Love Unscripted

by Reber, Tina

  Ryan was quiet as he repeatedly cast his line out in the water. A few times it appeared that he was going to say something to me, but then he’d turn away to shake his head ever so slightly.

  “Aren’t you going to fish today?” he asked finally.

  “Maybe in a little while; I’m really comfortable just resting here.”

  Ryan stared at me for a moment. “Are you sure you’re feeling up to being out here?” he asked, truly sounding concerned.

  “Yes! I’m actually quite content. I’m in a boat, out on a lake on a beautiful, sunny day. I don’t have to be anywhere doing anything. No one is barking orders at me. I am thoroughly enjoying the simple pleasures in life.” I smiled at him.

  “Yes, this is very cool!” He grinned in agreement.

  “I was wondering something,” he asked as he looked at me a moment later. “Do your friends know how we met?”

  I was confused why he would ask that. I felt my eyebrows pull together when I pondered his question.

  “What do you mean?” I needed him to clarify.

  “My embarrassing run into your pub. Did you tell them about that?”

  “No!” I said quickly, confirming my trustworthiness. “I mean they know that you came into the bar, but none of them know under what circumstances. I’m sorry. I promised you that I would never say anything but I had no choice to tell them that you came in once before - it was the only way I could get past the questions so you could join us for poker.

  “I swear the only thing I said was that you came in for a beer one afternoon. I didn’t tell them anything else.”

  He looked at me funny. “That’s okay! I just figured you were pretty close with your friends that you would have told them about my run up your steps.”

  “No.” I shook my head fiercely. “It’s none of their business. Ryan, what happened to you was private. Besides, I made a promise to you that I would never say anything. I’ll never break that promise.”

  He smiled sweetly at me before casting his line back out into the water.

  I picked up my fishing pole and clipped a little bobber to the line. I didn’t want him to feel like he was fishing alone, so I cast my line out and resumed my lounging position in the boat. If I caught a fish, the bobber would dip down into the water.

  Two minutes later I had a nibble and reeled in the first catch of the day. Another bass was on the line. Ryan took the fish off the hook for me. I was too bundled up to move that far.

  “He’s a tiny one!” Ryan said, examining the little fish up close. “Okay, that’s two days in a row that you caught the first fish,” he jeered.

  “Jealous much?” I teased. “You’ll catch the next five anyway.”

  “I’m about as jealous as you are,” he said flatly. With a quick flick, he tossed my little fish back in the water.

  “Taryn, I want you to promise me something.” He looked at me until our eyes met. “I want you to promise that you won’t believe anything you read or hear about me.”

  I opened my mouth to speak, even though I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to say.

  “Just promise me,” he insisted.

  “I promise,” I vowed.

  “If you have any questions or you want to know something, you ask me first before you believe any of the trash, okay?” His face twisted in anguish.

  “I will.”

  “Good.” His expression relaxed slightly, but I could tell he was still deep in thought.

  My mind flashed over the questions that were still outstanding in my brain and I wondered if it was safe enough – if our friendship was strong enough – for me to ask. Does he have different women in his bed all the time? Was he dating or juggling several women right now? Was acting worth giving up his freedom?

  I looked over at him as he sat peacefully fishing out on this beautiful lake. I knew he was living in some psychotic fish bowl, under constant scrutiny. Do I dare bring up any touchy subjects?

  There was one question I felt I had the right to ask.

  “Ryan?” I paused until he looked at me. “I do have one question. Since you’ve already asked me this question and I gave you an honest answer, I’d like to hear your honest answer too.”

  His eyes narrowed with confusion.

  “Are you… are you involved with anyone…now? I mean, I presume you’re dating people.” I was so nervous asking I couldn’t help but stammer over my words. But I needed to know if I was part of a collective. His face was expressionless, so I felt I had to continue.

  “It’s just… you asked me, the first day we met. I just wondered.”

  His expression changed from a blank stare to a grin. He looked me in the eyes.

  “No,” he said, smirking at me. “I’m not seeing anyone. And to answer the other question you’re not asking, the answer is months – several months.”

  “Why is that?” I asked hesitantly.

  He glared at me again before answering. “How can I ever know if someone wants to be with the celebrity or if they’re enamored with a character I’ve portrayed? The lines get blurred between what I am and who I am.” He shook his head in disgust.

  “Then there’s the… fear of having intimate details appear in print. I already have enough to deal with when they print the lies.” He started rubbing his forehead and I knew this was tough for him to talk about.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I – I shouldn’t have asked.”

  “Why would you say that?” His brows pulled together as he looked at me.

  “I feel bad for bringing it up. You have enough stress to deal with - you don’t need me asking stupid questions.”

  “The fact that you’re here, with me, gives you the right to know. This isn’t just about me! Don’t think for one second that I haven’t considered how this affects you and your privacy.

  “I’ve been seen in your pub twice. The paparazzi aren’t stupid. I’ve tried to keep my reason for being there hidden, but I didn’t do a very good job. Rumors about me staring at you have already been printed.” He hung his head down and grabbed the bottle of soda that set between his feet.

  “I don’t care that they’ve printed that I was looking at you, but believe me I do care that they leave you alone. Please tell me immediately if-”

  “Ryan, how can you stand this?” I interrupted. “You are entitled to a life! You deserve to be happy! Is this career worth it?” I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

  He looked out over the water. I could tell that he was torn.

  “Yes and no,” he answered. “I like doing what I do. I love being an actor. But the psychotic bullshit that comes with it is something I didn’t see coming. It’s all become very overwhelming.”

  “I feel bad for you,” I whispered.

  He looked at me, confused.

  “It’s not right that you have to pay such a steep price for doing something you love. Especially since what you do is meant to be a gift to the public that torments you. You’re an entertainer; you shouldn’t have to hide, but I know why you have to. I know that they never leave you alone - that you’re constantly hounded.”

  “That’s an understatement,” he muttered. “Taryn, I really like being around you, but I’m afraid that…” he paused to take a deep breath.

  You’re afraid that it can’t continue. Don’t be a coward, just say it. I knew it was coming eventually.

  “You have to realize that being around me comes at a price for you too. I need to know that you understand what you’re getting yourself into being with me.”

  Being with you? Well, that wasn’t what I expected.

  My thoughts were tangled just looking at him.

  “I like being around you too,” I admitted softly. “We both know that I don’t come from your world, but I have a fairly good understanding of how things are for you.

  “Ryan, I’ll do what I have to, to be part of that for you if you want me to. I’ll deal with the craziness, because I know that comes along with being with…”

&nb
sp; TARYN, you’re slipping!

  “Um, I mean, of being your friend,” I corrected myself.

  “You would do that for me?” he asked, questioning my loyalty.

  “Yes,” I answered without hesitation. “Yes, I will.”

  “And you’d deal with the paparazzi, and the fans, and the invasion of your privacy? Do you even know what you’re saying yes to?” he murmured as he scratched his head.

  “You deal with it. Why is it so hard to believe that someone else would do the same for you?”

  “It’s a lot to ask of someone,” he muttered, almost appearing guilty. His shoulders were hunched as he rubbed his forehead repeatedly. “A lot.”

  “Well, if you want me to be your friend then you have to give me the benefit of the doubt that I can handle it,” I said bluntly.

  “The media will dig for dirt on you. Is there anything I need to know before the rest of the world knows?” He eyed me intensely.

  “There is nothing that I’ve been through that I’m ashamed of,” I stated directly. “I’ve already told you a lot about me. I’ve never done drugs or been arrested. I’ve never posed nude or made embarrassing sex tapes either.” I chuckled lightly from my admission. “I don’t have any skeletons in my closet.”

  My last comment caused him to smile briefly, but our moment of levity didn’t last. He continued on with his rant.

  “You’ll have to watch everything you do, everything you say. You’ll be pressed for answers; they’ll hound you for details.” His lips curled up on his teeth from the thoughts.

  “They will provoke you with statements and allegations to get you to respond. You’ll be followed and photographed. Can you handle that too?” His tone was almost argumentative.

  “Who are you trying to convince, me or you?” I spoke quietly. “Ryan, if you want me in your life… if you want to be friends, then I’ll deal with it. But it sounds like you’re trying to talk one of us out of it.”

  “It’s like inviting someone into your nightmares. It’s not right for me to do that to you,” he muttered ruefully.

  “So what? You’re not allowed to have friends or be close to anyone? Or have a good time and live your life? I’m sorry, but I’m not going to allow them to decide that for me or you.” I wrapped my arms around my knees.

  “And if you think that I’m going to be scared away because of them – because of the bad stuff that you have to endure, then you have the wrong impression of me.”

  As I spoke I suddenly became overwhelmed with mixed emotions. I was going through all this effort to try to be his friend while deep inside I longed for so much more.

  “I don’t have that impression of you; that’s another reason why we are here now.” Ryan smiled at me and let out a big sigh.

  Anger and disgust, directed solely at myself, crept up into my chest and burned my throat. Why are we here now? Why am I even in this boat with you?

  I kept making mistakes, slips... one after another. I can’t fall in love with you. I can’t allow myself to long for something that would never – could never be. I’m just kidding myself.

  The serene lake suddenly felt like shark-infested waters. I had to get out of this boat and back to safe ground - fast. I fought the urge to jump in the lake and swim for shore.

  I looked at the time on my cell phone. “It’s almost two o’clock. I should get you back. I’m sure you have things you have to do.”

  “Not really,” he admitted, looking me in the eyes again. “I just assumed… it is poker night, isn’t it?”

  Despite my compounding fears I couldn’t help but revel in the fact that he was going to be with me tonight as well.

  “I’m hungry,” Ryan mentioned as we walked up to the cabin. “I’m starting to get a headache.”

  “We can stop for something on the way back. How does pizza sound?”

  I drove us out onto the highway and Ryan moved his arm to rest his hand on the top of my driver’s seat. Every once and a while he would twist his finger into my hair on the top of my head. It made me shiver and smile.

  “Does that tickle?” he asked.

  “Yeah, it does!” I giggled, but he kept on doing it.

  Every time I tried to reach for his finger, he’d move his hand away and chuckle. Our little game was fun.

  About the ninth time, I managed to reach up fast enough with my right hand and I flattened his hand on my head. He twisted his finger once more in my hair under my hand.

  “Okay, I’ll stop then,” he announced, and then he made a move that stunned me. He quickly gathered my hand in his and relocated our joined hands to rest on his thigh.

  I glanced over at him in shock. I felt a slight rush when my heart skipped a beat; the sensation of his touch flooded my veins.

  Ryan was staring intently at our joined hands; slowly he opened his grip and freed my hand but I didn’t pull away – I didn’t want to pull away even though I knew I should. My desire for him overpowered all logical reasoning. A small grin appeared on his lips.

  After a few minutes, he repositioned my hand, setting it to rest palm down on his thigh. Ryan released me, then used his left hand to casually scratch his chin, all the while watching my hand on his leg.

  I smiled, assuming this was another test. He paused to see if I’d pull my hand away. He was feeling me out to see how I’d react.

  I left my hand where he set it. He placed his hand on top of mine and wove our fingers together. The smile on his face was breathtaking. He adjusted his seat to recline further back, breathed out a contented sigh, and closed his eyes.

  The sun was already setting when I pulled my car down the alley. I purposely made sure that the passenger door would open to the back door of my pub so Ryan could get inside quickly.

  I looked up and down the alley first; I was on the alert just in case there were paparazzi on the loose. I held the back door open while he darted from the car to the kitchen. It was a relief when Ryan was inside safely.

  “Stay inside. I’ll get the cooler and bags.”

  Ryan looked angry and helpless as he stood there. I could tell he wanted to just walk out into the alley and pull the cooler from the trunk, but he couldn’t. We could not afford to make any mistakes.

  He started to breach the doorway to help me.

  “Ryan, someone might see you! It’s all right. I got it. Please, just back up.” As soon as he could, he took the cooler out of my hands and slid it into the dark kitchen.

  “Here, let me have those.” He slipped his bag and mine from my shoulder. “Is that everything?”

  “Just the pizza and our drinks yet, then that’s it.” I leaned back into the car and grabbed the pizza box off of the back seat.

  When I handed him the box, he was smiling devilishly at me.

  “What?” I asked, dying to know why he was grinning.

  “Nothing!” he stated as he faked a swing to smack me on the butt.

  “Okay - well I’m going to park my car. You can lock this door - wait, let me turn on a light for you first. I’ll come through the front.”

  I drove down the alley and parked my car in my normal spot in the lot on the corner of Mulberry. As I walked towards the pub, I noticed someone sitting in an old car across the street. I couldn’t tell if it was a man or a woman, but I could see the dark outline of a person. Don’t get paranoid already, I said to myself. I quickly unlocked the front door to my pub and hurried inside.

  About a half hour later, Pete and Tammy arrived for poker. “Hey kids!” Pete shouted. “Hey Ryan! Good to see you, man!”

  “Hey Pete!” Ryan shook his hand. “How’s it going?”

  “I brought some dessert,” Tammy giggled happily. She slid a tray of chocolate dipped something-or-others onto the bar. “I thought we might sample these - let me know if it would be something good to serve on Sunday for the party.”

  I noticed the smug smile and wink she gave me when she thought no one else was looking.

  “How’s it going?” Tammy asked quie
tly.

  “Good, real good!” I said, even though at that very moment I was fighting off a wave of nausea.

  “Did you have a good time up there?” she whispered in my ear.

  I nodded and smiled. I didn’t intend to share any details with anyone. Our weekend was ours and ours alone and I wanted Ryan to know that I wouldn’t spill anything, even to my closest friends. Besides, he was watching me out of the corner of his eye.

  I brought fresh mugs over to Ryan and Pete and poured them a beer from the pitcher.

  “Thanks!” Ryan smiled when I set his glass in front of him. A stick of pain shot into my stomach, causing me to hunch and wince.

  “So, Ryan, how were they biting up at the lake?” Pete asked while waiting with an open hand for the beer I was pouring for him.

  “Good! We both caught a lot. Although Taryn caught the first one on both days.” He winked and quickly patted the back of my thigh.

  “Yeah, but you still caught more than I did,” I added. I wanted to give him his fair due too.

  I sat down in the chair next to Ryan and took a big sip of ginger ale. The slice of pizza that I ate was sitting in my stomach like a rock. I contemplated resting my head on the table for a moment.

  “Not drinking tonight, Taryn?” Pete asked, pointing at my glass of soda.

  I suddenly felt lightheaded. “No. I have a bit of an upset stomach.”

  Ryan leaned over and whispered, “Are you okay? You feeling sick again?”

  “I’m fine,” I lied, wincing from the new shot of pain that hit my abdomen.

  “Were you sick?” Pete asked, questioning my condition.

  I just stared at the table. I wasn’t going to say anything; besides I was feeling that I might be sick again – the saliva was pooling in my mouth.

  Ryan patted my leg privately under the table and sighed.

  “Both of us were really sick last night. We’re not sure what made us sick, but we definitely had food poisoning, that’s for sure!” he explained, gently rubbing my back.

  “Excuse me, please,” I murmured, dashing for my stairs. I made it to my bathroom just in time to bring the pizza back up. My hands clenched the toilet seat as the stomach acid burned my throat.

  “Taryn?” Ryan called out. “Are you all right?” I was brushing my teeth when he came around the corner. “Everything okay?”