Ignite

by Emma Renshaw

  I stepped into his hug and squeezed him tightly. The last time I’d seen him, I think I was still taller than he was, but he towered over me now. “It’s good to see you, Wyatt. You did grow up really well.”

  “Well enough to go out with me?”

  I laughed, a full belly laugh, as Makenna and Roxanne sighed and muttered about Wyatt under their breath. Wyatt had made it a mission in his life to date Macy, Allison, or me, for the sole purpose of annoying his older sister. “Kid, I remember when you were running around this kitchen with your superhero underwear on your head, stark naked, and asking for dinosaur chicken nuggets. It’s not an image I could have and still date you.”

  “I was a little kid,” he said, shrugging with his arms still looped around my waist.

  “You were ten.” I playfully slapped his chest. “To me, you will always be that little kid.”

  He scoffed, dropping his arms from my waist, and gestured to himself from head to toe. “Even when I look this good?”

  “Even then,” I said. “But your muscles are very impressive.”

  “Thank you,” he said and leaned in, kissing me on the cheek. “It’s good to have you back. The house was so quiet after…”

  “It’s been a nice visit. Can I help with anything, Roxanne?” I asked. It would be all too easy to let anything cloud this dinner.

  “No, dear.” She walked toward the table with a covered casserole dish. Makenna followed her with a large salad bowl and tongs stuck in the dark green spring mix. “It’s ready.”

  I took the place next to Makenna, Wyatt sat across from us, and Roxanne sat at the head of the table. I glanced at the opposite end. It wasn’t my first time eating dinner at the Clarke table without her dad. He’d traveled for work and sometimes wouldn’t be there. But this time I guessed he wasn’t traveling, but spending time with his other family.

  I soaked in the conversation and genuine affection that surrounded the Clarke table. My nose itched with an unexplainable urge to cry. I picked up my glass of tea, taking a large gulp, and blinked away the wetness from my eyes before a tear could fall.

  “What have you been up to, Wyatt?”

  “Living under my roof and eating all of my food,” Roxanne grumbled. I grinned. I knew she didn’t mind that Wyatt was here.

  “Only for another month, Ma, until my apartment is ready. I graduated college and am unsure what I’m going to do next. Always thought I would work with my dad, but obviously that’s not happening. Fucking bastard.” He mumbled the last part under his breath.

  I raised a brow and looked at Makenna. She shook her head, rolling her eyes. Since she’d told me about her dad and his secret family, she hadn’t revealed much else.

  “He has a wild idea to go into the fire academy,” Roxanne said. I raised my brow even higher and watched as Makenna pursed her lips, wondering if she’d told them about the newcomer at the station. It’s been over six weeks since she’d spotted him for the first time.

  Wyatt shoveled a bite of food into his mouth, chewing angrily, and swallowed. “What else am I going to do, Ma? Pick wildflowers from the empty lot behind your store for a bouquet? I want my job to mean something.”

  “I don’t like the thought of my children in any danger. Life can end in a split second. It’s impossible for me to think about you running into a burning building.”

  “I’m still deciding. For now, I’m making some extra money working for Ridge and Foster at their construction company.”

  Mak bumped my shoulder. “Mom, did you know that Zoe has a fling going on with Ridge?”

  My fork clattered to the plate, and I put my face in my hands, groaning, as Makenna laughed. Roxanne gasped. “I knew I saw a twinkle in that boy’s eye when he looked at you.”

  My face was burning with my blush. “It’s only a fling,” I muttered.

  “For now,” Makenna sing-songed.

  “For always,” I insisted. “I’m leaving soon, remember?”

  I saw a challenge ignite in Makenna’s eyes. She didn’t understand that it was truly for the best.

  “He’s a good man,” Roxanne said. “Very handsome too.”

  “You know who else is very handsome, Roxanne?”

  “Who, dear?”

  “Colt,” I said, grinning. Makenna grumbled.

  “Yes, he is,” Roxanne said and shot a look at Makenna. If she saw a twinkle in Ridge’s eye, I’m sure she saw an entire galaxy in Colt’s when it came to Makenna.

  “I’m handsome too,” Wyatt said. He grinned across the table, and I saw a bit of his younger self in his goofy smile.

  The conversation eased back into lighter topics as dinner wore on. It’d been a long time since a family dinner had consisted of more than Georgia and me.

  After dinner, I followed Makenna up to her old bedroom. The posters were gone from the walls, and in their place were framed portraits of the valley and of flowers. Photos lined the top of her dresser. I stood in front of it, staring at the pictures. There was one of her and Delilah with their arms wrapped around each other and Tuck in front of them, making a funny face. One where she again stood next to Delilah, but Colt, Ridge, and Foster were also in the picture. I recognized the weathered wooden walls of The Watering Hole behind them. The largest, in the center of the wall, was a photo of her and Declan in the bed of his old pickup truck. She was lying against his chest, and his legs were on either side of her. Makenna was wrapped in his arms. My chest ached looking at them. I brushed a finger over the photo, their love so evident.

  The next photo made my heart hurt even more. So much so that I had trouble breathing. Macy, Allison, Makenna, and I were hugging each other with our legs tangled together. Our cheeks were rosy-red from being out in the sun most of the day. We sat on the floor staring up at the camera. I didn’t remember when this had been taken or what we’d been doing that night. Back then, it was just a night like so many others.

  I swiped a tear from my cheek, turning away from the photograph, which I couldn’t bear to look at anymore.

  “Did I tell you I saw their moms?” I asked Makenna, crossing the room to sit on the edge of her rose-colored bed.

  “Macy’s and Allison’s moms?”

  I nodded.

  “Let me guess, they weren’t very nice to you? They’ve hated me for the last eleven years. Every year, around homecoming, they pass out business cards for a florist a town over. They’re still in pain, Zoe. It’s easier to hate us because we’re still here.”

  “I miss them,” I whispered. Since I’d gotten here, we’d been avoiding this topic. Avoiding missing pieces that should’ve been with us always.

  “I do too, but I remember them every day. I think about them every day. I hope they’re with Declan and he’s looking after them. When I finally came out from under the haze of depression, realized you were gone—I pretended you were dead too.”

  I sucked in a lungful of air and met her eyes across the room.

  “Why did you leave?”

  I stared into Makenna’s eyes. She’d lost two of her best friends and the love of her life. It had been the catalyst that flung her life into chaotic territory. Selfishly, I wanted to lie. Selfishly, I wanted to keep our friendship the way it was without damaging it. I couldn’t do that though. My secret was ready to burst out of me; all I had to do was open the dam.

  “It was my fault,” I said without breaking eye contact. My eyes flooded with tears. “The fire was my fault,” I said a little louder, owning my guilt. I closed my eyes, and visions of that night swarmed into my head. It always started the same—carelessly flinging a heavy frame into a fire built by teenagers. I shook my head. I should’ve known better. The snap of the branch came next and then the tumble of all the logs, the screams, the burning skin. All of it smashed into me, robbing me of my breath.

  “What are you talking about, Zoe?” Makenna asked.

  I opened my eyes. She was one of the reasons I was alive. She’d gotten me help. She’d brought me Ridge. Ridge was the other
reason I was sitting here on the end of Makenna’s bed, drowning in the grief that had been consuming me.

  “When I threw in the portrait of my family, I just tossed it. I didn’t look for a solid place for it. I didn’t throw it at the bottom. I tossed it in. It was heavy, Mak. It was really heavy, and I threw it in like it weighed nothing. The branches underneath it snapped under the weight—that’s what started the collapse and the fire.” I paused, rubbing my hand over my heart. “Allison. Macy. Declan. They are dead because of me.”

  Tears were streaming down Makenna’s face, and she shook her head. Her voice wobbled as she spoke. “It was an accident. You couldn’t have known that it would start the collapse.”

  I shook my head. “No,” I said through my tears. “Don’t you dare. Don’t. I can’t fucking hear that. Please. I’m begging you, don’t try to convince me. Not you. Least of all you. Declan is dead because of me. He should be playing baseball with Gunner. Y’all would be married by now.”

  Makenna’s eyes closed and she sank to her knees.

  “Please don’t tell me it was an accident. Maybe it was, but that doesn’t change the fact that something I did, something I threw, started it all. I didn’t choose to hurt them, but I hurt them all the same. My actions hurt them. It killed them. I didn’t mean to, it wasn’t my intention, and it still happened. The word accident doesn’t make that go away.”

  I sat on the floor next to Makenna. “I’m so sorry for what I cost you. I’m so sorry.”

  “That’s why you left?” she asked quietly.

  “That’s why I left. I couldn’t see their faces or their families’ faces around town. Georgia thought it would be best if we left and started somewhere new.”

  “I’ll never blame you for that night,” Makenna said.

  My eyes closed and the sequence of events started all over again. Throw. Snap. Screams. I’d blame myself enough for both of us.

  23

  Zoe

  My heart had been weighing heavily in my chest, over the past week, since my talk with Makenna. I knew it was time to leave again. I’d been stalling, but I couldn’t do that anymore. Over the next four weeks, until the firefighters’ ball, I’d have to tie up all my loose ends in this town—most importantly, finding a resting spot for Georgia.

  If it weren’t for the ball, I’d leave sooner, but I’d already promised Ridge. I glanced at him. A few minutes ago, he had helped me climb down into his boat before he got out and started loading everything we would need for the day. His naked chest glistened with sweat as he heaved the ice chest over the side of the boat and secured it to the seats across from me. My eyes raked over him. He was wearing swim trunks and aviator sunglasses.

  The muscles in his arm bunched as he picked up the basket of food I’d packed that morning. He leaned over the side of the boat, handing it to me, and smiled as I took it from his hands. He grabbed the fishing poles from the ground and hopped into the boat, setting them down.

  “Come sit up here with me.” Ridge held out his hand for me and pulled me up.

  Ridge sat on the captain’s chair, cranking up the boat. It roared to life as he pulled me down on the small bench seat next to him. “Ready?”

  “Yes.” I leaned forward to kiss him on the lips. Ridge was another loose end I’d need to tie up before leaving. We both knew there was an end date, a point of separation, but I wasn’t sure when to tell him or how to bring it up.

  I’d been able to complete something on my checklist though. I smiled as I thought of Earl. I hadn’t expected to find a permanent nurse for him so quickly, but when Lucy had emailed me asking if I knew of any job openings, because she was looking for a place to finally settle down, I’d jumped on her with an offer. I’d met Lucy in nursing school and, since graduating, she’d been a travel nurse, traveling all over the United States administering care. Lucy had won Earl over through a game of poker.

  “What’s got you smiling?” Ridge brushed one of his knuckles down my cheek. He pulled off from the dock and cruised into the lake. Wind blew my hair back from my face, and small droplets sprang into the air as the boat cut through the surface of the water.

  “Earl,” I said.

  Ridge barked out a laugh. “Foster and I have done some work for him. He’s something else.”

  “I found him a permanent nurse, which will help Adeline.”

  “Adeline?”

  “She’s his assistant. You didn’t meet her when you worked on his house.”

  He shook his head. “Just spoke with her over the phone. She wasn’t there when we were. Y’all friends?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I met her at the bookstore and we hit it off.”

  Ridge grinned. “That’s good, clover.”

  We sailed over the water, enjoying the sunshine and the warm air hitting our skin. I hadn’t been out on the water in a long time, but I loved being next to Ridge on a boat. All his skin on display and his eyes roaming over my body every few seconds was the most exquisite form of torturous foreplay. My nipples pebbled under his gaze.

  “That’s my property coming up.” He pointed toward the side of the lake. We’d dropped the boat at the main marina and left from there.

  “Are you going to add a dock?”

  “Yeah,” he said eventually.

  I scanned the view and waved at the other boaters passing by. With each day bringing us closer to summer, more boats would appear out here. My gaze caught on something through the trees far off from the shoreline. I gasped. “Ridge, slow down.”

  He did, without question. I pointed toward the shore, sitting up on my knees and leaning over him to get a better look. “That’s the house I saw. The one that inspired my dream for my own type of nursing home.”

  Ridge’s eyes followed the direction I was pointing. “That house over there?”

  “Yes,” I said. “I know it doesn’t look like much, but if I had something just like that and someone as talented as you, I could make it shine. It just needs a little love.”

  “You can have that house,” Ridge said, taking a hand from the wheel and placing it on my hip, moving me into his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck. He planted his lips at the base of my throat. “That’s my house, clover. It sits on my property. I was going to tear it down, but if you stay, if you want it, it’s yours. It can be Georgia’s House.”

  I whipped my head toward him and stared at him. I couldn’t see his eyes behind his sunglasses, so I lifted them off his face and placed them on the seat next to me. I wanted to read him and know what was going through his mind. He wasn’t giving much away; his eyes were also looking for answers.

  My yes sat on the tip of my tongue. It took all my strength to hold it in. The list of negatives far outweighed the positives. I couldn’t accept something like that from Ridge.

  I smiled and slowly shook my head. “I’m not staying here, Ridge.”

  “You could,” he said.

  I opened my mouth to respond, but he shook his head and captured my lips, kissing me deeply. “Forget I said anything.”

  This time I could read the look in his eyes. He wanted to say more. I wanted to say more. I wanted to argue that maybe I could stay here. I didn’t do any of that though. I kept my mouth shut and looked back out at the water.

  “You’re still coming with me to the banquet, right?”

  “Yes,” I said, weaving my fingers in his hair. He started the boat again, driving slowly over the water as I stayed on his lap. “I’m staying until then. I have to find the perfect spot before then to spread my aunt’s ashes. I—I…” I hesitated. I didn’t like to bring anything negative into my time with Ridge. Every moment I’d spent with him, which had been a lot since we’d started our fling—he’d kept his word about spending all his free time with me—had been the perfect shot of sunshine to erase all the clouds in my life. I needed to be honest though. I sighed. “I need to find somewhere to settle after the banquet. I can’t spend the rest of my savings on the cabin.”

  Ridge
nodded. “Are your parents coming then?”

  I shook my head and smiled sadly. “No, they decided to do their own thing and aren’t meeting me here anymore. I haven’t spoken to them since the night of Gunner and Delilah’s party.”

  His gaze met mine. “Were they why you needed that shot of tequila?”

  “Yep,” I said, popping the p. “Aunt Georgia was mostly responsible for raising me. I lived with her from fifth grade on.”

  “Why?” He grimaced.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  Ridge licked his lips and took a hand from the wheel, wiping it over his brow. “I hate asking questions that I think will send you running.”

  I chuckled. “This isn’t eleven years ago, Ridge. You can ask.”

  “Okay then. Why did you live with your aunt?”

  “My dad wrote the code for some software, and he developed and sold it. Made an insane amount of money, invested it smartly, and made even more money. They left to travel the world as soon as he sold the software. They were only supposed to gone for a few months, but they never really came back—unless it was a passing visit.”

  Ridge kissed my shoulder. “I’m glad you had your aunt.”

  I smiled. “Me too. She was the best. You know, she really liked you and would even bring it up sometimes.”

  One side of his mouth tugged up into a small smile.

  “Yeah,” I said laughing. “She was always thankful that you saved me and knew I had a crush on you.”

  “You had a crush on me, huh?” His small smile turned into a huge cocky grin. I rolled my eyes.

  “Like you didn’t know.”

  “Zoe, I had to ask you random-ass questions just to get you to talk to me. I showed up to visit you every day, just to see you. As much as it sucked the first time you left, this time is going to be worse. Promise me something though.” He turned his gaze toward mine and cupped my cheek.

  “What?” I asked softly.

  “Don’t leave without saying goodbye again.”