by Jason Cheek
No shit, Jodi sourly thought, as she saw a group of what she assumed were PKers stepping into the clearing just a few yards ahead of her. A half-second later, she saw several more appear at the periphery around the clearing from the direction the Elite Barbed Rippers had come from. They were all high-fiving each other and laughing at her friends who were about to be trampled to death.
Feeling a spike of rage shoot through her chest, Jodi searched the ground for her bow. Seeing it a few yards away, she began dragging her broken body over to it as the outline of a rough plan began forming in her mind. Mentally crossing her fingers that the assholes wouldn’t see her, she gritted her teeth, focusing on her goal as the PKer’s mocking comments came to her ears in local chat.
(Dark Forest Local Chat) Alissa Comtumacious: Damn Sourgamin, that was one wicked plan.
(Dark Forest Local Chat) Sourgamin Pikachu: Heh, that’ll serve that self-righteous prick for fucking with the Pwnquins.
(Dark Forest Local Chat) Hadow Stabulots: Fuck yeah, just wait until they respawn to see me skull-fucking their corpses.
(Dark Forest Local Chat) Demon Pokemaster: Shouldn’t there be more corpses?
(Dark Forest Local Chat) Alissa Comtumacious: Naw, they’re probably just NPC paste.
(Dark Forest Local Chat) Hadow Stabulots: Who the fuck are those guys?
(Dark Forest Local Chat) Alissa Comtumacious: Alisa, isn’t that PunkuGood and Onepunch from the Syndicate?
As her fist wrapped around the grip of her bow, Jodi glanced over at the group not five yards away from her as her Identify gave her the group’s name, Pwnguin Guild. Leveling herself up on a bent knee and her bleeding stump, she quickly drew six arrows from the quiver on her back as a nasty grin came to her bloody lips. Silently praying that this would work the way she envisioned, Jodi stuck three arrows in the ground in front of her and nocked the other three in her bow that she laid sideways.
Two can play that game, Jodi silently thought. Aiming for the center of the group of Elite Barbed Rippers trampling her friends, she mentally pictured all three arrows being included in her Multi-Shot. Though she’d never tried anything like this before, logically Jodi knew the tactic should work. As the bowstring twanged, she caught the spread-out arrows multiplying into twelve in her peripheral vision as she snatched up the remaining three arrows sticking out of the ground in front of her.
(Dark Forest Local Chat) Hadow Stabulots: What the fuck was that?
Jodi nearly laughed out loud as Hadow Stabulots spun around to look at the bellowing Elite Barbed Rippers turning towards their group as she lined up her point-blank shot at the Rogue’s vulnerable back. There was a momentary look of shock on the rest of the Pwnguin players faces as they noticed Jodi for the first time. Before any of them could react, she mentally activated Multi-Shot while triggering the Backstab attack that she’d picked-up PKing back in Nren Unarith.
“Skull-fuck this dickless,” Jodi's voice clearly rang out as her twelve arrows hammered into the PKer’s back at six-times the normal damage, killing him instantly. As his body collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut, Sourgamin let out a blood-curdling scream and lunged at Jodi.
“You dumb slit,” Allissa raged, as she began stomping Jodi’s face in, “I’m going to kill you again and again until you log out like a little bitch-”
Though the beating hurt like a mother-fucker even with the fifty percent pain threshold, Jodi couldn’t stop herself from roaring in laughter at the crazed woman. It was even funnier when she caught glimpses of the other Pwnguin members’ confused faces. Not that her hit points were going to hold out much longer. Already her health was flashing the red of near death as she focused on keeping ahold of her bow.
In truth, the situation reminded her of getting cut-off by an asshole while driving. You know the type. One of those people that’s purposely trying to piss you off. Instead of getting mad, Jodi would normally just wave at the person in the friendliest manner possible. Like she didn’t get it that they were trying to make her mad. It was a perfect tactic for making the asshole have a conniption. Though, this revenge was going to be even sweeter.
That was the thought that kept going through Jodi’s mind as she was being beaten to death. There were only a few seconds left for her to endure, when the vibrating sound of an incoming Barbed Storm Strike came to her ears. As Allissa paused with her foot raised up to stomp out Jodi’s last hit points, she looked back at the Elite Barbed Rippers as a look of horror flashed across her face.
“Who’s the dumb slit now?” Jodi choked out, as her vision began fading to black while the bodies of the Pwnguin players exploded above her head.
In the blink of an eye, Jodi found herself standing in the middle of a graveyard with the blood-red letters of a system message displayed before her eyes.
You have been killed by Elite Barbed Ripper! Do you wish to resurrect at your corpse or release your spirit to the nearest graveyard?
“The bitch got kill-stealed by a monster,” Jodi chortled out loud to the empty ghostly realm as a five-minute timer appeared in her HUD. That just made the Pwnguins’ deaths that much sweeter.
Jodi didn’t need to get in-game acknowledgement of the kills to be satisfied with sending them to the graveyard. It was good enough for her that they knew that she’d gotten one over on them. Besides, she was dead either way. Best to get some additional kills before heading to respawn, Jodi thought, as she began racing in the direction of her body. The goal now was to make it back to her body ahead of the PKers that she knew would be hunting her.
As she headed out of the general area for her tombstone, the buttons for Resurrect and Release disappeared as the “Resurrect” option was automatically selected. Jodi remembered reading on the forums that Nightmare players didn’t have access to a mini-map or the little markers for finding your body. Well, that and a whole slew of other convenient things like auto aim, virtual paths for melee attacks, and quest markers to know you were in the correct general area for finding whatever it was you were supposed to be gathering, killing or looking for. That made her curious as to how Nightmare players learned how to play the game.
While V-MMORG recommended that people only use the computer-assist to help in the beginning of their gameplay, from what she’d heard from talking to many of the Basic and Advance start players, most just left their computer-assist on instead of actually learning how to do the in-game skills on their own. It was understandable on one level since it took a lot of skill to be able to switch the computer-assist off. Jodi had done it mainly because she accidently figured out that she could experiment on her own to learn additional skills that weren’t part of her Class like the Backstab special attack that she’d taught herself while PKing.
Racing through the Dark Forest in ghost form was freakier than normal. It gave a whole new dimension to the spooky feeling that Jodi usually felt whenever she was doing a corpse run. Not that she was used to dying per say, but it was something you got used to if you did enough PVP. She just hoped Fiona was okay with all of the craziness going on. Those Fluffy Deaths had really hurt her. Some of Jodi’s gaming friends liked to rib her for not dismissing the Combat Pet or picked on her for not making the Blink Lynx sacrifice her life for Jodi’s. While she understood where they were coming from on one level, on the flip side, Jodi also knew that none of them could fully understand how it was until they had a Combat Pet of their own. There was something just special about having a creature empathetically and telepathically connected to you that she couldn’t fully explain to her gaming friends that were waiting for their Eggs to be delivered.
Jodi’s contemplation was interrupted as she saw her gravestone appear on the mini-map. Immediately, she began focusing on the ghostly landscape around her for likely ambush spots, when she remembered that Hadow Stabulots would more than likely already be spawned in and collecting his body. Grinning like a fiend, Jodi began sprinting as fast as her ghostly body could move as the “Resurrect” button popped up before her eyes. Cr
ossing her fingers that she’d guessed right, Jodi waited until she was passing over her body, before mentally selecting the “Resurrect” option.
As Jodi’s body shifted back into the living world, in the blink of an eye, she saw the underwear wearing Rogue was still squatting over his gravestone. Obviously, he’d already managed to recover his corpse and any drops that she might have earned from the kill. Not too concerned about the loss of loot, she focused on what was important. Seeing that he hadn’t managed to gear up, Jodi’s lips curled back from her teeth as she pictured a soccer ball at the level of the PKer’s head and did a leaping jump kick.
There was a split-second look of surprise that crossed Hadow’s face as she suddenly popped out in front of him. The flash of recognition that Jodi wasn’t one of his guildmates was as far as his mental processing got, before Jodi’s foot smashed into his unprotected face as she kicked for the moon. Ignoring the pain that flared through her foot, Jodi focused on what was important … aka doing as much damage as physically possible in the shortest amount of time.
“Die asshole,” Jodi screamed, driving her knees into the Rogue’s gut and knocking the breath out of him. Not pausing to confirm if the kick had stunned him or not, Jodi began pummeling the player’s face and throat with everything she had while screaming at the top of her lungs. “You’re going to skull-fuck me, Bitch? Really, because I’m going to cut your balls off and shove them down your goddamn throat!”
“Where the hell is that bitch at?” Sourgamin shrieked as soon as she resurrected at her body.
“Holy shit!” a male voice exclaimed as he appeared next to his body and saw what was going down.
“Hadow!” Alissa exclaimed as soon as she saw what her guildmate meant, “Get her off of him!”
Jodi felt several blows connect with the back of her head as someone else grabbed her under her armpits to drag her off the nearly dead Rogue. Fuck that shit, she thought, locking her heels behind Hadow’s knees. Though she knew this was a losing fight, Jodi wanted this kill before she was sent back to the graveyard. Even though she’d gotten the jump on him, beating a player to death wasn’t easy to do even with a quarter health.
The five of them struggled for what felt like an eternity, before the group managed to start pulling her off of their friend. That might sound odd to non-gamers, but in an MMO game, Stats were king and Jodi was the higher-level player. If any one of the assholes had half a brain between them, they would’ve looted a sword or dagger from one of their gravestone’s and simply killed her.
Knowing that she was on the brink of being overwhelmed, Jodi thrusted forward out of their grasp as she saw a stone the size of her fist near Hadow’s head. Slapping the Rogue’s arms away as he tried to shove her away, she scooped up the stone in a bloody hand and bashed him in the mouth.
“Suck on that!” Jodi screamed as the rest of the team forcibly dragged her off their friend. Instead of fighting the motion, she launched herself backwards as soon as she saw the system message “Congratulations! You have killed Hadow Stabulots!” and knocked the whole group on the ground. Yanking her arms free, Jodi began smashing her rock clutched fist into anyone within reach like a berserker.
“Fucking hold the cunt down!” Sourgamin screamed as she shoved her guildmates off of her.
There was a massive scuffle as a male Rogue named Rikopin Smash leaped onto her back and Alissa tackled them both to the ground. Jodi caught several painful kicks to the ribs, before Sourgamin crushed the hand holding the stone with a heel-stomp. Rolling away from the Pwnguins, she managed to break loose of Rikopin as a punch to the face from Alissa sent her tumbling head over heels.
Coming to a stop on top of the group’s corpses, a mocking smile came to Jodi’s lips as an idea hit her. Knowing that her hit points were already flashing the red of death and that another hit or two would send her back to the graveyard, she chucked the stone at the group and began looting the corpses. It took only a few seconds to gather up the coin on their bodies. As the PKers piled on top of her, she snaked an impressive looking dagger from the last corpse and stabbed herself in the heart.
In the blink of an eye, Jodi found herself standing in the middle of a graveyard with the blood-red letters of a system message displayed before her eyes.
You have killed yourself! Due to committing suicide, any experience gained after your last level has been lost. Do you wish to resurrect at your corpse or release your spirit to the nearest graveyard?
Jodi threw her head back and laughed into the ghostly silence of the spirit realm, wondering if she’d gotten a decent drop or not. Not that it really mattered, her main reason for killing herself was so that those assholes couldn’t loot her corpse and get their money or dagger back. Well, that, or get credit for killing her. While that might not sound like anything special, it was currently a point of pride for Jodi and was just as much of a kill-steal as ganking a mini-boss from those losers. Not even the loss of XP was a big issue since being killed by any of those assholes would’ve done the same thing.
This time, Jodi took her time heading back to her gravestone, knowing that those assholes would be waiting for her. The only way they wouldn’t be was if one of the groups of Elite Barbed Rippers aggro’d on them. In truth, she was half tempted to resurrect at the graveyard. The only problem with that was if there was a bunch of monsters between her and her gravestone. If that happened, she could be stuck at the graveyard until someone managed to escort her back to her corpses.
Coming up on her corpse, Jodi found a tree to hide behind that was in range of her “Resurrect” option and entered the world of the living. She’d barely appeared in the game, when a sharp pain pierced her back and she found herself back at the graveyard with blood-red letters hanging before her eyes.
You have been killed by Sourgamin Pikachu! Do you wish to resurrect at your corpse or release your spirit to the nearest graveyard?
“Fucking bitch,” Jodi grumbled out loud, as she began running back to her corpse. By now she was doing it from memory alone. Circle around this boulder on the left, head between these massive trees, climb over the shattered branches, and her gravestone was a mostly straight fifty-yard run. Finding another tree on the opposite side of her body, Jodi mentally selected the “Resurrect” as she appeared tucked in tight under a bush.
“There she is,” Alissa shouted, as the Rogue began sprinting directly for her, “get her!”
Springing to her feet, Jodi went to run deeper into the woods, when she felt a piercing pain shoot through her back. There was no question that she’d been hit by a Sneak Attack. Before she could even blink, Jodi found herself standing in the middle of a graveyard with the blood-red letters of a system message displayed before her eyes.
You have been killed by Demon Pokemaster! Do you wish to resurrect at your corpse or release your spirit to the nearest graveyard?
“Fucking not again,” Jodi swore into the eerie silence around her. Taking a deep breath to calm her agitated nerves, she began heading back once again. Instead of rushing, this time Jodi’s mind began working on a better way to respawn back in without getting ganked.
Once again, she circled around the boulder on the left and passed between the two trees. This time, instead of climbing over the mess of branches, Jodi circled around to the left, approaching her gravestone at an oblique angle. Her eyes focused on studying the overhanging trees at the edge of the forest that hung out far enough near her gravestone for her to still resurrect. The trick she knew was in finding a spot that none of these assholes would expect, because there was no doubt in her mind that these losers were covering every angle that was a more direct approach.
Studying the trees around her latest gravestone, Jodi felt her lips pull back from her teeth as she saw something that might work. The base of the tree was outside of her body’s resurrect range, but the upper “V” where the branch split looked to be close enough for what she needed. Jodi didn’t know if it was possible to climb in ghost form or not, but she figure
d it was worth a shot, especially since she was down to thirty seconds and counting.
Jodi felt a rush of relief flow through her mind as she was able to pull herself up into the lowest branches of the tree. You never knew until you tried something if it would work or not, she triumphantly thought, quickly making her was to the spot she thought was in range. If she’d guessed wrong, Jodi knew that she’d have to drop down onto her gravestone and take the hit or she’d be stuck trying to make her way from the graveyard again.
Coming to a stop at the “V” in the branches, Jodi began cursing up a storm when the resurrect option didn’t show up. Watching the seconds tick down to twelve, eleven, ten …, she tried to come up with an option as she contemplated dropping on her body and accepting the beat down once again. The problem was that she didn’t even know if it was possible to resurrect while in a tree!
Grumbling under her breath at how this was bullshit, Jodi hugged the branch and edge her way to the bottom side as the seconds ticked down to four … three … when the “Resurrect” option suddenly appeared before her eyes. Crossing her fingers that this would work, she hurriedly selected “Resurrect” just as the timer was clicking off of one.
“Boom, motherfuckers!” Jodi swore under her breath as she appeared in the game nearly directly above Sourgamin’s head. Though, she nearly bit through her tongue as she saw the bitch of a Rogue just five feet below her. Ignoring the pain, Jodi felt like Spider-Girl as she surveyed the situation going on around her.