Snowflakes Over Holly Cove: The most heartwarming festive romance of 2018

by Lucy Coleman

  OK, so he’s good looking and very, very sexy in an understated way, but a part of the attraction for me is his vulnerability. Maybe the old Nic was someone who thought material success was important, but if that was the case he’s not like that now; his self-esteem is at an all-time low. Ironically, once he picks himself back up we might find we don’t have anything at all in common. When I’m in London work-mode maybe I am a watered-down version of Clarissa and that’s why guys give up trying once they get to know me. Maybe my standards are impossibly high. Who knows why the head-over-heels thing hasn’t happened for me? I want someone who is confident, competent at what they do and won’t feel threatened by the fact that my work has to come first.

  ‘I can almost hear your brain ticking over. It’s annoying,’ Nic whispers, pulling me on top of him.

  ‘I was thinking about how refreshing it is to be with someone with no pressure whatsoever.’

  He moves his lips to the top of my arm and starts to work his way across my shoulder with purposeful, yet tantalising, little kisses. That first day we met when he was driving the taxi I thought he was the rudest guy on earth. But since then I’ve discovered that beneath that tough shell is a man who is hurting and now I’m a woman on a mission to turn that around.

  24

  Getting to the Heart of the Matter

  Nic’s nerves begin to kick in as we head for the offices of the Natureland Experience Park and he’s silent for most of the journey. Thankfully, while having an informal chat with the owner, John Llywelyn, Nic really perks up.

  ‘The house and grounds have been in the family for generations, but it was my father who realised he would have to be creative, if he wanted to keep up with the maintenance of it as a whole. Obviously, farming has always been a big part of our history here and he was very passionate about local wildlife, too. It was quite small-scale in the beginning, with the mini-farm, aimed at attracting young families. My father retired eighteen months ago and having taken over the reins it’s time to update our marketing materials.’

  As he takes us on a tour around some of the most popular visitor areas, we can see that the park isn’t quite as commercial as we were expecting. It feels very much like a family-run business.

  ‘Next year is the tenth anniversary of the opening of the park,’ he explains. ‘The problem is that our overheads are very high and my father only ever dabbled with local advertising. Our cash flow problems could end up shutting us down if we don’t begin taking marketing much more seriously. However, I have to make it all happen on a very tight budget.’

  John’s honest appraisal of the situation is what really seems to trigger the change in Nic. With only a modest budget, John’s options are very limited, but judging by the new logo he’s working on, he has a clear vision of the new branding for the business.

  ‘There’s a lot I can do myself, as I have a little marketing experience, but what I desperately need are some really professional shots of the park. As you can see from these,’ he hands Nic a brochure, ‘they are way out of date. We’re stuck in the past and it doesn’t reflect the facilities we have here today.’

  ‘As Gareth no doubt explained, I’m not a professional. I’m simply trying to take something I’m very passionate about, to the next level. I’d be more than happy to take a few shots today and get something over to you. If my work is of interest, then maybe we can talk in more detail. How does that sound?’ Nic appears to be both positive and excited about this potential opportunity.

  John holds out his hand and they shake, as if the deal is already done. To my mind this is a great opportunity for both parties and I know Nic can deliver. His photographs of the sea are hauntingly beautiful. Now it’s time to boost his confidence and encourage him to begin snapping away.

  ‘Appreciated.’ John seems delighted with Nic’s reaction and I have a good feeling about this.

  ‘Great. I’ll be in touch in a couple of days’ time.’

  The sun is already overhead and it’s the hottest day we’ve had since I arrived on the Gower coast. I wonder how that will bode for some action shots of the animals that Nic is hoping to get. I only hope they aren’t all lying down, resting. As we begin the walk along the Farm Trail, my question is answered when we reach the first field. While several goats are mooching around inside a large wooden shelter and munching on a part-bale of hay, two younger goats are playfully fighting only a couple of feet away from the fence. Nic starts snapping away and then asks if I can pull out one of the other lenses in the bag I’m carrying. He swaps them over and I feel like a real photographer’s assistant, replacing lens caps and standing back to watch.

  We move on to the sheep next and it’s wonderful to see him so absorbed in what he’s doing. He might be an amateur photographer, but he sure looks like a pro to me.

  ‘Tia, can you drop the bags and stand over there? Lean against the fence and look out across the field. Side-on is what I’m looking for.’

  I can’t help a little grin creeping over my face as, with my back to Nic, I walk towards the fence, as instructed. I wonder how many photographers’ assistants end up being in the final shots?

  ‘Lovely. It helps to give the photo a sense of scale. After this, perhaps we could focus on the visitors’ centre and then head back? I’m anxious to see how these look up close.’

  It takes about an hour. As soon as we arrive back at the cottage Nic gives me a hug and a lingering kiss of thanks, before heading up to his office in the small bedroom. He has a buzz to him and it’s almost like being with a different person. Enthused, energetic and involved, which is in stark contrast to the slightly negative vibe that previously surrounded him.

  I don’t disturb him and wait until he comes to find me, sitting in the kitchen typing up one of the interviews.

  ‘I guessed you’d be working and wouldn’t miss me too much. I’ve downloaded all the photos now and had a quick skim through. I should have enough decent shots to give John a feel for what I can produce. I’d love to be involved, to be honest, even if it isn’t going to be a big pay cheque.’

  Nic slides into the seat opposite me.

  ‘It could open up a whole new direction for you, Nic, and that’s exciting. It isn’t always about the money, is it?’

  He nods, smiling. ‘No. It’s about gaining experience and having something solid to put on my CV.’

  ‘Who knows? This time next year you might be well on your way to having your own photographic business.’

  Nic’s reaction tells me that has crossed his mind, too.

  ‘Talking about money, how about I make us a sandwich and as we sit here I do that interview we keep talking about? I can turn on the recorder and just throw out a question, or two. What do you think?’

  ‘OK, the money can go into the boiler fund. And you don’t have to use my name?’

  ‘I’ll refer to you as David, how’s that?’

  ‘OK, let’s give it a go.’

  He seems genuinely upbeat, so I set up the recorder in the middle of the table.

  ‘Right, in your own words explain to me what being in a romantic relationship means to you.’

  As I quickly assemble two sandwiches, I purposely turn my back on Nic, letting him talk without feeling he’s being scrutinised.

  ‘Hmm… well, I suppose it’s when you meet someone and there’s a spark which begins to develop. You find yourself wanting to spend more time with them, hoping that it’s a mutual thing.’

  I don’t say anything, but continue with the job in hand.

  ‘It’s not that easy to put into words the way you feel about someone and it’s always a risk, because there are no guarantees they will feel the same way. That first flush of excitement when you are getting to know more about a person you feel attracted to, is heady stuff. But often it’s a fleeting thing that’s more about the physical side, than anything else. And then, one day, along comes a person with whom it all feels very different.’

  I carry the plates over to the table, casua
lly slipping into my seat and glancing across at Nic.

  ‘What was her name?’

  Nic takes a huge bite out of his sandwich, nods in appreciation and chews in silence for a moment or two.

  ‘Katie. We met at work, although I always said I’d never date a colleague. It’s unprofessional and a potential nightmare situation when things start to go wrong.’

  ‘But there were others, before her?’

  ‘Well, aside from the usual casual dates, up until then my longest-running relationship had lasted for almost six months. Nice girl, though, and I can’t say anything went wrong exactly, but you can tell when it starts to cool off. We stopped dating but we’re still friends. Now with Katie it was a very different story and it all went badly wrong.’

  He comes to an abrupt halt and I’m not sure if it’s because he’s hungry, and it’s a good sandwich, or whether he’s struggling to find the right words. Either way, I don’t interrupt, but go on eating.

  ‘There’s a whole part of this sorry little story that is nothing at all to do with romantic relationships, or Katie. Let’s call it family interference. The result was a rather unfortunate row at work, which didn’t involve her in any way, but…’

  He stops once more. My eyes stray towards the light on the voice recorder, checking it’s still green. I don’t want to lose a word of this, but it would stop Nic’s flow if I begin making notes.

  ‘We broke up shortly afterwards. I wasn’t sacked, per se, but I would have been if I hadn’t walked out. It’s the reason I had to leave London about a year later, as it ended up killing my career. I still can’t think about it without getting so angry I want to punch a wall. But, at the time, it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t simply find another position, or that Katie would show another side of herself that I hadn’t seen before. I still find it painful to admit that she saw me as a way of furthering her career and introducing her to influential people. She was very intelligent, astute and had an outgoing personality, but eventually I came to see that she was also a skilled manipulator of people and situations. She had her own agenda and I think it was there from day one. They do say that guys often fall for women who remind them of their mothers. A manipulative personality is unfortunately something I had to contend with from early childhood. A more-or-less absent father and an overbearing mother makes for a rather dysfunctional upbringing. In fact, it was my mother who introduced me to my last boss. Maybe I knew all along what Katie was doing, but alarm bells didn’t sound because it was normal practice around me. What I failed to appreciate was that my mother’s agenda had an element of wanting what she wanted for me. In a rather bizarre way I guess there might have been a crumb of good intention buried in there, somewhere. But even that requires quite a stretch of anyone’s imagination. Katie’s agenda was entirely self-serving. When my world came crashing down she tore into me before she walked away for good. She asked me if I realised what I’d just thrown away? Suddenly I was of no benefit to her and she couldn’t get away fast enough, as it turned out.’

  I can’t even swallow, so I push my plate away. Nic’s face looks pained.

  ‘Is this the sort of thing you expected? Am I the poster guy for people who are easily conned, because they are so emotionally screwed they have no idea what love is? It sounds tragic, doesn’t it? You also mentioned something about new year, new starts?’

  ‘Don’t worry about the emphasis of the article, just finish telling me your story and then I’ll ask you a specific question looking ahead. And Nic, remember that there’s nothing you can say that I haven’t heard before.’

  His body language is open and he’s not being at all defensive. In fact, he’s sitting back in his chair, one arm on the table and the other on his knee.

  ‘There’s not a lot more to tell. I never saw Katie again and as my social life more or less revolved around work and colleagues, it was tough. I was in a bad place, obviously, and I turned my back on everyone. I had invested heavily in property and with no income at all, and high monthly outgoings, I had to quickly raise some cash. The property market had just taken a nose-dive and the equity I thought I had just wasn’t there. Everything had been wiped out overnight and the wise move was to sit and wait for the market to pick back up. But time was a luxury I didn’t have. I went from having a very lucrative job and a portfolio of properties, to getting out with just a couple of hundred thousand pounds. Enough to buy this and do most of the renovation work. In a way, Beach View Cottage saved me but it’s all I have, literally.’

  He stares at me from behind partially-closed eyes, as if he’s trying to gauge my reaction. There’s a little more to this than he’s willing to share with me but I can’t imagine what, exactly. Why head away from London and his business connections? I sit here, feeling his pain, my face probably reflecting nothing but sadness.

  ‘Oh, I forgot the best bit. My medical records now show that I officially had a nervous breakdown. I’ll spare you the gory details but it wasn’t a pretty sight. That’s why Olwen is so protective of me. When I first arrived here I was still in a mess and she took me under her wing. She’s one of life’s nurturers, is Olwen, and for that I’ll always be grateful.’

  The way he tossed that in as an afterthought demonstrates it’s not something that scarred him. It’s simply a fact. So, what is it that he still can’t face up to? I may never discover the unknown in all of this that really broke him because it sure as hell wasn’t his parents, or losing everything he had. It was something bigger: much bigger and that thought scares me. Sometimes there are no words you can offer someone. I walk around the table and as I approach Nic, he rises up out of his chair. I fling not just my arms, but my whole body around him, wanting to hug away the hurt and the trauma of what still haunts him.

  ‘That’s enough for today. I saw some steaks in the fridge. Olwen must have called in this morning after we left. So how about you go down to the beach and light the barbecue, while I sort out the food?’

  Nic nestles his face into my hair, drawing in a big breath.

  ‘It feels good to get that out of my system, Tia. For the first time in so long I’m feeling hopeful again. A part of that is down to your influence, but I think you already know that.’

  ‘Everything in life has a risk attached to it, but don’t let the risks you don’t take be the regrets of the future. It’s time to start believing in yourself again.’

  25

  Hope is Like a Bright Light on the Horizon

  It’s Monday morning and several hours since I waved Nic goodbye. As he headed off to pick up his first fare of the day there was a little skip to his walk that I couldn’t help noticing. After wrapping up the interview with him yesterday, it made me remember how cathartic it can be to share one’s pain. Owning it is the start of moving on and in tandem with this new opportunity that has come his way, I think his self-esteem is definitely on the rise. I do have this lingering doubt over whether there’s still one piece to this puzzle that hasn’t been revealed. But as he begins to put the past firmly where it belongs, he really is sounding a lot less like the guy with a big chip on his shoulder. I’m getting a peek at the real Nic; the person he tries so desperately hard not to reveal.

  Our barbecue on Saturday night was relaxed and full of laughter. Actually, that was probably helped along rather nicely by the bottle of wine we shared. After we’d eaten, we lazed back on a blanket spread out on the sand. We laid there, enjoying the sounds of the sea, which was soothing. I ended up going back to the cottage to collect my recorder, after Nic suggested we finish off the interview. I thought it might spoil our relaxation, but then I could see that it was helping him. Emotional healing is a unique experience; it can take a long time to start the process, but then suddenly it begins to speed up, positivity making each improvement a huge boost up to the next level.

  As soon as I switched on the machine, Nic looked to me for guidance.

  ‘You need to set the scene so I know where to start.’

  Wine glass i
n hand, he leant on one elbow and seemed to be completely relaxed about it all. I settled myself back down, lying parallel to him and mirrored his position.

  ‘Life is now a blank page. I know it’s only June, but let’s pretend it’s New Year’s Eve and you are looking forward. You feel secure in the knowledge that the past is dead to you and what happens now is in your own hands. There will be other people out there reading your story and facing similar situations. Starting over again can be daunting, but it can also be a challenge that throws up previously unimaginable opportunities. What would you say to someone if they were asking for your advice?’

  In the fading light and with only the glow of the fire, hissing and popping from the fresh twigs Nic carried down from the woods earlier, there was a cosiness as we talked. It was like a cocoon and easy to forget the world out there for a while, as if it was only about the two of us.

  ‘My forward plan would be to reflect upon a few of the more recent lessons I’ve come to learn. The first one is that I can’t commit to anyone until I’m in a good place. Having almost hated myself for a long while, I’ve now stopped wanting what I used to have. Maybe that never was going to be the source of my happiness, anyway. Perhaps it was more about looking successful and the obscure satisfaction of knowing other people envy what you have. I had what many people were fighting every single working minute to achieve. Losing my pride in such a public way was devastating, but now I realise that I’m actually free. I’ve faced what I feared the most and I’m still here. So, face the demons and move on.’

  I remember that he had looked up at the sky and smiled, some transient thought making him sigh, but it had been one of acceptance and not dismay. I was pleased for him as the anger he’d been storing up was beginning to ebb away.