopped. Chastity entered, and, like she’d done from the first moment we met, she snatched away my ability to perform even the most elemental tasks. It took seconds for my legs to find their life, and then, finally, I rushed to her.
Her smile embraced me, and then her arms followed. “I’m sorry I’m late,” she breathed into my ear. “The first Uber canceled, and I was almost ready to walk, but…”
I pressed my finger against her lips, careful not to smudge the burgundy gloss she wore. “You’re here now.” I wanted to kiss her again and again, but wouldn’t a kiss before we stood before the magistrate mess up the little pieces of tradition we were trying to hold on to? Still, I pulled her back into my arms, and I held her until:
“What’s up?”
I’d forgotten we were not alone.
Will strutted closer to us and held out his hand. “You must be Roxanne. Nice to meet you.”
Chastity frowned, and I stiffened, feeling like I’d been struck by lightning.
She spoke first. “No, I’m Chastity.” She looked between me and Will.
“Oh!” He held his fist to his mouth like he was about to swallow it. “My bad. Roxanne… is… the lady… we married yesterday.”
“Okay,” Chastity said, as if she wasn’t sure she believed him. “I just hope you have our names right on the marriage license.”
“Yeah, yeah, I never make mistakes… on that.” Then, trying to be smooth with it, he kept on talking, introducing himself as a very good friend of mine from NYU, and she presented herself as Chastity, the woman who was about to become my wife.
“And I’m Milton,” his brother called from across the room. “So, are we ready to get started?”
For the first time since Will had called my present fiancée by my last fiancée’s name, I breathed. How the hell did Will even remember Roxanne’s name from last year, and hadn’t I, at some point, said Chastity’s name?
“Babe?” Chastity whispered. “Shall we do this?”
It was only because she took my hand that I was able to move. We crossed the room and followed Milton to the windowed corner of his office.
As Milton positioned us and then grabbed a book from his desk, Chastity frowned. “Don’t we have to do the license?” She looked among the three of us as if she was confused, then added, “I have my ID,” as she tapped the small bag hanging on a chain from her shoulder. She smiled. “To prove that I’m Chastity.”
Milton glanced at his brother and Will said, “Yeah, uh, we’ll take care of that after the ceremony. It doesn’t matter if we do this before or after—that license will have the same legal value.” He laughed as the three of us stared at him, and I wanted to swing on him. My glare must’ve burned some sense into him, so he added, “Uh… we can take care of all of that afterward.”
“Oh, okay,” Chastity said, all concern, all questions, gone from her voice.
It was true, I guessed: when you weren’t looking, you didn’t see. When you trusted, you believed. Only Milton and I understood Will’s joke. And Chastity trusted me.
“Let’s get this started,” Milton said.
With the sun to our backs, we stood, shoulders touching, and when I reached for Chastity’s hand, she grasped mine as if I were her lifeline; she certainly was mine.
Milton stood in front of us, and Will was off to one side—our witness, I supposed. The worn brown leather book that Milton held was not quite as thick as a Bible, but had enough pages to look official. With a nod, he began:
“We are gathered here today, in the sight of God and this witness…” He gave a nod to Will.
I inhaled the deepest of breaths, almost wanting to drop to my knees and give gratitude to the heavens for these words I’d been waiting so long to hear.
“… to unite Xavier and Chastity in the bonds of holy matrimony.”
Was it possible to freeze these moments?
“Chastity and Xavier, is it your desire to take these vows which will unite you at this time?”
As if we were already united, in unison we said, “Yes.”
Milton said, “Please face each other.”
I did as I was told and now held both of Chastity’s hands. Warring desires battled within me. I wanted to slow down time so I could savor this. But time had never shown me any compassion, and the more it passed, the greater the chance this would be taken away. So I willed the seconds to move at sonic speed, getting us to the good part, the finale.
When Chastity squeezed my hands, as if she knew I needed reassurance, I settled into this moment for what it was—not too fast, not too slow, the perfect speed, the perfect time for our wedding.
“Do you, Xavier, take Chastity to be your lawfully wedded wife? Fr—”
It felt as if he’d paused, so I said, “I do!”
Milton looked up from the book. He said, “Wait a minute, let me finish,” before he chuckled.
Chastity and Will joined in the laugh; there was nothing funny to me.
Milton continued, “From this day forward, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?”
This time, I let a beat pass as I repeated the words inside: Till death do you part. Then I said, “I do. I do. I do!”
There were more chuckles, but again, no laughter from me.
As Milton read through the same declaration of intent for Chastity, I held my breath, waiting. When she said, “I do,” to me, that was the finale. I wanted to lift her in my arms, swing her around, and get started on all that I had planned for us.
But right after she’d agreed to be my wife, Chastity yanked her hands from mine. There was horror etched on her face as she exclaimed, “Stop!” sending my heart into a downward spiral. Once again, lightning had struck. She said, “We don’t have rings.”
“Oh, yeah, you do,” Will said, stepping forward and opening up the matching velvet boxes I’d given to him.
Chastity frowned. “This ceremony comes with rings?” she asked in a tone that questioned what kind of service was this.
“Oh, no,” Will said. “I took X to
buy these… earlier.”
Now she turned to me. “You had time to buy rings?”
“Yeah, well, we do this all the time,” Will jumped in since this was his story. “It was one stop, and my man saw what he liked. It didn’t take us ten minutes to get in and get out,” he said.
I didn’t want Chastity thinking I’d spent such little time on our rings, when it had taken me two lunch hours last week, combing through every store in the Diamond District, to find the bands we’d wear for the rest of our lives.
But when Chastity said, “Oh, okay,” my heart continued to beat.
“Is it all right for us to get back to this?” Milton asked.
“Of course,” Chastity said, and once again, I realized this was all about trust. She said, “I’m sorry. That just came to my mind.” In a lower voice, she added, “I wish I could’ve picked out your ring.”
“That’s okay, baby. I got us matching bands.”
Once she nodded, Milton continued. I floated as we exchanged the rings, and I stayed that way until the moment of the pronouncement:
“Xavier and Chastity, you have come here today of your own free will and have declared your love and commitment to each other. You have given and received rings as a symbol of your promises. By the power of your love and commitment to each other and by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you…”
I was in a state of suspension until Milton said:
“… man and wife. You may now seal your vows with a kiss.”
I’d been off my feet, and now, as I kissed my wife, I lifted Chastity from hers.
We kissed and kissed until Milton cleared his throat and Will said, “Dang, dawg, get a room.”
This time, I joined in the laughter, and as I held Chastity while we thanked Milton and Will, I paused for a moment to glance up to heaven and my body warmed. But this heat was different from what usually filled me. This time, I felt the warmth that came with serenity, the warmth that came with joy, the warmth that came with love.
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