I ignored the slight frown on his face as I reached inside and quickly grabbed my stuff, then closed the door and locked the car.
“When can I see you again then?”
I sighed. “I work from tomorrow, so I don’t know. But if I get time, I’ll stop by. You should head back to your room now, and don’t forget to get something to eat.”
I turned my back to him and walked away, biting my lip. I felt a little guilty for blowing him off after what we did not that long ago.
But it wasn’t just me having second thoughts. At the beach, we had both been away from our problems. It was liberating for both of us, and I let that go to my head. I let Jerrik, the atmosphere, and the freedom to do as we pleased seduce me, and I would have to face the consequences.
Only, I didn’t want to. I’d had my job at the retreat long before Jerrik arrived, and I wanted to be there long after he left in a few weeks. So, of course, the logical thing would be to forget about Jerrik but, even knowing I needed to, I didn’t want that either.
So what was I going to do?
9
Jerrik
The day after Sharon took me to the beach, I waited for her to come to my room. I didn’t know if I had anything scheduled that day, then again I didn’t care. I expected Sharon to be the one to get me since I knew she would be working, only when the knock on my door came, and I went to open it, almost eagerly, it wasn’t the person I most wanted to be there. Instead, I met another staff member, one I vaguely remembered from a few days back.
“Sir, it’s time for breakfast,” he said politely.
I didn’t let myself get annoyed, even though they were checking on me for my meals now like they were babysitting me. The thought would have angered me, but I had something more important on my mind. I even looked around him, but I didn’t see Sharon anywhere. My good mood suddenly vanished, and the guy flinched when I turned a glare on him.
“No, thank you. You can go back.”
He didn’t immediately back off, like most of the people that had come here did. “I’m sorry, sir, but you really shouldn’t be skipping your meals. I was told you didn’t attend breakfast yesterday, so at least try to do so today before your session.”
I winced when he reminded me of my scheduled sessions. I didn’t want to play nice and just attend, if Sharon was going to do what she did before and ignore me because of yesterday.
“Look,” I said slowly, trying to rein in my temper, “I ate dinner last night, and I had plenty, so I’m good for now. I’ll come to breakfast when I damn well feel like it.”
That pretty much meant I wouldn’t be going, but he didn’t need to know that. Instead, I slammed the door in his face and was grateful when he didn’t bother me again and just left instead.
I moved back to the bed and lay back on it, feeling something cold take root in my chest.
After yesterday, I would have thought Sharon and I had grown even a little closer. Or was it just me? We’d had fun together at the beach, and everything had been fine on the way back. I fell asleep on the way and woke up when we got back. She’d been reserved, but I thought that was just her getting back to her place of work and wanting to be cautious. Surely, she wouldn’t just avoid me now, even after everything, would she?
“Dammit!”
I cursed under my breath, my eyes sliding closed as I threw my arm over my eyes.
“What the fuck are you doing to me, Sharon?”
I was fairly sure that she would still try to avoid me, and the thought hurt a lot more than I cared to admit. Letting anyone have that much power over me was dangerous, but I just couldn’t help it with her.
Some time later, when I had almost fallen asleep, there was another knock on the door. I bolted upright, feeling a little disoriented before I jumped out of bed and rushed to the door. I knew better, but I couldn’t help but hope that it was her this time. I didn’t bother to hide my disappointment when it was someone else that I didn’t know.
“Sir?” the woman said, confused.
I waved her off and rearranged my expression, though I was pretty sure it still looked a little sour. “What do you want?” I asked, and I didn’t bother to be nice.
Her look immediately turned peeved, and I wondered if I’d had this argument with her before already.
“You have yoga sessions scheduled for this morning, and another one this evening. I came to let you know to attend today. Someone is already waiting for you.”
I scowled at her. “What the hell? What do you mean I have two sessions today? I only go for one.”
Her lips pursed. “There are two classes, morning and evening, and most clients attend both.” She leveled a look at me like she wondered why I got different treatment. “Your situation is somewhat different, which is why you’ve only been attending one class a day, the morning class. Now, please, you’re already late.”
I could have growled, but my ire wasn’t directed at her specifically. I already knew the classes were voluntary, but my stupid agent, that bastard, just had to turn the retreat’s staff into my babysitters, probably because he was tired of doing it himself.
Well, I was not in the mood to be cooperative, even at risk of them telling on me.
“I’m not going to the session. Sorry for wasting your time and having you come all the way here, but please go away,” I said, trying my best to be nice.
She didn’t seem to appreciate it.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t!”
I glowered at the persistent woman in front of me, wanting her gone. But she didn’t look cowed at all. If anything, her determination firmed along with her back as she gave me a glare of her own.
“Sir, you’ve missed sessions for the past two days. During your stay here, you’re supposed to attend most, if not all your sessions. If you miss more than two days, we call your agent. So please let me take you—”
“Fuck that!”
I suddenly shouted, cutting the woman off.
“Would you please just stop fucking talking and go away? I don’t want to go anywhere; understand that already. You’re giving me a headache.”
She looked surprised, but I didn’t know why. Did she think I was going to let her walk all over me, even with that excuse? Yeah, I didn’t want my bad behavior coming back to bite me in the ass, but I wasn’t thinking rationally just then, so to hell with Tom and the label.
But her surprise was short lived, and she frowned at me in disapproval. “Sir, I’m sure there’s no need for you to shout; I can hear you just fine.”
I gave her a look of disbelief. “How do I know that? Because clearly, you’re not listening to me, or what I’m saying.”
“But, sir, if you would just come with me—”
I grit my teeth in annoyance, and couldn’t hold back my outburst. “I already told you to shut up and go away! I will go for the stupid session when I am damn good and ready.”
“But, sir—”
“Unless you intend to drag me there, leave me alone! I already said I'd be going for the session.”
I wasn’t outright shouting, but I wasn't all that quiet either.
And then, her voice came.
“Jerrik!”
I turned immediately to the side her voice came from, and I wanted to smack myself for reacting to her so readily. Instead of feeling happy like I would have earlier, seeing her there just made me angrier.
“What do you want?” I snapped at her.
She stopped a couple of feet away from me, eyes a little wide in her surprise.
I chuckled darkly, feeling a little amused. “Of all people, you expect me to listen to you? You know what? Go away. I have shit to do.”
It was drinking myself to oblivion with my second last bottle of whiskey, but that was none of their business.
Sharon hesitated, but stupidly, and maybe a little bravely, she took some steps closer. “Look, Jerrik, I think you’ve been told that you need to attend the session. It’s not mandatory, but…”
“If it isn’t, then I don’t see why I have to attend when I don’t want to,” I countered, raising my eyebrow as my voice went low and tight. Then I pointed at the other woman, who was still standing right there. “And can you please tell this officious cow to go away? I am tired of dealing with her because she seems to have lost her hearing. I already told her no, and she wanted to drag me. I don’t care if you people tell Tom, so leave already!”
Sharon glanced at the other woman, then scowled at me. “Jerrik, you’re making a commotion. You need to be a little calmer, please. Whatever she did or said to make you mad, just let it go, all right? She’s just doing her job.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “And what about you, Sharon, huh? Why are you here? Just doing your job?” I said, my voice thick with sarcasm, and sneered at her.
Her face flushed as she glared at me. “If you want to play it like that,” she said, keeping her voice low with difficulty, “yes, I am here to do my job, Jerrik.”
“What the hell was yesterday, then, huh?” I was cruel, and I knew I should shut up and keep my shit to myself, but then the words were spilling out. “You know when you drove me down to the beach? We had some fun, and then we fucked. What was that? A pity fuck?”
She was frozen, and I could see the shock on both women’s faces. I was probably just pissing Sharon off by airing dirty laundry where I didn’t need to, but I didn’t care.
“Are you having fun bossing me around or do you do this all the time?” I continued. “Tell me, Sharon, how many other clients have you been with because they were messed up bastards, huh? Who else have you given special care to?”
I knew I was making a scene; I also knew I was acting like the jerk I didn’t want to be. But really it was partly her fault. It felt too much like she was trying to make a fool of me, and I didn’t like it. I’d had plenty of that the past several years; I could live without more of it, and especially from the first person I’d opened myself up to.
“What is going on here?” came another voice, loud and booming, and we all stopped and faced the new guy.
I could tell, just looking at him, that he wasn’t just another member of staff. I confirmed it when I noticed Sharon out the corner of my eye look at the man with a horrified expression as her face paled.
“S-sir!” she stuttered, and whatever else she would have said must have gotten stuck in her throat.
“Sharon, my office, right now,” the man said and made a sharp about-face, then walked away from all of us.
I heard Sharon groan beside me, but before I could get her to stop, she was already up and heading after the man I was pretty sure was her boss.
10
Sharon
I stood in front of Henry’s desk with my hands clasped in front of me. It wasn’t a secret that Henry hated me. Sometimes I felt as if I was the only woman that he hadn’t slept with ever since I’d been working here. He called me a snob, for not wanting a piece of the guru. I just came here to heal; I didn’t work here to have sex. If I’d wanted that then I could have easily worked in a strip club. I enjoyed my job here as long as I didn’t have to directly have any contact with him.
He was looking over his shoulder so I wouldn’t meet his eyes. I didn’t have to look into them to know he was mad. I could feel it rolling off him, and I would have winced, but I was trying to control myself and appear as professional as possible.
Lord knows, after what he’d just heard Jerrik yell to everyone, he was no doubt unhappy. It felt a little too much like when I was in high school and got called to the principal’s office. Only, if this man decided my conduct was too improper, I would be out of a job, not suspended from class.
“Now, Sharon,” he finally said, his voice low and authoritative. “Can you tell me just what I walked in on back there?”
I resisted the urge to chew on my lower lip. What exactly could I say to excuse myself? I didn’t want to say we knew each other, but…
“It was a misunderstanding, sir,” I said quietly, and almost immediately bit my cheek. I could tell by the minute of silence afterward that it was the wrong thing to say.
“Well, now you do have to explain to me. How was it a misunderstanding?”
I winced because I couldn’t help it. I met his eyes, then shifted my gaze to back over his shoulder.
“Jerrik is…”
“Oh?” Henry said, and I could see his eyebrows shoot up in shock. “He’s one of our special clients, isn’t he? I didn’t realize the two of you were on a first name basis.”
We had special clients that were the ones that came for more than just some relaxation and a vacation. I knew how bad the situation I was in looked, but I had to talk myself out of it somehow.
“Well, I guess you could say that, sir. You see, Jerrik and I have met before.”
“Was he your boyfriend before? Is that whatever that was about?”
I shook my head to refute the statement. “No, we were never like that. But see, we come from the same town, so we knew each other growing up. I was surprised to see him when he came here, and I’ve been trying to help him out, especially when I heard he was having problems attending his sessions.”
As soon as I said the words, I wanted to hit myself. Not only because I was lying, but also because I hadn't helped Jerrik much. I felt like such a hypocrite. Every time I approached him, something happened to make me panic and run, even though I went to him of my own free will. If what just happened was any indication, then I wasn’t doing a good job of being of help to Jerrik.
“All right,” the boss said slowly, deliberating. “So you knew him before you came here. Explain his outburst to me.”
My shoulders jerked up in a shrug before I could stop the movement, and I was fidgeting in place. So much for acting professional.
“I don’t know what happened, sir, but I found him already arguing with another member of staff. I attempted to intervene and that was when he started shouting at me. I just wanted to help him…”
“Help him with what?”
“Jerrik…” I started, then paused. Would he want me divulging any of his life to someone he didn’t know? Probably not, but I didn’t need to go into details. “It’s just, some stuff has happened in his life, and I can tell that he’s hurting. I just… wanted to help him, because I’ve known him for so long.”
That much was true. I just didn’t know how to help him without ruining things in the process.
The boss hummed but didn’t say anything. When I chanced a glance at his face, I wished I hadn't, my gaze dropping to my feet. He wasn’t happy. Of course, I’d anticipated it, but it still had me thinking whether he would ask me to pack up my belongings and leave.
I didn’t want to go.
The air went still and tense as I waited for Henry to say exactly what was on his mind. I knew that it wasn’t only to do with Jerrik. He was probably upset about Jerrik being with me when I never gave him the opportunity to do the same.
“While I do understand your desire to try and comfort someone that you know, I don’t want to see the same scene that I just walked in on again, Sharon.”
“And you won’t!”
I was desperate to get out of his office. The longer I stayed in there, the longer I felt that my job was on the line.
“I never intended for things to escalate the way they did.”
“Well, it’s good you didn’t mean for it to happen, but it doesn’t change that it did,” he said firmly. “I’m going to let you off with a warning this time, Sharon, because you’re such a good employee. But if I hear anything, or if you so much as go near that client again, I’m afraid I can't have you working here. You know the rule when it comes to clients, Sharon; you do not have affairs with them.”
The ‘if you do, you keep it hidden,’ didn’t need to be said, but I knew he was thinking along those lines.
“Henry, you won’t have any more problems with me.”
A part of me was relieved I wasn’t going anywhere. But then, there w
as the part of me that felt disappointed that I wasn’t allowed to visit Jerrik again, though it should have been a good thing for me. In a way, I’d been looking for a way to get out of seeing him, and this way, I could do it with minimal guilt. Because it wasn’t just me running away, it was a direct order from Henry.
It was almost funny when I thought of my situation being something similar, if watered down, to Jerrik’s. He was at the retreat because he was forced to, and because of my job, I would be forced not to see him.
I knew it was for the best. So why did it leave a bitter taste in my mouth?
“If that’s all sir, I’ll get back to work.”
“You do that,” he said dismissively, waving me away.
I gave a sharp nod that he didn’t see, because he was looking down. “Excuse me.”
When I left his office, I went directly to my room. I had a class to attend, a lot of personal things I needed to get done, but all I could think about was Jerrik and how I’d left him.
There hadn't been shouting behind us when I left with the boss, and it was quiet outside right then, but I still wondered what happened.
After what happened yesterday and the way I found Jerrik today, I wondered if he was still okay before deciding that was a stupid thought. Of course, he wasn’t okay; he wouldn’t act that way, with anyone, if he were okay. Whatever the other staff member had done to annoy him, I knew the biggest fault probably lay with me.
It’s for the best.
If I stayed away from him, then he could do what he came to do, find some way to heal on his own. All I was doing was making him miserable and even worse than when he arrived, from what I’d seen. It really would be best, for the both of us.
You should be happy, I told myself.
I finally got what I wanted, a legitimate excuse to keep away from Jerrik, but I couldn’t help wondering if it would be that easy. After yesterday… I doubted things would be as I thought they would be.
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