Tarnished

by Rhiannon Held

  “You bear the marks of my enemies,” Silver murmured, and rested a hand on his chest for a moment. “You don’t control your enemies either.”

  The rest of the pack returned from their sweep of the area. One peeled off to drive Susan’s car home, and the rest piled into the van, except for the beta, who hesitated at the side door. Pierce cultivated a very pretty image to go with his slimness, one lock of dark, wavy hair dangling over his eyes, but his face was clouded now with annoyance. He added another couple finger marks to the crushed padding at the side of the first row of seats as he hoisted himself into the back. In the normal course of things, he should have been riding shotgun unless John specifically invited Andrew or Silver to join him. Susan had nowhere near the rank necessary for that position in the vehicle. There must be a standing order that the pack wasn’t supposed to call Susan on that kind of thing—Andrew couldn’t imagine that Pierce would have swallowed it otherwise.

  As John climbed in and started up the van, Susan punched the passenger light, flipped down the visor, and explored the skin along her hairline with cautious fingers. “I’ve decided, Silver. If I’m going to be that fucking scared anyway, I think I’d rather know why.”

  Silver laughed. “Good.”

  John swallowed a growl. “Dare? What has your mate been telling my girlfriend?”

  Andrew suspected that John knew Silver well enough by now that he’d bypassed her not out of stupidity but to needle her. Silver’s growl in response was instant. Andrew edged away from her and thumped the back of John’s seat. “Talk to Silver. Leave me out of this.”

  “She’s been showing me just how much ignorance you’ve been keeping me in.” Susan rounded on John, lingering upset showing now in the shrillness of her voice. “It’s bullshit, John.”

  If they’d been in wolf, every pair of ears in the vehicle would have locked on to the human. That was not a tone to use with any alpha without being aware of exactly what you were doing.

  Silver closed her eyes for a moment as if pained, then sat forward. Reminded, Andrew buckled first her then himself in. Silver waited for him to finish, then turned to Susan. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t stand up for yourself, but if you’re going to question an alpha’s authority like that, it’s better to do it in private.”

  Hearing Silver say it like that snapped things into place in Andrew’s mind. For good or ill, Susan was interacting with Were every day, and he didn’t think any of them besides Silver had stopped to consider how little a human might know about things they took for granted. Of course she’d seem clueless or rude most of the time.

  Susan angled the visor mirror to see Silver rather than craning around. “No one’s ever allowed to question the alpha?” Now Andrew was looking for it, the confusion was even clearer in her voice, though stale adrenaline clouded her scent.

  “It’s a question of tactics,” Andrew broke in when Silver hesitated. He leaned back with his arm resting along the top of the seat in an attitude of forced relaxation. John wasn’t going to like this at all. Andrew still wished the timing on all of this was better, but Silver was right. The human did need help. “If you ask for something in public, getting your way will always be balanced against his need to appear strong before the pack. Ask in private, that’s out of the equation.” He paused, but his dominant instincts, cooped up with another alpha, wouldn’t let him stop there. “Or you can say whatever you want, to be an asshole.” He leaned forward to throw a flash of teeth in a smile to John.

  John snorted and took a turn with more speed than necessary, jerking them all sideways. “How many of his pack do you think Sacramento brought with him? He’d have to have left some at home to guard the lower-rankers.”

  Andrew unclenched his fingers from the back of the seat when they pulled into the pack house driveway and he didn’t have to worry about any more sharp turns. Clearly John wanted a subject change. Fair enough. Figuring out how to deal with Sacramento was important. “More than the one we saw. I doubt he could spare more than three.”

  Andrew climbed out of the minivan first and helped Silver with a hand down. John gave him a curt nod of agreement with his estimate and ignored Susan. He strode for the house without looking back.

  “His numbers don’t matter, anyway. I’ll settle this with Nate directly tomorrow morning,” Andrew said. It was past time he and Sacramento had a talk face-to-face. The politics of challenging for Roanoke didn’t matter if Silver was going to be hurt. He needed to take care of Sacramento himself.

  John paused in the front doorway. “No.” Then he pushed inside.

  Andrew jogged to catch up. “What in the Lady’s name does that mean, ‘no’? He’s my problem, and I’m going to take care of him.” John’s back was to him as the man bent to take a beer out of the fridge, so Andrew grabbed his shoulder and spun him to face him. Maybe the dig earlier had been a bad idea, but John dodging Andrew’s gaze in this argument was an uncalled-for slight.

  “He hurt Susan,” John growled low. Then he raised his voice. “He was in my territory, hurting people under my protection. If someone else deals with him, I look weak. If he steps back onto my territory, I’ll punish him. If he doesn’t, I will be the one to take the matter up at the Convocation. You’ll do nothing to him until then.” So that was it, Andrew realized. He didn’t want his pack to know how much he was motivated by what had happened to a human.

  “He hurt Silver worse. Your human was incidental.” Andrew lowered his voice too.

  The strength of John’s reaction caught Andrew off guard. He hadn’t meant to stab the man in a sore spot, just prod him. John’s face twisted with rage and he shoved Andrew.

  Normally, Andrew would hardly have noticed in the midst of such a charged argument, but this time there was a counter behind him. The edge hit him square in the small of his back with all the force of John’s considerable shove. Pain exploded across his muscles as the old injury reopened. He would have collapsed if the counter hadn’t propped him up long enough for him to get his hands on it. His legs didn’t work anymore.

  “Lady!” The tears in Andrew’s eyes were only from the pain, but they still increased the burn of the humiliation. Silver reached him a second later and helped him make it to the slightly claw-scarred hardwood floor without falling. Even with werewolf strength, he couldn’t hold himself up on something behind him.

  “Lady’s light, man, I didn’t mean— I thought you were healed!” To his credit, John’s shock smelled sincere.

  “Not enough to withstand that, apparently. Congratulations. I guess you get to deal with Sacramento your own way.” It came out more acid than Andrew had intended, and John’s lips thinned. Andrew tried to flex his foot and gasped at the knifing pain. That had been much easier to bear when it had come as small bursts of pins and needles in the original healing process. But at least his back was healing at something like normal speed this time.

  Silver placed her good hand on her hip, radiating anger. “Are you two completely prey-stupid? Stop whimpering about revenge for injuries to people who can take care of themselves, and think for a minute. This is what Sacramento was trying to provoke you into, Dare.”

  Andrew pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes to shut out the feeling of John and probably half the pack watching him sit on the floor like a cripple. Silver was right, this was clearly what Sacramento intended, but why? “I suppose it wouldn’t look good to the other alphas if Sacramento starts spreading rumors and then I go running to pound him for it. Lends them weight.” He opened his eyes and looked up at John. “You have a much stronger case for his territory trespass.” He gritted his teeth. The words didn’t come easy, but he got them out. “You’re right. You should be the one to deal with Sacramento.”

  Silver knelt beside him and pressed a kiss into his hair. “Death says, ‘Took him long enough,’ which means he’s impressed you got it right.”

  Andrew snorted. That was kind of Death.

  If it had been him and Silver alone, And
rew would have waited on the floor a little longer, but everyone was watching. He used Silver’s shoulder to lever himself upright, standing as tall as he could manage while little rivers of agony flowed down his legs. He locked his jaw so he didn’t make any noise.

  John faced Andrew with his expression schooled to something neutral. “It’s only been a few months, Dare. It’s no reflection on you if you’re not healed up to full strength yet.”

  “Unfortunately, I don’t think circumstances are going to give me any more time. The longer I wait, the more people are going to believe what Rory and Sacramento feed them. If I want Roanoke, I have to challenge soon.” Hand on Silver’s shoulder, Andrew limped for the basement. At least there would be a semblance of privacy down there.

  Susan watched them from the foot of the stairs as they crossed out of the kitchen, hand tight around the bottom banister post. “Do I even want to know what all of that meant?”

  Silver gave her a thin smile. “I’ll get back to you on that.”

  8

  Silver woke when Death returned the next morning. He left them most nights, whether they were doing more than sleeping or not. He had hunting to do and business of his own to be about, Silver figured.

  Dare’s tame self was dominant for the moment, his arm flung over her stomach. His wild self curled over their feet, keeping her toes warm with its fur.

  Dare groaned and brought up his arm to shield his eyes. She sat up and smoothed the fur on the flank of his wild self. “I’m going to wash. Go back to sleep.” He mumbled something else, but he was tired from rehealing his old injury. His breathing evened out again as she stood up.

  Death paced to join her. “Do you think your campaign for the human has distracted him enough that he hasn’t noticed your heart’s not in the fight for the alphaship?” Death used her brother’s voice, though the smugness was his own.

  Silver snapped her head to look down at Death. He looked up in turn, ears turned tight on her, grinning at her discomfort. She should have known he’d notice.

  She started to answer automatically, but pressed her lips shut on the words. Better to first find an out-of-the-way corner of the den where people couldn’t hear her. It made Dare uncomfortable when he noticed her speaking to Death, and it probably made the others think her even more insane.

  Once there, she glared at Death. “I’m helping Dare!”

  “Of course you’re helping. And he needs it. But are you really doing all you could, if you threw yourself into it?”

  Silver swallowed. She didn’t have much hope she’d convince Death, but maybe laying out her reasoning would help her be a bit more easy. “Dare needs this. He needs a purpose, needs to lead and protect. I don’t feel strongly enough to deny him what he so clearly needs.” The scorn in Death’s snort was so withering, she had to continue. “All right. No, I don’t want to lead a pack, with everyone watching, everyone judging. With the painful silences when Dare invites me on a hunt. Can you imagine how much worse that would be, if we were alphas, and no one wanted to speak up to gainsay us because of our positions? I’d be an embarrassment to him, unable to shift, seeing things that aren’t there.”

  Silver dropped her hand to Death’s fur. One of her own hairs, shimmery white as the Lady’s face, had tangled in her fingers, and it glinted against the rich blackness of Death’s fur. He felt real enough. Better to say she saw things that existed, but usually invisibly, intangibly.

  “Humans have carved this world into their image without ever shifting. Perhaps you can learn from that woman as she learns from you.” Death used what Silver thought of as his own voice, some ephemeral weight to the words that she couldn’t quite place. But Susan was so confused and useless. What kind of model would she ever be?

  * * *

  Andrew reawakened from his doze to the sound of Silver showering in the basement’s bathroom. There was a guest bedroom upstairs they could have used, but he preferred the privacy down here, without ears in the rooms to either side. Even though that privacy meant sleeping on an air mattress in the middle of the floor with the couch pulled aside, it was worth it. He considered getting up to join her in the water, but his back ached with a dull throb, so he put off moving for a while longer. Really, he should be considering his pitch, who he should talk to next. One of the other Western alphas? Should he start calling people in Roanoke?

  Silver returned wrapped in a towel. She flopped down on the edge of the bed, making the mattress buck from the displaced air. She handed him her brush and he started brushing out her hair as he usually did. The borrowed bathroom’s shampoo must have included conditioner, as the knots gave up without a struggle. But that wasn’t the point of the process anyway. Being brushed felt even better in wolf, but was still enjoyable in human.

  He settled himself so he sat with the length of one shin tucked against her ass. While he worked, she cradled her bad hand in her lap and did her usual exercises, twitching the fingers as much as she could. She’d worked up to perhaps half an inch of movement since she’d started, but had plateaued there.

  He kept working in silence until she smelled a little more relaxed. “I agree with what you’re doing for Susan, but is there any way it could wait? Two weeks isn’t going to change her situation substantially, but it really could for us.”

  Any relaxation in Silver’s muscles disappeared. “So she should just suffer as an outsider until then?”

  Andrew opened his mouth to reply, but there was more to Silver’s tone than anger on the woman’s behalf. He moved his legs to either side of her so he could pull her back against his chest. He rested his cheek against her hair. “Who are we talking about, you or her?”

  Rather than answer, Silver grumbled something about prickles and pushed his chin away. Andrew rubbed a hand against his jaw. He supposed he did need a shave. “I know it sucks, being around this pack without real status, but if we win Roanoke, that will change. We’ll belong.” Andrew drew in a slow breath. It had been a long time since he’d belonged anywhere.

  “It’s not just that,” Silver snapped. “I don’t want to live down to what they’re expecting of me, crazy and crippled. But the more they sit there being so pitying, the harder it is not to.”

  “You can’t expect them to take you on your own terms just like that, though. It’s not fair to you, but couldn’t you give them at least a little time to change their assumptions? Besides, Seattle and several of the pack members knew you before— Before. There’s that change for them to struggle with too.” Andrew trailed off to a sense of impending doom. That had been the wrong thing to say, he’d known it even as his lips finished moving, but there was no way to call it back now.

  Silver jerked away from him. “I’d thank you not to remind them of who I was before. I don’t need them trying to draw her out of me.” She used her good hand to hold up her towel as she pushed to her feet and rounded on him. “Maybe I’m helping Susan because I recognize what they’re doing to her. No one sees her. Not really. She’s there, she has to be soothed or nudged out of the way, but she’s not a person. Like they think I’m not. I need to be managed, kept happy, but it’s not like I have a mind of my own.”

  It took Andrew a moment to get to the edge of the stupid mattress so he could stand too. “Silver, no…” He tried to think of what to say, but the problem was that she was right about many of the pack members’ attitudes right now. She needed to give them time to change, but he was certain she didn’t want to hear that at the moment.

  Silver took several steps back and lifted her bad arm across her chest with her good, her version of crossing her arms. “I don’t care if you help with Susan or not, but that’s what I’m going to do. Don’t get in my way.”

  She rummaged in the suitcase and Andrew left her to it. He’d learned early that you could push Silver all you wanted, and she might even verbally agree with you, but once your back was turned she’d do what she felt was important anyway. Better to win her over slowly once she’d cooled down.

&nb
sp; When he came out of the bathroom, showered and shaved, she was gone. Andrew stopped on the foot of the stairs out of the basement as his back flared with a stabbing pain. Dammit, the last thing he wanted to do was use his cane in front of John. But he knew what agony he’d be in by the end of the day if he didn’t, so he retrieved it from the pile of stuff they’d brought in from the car. He thumped up the stairs. He needed coffee before he dealt with anything else this morning.

  Pierce was cooking eggs at the stove while John read the paper, coffee mug already almost empty. John leaned against the counter with his weight distributed evenly, any trace of the bullet or the wound from digging it out last night long gone.

  Andrew eyed the coffeepot, but lingered in the entrance to the kitchen, waiting for an invitation. Pierce must have caught some signal from his alpha or read the atmosphere, because he loaded up a platter with the eggs to serve in the dining room and left.

  “I know you can’t stop her—or at least you won’t try—but I assume you at least know what in the Lady’s name Silver thinks she’s doing with Susan?” John didn’t look up from his paper.

  Andrew growled. He wanted coffee before this conversation. John had reopened his back injury, and now he expected Andrew to put up with his whining about the situation he’d gotten himself into with the human? “I gather she sees parallels between her own situation and that of your mate.” He chose the word to see how John would react. It didn’t really sound right when applied to a human.

  John didn’t disappoint. He closed his newspaper and crossed to slam his mug with the coffee dregs into the sink. “I wouldn’t call her my mate.”

  “Oh, so the kid’s not yours?” Andrew took another step back, pairing the challenging words with the nonthreatening movement. Now was not the time for a shoving rematch. “You’re right, though. Silver’s not going to leave this alone until she’s satisfied.”

  “What would you have me do?” John turned to face Andrew. For all that his words were angry, there seemed to be a real question hidden in there. Andrew was struck by how solid the other alpha looked. Plain, straightforward, and … solid. Not twisty, to be able to deal with all the moral gray areas and complexities of emotion. In most situations, being so solid would be a good thing in an alpha.