The Results of Unrequited

by Len Webster

  She watched as her professor spun around and made his way to the lab doors.

  “Professor!” she called out, causing him to halt and then face her.

  “Yes, Miss Parker?”

  She peeked down at the application and then back at her professor. “You’re serious? You’re really recommending me for this position?”

  He nodded. “His preliminaries and theories are estimated to be finished by the time you’re a junior. Then there’s acquisition of funds and sponsors, and by the time you’ve graduated, you’ll fly out to Zürich, where your living expenses will be taken care of should your application be accepted. I’d hate to see you miss this opportunity, Miss Parker. I believe he could teach you all the things that I or any professor here at Duke can’t teach you. It’s an opportunity of a lifetime.”

  An opportunity of a lifetime.

  Alex nodded, understanding her professor’s stance.

  She had already given up many opportunities for Evan.

  Will I do the same for Landon?

  It was one of those nights.

  A night when Alex stayed in her dorm room instead of staying over at her boyfriend’s. It had been back and forth for Alex for weeks. It eased her mind to know his roommates had more freedom in their home without her constant presence.

  It had been several hours since her lab partner, Mika, told her that an NBA team was interested in her boyfriend. It had also been several hours since her professor told her that she was recommended as a candidate for a prestigious research assistant’s role with one of the world’s leading physicists. But not even the thought of working for Dr. Vincent Rodahawe could remove the disappointment she felt in finding out that the Phoenix Suns was interested in her boyfriend.

  An ounce of betrayal simmered in the back of her mind.

  Alex was hurt that Landon had kept that news from her. But before she could accuse him of keeping life-changing news from her, she reached for her laptop at the foot of her bed. She ignored her textbooks for a moment and brought the laptop to her lap, opening it and logging in. Once she opened a new browser, she typed in Landon’s name and the Phoenix Suns into the search bar.

  Her heart plummeted in her chest to find that Mika was telling the truth.

  “Duke University captain headed to the Phoenix Suns?”

  There wasn’t just one article to verify the news.

  “Landon Carmichael could be top pick of the NBA Draft.”

  There was plenty with pictures.

  “Duke University Captain hinting at Phoenix Suns allegiance.”

  Pictures of her boyfriend smiling with the head coach of the Phoenix Suns. It was dated a week ago. Landon had been busy with practices, and they had changed their dinner plans so he could rest.

  “NBA RUMOR CENTRAL: Phoenix Suns are eyeing Duke’s Landon Carmichael.”

  One headline had her clicking it. It was an article he had done before his birthday while he was in LA. She scrolled through all her boyfriend’s stats and small talk to the mention of life outside of basketball and Duke.

  The parts that concerned their future.

  “Duke basketball captain Landon Carmichael’s interview with HS Magazine about life after Duke and the NBA.”

  Interviewer, Hilary Monts: So now that we’ve talked about basketball and your stats, tell me about life after Duke. NBA the plan?

  Landon Carmichael: NBA is the plan. I can’t imagine anything else. I’ve worked hard throughout high school to get into college, and now that I’m almost at the end of my college basketball career, going pro is my next step. My next goal. My next dream.

  HM: You’re dedicated and focused.

  LC: I have to be. A lot of talented guys out there want the same dream, so I have to want it more. And I do.

  HM: Any dream teams you’d like to play for?

  LC: The San Antonio Spurs is my dream team. As a kid, I loved watching them and dreamed of playing for them. But I’d love to play for a team whose ambition is to succeed. I want to be a part of a team who sees me as part of that ambition.

  HM: That’s a great way to look at it. I hear that the Knicks and the Suns are interested. Any comments on those speculations?

  LC: We’ll just have to see what happens come draft night. Both the Knicks and Suns are top teams. It’d be an honor to play for either.

  HM: You are giving me no inside scoop!

  LC: *Laughs* Sorry, Hilary.

  HM: Let’s talk about your personal life. You’re an attractive young man. Do you have someone special at Duke? Any roots?

  LC: My first love is basketball. As for roots in North Carolina, I have none. I would not hesitate to leave Durham to join a team. My focus is basketball.

  HM: There’s rumors that you and Alex Parker—also known as Little Miss Red Sox—are romantically involved. That’s a mix of sports no one saw coming.

  LC: Alex and I … We’re friends. There’s no romance.

  Friends.

  Tears ran down her face as she reread his interview again.

  I would not hesitate to leave Durham.

  Alex brushed her tears away as she copied the article link and sent it to Landon.

  As for roots in North Carolina, I have none.

  Then she set her laptop back down on the bed, picked up her phone from next to her, and opened her boyfriend’s messages.

  For a second, she hesitated.

  But then three words empowered the pain she felt into actions.

  There’s no romance.

  He texted her earlier today that he would be at practice with his team and that he’d call her when they were done so they could get a late dinner. She knew he wouldn’t see her message for some time, but she didn’t care. He had to know that she read his interview.

  Alex: If you truly love me, you’ll understand why I can’t see you tonight. If you truly love me, you’ll understand why I’m so hurt.

  Once she sent the message, Alex set her phone back down on her bed. She felt empty inside. His words didn’t sound like the ones he’d whisper as he made love to her. The interview with the cold, success-focused Landon Carmichael she just read wasn’t her boyfriend. She knew it. But his words were online for all to read.

  For everyone who knew them to read.

  Embarrassment added to her pain.

  “We continue ESPN’s college baseball California preseason spotlight …” echoed from the TV by the wall in front of her. She had left the sports channel on as background noise to see if any teams were interested in Landon.

  Alex reached for the remote by her notebook but hesitated when she noticed someone very familiar on the screen. Her hand returned to her lap. She smiled at the sight of his bright green eyes and that killer smile. Normally, any mention of college baseball had her either leaving the room or switching off the TV. She couldn’t risk the chance of hearing his name.

  But to her relief, it wasn’t about him.

  He wasn’t the spotlight her heart had to witness.

  “Are you kidding? I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to UCLA baseball,” Hunter Jamieson said with a smirk.

  Alex laughed. “You haven’t changed a bit, Hunter.”

  She hadn’t seen Hunter since he left with Evan for Las Vegas after their high school graduation. Every time she came home, either he wasn’t there or he was too busy to see her. But Alex knew the truth. Hunter Jamieson was Evan Gilmore’s best friend—not hers—and she understood loyalty. From what she heard, they still kept in touch. As for Alex, she hadn’t kept in touch with anyone from high school.

  She couldn’t risk anyone asking her about him.

  They both moved on.

  Suddenly, Hunter’s interview faded, and Alex felt a sense of sadness washing over her. Hunter was no longer in her life. He was her friend during high school, and he showed her compassi
on when she needed him. He kept her love for Evan a secret. Hunter Jamieson was a friend she wished she’d kept in touch with. She had thought about seeing him while she was in California visiting her cousin, Will, at Berkeley, but she wasn’t sure if he’d see her. It wasn’t just his loyalty that scared her.

  It was fear.

  Fear of what he thought of her.

  Fear of how Evan had portrayed her to him.

  Alex was too scared to confront her past.

  “We’re live here at Klein Field at Sunken Diamond with Stanford Cardinal Baseball batter Evan Gilmore,” the ESPN reporter said as he held the microphone close to his mouth. The camera shifted right, and air fled her lungs as her heart stopped at the sight of him on the TV screen.

  “Evan,” she whispered as she took in his Stanford baseball cap.

  It had been months since she last saw him.

  On those rare occasions, she found herself swiping through old photos of them.

  Photos she should have deleted.

  “Evan, last year you were one of the leading batters in the NCAA. Your home runs rival the pros. What is your secret to a great season?”

  Evan nodded as his lips made a smile she saw right through. It wasn’t genuine. It was a smile for the camera. He adjusted the baseball cap, and she saw his brown eyes. It was all for show. She knew Evan hated talking about baseball and himself. He hated the spotlight.

  “Well, Jimmy,” Evan said after he cleared his throat and turned his attention to the reporter rather than the camera.

  Alex couldn’t help herself.

  She couldn’t take her eyes from him.

  She knew it was wrong to feel her heart beat so wildly at the sight of him.

  It was wrong.

  So wrong.

  But instead of turning off the TV, she breathlessly watched the boy who had broken her so many times.

  The boy she knew she would have spent forever with if he hadn’t chosen someone else.

  “I have a lot to prove.”

  “Who is it that you have something to prove to? The team? Your coach?” the interviewer asked. His dark blue suit appeared so out of place in the sunny scenery.

  Evan shook his head. “Just one person.”

  The interviewer glanced over at the camera as if he were shocked. “And who is this one person?”

  “Just someone who inspires me to do better even when she lost belief in me.”

  Her eyes widened.

  She felt it in her soul.

  His reference to her.

  But the hope he was talking about her was tainting her real sense of the world.

  It’s not about you.

  It’s Molly.

  He’s talking about Molly.

  Alex closed her eyes as she took a deep breath to remind her where she was in her life.

  A life she lived without Evan.

  A life she lived with Landon. Even with his heartbreaking article, she still loved him.

  She was his committed, supportive, and loving girlfriend, after all.

  When Alex opened her eyes, Evan was staring at the camera, and it felt as if he were looking at her.

  Just her.

  Then the interviewer asked, “We’ve asked all our college preseason spotlight baseball players what they value the greatest in their lives. You and Hunter Jamieson of UCLA are childhood friends, correct?”

  “That’s correct,” Evan said with a hint of a true smile on his face.

  “Hunter says his greatest value is the memory of beating his former high school baseball captain last season at UCLA.”

  Evan laughed, and it caused her heart to clench, missing how beautiful that sound had once been to her.

  Now it was just a reminder.

  An influencer of her pain.

  “Of course, that game would be the greatest value to him. UCLA was the stronger team that day. But they better not be too cocky. The Cardinals are even stronger this season.”

  “Now, that’s a game I can’t wait to see,” the ESPN interviewer said. “Now back to the question, is there anything that is of great value to Evan Gilmore of the Stanford Cardinals?”

  “Something that is of great value to me?”

  “Yes.”

  Evan glanced at the camera and then down at his feet. It was at that moment that Alex realized what he was wearing.

  It was the Stanford sweatshirt she had given him for Christmas over two years ago.

  He kept it.

  He’s wearing it.

  Evan could have chosen anything, but he chose the Stanford sweatshirt she’d given him.

  The sweatshirt he put on her when she was cold and in his bedroom.

  That clenching in her chest became an inferno.

  She could have sworn she wasn’t breathing as she watched him reach into his sweatshirt and pulled out something silver.

  If she wasn’t breathless before, she was now.

  Alex watched as Evan held up the necklace, and the camera zoomed in on it.

  It was her necklace.

  The necklace he gave her on Christmas when he told her he loved her.

  The memory of her returning it to him resurfaced.

  The pain of going to Stanford to see him was a force she hated to endure.

  Tears made it impossible for her to see without blinking. She hated that they fell. She hated that they even formed. She hated that—once again—she was crying over Evan Gilmore.

  Her unrequited love.

  The love that was poison.

  The boy who was arsenic to her soul.

  That same boy she had loved focused on the camera as if he were staring right at her.

  He let out a heavy breath, and Alex saw the vulnerability in his eyes. Then he said, “In case she’s watching … Eight protons. Eight neutrons,” before he tucked her necklace back into his sweatshirt, his sadness so hard to ignore.

  Glancing down at her hands, she realized she had grasped her phone sometime during Evan’s interview.

  It was as if her mind and body knew what she wanted.

  What she needed after seeing him declare his love for her on national TV.

  A declaration only she understood and no one else.

  Her tightening chest was proof of how torn she was, how confusing it all was.

  Even though Evan said I love you in his way, it was too late.

  They missed their chance.

  Their opportunity was gone.

  His supposed love came over a year and a half after the last time she heard it.

  When she had dropped him off at Logan International to return to Stanford …

  Only for him to then fall in love with someone else.

  Someone like Molly.

  58 Ce

  cerium

  AJ

  Freshman year of college

  It didn’t matter how often she glanced at her phone, it would never vibrate.

  The screen would never flash with his name.

  Her text messages never got a response.

  All she got from him was silence.

  It had been eight days since she last saw Evan Gilmore.

  Eight days since she last saw his back as he turned and made his way into the airport terminal for his flight back to California.

  It was torture not to hear his voice or read his words.

  It was painful to have nothing from him as she sat through classes and wrote papers. AJ knew that it was a difficult time for Stanford University and Evan. She hated the thought of him handling it all alone.

  All she wanted to do was support him.

  But instead, she waited.

  Just as she promised she would.

  She waited for him.

  For them.

  Sighing,
AJ tore her focus from her phone and stared at the lecture slides on her laptop. She had been attempting to study in the library for almost two hours, but she couldn’t concentrate.

  Nothing could stop her whimpering heart.

  And nothing could stop the doubt polluting her mind.

  The slides in front of her were a blur of diagrams, definitions, and notes she needed for the physics paper she had spent the past few days working on.

  It was pointless, and she knew it.

  All she needed was Evan Gilmore’s reassurance and to know that he was okay.

  That they were okay.

  Picking up her phone, AJ unlocked it and leaned back into her chair. She opened her call history to see the Massachusetts number Dr. Livingston had called from.

  It had been nerve-wracking to stand there and listen to her doctor tell her bits of information that AJ had no idea about. But then Dr. Livingston lectured her on the importance of safe sex one more time before revealing that AJ was clean of any STDs.

  Then the most deafening silence she’d ever heard screeched in her ears.

  Silence that she would never forget before she heard the doctor clear her throat.

  Suddenly, a to-go cup was placed in front of her, causing AJ to crane her neck to find Landon Carmichael’s sweet smile.

  “Drink it,” he insisted before he left her side and sat in the chair in front of her. The smile he wore didn’t take away from the concern flashing bright in his eyes. “Seriously, Alex, it’s just decaf tea like Sav said you needed.”

  “You got me … decaf tea?” She was stunned as she set her phone back on the library table.

  He nodded. “She said you’d much rather have that than coffee or energy drinks. Seriously, Massachusetts, you’ve been working nonstop on that paper. Every time I see you in here, you’re focused on your laptop.”

  Her heart warmed at his sweet gesture.

  “Thank you, Landon. I just want to finish this paper and be done with it.” She reached out and picked up the cup. “And seriously, thank you for the tea.”