Be A Doll

by Stephanie Witter

  It took a great deal of effort to control my breathing while my chest heaved and burned from the need for more oxygen, but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he quite literally stole my breath. I only had a small part of dignity left and I’d clung onto it with all the strength I had. I only hoped that my strength would resist when colliding with my husband’s vices.

  ***

  MATHIS

  I opened the door to the penthouse apartment and walked in holding our suitcases. One cursory glance around the wide open living room decorated with modern furniture with clean lines in earthy colors told me that Georgia, my housekeeper, stopped by as requested to make the place look pristine for my wife’s arrival.

  I put down the suitcases against the wall leading to the hall toward the bedrooms and turned around when Lila’s heels broke the silence as she stepped inside.

  Her eyes didn’t betray a modicum of thoughts and neither did her face. Her head held as high as ever swiveled elegantly around as she took in the wide space, the huge windows overlooking Central Park and the open floor kitchen that contained all the best appliances money could buy where only Georgia had ever cooked. But then, her eyes latched onto one of the very few personal items I kept for all to see in this room. It was a picture, an old one. I always kept it on one of the shelves next to the huge TV occupying a wall in the living room. I expected her to walk to it and ask questions, but once again I forgot who Lila Grimes was and she wasn’t like other people.

  She turned back to me and nodded as if giving me her approval of our living arrangement. “You have a very nice apartment, but I’m not surprised.’’ She took off her jacket and draped it on her forearm, uncovering her body for my greedy eyes. She was wearing a simple dress perfectly cut in a way that seemed to move with her every step, accentuating her curves in such a way that made me want to uncover her and delight myself of her body. The burgundy color of the dress made her skin appear even more delicate and I wondered if some well-placed spanks could taint it a delicious pink.

  “I suppose my clothes have been delivered.’’

  “My housekeeper took care of everything. It’s in the dresser in the master bedroom.’’

  “I wouldn’t have expected anything less,’’ she bit back and discreetly shook her head. I could see the tension inhabiting her and I wondered how much was from sexual frustration and how much from her obvious disgust with me. It probably shouldn’t amuse me so much, but I couldn’t possibly help it.

  My days had been filled with work, business dinners and lunches and the occasional meetings with my parents and sister. It’s evident that women were a part of my life too, but none that would stay longer than a few hours on end. Lila brought something else to my life and I knew it’d change my day-to-day life. For starters, I wouldn’t spend an hour without toying with her in this apartment until she finally succumbed and let me have her to get her out of my system. I also wondered if marital sex would feel different in a way.

  “You’ll find your accommodations very satisfying.’’ I watched her body locking down at my tone of voice. I smirked at her and bent down to grab our suitcases once again. “Follow me. I’ll show you our bedroom.’’

  With a sigh for her only answer, I walked down the hall to a staircase spiraling up to lead to the bedrooms and the master bedroom. I transferred Lila’s suitcase to my other hand and quickly opened the white door to the bedroom. I walked in and heard Lila’s gasp upon seeing the room.

  I had been living in this apartment for the last three years and I was used to the place, but I remembered the first time I had seen this room and I understood my wife’s reaction. The walls were stark white and decorated with a few photographs in black and white featuring different views of the city seemingly at our feet. The huge windows were one wall made of glass and the green from Central Park contrasted wonderfully in the middle of the tall buildings. With the sun playing hide and seek between the clouds this morning, the light was almost eerie. The view was breathtaking and the first thing I always saw upon opening my eyes in the morning.

  The huge bed covered by a heavy blue comforter stood proudly with the sleek black headboard and the matching bedside tables on either side. The en-suite bathroom offered an Italian shower along with a gigantic tub, everything in light grey stones that reflected the colors of the city with its buildings.

  The walk-in closet on the other side of the bedroom was as big as a bedroom alone and offered enough space for both our wardrobes.

  All the while, I kept my eyes on Lila as she examined everything, her eyes now showing a bit more appreciation, but the tension in her remained.

  “Should I put your suitcase in the walk-in closet?’’

  “Yes, please,’’ she answered immediately.

  I walked to it, opened the door and put down her suitcase on the left side, her side. I did the same with mine on the right side and postponed the unpacking process, which was always something I disliked.

  Facing her again in the bedroom, I ignored the bed close by before my pants became uncomfortable. I was eager to resume toying with her, but right now there were things that needed to be discussed. “Let’s go back to the living room. We need to review a few things.’’

  She quietly nodded and followed me without a word; something I knew was very uncommon for her. It’s a surprise, but I missed her barbs that only turned me on furthermore.

  We sat on opposing couches facing each other. Only separated by the coffee table made of some exotic wood I couldn’t bother remembering the name of. I leaned back in the chocolate brown leather couch and crossed my legs at the ankle. I eyed her sitting straight, stare unwavering and mouth pursed. She was bracing herself and I felt oddly powerful being the one in charge here. That woman was so untamable that it only enhanced that impression.

  “As you know I’m a very busy man. I don’t always come home for dinner, I have many business lunches and dinners to attend to and I expect you to accompany me on those.’’

  “As expected of any well-respected wife,’’ she supplied with sarcasm so heavy I couldn’t have missed it even if I had been a clueless chap.

  “Precisely.’’ I traced my lower lip with a finger and watched her following the movement with her eyes. “You’ll tell Mrs. McCarthy, the housekeeper, what sort of food you’d like in the apartment. I’m not demanding as long as it’s healthy.’’

  “Do you expect me to cook?’’

  “No. You’re welcome to cook on Sundays if it’s for your enjoyment or any other day if you choose, but Georgia usually takes care of this. She’ll see with you the kind of meals you’d like.’’ I tapped on my lips with a finger, deep in thought as many things we needed to discuss ran through my head. “I bought a car for you if you want to drive around the city, but if you’d rather use a driver let me know and I’ll make arrangements. I’ll leave the car key and the key to the apartment on the console near the front door along with your credit card for your personal enjoyment. I expect you to frequently use it to renew your wardrobe whenever you deem it necessary.’’

  “Do I get an allowance for being your wife too?’’ she asked darkly. She crossed her arms and slightly tilted her head. Her thick hair flowing around her face moved smoothly, calling out my name to grab a fistful and draw her to me, to take her mouth and the rest of her.

  “You get all the advantages of being my wife, you mean. There are many advantages.’’

  One of her eyebrows quirked upward and disappeared behind her fringe. “Advantages.’’ The chuckle leaving her mouth raised my temper. It was so openly mocking that my hands clenched into fists in my lap in answer. “I wonder where that inflated ego comes from. You have money and an enjoyable social position, but tell me what else do you have. A cold heart? The will to have sex with as many good-looking women as possible? A manipulative strike?’’ She shook her head and glared at me while her mouth was still stretched into a cold smile. “None of those things are very appealing.’’


  I looked away from her and my eyes landed on the picture on one of the shelves. I couldn’t make out the details from the couch, but I knew every tiny detail, every flaw of the picture. It was the last one of me with my twin brother Max. It was taken a day before he died and every time I would look at that picture I felt the heaviness of his absence and the feeling that he’s still around somewhere. It was strange and always hurt to think of all the things I’ve done without him.

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “There are a few things I still need to oversee for work. I’ll be in my office. If you wish to leave the apartment, please advise me so.’’ I stood up and without waiting for her response, I left the living room to lock myself in my study made of black interior and a simple desk made of glass. I went directly to the office chair, sat and put my elbows on the desk to bring my head in my hands.

  ***

  LILA

  If I hadn't known anything regarding the tragedy that hit the Grimes family years ago, I wouldn’t have understood the sudden change in Mathis’ behavior. Actually, before now I didn’t know it was possible for him to change abruptly from being the same cold-hearted and manipulative man to someone cut deeply emotionally speaking. In that very brief moment between when his eyes fell to the picture I was now looking at featuring two young boys so alike I couldn’t see the difference and the moment he left for his study I saw a world of emotions go through him. So many gut wrenching emotions that even my heart squeezed tightly for my husband.

  I didn’t like him, but I couldn’t imagine how much losing his twin changed him and made him the man he was today, but I knew what it was like to lose someone. After seeing the color draining from his face and his eyes leaving behind a hardened shell, I wondered if I shouldn’t remember that he wasn’t the antichrist, but a man with flaws.

  I took off my shoes and let my toes sink in the lush beige carpet adorning the floor under the coffee table and the couch forming a ‘u’. My relieved sigh sounded loud in the vast quiet living room as the ache in my arches and toes dissipated.

  I took in the elegant room once again and it reflected exactly what I expected to find. Luxury without any personality, rendering the whole thing a bit colder than the color theme hinted at. Considering the man living here, I wasn’t surprised that there wasn’t much of anything personal adorning the furniture here and there. Because of this, or maybe it had more to do with my current situation, I couldn’t picture myself living here and even less with the man now my husband.

  Cold and unsure of what to do, I decided to go to the dressing room and grab a cardigan before I started to operate the universal remote that looked a lot more like a tablet than an actual remote.

  Slowly and without making a sound with my bare feet on the floor, I made my way down the hall leading to the stairs, but a room further back past the stairs, now open caught my attention. When Mathis had led me to the stairs, all the doors had been closed. My curiosity piqued, I padded over there and stopped on the threshold.

  Behind a desk made of glass and black metal bars, Mathis was sitting in a comfortable looking chair with his face in his big hands. The sleeves of his white dress shirt were rolled above his elbows, uncovering strong forearms and the veins that adorned them. His breathing was hard and coming out in a staccato that was painful to hear. His fingers were in his hair, his tense knuckles a stark white against his already pale skin.

  For a man who didn’t display a wide range of emotions, at that moment he could have knocked me down with the intensity of the emotions he was displaying.

  Quickly, I hid behind the wall but peeked inside. I couldn’t stop looking at him, couldn’t calm my hammering heart or the way my hands tingled strangely as if a part of me wanted to go in there to comfort him.

  What did this man hide behind his cold and manipulative exterior?

  LILA

  After spying on Mathis in his study I went back to the living room and sat on the couch to channel surf while my mind was going in all directions. I couldn’t erase the image of my husband from my head and in all honesty I didn’t really want to. To witness him being vulnerable, being human, made this whole ordeal slightly more bearable.

  As I watched a re-run of one of those popular TV series for teenagers, Mathis came back. My eyes glued to him immediately and I was amazed that there was no trace of his previous emotional breakdown. His face only showed stone cold resolution with his dark eyes intense and steady on me. His square jaw tense and his lips in a straight line. The sleeves of his dress shirt were still rolled over his arms, but my eyes soon strayed from the view of his strong forearms and the veins accentuating the masculine view. He was holding two packages with the Apple logo stamped on them. Without a word, he set the boxes on the coffee table and pushed them until they landed in front of me.

  “What’s that?’’ I asked and didn’t make a move to check them out even though it was obvious what they were.

  He sat down on the couch opposite me and gestured at the boxes. “I almost forgot that I purchased these for you a week ago. There’s an iPhone and a Macbook Air. I thought you could use these and I was told by Mrs. Stein that no women had a personal laptop or cell phone at Carter Manor. It wouldn’t be very practical now, would it?’’

  “Why does it feel like you’re tightening the leash around my neck?’’ I asked without making a move to check out the devices.

  I would lie if I claimed that owning a laptop and a smartphone didn’t make a part of me slightly giddy after spending years monitored whenever I used a phone or a computer, but the fact remained that a laptop and a cell phone made it all the more easy for my husband to check up on me and give me orders regarding my duties as his spouse.

  “Don’t be dramatic, Lila,’’ he retorted with a cold tone that chilled me and made me want to recoil. His dark eyes didn’t have that same spark in them, that wicked spark that was ever-present whenever he toyed with me. At that very moment, I only saw the cold man that made me crave the kind of freedom that meant being away from this life and everything tied to it, starting with Mathis Grimes. “It’s reasonable to need a way to get ahold of you. I have a lot more to do than checking up on what you’re doing at any given time.’’

  “Just so I know where my place is, will you warn me beforehand when you don’t come back for the night? I don’t mind either way, but I don’t want to make the wrong move and give ammunition to your social circle to gossip regarding the state of our marriage. It’d ruin the purpose of getting yourself a wife from Carter Manor.’’

  His frown started easing off before a thought seemed to hit him and he went back to scowling. He crossed his legs at the ankle and put a hand on top of his thigh while his other hand he used a finger to trace his lower lip in a move I now would forever and always associate with him. It never ceased to catch my attention and forced my eyes to fix on his mouth for the time it took my heart to beat three or four times.

  “You don’t have to wonder for now.’’

  It was my turn to frown at his cryptic answer. Before I betrayed my emotions and crossed my arms in a protective move, I leaned forward and as elegantly as I could while refraining my hand from trembling under his intense and watchful eyes, I took the iPhone box. I was surprised to find the packaging still intact. I was sure he’d already have it installed and put a spy app somewhere to better exert his control, but it seemed I truly mistook his intent here.

  “I suppose a thank you is in order.’’ I opened the box and after seeing the phone waiting for me, I looked up to find Mathis’ eyes still on me, watching me silently. He was probably already planning his next mind game while I was blindsided by my new toys.

  “It would be too painful for you, wouldn’t it?’’

  His voice, slightly lower and more gravelly than before, made the hair at the nape of my neck stand to attention. My mouth dried itself when my belly made it impossible for me to ignore the kind of effect he had on me without even trying. I disgusted myself.

  “You seem
to forget where I had spent the past four years. I’ve been taught to ignore my own emotions in situations such as this. I may not be fully ‘tamed’ as you put it, but I’m a lot more polished than you seem to believe.’’

  His smirk made a reappearance and with it the wicked dimple that accentuated the darkness in him I couldn’t miss lurking at the surface whenever he readied himself to play a game with me until he knew he had me bent out of shape and ready to lose the small amount of strength I had in me.

  “You’re polished with others, Lila. With me?’’ The chuckle that escaped his parted lips made me shiver. The humor didn’t reach his dark orbs as they held mine. “With me you’re not a perfect little doll with which I can do whatever I want. You’re fighting tooth and nail to give the impression of having the upper hand in this arrangement when we both know who has the power. Actually, right now you’re probably cursing me to Hell and back.’’

  “And you like that?’’

  He traced his lower lip again once and then traced it with his tongue slowly as his eyes devoured my face slowly, not missing a single inch. I didn’t move. “Who said I like it?’’ He stood up abruptly and didn’t try to hide the impressive bulge tenting his pants. In fact, he waited for me to get my fill until I let my eyes travel up until I locked eyes with his again. “We’re expected at six tonight at my parents’ for dinner. We will only be seeing my parents and my sister, but wear something elegant.’’ With a last nod he strode off without a look back.

  Finally, alone again I let myself lean back in the couch until I was fully sprawled. And then, my jaw fell open and I gaped in the direction my husband disappeared back to his office.

  I had no idea what went down or what he wouldn’t tell me but somehow I knew there were more meanings in his every word and being unable to grasp the meaning made the uncertainty of my situation all the more confusing.