by Reber, Tina
While Ryan was distracted, I stood up from my chair.
“Excuse me, please,” I murmured. I pulled my car keys out of my coat pocket as I crossed the lawn.
Ryan trotted up behind me. “Tar, what’s up? Are you going somewhere?”
Part of me wanted to get the guitar out of the car; the other part did not want to have to think about selling the bar in order to keep a boyfriend. “No. I’m not going anywhere,” I muttered.
“I thought maybe I upset you. Did I?” He took hold of my arm, stopping me from taking the next five steps that would put me at my car door.
“No. I’m not upset. I’m…” I sighed. “I’m not really ready to make those kinds of decisions, Ryan.”
“I understand. I’m sorry. I know… I’m rushing you.”
“Yeah, a little,” I whispered. “I need some processing time. I thought we’d stay in the apartment a while longer. You know, start there.” Frustration coated my words. I think I even huffed. I felt like everything was in fast-forward and at any moment, the proverbial carpet would get yanked out from underneath my feet.
Ryan looked conflicted by my reaction. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”
He took me by the hand and led me towards the dock. We sat down on the long bench in the shadow of the cabin lights.
“Taryn, since I’ve met you, I’ve been thinking a lot about the future.” He scratched his forehead before looking me in the eyes again. “I can’t help it.”
Ryan picked up my hand and twined our fingers together.
“When I was out there on the lake today, all I could think about was building a house right over there in that clearing. I could see it all in my head. A big log sided home with a private gated entrance. A boat dock over there jutting out on the water. A small boat house to keep a boat in.
“But all those thoughts include you. I’m not thinking about me anymore, I’m thinking about us. And maybe I’m rushing those thoughts, but I know what I want.
“I understand if you’re not ready for all of that just yet, but I want to know if you can picture it too. Is that something you want?”
I looked in his eyes when I spoke. “Yes, very much so.”
He let out a big sigh and smiled. “That’s good to know. Then we’re on the same page.
“But… last night when we were talking out on the beach, you sort of clammed up on me,” he sighed. “Before we go on… well, I just want to make sure that we want the same things.”
“I’m pretty sure we do,” I said softly.
“Then why did you get distant on me last night?”
I thought about what his mother said to me this afternoon. I had to stop fearing that he’d run away if I talked about my feelings openly with him.
Ryan squeezed my hand to get my attention.
I took a deep breath and looked at him.
“Ryan, I’ve heard the words ‘I love you’ before, and every time I believed them they just turned out to be nothing more than words. I need more time to know that I can rely on you when you tell me you love me. I haven’t had the best of luck in relationships.”
“Me neither,” he interjected.
“Then why are we rushing it?”
Ryan stared down at his feet, rubbing his sneaker over the knot in the wooden plank. He pursed his lips and shrugged.
“I don’t know,” he muttered. “I guess I’m just ready to get on with the next chapter of my life. I’ve been living like a nomad for the last two years. It’s really starting to get to me.”
I knew he was lonely and terribly isolated by this sudden, overwhelming fame. I had been surviving in loneliness for months myself.
“Last night you said some things.” I wiggled uncomfortably on the bench, measuring my words. “I need to know that it’s truly me that you want, and not just the idea of a life with someone like me that’s driving you.”
Ryan rolled his gaze back to me. He stared at my face for a moment before he spoke. I felt as if I was missing some obvious point.
“Taryn, it is you that I want!” He laughed lightly, like I was being silly again. “You are the reason I’m even thinking about all of these things! I just want to be sure that we are heading in the same direction, that’s all.”
I thought about several different directions we could actually head to. I didn’t want to assume.
“Well, since you’ve mentioned words like married before, I guess I don’t need to feel frightened to bring it up.”
“No, you don’t,” he confirmed gently.
“Children?”
“That too,” he said with a soft smile.
“If those are the things that you want too, then I’d say we are heading in the same direction.” I looked him in the eyes.
Ryan nodded.
“Then let’s just let it grow naturally,” I softly pleaded.
“Okay,” he whispered, agreeing with me.
A light breeze blew across the water, sending a chill through my body. I shuddered, wishing we were sitting in front of the fire pit having this conversation.
“Are you cold?” Ryan asked, wrapping his arm around me. He rubbed my arm to warm me.
My teeth chattered together as I sniffed in some chilly air. “Just a little.”
Ryan was still deep in thought. His brow was furrowed - a telltale sign that he was mulling over something. I snuggled deeper into his hug and waited.
“ I’ve been thinking about what you said,” he answered my glance. “I know it’s easy to toss the phrase ‘I love you’ around. I’ve said that line out loud a couple of times myself.” He twined our fingers together again.
“And I’m sure girls have said the same to you,” I said.
“Yeah.” His eyes brightened and he laughed lightly. “Can I tell you something? Promise me you won’t laugh.”
I crossed my heart with my fingers. “I promise.”
“You know that first night when we stayed together here in the cabin? As sick as we were, there was no place on Earth I would have rather been than here with you.”
I smiled at his statement. “I’d say we got to know each other on very intimate levels that night!”
“I know! But it made me realize something… it made me realize how comfortable I am with you. And then that first night I stayed with you in your bed, when I woke up in the morning holding you I thought, ‘this is the woman I want to wake up to for the rest of my life.’ I knew that before I even kissed you for the first time.
“Every time I get angry or upset, you have this magical way of bringing me back to Earth. I don’t know how you do it, but somehow you manage to keep me sane.”
“You do the same for me, you know,” I added.
“That’s good to know!” He shot me his sexy smirk.
Ryan lifted my hand to his lips. “So when I say those words to you, that is what I truly mean. You need to realize that who you are, right now, is exactly what I want and need.”
My heart never felt so full. I looked into his eyes. “No fair… you stole all of my lines!”
“Ryan, Taryn. Dinner is ready.” His mother shouted from the deck.
Ryan looked at me. I shook my head quickly; I wasn’t finished with our conversation.
“Start without us,” Ryan yelled back.
“So what else is on your mind?” he asked.
I stared up at the stars, watching the flashing lights of an airplane as it passed through the nighttime sky. It was a good distraction while my mind sorted through the various insecurities that have been plaguing me lately. I was unsure if any of them were conversations I wanted to get into right now.
He squeezed me again. “If my memory serves me correctly, it was right after I mentioned filming Slipknot when you shut down on me last night.”
My head bowed instinctively and I sighed.
“I’m scared…Ryan,” I said slowly. “You’re going to be on location more than you will be home – wherever home may be. Separation, growing apart…” I winced. “It’s goi
ng to be hard, and I’m afraid if we force our relationship to be at stages where it hasn’t grown naturally, well…”
I looked him in the eyes. “What happens when you’re filming and you have to do some love scenes with another woman? What if her kiss is what you feel you’re missing out on? On-set romances happen all the time – some by accident. You know as well as I do that it happens. I can’t get it out of my head that all actors end up falling for actresses. What if bar owner from Rhode Island isn’t enough?”
“Honey, there’s a big difference between kissing you and faking it for film!” he laughed out. “I’m getting cast into a lot of romantic movies, and it’s going to be unavoidable. Everyone wants to see romance. But it’s not real. It’s not this. What you and I have… this is real. You’ll just have to trust me.”
“Well these are all the things that I’m thinking about. It’s not easy for me to trust men,” I whispered.
“I know. I have to prove that I’m not like the others. It’s all right. I can do that,” he said, giving me an elbow nudge. “How about if I call you every fifteen minutes to remind you that I’m madly in love with you? Will that work?”
I rolled my eyes and laughed.
“I can wear one of those iron chastity belts if it will make you feel better.”
“Would you?” I kidded back.
“I’ll have to get you another chain so you can wear the key as a necklace.”
I smirked. “I don’t want you to think that I’m some insecure mess. It’s just that, well, this stuff happens, and…”
“What about letting Marie run the pub?” he quickly suggested.
Great… he found another one of my issues.
“Ryan, the pub is my source of income. Marie isn’t opposed to taking care of things so I can travel, but honestly, with or without you, I need to maintain my own sense of stability. I’m not going to sit back and do nothing while having a high time spending your money. That’s not me. I’ve got to hold my own in this relationship.”
Ryan crossed his ankle up on his knee.
“Did you give any more thought to leasing out the kitchen to Tammy? Then that’s even more income for you. Even if Tammy doesn’t use it, you can lease it out to someone else.”
“That’s going to take a lot of money, Ryan. More than I can afford to spend right now. And I know what you’re going to say.”
“Twenty grand, Taryn, is not a big deal. I still think that’s a lot more than what it should cost just to replace the plumbing. We can make it legal if you want so you don’t have to worry. Or we could just take it out in trade.” He pulled me by my shoulder to bump me into his chest.
I sighed.
“Listen Taryn, I’m not going anywhere. So I have to travel when I film. So what. Like I said, we both travel from time to time and then I have a few weeks off here and there. If I promise to… slow down, will you promise to quit worrying?”
I nodded.
“Say it!” he taunted.
“I promise,” I said, laughing lightly at his urging.
“Okay… and I promise too.” Ryan’s fingers lifted my chin.
I gazed lovingly into his eyes. Those eyes, so blue, filled to the brim with passion and conviction, were absolutely mesmerizing. We were drawn together by an invisible magnetism that reached all the way to the core of my being.
“I love you, Taryn Lynn Mitchell,” he said with a smile.
“I love you too, Ryan William Christensen.”
Although I thought I had been in love before with other men, never did those three little words mean so much to me as they did at this moment with this man. The feelings that flowed between us were natural and effortless; as easy as breathing.
While he was kissing me, I heard his stomach growl loudly. “We better get inside for dinner.” I pulled him by the hands.
“You know, when you walked away with your keys I thought you were planning on speeding off in your car.”
“No!” I laughed. “I actually got you a birthday present today. There’s no way I can get it home without you seeing it, so I thought I’d just give it to you now.” I unlocked the car and he let go of my hand.
“I got it at the antiques store down the road. I hope you like it.”
“Wow! Look at this! It’s an old Gibson!” His fingers strummed over the strings, but his cell phone buzzing in his pocket distracted him. “Ahh, I just turned the damn thing on and already it’s ringing.”
“Hello? Who is this? Oh… what?” Ryan was short with whoever was on the other line. He turned his shoulder away from me, dropping his voice to a whisper. “I thought I made things perfectly clear the last time we had this conversation. I told you… things have changed. Then stop calling me,” he said quite callously.
He turned his phone off and walked a few feet away before noticing that I wasn’t following him. He held his hand out to me and waited until I caught up, silently towing me towards the house.
“Are you two all right?” Ellen asked when we entered the kitchen.
“Yeah, Mom. Taryn and I had some things to discuss that were more important than dinner.” He picked a piece of fish off of the plate and shoved it in his mouth. “See this?” he whispered in my ear. “Family, peace, no screaming fans, no security, home-cooked meals, normalcy. This is what I want. This is what I miss.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” I said. “Because it’s the only way I know.”
After dinner, I grabbed some blankets and with two open bottles of wine we made our way out to the backyard. Ryan and his father threw more logs on the fire, setting a nice blaze in the fire pit. Millions of stars dotted the clear sky.
I took Ryan’s guitar and softly played a few chords.
“What are you playing?” Ryan asked.
“Nothing… I just had some lyrics in my head.”
We took turns playing, each of us adding to the melody.
We were trying to come up with words that rhymed. After an hour, we had written part of a song… our song.
“When is your next movie going to start filming, Son?” Bill asked.
Ryan stopped playing. “Rehearsals start January 3rd. I’ll be filming in Miami for almost three months,” he said as he looked over at me.
“What’s the movie called?” Bill continued.
“It’s called Thousand Miles. It’s already been scheduled to be released by next November, I guess right around Thanksgiving again.”
“What’s the movie about?” his mother asked, filling her wineglass.
“It’s a drama about an FBI agent,” he pointed to himself, “who volunteers to drive his best friend’s sister to see her fiancé who lives in the Florida Keys. It turns out that the fiancé is a serial rapist who’s on the run. My character is falling in love with her the entire trip.”
“Who are you going to be working with on this film?” Ellen asked. “Any other big names we might know?”
“The only other part that I know that’s been cast is the lead actress. I’ll be working with Lauren. Lauren Delaney,” he quickly added.
The sip of wine I was taking instantly burned my throat. Lauren? Like ex-girlfriend Lauren?
The way he said her name gave me the impression that he expected his mother to know who he was talking about.
Instantaneously, my eyes shot over to his mother to see her reaction. Her expression was a dead give-a-way; the mix of shock and panic was evident.
Chapter 22 - Protected
We drove directly to the airport from the cabin. Even though we were two hours northwest of Seaport, we were only forty-five minutes west of Providence. Ryan made sure to mention that out loud.
Since it was known that the airport in Providence was the entry/exit point for our visiting celebrities, several paparazzi were on guard… waiting for any celebrity to pop up on their radar. Ryan knew what was waiting for us so we said most of our verbal goodbyes in the car on the way.
The paparazzi landed on us like flies, ruining the last few moments we
had together with his parents. We gave his parents quick hugs and kisses while they retrieved their bags from the trunk; the camera flashes were disorienting and annoying.
The final proof that Ryan Christensen’s new girlfriend spent the weekend with his parents was being captured digitally on stills and video. Wonderful - more fodder for the gossip magazines. I felt like swinging Ellen’s suitcase around in a circle to see how many paparazzi I could knock out.
Ryan was getting angrier by the minute. I was relieved that TSA agents came right over to the car to assist us. As much as we wanted to spend a few extra minutes with his parents, we couldn’t dawdle.
Having my picture taken was a lot more tolerable than the invasive questions and comments that spewed out of the paparazzi.
Ryan and I jumped back in the car and as soon as the main traffic lane was clear, we drove off.
“When we go to my parent’s for Thanksgiving, we’ll need security,” he muttered, getting over into the proper lane to get us out of the airport. “I’ll have a car drop us off.”
The moment we pulled into the alley, the paparazzi came running. We quickly unloaded the rest of our bags and his new guitar into the kitchen while the cameras clicked.
We were asked questions upon questions about our weekend. Did we have fun? Where did we go? Did we have a nice visit with his parents?
Mingled in there were the stupid questions; one guy actually asked us what we thought about the President’s stimulus package. Then he asked us if we heard the news about the latest celebrity who volunteered to be on that television dance show. Why the heck would we answer or respond to questions like that?
Some of their questions were down right aggravating. One of the photographers asked Ryan if Suzanne knew that I met his parents and how does she feel about that? Did it make her jealous? I wanted to tell them all to go to Hell, but I kept focused on getting the car emptied.
“New door is in,” Ryan muttered. He was straining to keep his mind on other things and he tried to get me to focus with him.
I saw that we had a new steel door installed a few feet away from the existing kitchen door. We were so distracted by the paparazzi that I didn’t even have time to see all the progress Pete made on the new wall inside.