I knew Brianna was going to come in and I was certain I didn’t want to talk to her, so I quietly unlocked the door and opened it. Kellan forced it open the rest of the way and stepped inside the bathroom.
“What’s wrong?” he asked when he saw my ashen face.
I looked up at Brianna and wanted her to leave. I closed the door behind him and said, “I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. Are you mad at me because I’m leaving? I swear I’m not leaving you and I’ll call and write…”
“It’s not that,” I said, looking down. I needed to know what was wrong with me, but I was afraid to tell him…I didn’t know how to tell him, explain…”
“Then, what?” he asked
“I um, I think…I’m sick…or something.”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“My um, my stomach hurts.”
“And?” he said, getting impatient with me.
“I’m…”
“You’re what?” he asked.
“I’m…” I couldn’t look at him, “I’m…bleeding.”
“Where?” he asked, looking me over.
I couldn’t say anything. When he asked me again where I was bleeding, I finally looked up at him and I started to shake.
“What’s wrong? Where are you bleed…? Oh, okay, I get it.”
“You get what?” I asked, wanting in on this big secret that he seemed to understand, but left me clueless.
“Maybe I should get Brianna for you,” he said nervously.
“NO! Am I sick?” I asked.
“Sick? No Abby, you’re not sick. Is this your first period?” he asked, looking away from me.
“Period?” I asked, having no clue.
“Yeah, is it your first one?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, God! I may have been able to buy you bras, but I can’t explain this…”
“Explain what?” I asked, irritated now.
“Nancy really pisses me off!” he shouted, and slammed his hand on the bathroom sink. He stopped shouting when he saw me starting to cry again. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you, just Nancy. She should have explained all of this to you. How the hell did she expect you to learn about…? She takes you out of health class, you have no friends and she’s never around…that Bitch!”
“Kellan!” I snapped. I had heard Nancy and Joe swear at us for years, and I hated it when Kellan swore. He was nothing like them, and I didn’t want to hear him use those words. “I’m sorry. Look, I’m going to go get Brianna…or her mother…for you.”
“No, I don’t want…just tell me. Am I going to be okay?” I asked.
He touched my cheek and said, “Yeah, you’re fine. It’s just…it’s normal…for girls…oh, I can’t explain this to you. Trust me, it’ll be better if Brianna or her mother explains…”
“Kellan, please, you’re my only friend. Please don’t ask a stranger to tell me what’s wrong with me,” I pleaded.
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Abby. It’s just your period…”
“Period?” I asked again.
“Oh, God. Every month now…you’ll…bleed, like this.” He looked away.
“Every month?” I asked, not looking forward to that.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. Something about being able to have babies…or something. I don’t know. I didn’t pay that close attention in health class. But, I know you’ll have it…every month from now on…until you’re like 50 or 60 and it stops again.”
“Why?” I pressed, confused.
“I told you, it has to do with being a woman. Now you can get pregnant…or something like that…I don’t know, Abby. I’m not an expert on this. I’m a guy, we don’t have periods.”
I sat down on the toilet seat and said, “So, what do I do?”
“Nothing…it’ll stop on its own in a few days, I guess.”
“I mean about…I mean, now? What do I do about it, now?”
“What?”
“It’s…gross!” I said, feeling uncomfortable wearing bloody panties and wadded up toilet paper.
“Oh, um…I guess you need some…tampons…or something. Oh, Abby, please just let me get Brianna for you…please?” he begged. “She’ll give you what you need and then we’ll stop and buy whatever she says on the way home, okay?” he asked.
I knew he was almost as embarrassed as I was. And, I knew I couldn’t stay in the bathroom until the bleeding stopped, so I finally nodded okay.
He walked out of the bathroom and was gone for a few minutes. I paced the confines of the bathroom, waiting for help from the one person I really didn’t like. Finally, I heard a soft knock on the bathroom door.
“Hi. Can I come in?” Brianna asked softly.
“Yeah, I guess so.” I was so embarrassed, but I knew I needed help, so I stood back. “Um, actually, why don’t we go to my bathroom, okay? Follow me.”
I followed quietly behind her, looking down as I passed by Kellan, still mortified. She took me into her pretty sunshine yellow bathroom and told me to sit down on the edge of the bathtub. I did as she asked and sighed, waiting for words of wisdom from the girl who was stealing the only friend I had, the only person in the world I loved.
She opened the cupboard under the sink and rummaged around for a few minutes, “I was sure I had some pads down here. I could have sworn I didn’t use them all.”
“Pads?” I asked, finding my voice.
“Yeah, maxi pads. I use tampons now, but I think you’ll be more comfortable using pads to start. A-ha, I found them.” She pulled a box out from under the sink and walked over to me. “This should do it. You can take them with you. I don’t use these anymore.”
“You don’t have…periods anymore?” I asked.
“Oh yeah, all girls do. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s your first one, so you may not even have another one for a few months. Or, you may not be so lucky. But, once they’re regular, you’ll have a period about every 28 days and it’ll last about five days.”
“Why?”
“It’s Mother Nature’s curse on us girls,” she giggled.
I wasn’t amused.
“Look, I know you don’t like me, and I know you think I’m trying to steal Kellan from you, but I’m not. I love him. I’m not making him go to Yale. He got in because he’s so smart and he deserved it. I’m just following him. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but my Daddy bought my way in. I’m not as smart as Kellan, but I want to go…with him. We’ll come back and visit…a lot, I promise. My dad will fly us back all the time. I don’t want to keep him from you, really. I just want to be with him, too. Okay? Can we be friends, now? You’ll always be his little sister, he won’t forget about you. He loves you too much.”
“But I’m not really his sister.”
“In his eyes, you are. He couldn’t love you more if you were blood related. I promise I won’t ever stand in the way of your relationship with Kellan, okay?”
She was being so nice…she was nice. She was pretty and sweet, just the kind of girl Kellan deserved…but I still hated her. I couldn’t help it. I tried to like her, and even though she helped me with my current problem, and promised not to keep Kellan from me, I couldn’t find it in my heart to forgive her. But, I loved Kellan, and I wasn’t going to hurt him by being mean to his girlfriend, so I said, “Okay. And, thank you for the pads.”
“You’re welcome. If you have any other questions…you know, girl stuff, you can always ask me.”
“I’m okay now, thanks.”
“Okay. Then let’s go have some lunch,” she smiled. “Oh, I guess I should give you a minute. Um, the pads have tape on the bottom.” She opened the box and handed me a pad, showing me where to take off the paper and then said, “So, you just press it to your panties and change it whenever you need to. I should give you some panty liners too, for lighter days. I’ll get you some things, okay?”
“It’s okay. Kellan said
he would.”
“I don’t think he’ll know what to buy. I don’t mind, really.”
She was being nice again, and it made me feel worse about not liking her. But, I just couldn’t like the person who was stealing Kellan from me, even if she wasn’t the reason he was leaving. “Okay, whatever. Thanks.”
I cleaned myself up and we sat down to eat lunch. It was really good, even though I had no idea what I was eating. They had a lot of money, a maid, a cook and a few other people running around doing this or that. I still couldn’t bring myself to look at Kellan and I didn’t want to look at Brianna, so I spent the entire meal looking down at my food.
Brianna’s father and mother were very nice to me, asking me how I liked school, and what my plans were for the rest of the summer. “I don’t have any plans for the summer. I guess I just want to hang out with Kellan until…he leaves,” I said sadly.
I knew Kellan felt bad about leaving me, and I regretted the words the second they left my mouth. Things were quiet after that and finally it was time for us to go home.
Kellan and I walked home together, neither of us saying much of anything. I was still completely embarrassed about the whole bleeding thing and I knew he felt guilty for leaving me with the Filbert’s. The silence was deafening until we walked in the house and were met with glares from Nancy and Joe.
“Where the hell have you two been?” Nancy shouted.
“We were out. Where the hell have you been?” Kellan shouted, no longer afraid of them.
“That’s none of your business,” Joe shot back.
“I know where you were…Vegas. You were out spending our money gambling. Just like always.”
Nancy looked at me and said, “New clothes? Where did you find the money for those…or did you steal them?” she accused.
“Abby wouldn’t steal a penny…she’s nothing like you! You steal every penny the state gives you for us. What are you going to do when they no longer pay you for me? Take in another foster kid?”
“Maybe we will. And, maybe that one will treat us with the respect we deserve.”
“Respect?” Kellan laughed.
“We give you brats a place to live, clothes, food…”
“You didn’t give us anything. When was the last time you bought groceries around here? Abby’s clothes were threadbare, yet you seem to always have new shoes and clothes. You eat out all the time, leaving us here to fend for ourselves. I’m leaving soon, and so help me, I’m going to turn you both in for child neglect the second I turn 18. You won’t treat Abby like this anymore! I’m going to see to it!” Kellan shouted and headed to his room without another word.
“You’ll do no such thing, because if you do, we’ll make her life a living hell!” Nancy shouted.
“It already is…but it won’t be!” he said, glaring at her from down the hall, those blue eyes like black daggers once again, daring her to argue with him.
She didn’t say anything; she just stormed off to her room. Joe turned to me and said, “I don’t know why she wanted you.”
“She didn’t. She wanted the money, nothing more,” I said, once again finding my voice. “Why are you home so soon? Gamble it all away…again?” I snapped which brought me a hard slap to the cheek.
They had abused us in many ways…but they had never been physical…until that moment. I stared up at him and he dared me with his eyes to yell for Kellan, and then he said it out loud; “Go ahead, call him. You can watch while I beat the hell out of him. He may be as tall as me now, but he’s still a kid. Trust me; he’s no match for me.”
I put my hand to my hot cheek and walked away. I slammed my door and threw myself on my bed. I’d had more than enough stress that day…but through it all, I knew, without a doubt that Kellan’s imminent departure was by far, worse than anything Nancy or Joe could do to me, and worse than the bleeding…which I still didn’t understand. I spent the rest of the night crying, knowing I was losing the only friend I had or ever would have. My heart was shattered, but I refused to let him know, so I kept my sobs to myself, crying into my pillow. It was soaking wet by morning, but I sat up in bed and told myself I needed to be strong and not make it any harder for Kellan. I was suddenly glad he was getting out. I was worried that Joe would make due on his promise, and I couldn’t bear it!
ALL ALONE
Today’s the day. I’m losing my best friend, and even though I told myself to be strong for Kellan, I woke up and immediately started sobbing. I heard a soft knock on my door and knew it was him. I wiped my eyes, trying to appear brave, but he saw through me the second he walked into my room and sat down next to me.
“I swear I’ll be back to see you soon. I’m not leaving you, Abby. Please understand that I have to go. You do, don’t you?”
“Yes, I understand. I’m just going to miss you.”
“I’ll miss you, too. You have all of the numbers to get a hold of me, right?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“I’ll give you the house number as soon as it’s connected. You promise to call me if they give you any grief, okay?”
“I will, I promise. They won’t bother me, Kellan. I told you, I was here before you were, I’ll be fine.”
“I um, I got you something. Open it after I leave, okay?”
“What is it?”
“It’s a book. It’s about…well, it’s something I think you should read. Don’t be mad at me, just promise me you’ll read it…all of it, okay?”
“I will. You know I love to read.”
“Yeah, but it’s not a mystery. It’s more…non-fiction.”
“Okay…?”
“Just promise me that you’ll read it, okay?” he said again.
“Okay. Thank you.”
He set the wrapped book on my bed and said, “So, are you going to go to the airport with me?”
“How will I get back?” I asked, wishing I could go.
“Brianna’s parents said they’d bring you back. They also said that if you have any problems that you can call them. I left their number for you, too. I mean it, if you get scared or anything, you call them. Promise me!”
“Yeah, okay. I’ll be fine, Kellan. Go and enjoy your new life.”
I did it, I was brave. I promised myself I wasn’t going to make a scene when Kellan left and I forced myself to stay dry-eyed as he hugged me goodbye and boarded his plane. I refused to leave until I could no longer see the plane but then I could no longer contain my tears. I sobbed all the way home, in the back of the Benson’s car. Brianna’s parents were very kind, and they both tried to console me, but it was no use. I was a basket case. I was still sobbing as I stepped out of their fancy car, but I refused to let them come inside, worried that Nancy or Joe might make an appearance and make things worse.
“Please don’t tell him I was such a baby!” I pleaded with Brianna’s mother next to the car.
“You’re not being a baby. He’s important to you. He loves you very much. I know you’re going to miss him. He’s going to miss you, too. But, they’ll be back to visit in a few months. You have our number, right?” Mrs. Benson asked.
“Y…yes,” I stammered.
“Okay. You call if you need anything, okay?”
I nodded and walked into the house, ran down the hall and threw myself onto my bed. I stayed there for three days.
Nancy and Joe never once checked on me and they not only refused to say goodbye to Kellan, they simply acted like he never existed. I hated them for that. For years they played him up as my ‘big brother,’ and now, they wouldn’t even acknowledge his existence.
It had been four days, and I still hadn’t heard from Kellan. He promised to call me the first night, but he didn’t. And, after three more nights, I was beginning to worry that something was wrong or that he’d forgotten about me. I couldn’t call him because he didn’t have a home phone yet and he hadn’t started school, so I couldn’t call him there. I was worried.
I paced my room, day in and day out, waiting for his
call and finally I couldn’t stand it anymore and I started to go to Brianna’s house to see if they had heard from them. I only made it halfway, because suddenly their big black car pulled up next to me and Mrs. Benson rolled down the window, waving me over.
“You’re just the young lady I wanted to see. Kellan’s very worried about you. Why won’t you answer the phone?”
“He hasn’t called. I was just coming over to your house to see if you’ve heard from him.”
“Honey, he’s called non-stop. It just keeps ringing.”
“I don’t understand. The phone’s working, I’ve answered it every time it rang, thinking it would be him, but it’s always someone asking for a Trevor something or other.”
“Well, he asked us to give this to you,” she said, handing me a cell phone.
“I can’t take that,” I said, not wanting to accept a gift from them, even if it meant I could talk to Kellan.
“It’s not from us honey, it’s from Kellan. He paid for it…he got it for you. He thinks your foster parents changed their telephone number,” she said sadly.
I sighed, it all made sense then. “Oh, thank you,” I said, graciously accepting the phone.
“We programmed his number, Brianna’s cell phone number and our numbers into the phone, so you can always get a hold of one of us…just in case,” she smiled.
“Thank you.”
I turned back and started to walk back to the house and Mrs. Benson said, “Would you like a ride?”
“No, thank you. I think I’ll walk.”
“Okay. Give him a call…just press number one and send…”
“Thanks…again.”
“Abby! Oh, thank God! Are you okay?” Kellan asked, frantic.
“I’m okay. I guess they changed the phone number…and forgot to tell me.”
“Yeah, well, don’t let them find your cell phone, okay?”
“I won’t,” I promised.
We talked for a while. It was so good to hear his voice, but it made me miss him even more. “Do you like it there?”
“Yeah, it’s great. We’re um, we’re getting things together. The house is great and it’s right around the corner from school. How are you doing? Have you made any friends?”
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