“Yeah, I know.” I was feeling strange around him suddenly. I blushed as he towered over me and reached down to brush the hair out of my eyes.
He sighed and said, “So, how’s Kellan?” and he sat back down on the edge of his bed.
“I um, I don’t know. He didn’t answer. I left a message. My um, foster parents, changed our phone number, again.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. It has something to do with Nancy and Kellan. She hates him for some reason, and he hates her…for so many reasons.”
“Hmm. Well, keep the phone for as long as you need it. I really don’t use it much. No one to call.” I think that was his way of saying he missed talking to me.
“Okay. Thanks. I guess I should probably get home, now.”
“Can I walk you home? No strings attached, I promise. Just friends.”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
He smiled at me and we headed out the door together. He walked me home and chatted about nothing in particular. By the time we got to my house, it felt like old times. We were laughing and joking with each other. We said our goodbyes and he asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with him the next day. “Just as a friend. My treat,” he smiled.
“Sounds like a date, Tyler.”
“I only said ‘my treat’ because I know you don’t have a lot of cash.”
“I can pay for a movie. I’d love to go. I need to get out of here,” I smiled.
“Great, it’s a da…I’ll see you tomorrow,” he laughed.
I paced my room, waiting for Nancy and Joe to leave the house so I could call Kellan. I felt horrible for being so mean during our last conversation. I missed him so much. I realized I needed him to understand why I was so upset about his ‘job,’ and I knew the only way he would understand was if I told him. I knew he still thought of me as a kid, but I was growing up and I knew what I was feeling for him was nothing like what a sister felt for a brother. And, as soon as Nancy and Joe left the house, I pulled out Tyler’s phone and quickly dialed Kellan’s number to tell him the truth…before I lost my nerve.
“Abby?”
“Hi. Yeah, it’s me. Nancy found my phone. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I knew it would happen. I’ll send you another one, okay?”
“Okay. How are you? I’m really sorry about the other night. I didn’t mean…”
“I know. It’s okay. I’m glad you understand…”
“I don’t understand, but I guess you had to do what you had to do. I just, I um,” I took a deep breath and said, “I love you, and I can’t stand to think of you…with anyone,” I sighed, relieved that I finally told him how I really felt about him.
“I love you, too, Abby. We’ll always be friends, and I’ll always be there for you…”
“No, Kellan. I don’t love you…like a friend. I’m in love…with you. I have been for a long time.”
The other end of the phone was silent. I knew he was surprised, although, he really shouldn’t have been. I had never been able to hide my feelings for him.
Finally, he said, “Abby, I’m flattered, really. But, we’re friends…nothing more. I told you that I’d always be there for you, and I meant it. But I don’t think of you…like that.”
“I’m growing up, Kellan. I’m not that little girl, anymore. And, we’re not related. Some day you’re going to have to stop thinking of me as your little sister. I know you don’t feel that way for me now, but I’m going to change your mind,” I said with conviction, more than I felt.
“Abby, like I said, I’m flattered, but you’ll always be my little sister,” he sighed because he knew he was going to hurt me, “…and nothing more.”
“I know you think I’m still that little girl you bought training bras for, but I’m not…”
“Abby, STOP! I don’t want to hurt you, but you have to listen to me. You will always be that little girl to me. I could never think of you as anything more. It’s just a crush, believe me. You’ll find the right guy, you will.”
“I did find the right guy,” I said, my voice quivering.
“It’s not me. It never will be. I’m sorry, but I won’t lie to you. I love you, I do, but not like you want me to, or you think you want me to.”
“I’ll change your mind…when you come home,” I cried.
“I um, I’m not coming home, Abby. This is my home, now. I will visit, when I can. But, there’s nothing in L.A. for me.”
I was crushed…and heart broken. I couldn’t find my voice. Finally, I whispered, “I’m here.”
“Oh, Abby, I didn’t mean…” he sighed again. “Look, I told you that I’d always be there for you, and I meant it. When you’re older, you’ll understand. Maybe when you’re 18, you can come visit me here. You’ll love it. It’s beautiful.”
“I thought you didn’t like it there, that you were only there to finish school?” I sniffled, trying not to break down on the phone.
“I’ve um, I’ve changed my mind.”
“Are you just saying that to stay away…from me, now?” I cried.
“No, of course not. Look, I know you think you love…”
“I don’t think I love you, Kellan, I know I love you. I always will,” I admitted unashamedly.
“You’ll change your mind, and you’ll find someone better than me…someone who deserves a girl as wonderful as you. I better go, Abby. I have some work to do,” he said softly, knowing he broke my heart.
“What kind of work?” I asked, crying openly now.
“Abby, please don’t cry. I’m sorry, I really am. I do love you, and I always will. Just, please understand…”
I hung up the phone and threw myself down on my bed. I cried all night, and into the next morning. Kellan repeatedly called me back, but I finally shut off the phone and continued to cry well into the afternoon.
It was almost four o’clock and I forced myself to get up to relieve myself when I heard pounding on the front door.
“Abby! Abby, are you okay?” Tyler yelled through the front door.
I looked through the ratty curtains and ignored him for a few minutes. He wasn’t giving up, however, and he kept yelling for me and turning the door knob. “I know you’re in there. You stood me up. Open the door, please?” he begged.
I knew he was as stubborn as I was, so I finally opened the door.
“Are you okay?” he asked, looking very worried.
“I um, I don’t feel well. Can we do the movie some other time?” I asked, trying to keep my tears at bay and my red, swollen eyes out of his view.
“He’s sorry, Abby. He didn’t mean to hurt you. You should call him, he’s very worried about you…we both are.”
“What?” I asked, finally facing him.
“Kellan called me. He’s been calling you non-stop, but you shut off the phone.”
“He called you?” I asked.
“Yeah, he called my house. He’s really worried. He said to tell you he was sorry and that nothing’s changed. He still loves you.”
This only made me cry harder and I ran to my room and threw myself down on my bed.
Tyler stood in my doorway, afraid to cross the threshold, but worried about me nonetheless. “Abby, can I come in, please?” he asked.
“No, go away.”
He ignored my pleas and slowly made his way to my bed and sat down next to me. “I’m sorry, Abby. I’m so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I wish I could say something to make you feel better,” he said and gently touched my back.
“You can’t. Just leave, please. He doesn’t…love me…he doesn’t…want me…”
“He does love you, Abby. Just not like you want him too…not like I do.”
I was too upset to talk to him just then, but he stayed and rubbed my back while I cried. I must have cried for over an hour, because before I knew it, the room was getting dark. I knew it was time to get up and do…something, I just didn’t know what. I finally sat up at the side of the bed and wiped my eyes. I took a few deep breaths and looke
d over at Tyler. He was so nice to me, much nicer than I deserved.
“Thank you for staying with me, you didn’t have to.”
“Yes I did. What was I supposed to do, leave you here suffering all alone? Abby, it’s going to be okay, really. It’s not like you lost him. He’s still the same person he’s always been. He still loves you. Nothing’s really changed, has it?” he asked me softly, carefully.
I thought about what he said and realized he was right. Nothing had changed, and although I wanted things to change…or move forward with Kellan, Tyler was right that I hadn’t lost him, that he still loved me…even if it was like a little sister. “I guess being his little sister is better than not having him in my life at all, isn’t it?”
Tyler touched my cheek and smiled, “Yeah. So, why don’t you call him, I’m sure he’s worried himself sick. He needs to hear that you’re alright. I’ll wait in the living room.”
“No, it’s okay. There’s nothing you can’t hear…besides, it is your phone,” I gave him a half smile.
“Now, that’s the Abby I know.”
I reached under my pillow and turned the cell phone back on. I started to dial Kellan’s number, but it rang before I could dial the first number.
“Abby! Oh, thank God. Why haven’t you answered your phone? I’ve been worried sick. Are you okay?”
I looked up at Tyler and smiled. I whispered, “You were right, he worried himself sick.”
He simply nodded.
“I’m fine. I’m sorry I worried you. I shut off my phone.”
He sighed and said, “Don’t ever do that to me again, you got it?”
“Yeah, I got it. I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you what you wanted to hear…earlier. You have to understand…”
“I do. It’s okay, Kellan, really. I’m fine. You’re right, it was just a silly girl crush,” I said, forcing the words through my lips, even though I knew that it was the first time I had actually lied to him.
“Abby, I didn’t say that. I know you think you feel more for me than you do, but you’ll realize one day that I’m not the right one for you. You deserve so much better.”
“There is no one better. But, I understand, and I won’t bother you with it again. Can we please just go back to the way it was?” I asked and then looked over at Tyler, knowing those were the exact words he’d said to me earlier.
“Sounds great. Did Tyler find you, or did you just call?”
“He found me.”
“Okay. Tell him thanks…and I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“Okay.”
We hung up and I think Kellan was almost as grateful as I was to have that conversation behind us. I smiled up at Tyler and said, “So, are you still up for that movie?”
“Yeah, sounds great,” he smiled and reached for my hand to help me up.
TYLER
The next few weeks were still strained between Kellan and me, but it was getting better all the time. Each time we talked it was more like old times. I still loved him, and I knew I always would. But, I knew that he didn’t feel the same about me, so I forced myself to move on.
“Hey Abby, I um, I was wondering if you had a date for prom?” Justin Copeland asked me. I was stunned. He was the quarterback of our varsity football team, and he was dating the head cheerleader Victoria Jefferson.
“I um, I hadn’t planned on going. Aren’t you going with Victoria?”
“We broke up…I figured that you knew. It was all over the school three seconds after it happened.” He wasn’t trying to sound self-important; he just knew how fast news traveled through a high school. As far as good looking jocks go, he seemed to be a really nice guy, and I was flattered.
Tyler stood there, looking like he wanted to kill Justin. We had grown a lot closer since the incident with Kellan and as I looked into his eyes, I knew he wanted to ask me to go with him. And, even though I swore to myself that I’d never go to another stupid dance, I found myself volunteering to be Tyler’s date.
“I um, I appreciate the offer, really, but um, I kind of already have a date, I think.”
“Oh, I should have known. He’s a lucky guy.” He smiled at me and slowly walked away. I knew he’d have no problem finding a date, so I didn’t feel too bad in turning him down.
Tyler walked me to my next class, as usual, but this time he didn’t utter a word.
“You’re really quiet. I think that’s the quietest you’ve ever been since the day I met you,” I said, smiling up at this now, very tall, very handsome senior.
“I guess I just don’t have anything to say.”
I knew he was fretting over what I told Justin, but I wasn’t sure how to tell him that I’d be his date…if he still wanted me to.
He handed me my books and then started to walk away. He took two steps and then turned back to me suddenly. “Who is he?” he asked, blocking the doorway as other kids were trying to get into the room before the bell rang.
“Who’s who?” I asked.
“Mr. Wills, don’t you have a class now?” Señor Marquez said to Tyler and pointed down the hall.
He nodded and said, “I’ll um, I’ll see you later.”
I started to head out the door, but Señor Marquez had other plans and blocked my path. I sighed and sat down at the table and pulled out my Spanish book.
We didn’t see each other for two more periods and then it was finally lunch. Like usual, Tyler met me at my locker and we headed to the cafeteria together. But, once again, he was quiet.
Finally, when I could no longer stand the silence, I said, “Tyler, what’s wrong? Are you angry about the prom?”
He was trying desperately to keep his temper in check, but he finally shouted, “Who are you going to prom with?”
Before I could answer, he continued, “I mean, I know you don’t really want to date, but I thought we were good friends…and friends tell each other if they’re going to the prom…with someone else,” he said, ending on a quiet note, angry and embarrassed over his sudden outburst.
“Tyler, I um, I just thought that…you’d like to ask me, but you hadn’t had time, yet.”
He sat down next to me and said, “You mean, you’d go…with me?”
“Why not?”
“Well, after the last dance, when you didn’t have any fun, I thought…”
“I had fun with you. I just felt out of place. You’re a senior, and you should go to prom.”
“So, you’re just volunteering because you think I should go?”
“No, I’d like to go with you…be your date,” I said softly, looking up at him slowly.
“Date? But, you don’t date,” he said.
“I um, I think that’s kind of what we’ve been doing, isn’t it?” I blushed.
“I don’t know, I didn’t think you felt that way about me. I know you still…have feelings for Kellan.”
“He doesn’t love me like that. It’s time I moved on. You’re a great guy, Tyler. Any girl would be lucky to go to prom with you. So, do I need to buy a dress, or what?” I smiled.
“Hell, yes!” he smiled from ear to ear. “Sorry, I know you don’t like swearing,” he said looking contrite which made me laugh at him.
Tyler was obviously excited about the prom, and he couldn’t sit still, so I finally sent him to get a couple of milk’s from the lunch line. While he was gone, Braydon Thomas walked up to me and said, “Hi Abby. I was um, just wondering if you would like to go to prom with me?”
Tyler was standing right behind him and stopped when he heard one of the most popular guys in school ask me to the prom. He looked like he thought I might actually say yes, even though, not five minutes before I said I’d go with him. I knew I had put him through a lot over the last year and a half and I guess I felt I owed him and I knew he was a great guy. He was wonderful, and even though quite a few guys had asked me to go with them, I knew just as many girls had asked Tyler to go with them.
I kne
w I had been foolish to almost let this great guy slip away, so I took a deep breath and said, “I’m sorry, Braydon, but I’m going…with my boyfriend, Tyler.”
“Oh, I just thought…it’s okay. I didn’t know you guys were an official couple. Well, then I guess I’ll see you there. I’m sure you’ll be easy to spot as the most beautiful girl there.”
“That’s nice of you to say. Thanks.”
“Just telling it like it is. I hope Tyler knows how lucky he is,” he smiled.
“Trust me, he does,” Tyler said from directly behind Braydon.
Braydon turned around and said, “If um, you ever need someone to take her off your hands…you know who to call.”
Tyler stared at me, ignoring Braydon’s comment. When we were finally sitting alone at the table, Tyler said, “Was I dreaming, or did you call me your boyfriend?” He hadn’t touched his food or drink; he was just sitting there, staring at me.
“What else should I call you? Look, I’m not really…ready for…anything, but I do know that I care about you. I want to be with you, go places together, laugh with you. You make me happy, and if you still feel the same way for me, then yes, I’d be proud to be your girlfriend.”
He looked at me and I could tell he wanted to kiss me, but he knew I wasn’t ready for that. Besides, we were in the school cafeteria which was certainly no place for a first kiss. He didn’t say anything; he just pulled me close and hugged me. He rested his chin on the top of my head and I could feel his heart pounding as I leaned in and rested my head on his chest.
Tyler walked me home from school that day and as he stood on my porch, he couldn’t stop smiling.
“I should probably go in, now,” I smiled back.
“Yeah, okay. Um, so I guess we should probably go shopping for a dress this weekend.”
“We?” I grinned.
“Well, yeah, I mean, if you want.”
“I thought you weren’t supposed to see the dress until prom. Aren’t we just supposed to choose a color so we sort of…match?”
“Yeah, but I know Nancy won’t take you shopping, so…”
“I’m a big girl. I think I can buy a dress on my own,” I grinned.
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