by Reber, Tina
“Yes, I did. I got a couple of new shirts and some pants. Thank you for buying them.” I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss.
“Thank you for thinking of me, too.”
“Well, I can’t have my boyfriend walking around with his underwear showing through the holes in his back pockets. The color and style of your underwear needs to remain a closely guarded family secret,” I snickered.
His mom started laughing at me. “Why are all these fans so desperate to know what kind of underwear you have on? They ask you that question every time you get interviewed.”
“He’s a movie star, Mom. All women have fantasies about what their favorite actor looks like... somewhat naked,” I answered.
“All women?” Ryan questioned, raising an eyebrow at me.
I looked at him, knowing exactly what he meant. “I’m sure you have your fantasy list too. But I don’t want to know who’s on that list in case you ever have to work with one of them.”
“Who’s on your list?” he goaded.
“Just one. Ryan Christensen. He’s so dreamy!”
His parents were laughing hysterically at my comment. “I think you’ve met your match, Son!” his father bellowed.
Ryan made a special effort to model his underwear around the guestroom when we all departed for bed. He was trying to get my attention.
“I wish I would have brought the script with me. I’m going to need to run lines. Do you think you’d like to help me do that when we get home? Follweiler wants me to screen test with a few actresses out in L.A.”
Ryan crawled under the covers and I snuggled up against him. “Sure. I’d be happy to help, although I don’t know how good I’ll be at it. I mean I’m not an actress.”
“You don’t have to be, although Follweiler thought you were. It’s no big deal, Honey. You just need to read the lines.” He yawned, his eyes examined my face. “What’s wrong?”
My worry must have been showing.
“I don’t know. I guess I feel at a disadvantage that I’m not that familiar with all this acting stuff. Sometimes I feel inadequate.”
“It will come. You’ll end up knowing more about it than I do one day!” Ryan twisted my hair in his fingers.
I shrugged as he held me.
“What’s really bothering you?” he asked, concerned.
I sighed heavily, unsure of whether I should really tell him.
He tilted his head, waiting.
“Actors… actresses. You usually don’t hear about actors and tavern owners,” I whispered. I figured it was a safe start.
Ryan frowned at me. “Taryn, I really like that you’re not an actress. I like being able to separate my personal life from the craziness. I think it’s a big part of why I’m so attracted to you. You make me feel normal. I can just… be myself.” He rubbed my arm. “So don’t let that worry you.”
He slipped his arm out from underneath me and rested his head on his hand.
“The fact that you’re a smart and savvy business owner is definitely, definitely more appealing to me.” His eyes departed from my face and followed his finger as it trailed down my chest.
“Your parents are in the next room,” I reminded him. His fingertip was tickling the skin underneath my lace bra.
“So?”
“You tend to be loud!” I teased.
“Me? I don’t think so! Let me show you how quiet I can be.”
It was silent in our room, all except for the sounds of our rough and labored breathing from our passionate kisses.
Ryan’s clawed hand slipped the strap off my shoulder. “Let’s take this bra off,” he whispered on my lips.
I rolled slightly to allow his hands to reach, but a faint noise in the background was distracting me.
“Shh.” I held my finger up for him to wait. “Do you hear that?”
“Hear what?” he whispered, trying to open the clasp.
“Wait. I hear something.” I jumped out of bed and tiptoed to the door.
Then I heard what I thought I heard originally. I waved to Ryan to join me. A huge smile broke on my lips.
We stood there quietly listening to the steady rhythm of the thumping noise until we heard his mother moan.
Ryan sprinted back to bed and ducked under the blankets. “Oh my God!”
“What? So your parents are getting some. Must be something in the mountain air that inspired them!”
I crawled back into bed. “Are you still feeling inspired too?” I figured since his parents were being so open-minded…
“No!” he fired quickly and shuddered from the thought. “How the hell am I supposed to look at them tomorrow? That’s my mom and dad!”
“Well at least you know that when you get to be your father’s age, you’ll still be… um… active!” I giggled.
Ryan covered his eyes with his hands. “They’re my parents, Taryn! They’re not supposed to… I don’t want to think about them doing that kind of stuff.”
“Just as much as they don’t want to think about you doing that kind of stuff?” I shouldn’t have teased him. “Oh, Honey! Do you want to watch some television?”
“I’m gonna need fucking therapy after this weekend,” he muttered.
He was totally freaked out and our moment was now ruined by his mental torment. There was no way he was going to sleep tonight either. I knew him well enough to know how he dwells on things.
Time to create a distraction. I got out of bed and started to change.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“Beach,” I answered coyly, pulling his sweatshirt down over my naked body.
“Good morning!” I greeted his mother in the kitchen. She was primped with all her hair sprayed into permanent position. Not a single hair was out of place. She returned my smile with one of her own. We both had our secret reasons for smiling; just mine wasn’t as loud as hers was last night.
I had a hard time looking at his father though with a straight face. Visuals of Bill getting all up in Ellen last night was almost comical. The four of us stood in the kitchen in uncomfortable silence; eyes glanced back and forth from face to face over cups of coffee. Ryan looked like he was in pain. I couldn’t stand the silence any longer.
“Ellen, there’s a few antique stores I was thinking about going to today while the men are out on the lake. How does that sound?”
“Sounds wonderful! We can go wherever you want.” I think she would have been content to go anywhere that involved looking at stuff on shelves.
I patted Ryan’s stomach. “I’m going to make some breakfast first so you have fuel in your tank to catch all those fish today.”
He smiled and gave me a soft kiss.
It didn’t take long to drive to the big, red barn filled with local antiques. I was relieved that Ellen and I got along so well. She wasn’t the probing, busybody type; not like some of the mothers of my past boyfriends.
Along the way, we talked about what she does to manage Bill’s dental office; it sounded a lot like what I have to do to manage the bar, minus dealing with all the insurance claims. It was comforting to know that we could relate to each other beyond the fact that I was dating her son.
Being around Ellen was like having a mother and a friend all wrapped up in one. She reminded me of just how much I missed having my mom around.
“I want to get Ryan a birthday present while we are here, but I never know what to buy him anymore. He’s been traveling so much; anything we buy him just ends up in our basement,” Ellen said, flipping over the price tag on an old dry sink.
“I know. I was thinking about what I could get him too. His birthday is less than three weeks away. He had mentioned about getting hockey tickets, but I’m not sure what his schedule is like. I only seem to know week by week what he’s up to.”
A thought amused her. “Ryan told us you’re a Pittsburgh fan. It’s like Heaven made you just for him!”
I laughed uncomfortably at her comment. “I don’t know about that but I’m gla
d you think so. I truly do love your son. I just want to make him happy.”
“Hearing you say that thrills me beyond words!” She squeezed me quickly around the shoulders with her one arm. “I was so worried that he’d end up with the wrong girl one day. I’m so relieved that he’s made the perfect choice. And to tell you the truth, I’m glad your picture is on the cover of those magazines with him. It kills me every time I hear the media pairing him up with that Suzanne.”
“I gather you don’t like her,” I said, hoping she’d explain why she felt that way.
“No, not really. I’ve tried to warm up to her but…” Ellen shuddered. “She only cares about herself. She thinks the world revolves around her.”
Ellen looked at me intensely. “I don’t know if you know this yet or not, but she has a thing for my son. Ryan, thank God, doesn’t feel the same way. I was so worried that he might fall for someone like her though, considering how many actresses he gets to meet and has to work with. I feared that one of them might end up being my daughter-in-law one day.”
My mind drifted from her comments. I could easily see myself being his wife and the mother of his children, just like a normal husband and wife, but if I end up being his wife, then what? What would I do to keep myself busy and productive? Do I live out of a suitcase too, following him around the globe? Living off of him like some pathetic freeloader? Was I even movie star wife material?
What could I do for a living to assure I was a contributing partner in a globe-trotting marriage? Heck, I struggled with the decision of closing the bar this weekend. How the hell will I be able to have a long-standing relationship with a man who is never in one place for very long?
Another movie, another distant location, another sexy lead actress for sure. While I’m distracted picking out tile patterns for the bathroom, could some well-known vixen get to be the recipient of the next condom in his pack?
No matter which way I envisioned it, all paths ended up with me losing him. The world was unfolding on a silver platter to him, just like Suzanne had said. The parties to come… all the women… temptation all around.
Inside I was a partial wreck.
“Taryn? Are you all right?” Ellen noticed my mental absence.
Unconsciously I shook my head. I wasn’t all right. My internal monologue came pouring out of my quivering lips.
“At first I didn’t want to get involved with your son because he was a celebrity. Then we just spent time together and I got to know him for who he truly is. That’s who I fell in love with. I hope you believe me when I tell you that I’m not with him because he’s famous. And I don’t want his money either.
“He’s a beautiful, caring, loving person and I love him so much. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. And I know he loves me. But I’m so scared. There are so many women out there, all desiring him. It’s not like we’re going to have a normal life, ever. It’s hard enough to have a normal relationship let alone have your relationship be analyzed and ripped apart by the world.
“He’s always going to be traveling and away for months at a time.
“What do I do? What if I’m not enough? What if we’re not strong enough?” My chest started to feel tight. I had been holding all these thoughts in for so long, never talking about them with anyone – not even my closest friends, and now they all came bubbling to the surface.
His mother moved to face me and looked me right in the eyes.
“Taryn, I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. I have never heard Ryan talk about another girl the way he does about you. He didn’t think it would ever be possible to find true love after he became famous, and he has found that in you. You!” She said in a stern voice as she tugged at my wrist.
“Let him love you, Taryn. That's all he wants. I know this can be stressful, having such a public relationship, but you need to stay true to each other and you will work through all of your fears. The two of you will figure it out. And don’t be afraid to talk to him about anything either. You have to be open with each other if you want any marriage to survive.” Ellen touched my cheek.
“I know. I am trying. I love him with all my heart.”
“Oh, Sweetie. It will all work out. You’ll see!” She gave me a very comforting hug. “Ryan will make sure of it.”
“Thank you,” I breathed in her ear, hugging his mother like she was my own.
“You’re welcome! Anytime you need to talk I’ll always be here for you.”
Although it was all easier said than done to confront these feelings, I felt at ease with her. My connection with her made me miss my mother even more.
“I guess Ryan will still be here when it’s his birthday,” Ellen said. “I better find him something then while we are here.”
“I was thinking about having a small birthday party for him at my pub. Do you think some of his old friends from home might be interested in coming to Rhode Island?”
“You could always ask. He’s lost touch with a lot of his friends. He always checks in with Matt and Scott when he comes home. Other than that, I really don’t know who his friends are now. You’ll have to get their phone numbers from Ryan.”
I thought about how I would do that. I certainly wouldn’t ask him for their numbers; that would ruin any possible surprise. I’d have to be sneaky.
“I thought he was coming home for Thanksgiving or did that change?” Ellen asked.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know. He didn’t say anything to me.” My words cast other thoughts through my head.
“That’s when he always gets together with the boys. Every year they drive to Potter County to go deer hunting.”
I thought about last Thanksgiving and feeling like an oddball at Pete and Tammy’s table. I was glad that they convinced me to come over; I had thanked them but declined several times until Thomas ditched me at the last minute.
Thanksgiving was always a big production for my mother. She’d make a huge turkey and all the fixings. All the relatives would gather and we’d eat too much.
As we grew older, my cousins had families of their own and everyone scattered in their separate directions. After my parents passed and I turned down one too many invitations, my phone stopped ringing at the holidays. Large family get-togethers seemed to be a thing of the past.
Ryan had not mentioned his Thanksgiving plans to me, but I had hoped or more accurately assumed that we would be together, especially after the conversation I just had with his mother. If not, I’d be alone once again.
Maybe Ryan would want to spend the holiday alone with his family and then the rest of his free time with his friends hunting instead? Thanksgiving I could deal with, but another Christmas by myself… that would be painful.
Last year Thomas conveniently picked a fight with me two weeks before Christmas and we temporarily broke up. I still think it was because he didn’t want to have to buy me a gift.
My mind was wandering when my eyes noticed an old Gibson acoustic guitar tucked away in the back corner of the antique shop. I picked it up and gave it a strum; it had a great sound. I handed the cashier my bank card and five hundred and ninety dollars later, walked out with Ryan’s birthday present.
After a full day of roaming through stores, we both had our fill of shopping. I turned the car in the direction of the cabin. Ryan and his father were busy doing something by the edge of the lake.
“What are you up to?” I asked. Ryan was squatting down and had a big boning knife in his hand. He was gutting a fish.
“Look at this bass! I couldn’t throw this one back, Honey. Taryn - supper. Supper – Taryn.” He was trying to be funny with the poor fish’s dismembered head.
“We should cook that outside on the fire pit.” I pointed in the direction. “Good job, man!” I said with my playful cavewoman voice. I gave him a congratulatory squeeze on his shoulders.
“Man catch fish for woman!” he stated proudly.
I started a fire in the large, circular fire pit and sat down in one of the wooden ch
airs that surrounded it. The sun was starting to set and the fire felt nice and warm on my hands. Ryan put the metal grate over the hot coals and soon his catch of the day was cooking.
“Taryn, how much property does your family own here?” Ryan asked.
“I think it’s almost three acres. Why?”
“Who owns that property over there? There’s nothing but a little shack house on it.” Ryan pointed to the east side of the lake.
“I don’t know. I’ve never seen anyone there. Deeds are public records; I’m sure it would be easy to find out.”
“I love this lake,” he said, the tone of adoration was evident. “I spent all day out there designing a house in my head.”
He looked over to me. “Tell me, if you could pick a place, where would you want to live?”
“I don’t know, but by a lake sounds perfect,” I answered truthfully.
“I wonder if I could buy that land over there?” Ryan pointed. “What?” he questioned my stare.
I was surprised by his comment. “I just assumed you would want to live closer to your parents; somewhere in Pennsylvania.”
“How’s the fish doing?” Bill asked, taking the seat next to me.
“It’s cooking, Dad.” Ryan pushed the tin foil pack closer to the center. He was not going to be distracted from his train of thought.
“Honey, it doesn’t matter to me. As long as I’m close to an airport I can live anywhere, but I’m not going any further west than Pittsburgh. What these people pay for homes in California is crazy. I could build a ten thousand square foot house here for the same amount of what you’d pay for a one bedroom apartment in L.A.”
“Ryan, are you planning on coming home for Thanksgiving?” Ellen interrupted.
“I was planning on it," he answered, turning his attention to her. “I want Taryn to meet Nick and Janelle, and I want to take her to Mellon Arena for a hockey game. I have to ask David to check on game dates and tickets.”
Ryan looked back at me, resuming our original conversation. “The only decision you need to make is what to do with the bar. If you still want to manage it too, then we have to live closer to the coast.”
“Pull that back to the edge, Son. It’s going to burn there,” Bill instructed.