“I guess I should take you home, now. We have to go back to school tomorrow, so you’ll have to be up early. I’ll pick you up, okay?” he asked as he drove me back to my house.
“Um, yeah. That’s fine.”
He walked me inside and said, “Are your foster parents ever home?”
“They should be home soon, I think. I never try to guess. They both work weird shifts and they go to Las Vegas a lot. I’ve learned not to question it.”
“But, you’re always alone…well, since Kellan left, anyway.”
“I was pretty much alone then, too, what with all his girlfriends.”
“Yeah, he was pretty popular, especially with the girls. I remember him when I was a freshman and he was a senior. I thought he had it all, and he did,” he looked at me, and added, “I guess he still does.”
“And now you’re a senior. I wish I was,” I sighed, knowing I still had over a year left before I could leave and be with Kellan. I ignored his comment, however, not wanting to get into it now that we were alone. I didn’t think Tyler would hurt me, but I promised Kellan I wouldn’t break up with him when we were alone.
“You only have one year left. You’ve made it this far, you can make it one more year. And then, we can go off to college together.”
“I thought you were going to go to one of the colleges here?”
“I am, until you can go to a university with me.”
“So, you’re staying here because of me?”
“Just for one year. Then, I thought we’d go to Seattle Pacific University.”
“Really? And, you just decided this?”
“I thought you’d want to go. It’ll be a long way from Nancy and Joe,” he grinned.
“And even further from Kellan,” I said, somewhat irritated that he had planned my future without even consulting me. I immediately felt bad for my comment, because I still hadn’t been honest with him…and he deserved the truth.
“That’s not…well, I won’t lie, the thought did cross my mind, but I just figured that since you didn’t have…I mean, since you’re alone…that you would want to be with me. My grandmother lives in Washington, it’s beautiful.”
“I’m not alone, Tyler. I know you mean well, but I don’t really want to go to Washington.”
“Oh, okay. I’m sorry. I guess I should have asked you first. It’s fine, we’ll stay here. L.A. has a lot of great universities.”
“I’ll see you in the morning. Thanks for dinner…and everything,” I said, ready for him to leave, but dreading my up and coming phone call with Kellan. I had all day to tell him, and I blew it. I knew Kellan was going to be angry, but I couldn’t help it.
“I’m sorry, Abby. We can go to a university in Connecticut…if you want. I don’t think I can get into Yale, but they have other schools there. I don’t have a problem with Kellan anymore. I know he’s a part of your life, I get it. I know you…love him.”
“Tyler, please understand…Kellan and I…we um, we’ve been through a lot together. My parents died, which is awful. But his mother left him…walked away. My parents loved me and it killed me when they died. But, how do you think he felt? She didn’t want him, and he doesn’t even know who his father is. You can’t ask me to leave him, too.”
“I’m not asking you to leave him. I’m sorry. I should’ve asked you first.”
“He’s um, he’s going to call…soon. It’s getting late.”
“Okay, but before I go, can I at least have a goodnight kiss, please?”
“Yeah, okay.”
He leaned down and started to kiss me and said, “You’re not going to tell Kellan about this, are you?” he smiled and closed the gap.
I let him kiss me, knowing Kellan would be calling soon. I closed my eyes and focused on Kellan’s up and coming call and once again got caught up in the kiss. I moaned softly, and pulled him to me, kissing him hard. I was kissing Kellan and looking forward to our summer together…I was kissing Kellan…I was so happy...I was kissing Kellan…but, I wasn’t kissing Kellan, it was Tyler and I had to stop.
I pulled away and turned bright red once again, embarrassed.
“Abby, you’re driving me crazy. All day you’ve been kind of distant, like you had to tell me something, but couldn’t. I’ve been a wreck ever since Kellan came home and even worse since he’s been gone. But, when you kiss me like that, I know you love me.”
Could I feel any worse? I faced the wall and wiped away a stray tear. I was right, he did know and I had just convinced him otherwise, and now it was going to be all the more difficult on him.
I knew it was time. It didn’t matter that we were alone, he had to know. I didn’t want him to see my tears, so I said, “I have to go to the bathroom. I um, I think we need to talk. Will you wait for me?” I said, trying to steady my voice.
“Yeah, sure.”
I nodded and walked down the hall. I dropped my keys and phone on my nightstand and headed into my bathroom to wash my face. I used the restroom, washed my hands and face and dried off. I looked into the mirror and knew I was about to break his heart…but I told the terrified girl in the mirror that it was the right thing to do.
I took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom. “Tyler…”
He was sitting on the edge of my bed holding my phone. When he looked up at me, his face was pale white. “You um…you got a text…”
I started shaking, wondering what Kellan had said in the text. From the look on Tyler’s face, it couldn’t be good.
I took a deep breath and asked, “Wh…what did he say?”
“I didn’t mean to read it. It was about to vibrate off your dresser, so I picked it up.”
“Tyler, what did he say?” I asked. I knew it was bad, I could actually feel the pain emanating from him.
He swallowed hard, “Um, he said:
How did Tyler take it? Are you ok? Please
tell me you didn’t tell him everything?
Call me when you get in.
He didn’t say anything else. He dropped the phone on my bed and waited for me to say something...anything.
“Tyler, I don’t know what to say.”
“How did I take what Abby? And what’s everything?”
“I tried to tell you. I’ve been trying to tell you. I just…I just couldn’t find the words. I didn’t want to hurt you,” I said, knowing that he was hurt even worse now.
“Tell me what?” he asked.
“I um, I think you know. I think you’ve known all along,” I said, glancing up at him as a tear slid down my cheek.
“I need to hear it from you,” he ordered.
“Tyler, please…”
“No, it has to be from you.” He picked up my phone and threw it across the room. “I guess he won’t be bothering us for the moment, will he?”
“Tyler, please. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
“You still haven’t said it!” He stood up and towered over me.
“What do you want me to say? You know I love him. I’ve never denied my feelings for him.”
“Say it, I need to hear it from you. I heard it from him, now you tell me to my face.”
I sighed and wiped away my tears. He was right, he deserved to hear it from me. “Tyler, I um, I’m breaking up with you…I’m so sorry. You deserve…”
“Stop! I heard you. It’s over, I get it.” He stood up and started to walk to the door.
“Are you okay?” I asked, knowing it was a stupid question, and much too soon.
He stopped at my doorway and said, “Just tell me one thing, and please don’t lie.”
“Okay,” I said, dreading his question.
“Did you sleep with him?”
“No. I swear it. He’s never touched me.”
“But, he’s going to, isn’t he?”
“Tyler…”
“That’s the ‘everything’ I’m not supposed to know about, isn’t it?” he asked. He turned back toward me and said, “I need to know
, Abby.”
“Yes,” I whispered, knowing it was killing him.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I tried, I just didn’t want to hurt you,” I said and looked up at him with tear-filled eyes.
“When?”
“When, what?” I asked, confused.
“When are you going to…sleep with him, if you really haven’t already?”
“Tyler, please don’t do this…”
“WHEN?” he shouted.
“This summer,” I whispered.
“Seven weeks?” he asked, turning back to face me.
I looked up at him and nodded.
“Goodbye, Abby.”
“Tyler…I’m so sorry,” I cried and ran to him.
“No, you’re not. You got what you wanted…or you will in seven weeks. What I don’t understand is, if you knew you were breaking up with me, why did you kiss me…like that?”
I looked away, ashamed. I didn’t know how to answer his question.
He walked over to me and lifted my chin. He must have seen the guilt in my eyes, because he said, “You weren’t kissing me, were you? Tonight, that night at the restaurant and that night on your porch…you were kissing him.”
“I don’t know what to say,” I said, through tears.
“I loved you…I still love you. I’ve always been there. How could you do this to me?”
“I’m sorry. I can’t help who I love any more than you can.”
I could see the pain turning to anger and suddenly he grabbed my arms and kissed me hard. I pulled away, or tried to, but he was strong. He finally pulled back and said, “Tonight was supposed to be our night. And, if it was so easy imagining you were kissing Kellan, then maybe you can imagine sleeping with him, too,” he said and pulled me to him tighter.
“Tyler, stop! Stop it!” I said while turning my head this way and that to resist him.
“Why? You promised me. You said you’d make it up to me…tonight.”
“Tyler, please let go, you’re hurting me.”
“Why can’t you love me? It’s supposed to be me!” He was kissing me again, and he pushed me back toward my bed.
“Tyler stop! This isn’t you.” He covered my mouth with his and pushed me back onto the bed.
“I was supposed to be your first…you promised me.”
“Tyler, you’re hurting me! Please, stop. You’re not thinking straight.”
“I know exactly what I’m doing. This is my birthday present…” he said and went back to kissing me.
“Ow, you’re hurting me! Stop, please!” I demanded, desperately trying to get free of his grasp.
“You owe me!” he said and glared down at me with a look I didn’t recognize. I knew he was hurt and angry…and he had every right to be. But I had to get through to him.
“Tyler, please, do you really want me…like this?”
“I want you…I’ve always wanted you, even when no one else did. I’ve always loved you and been there for you.”
“You’re right, and you also said that you’d never hurt me. You’re hurting me now.”
“Just one night, Abby, please?” he pleaded, but he was still holding me down.
“I can’t…I’m sorry. I know you love me, but this isn’t you. You don’t want me like this…” I looked deep into his eyes, “This isn’t you, Tyler. You would never hurt me,” I was still crying, but now fear was mixed in with the guilt.
He sat up slowly, regaining his composure. “I’m sorry, Abby. I’m so sorry,” he said, with tears in his eyes.
I sat up and took a few deep breaths, grateful to have the real Tyler back. We both scooted to the edge of the bed and stopped when we heard my phone vibrating on the carpet.
He sighed, “Well, I guess he’ll be killing me after all…”
“He’ll never know…I promise,” I said.
He looked at me and nodded. “I um, I’ll go now.”
“Tyler, I know I haven’t been very good at keeping my promises to you, but I swear…he’ll never know…about this. It wasn’t you, Tyler, I know that. For what it’s worth, I really do love you.”
“Goodbye Abby. Take care of yourself.”
I nodded and watched as he walked out of my room and I waited until I heard the front door close before I walked over and picked up my phone.
“Did you tell him?” he asked before I even said hello.
“No, actually, you told him,” I said through the tears.
“What?”
“I found him sitting on my bed, reading your text when I came out of the bathroom,” my voice was shaking, and I couldn’t stop crying.
“What was he doing on your bed?”
“THAT’S what you got out of this conversation? Kellan, I just broke his heart.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you.”
“Worry about him. I’m fine…I guess.”
“Abby, if you love him…”
“I love you. I want you. I just feel so bad for him. I know exactly how he feels.”
“How could you know that?”
“Because that’s exactly how I felt when you left with Brianna.”
“Abby…I’m sorry. I didn’t know. You were only…”
“A kid, I know. But, I’m not a kid anymore. I really hurt him…”
“If you don’t love him, and you don’t want to be with him, then you weren’t doing him any favors by staying with him.”
“You’re right, I know that. He just looked so…hurt and angry…”
“He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
“He um, he just…left,” I said, which was true, he had just left.
“So, you’re okay?”
“I’m okay. I don’t know what to say to him at school tomorrow.”
“My guess is you won’t have to say anything.”
“Why?”
“I doubt he’ll go. Give him some time, he’ll come around. He can’t stay mad forever, well, at you, anyway. I’m sure he hates me even more now. You didn’t tell him…about…”
“He read your text Kellan. He kind of figured it out.”
He sighed, “I’m sorry, Abby. I wish I was there with you.”
“Me, too,” I said as the tears started again.
Kellan was right, I didn’t have to face Tyler the next day because he didn’t come to school. I thought about stopping by his house on the way home, but decided I should listen to Kellan and give him some time.
He did come to school the next day, however, and he managed to completely ignore me. People were starting to ask questions, as it was the first time Tyler hadn’t spent every free moment with me at school.
“Hi, um, so is it true?” Justin Copeland asked me.
“Is what true?”
“Did you and Tyler break up?”
I sighed, “He um, he broke it off with me,” I lied, trying to make it easier on Tyler.
“I don’t buy that for a minute. No guy in his right mind would ever walk away from you. Um, I’m sure you’re not ready to date anyone else yet, but I just wanted to tell you that if and when you’re ready, I’d love to take you out, Abby.”
I blushed and said, “Thank you. I um, I appreciate the offer, but…I can’t.”
“I don’t mean now, I mean…oh, I get it. Your…um, I don’t know what to call him…he’s not your brother, but that guy…”
“Kellan,” I said.
“Yeah, Kellan. Is it him? Is he why you broke up with Tyler? I’m sorry, it’s none of my business, but anyone could tell you were pretty crazy about him.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Yeah, okay. I get it. You’re not ready to talk. Well, I have broad shoulders if you need some to cry on. No strings attached, okay?”
I nodded while trying to keep the tears at bay.
“Kellan’s a hell of a lucky guy. I hope he knows it.”
I watched the star quarterback walk away and then turned around and ran right into Tyler.
“I’m sor
ry,” I said, while picking up the book I dropped.
He walked on by without a word.
“Tyler! Please talk to me…” I begged, and followed along behind him.
“You said enough. I told you, you got what you wanted. And, you’re not sorry.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. Please believe me.”
He kept walking, refusing to look back or even acknowledge me.
It was a long three weeks, but I finally managed to corner Tyler in the lunchroom.
“You have to talk to me!”
“I don’t have to do anything.”
“Please? Don’t you know how much I hate myself for hurting you? I swear, I never meant to hurt you.”
“Then why did you start dating me in the first place?”
“It just…happened. We were friends, and it happened. I never lied to you about the way I felt about Kellan. You knew from the start that if I ever had a chance to be with him, I would take it. I just never thought…”
“You never thought you’d have a chance.”
“No,” I answered.
“Well, it looks like you got your chance. I’m so happy for you,” he said with as much sarcasm as he could muster.
“Tyler, we’ve been friends for years. Please don’t shut me out of your life,” I begged.
“Abby, you were my life…now there’s nothing for me. I am happy for you, really. I know you love him. I just wished you felt that way about me. He better be good to you…” he said with moist eyes.
I reached up and hugged him. “Don’t hate me, please. I couldn’t bear it.”
“I don’t hate you, Abby. I love you.” He hugged me back. “If it doesn’t work out, I’m here. I’ll always be here for you.” He pulled back and looked down at me, “He’d be an idiot to give you up.”
He walked away from me then, but the next few weeks were a little easier. We had managed to become friends again. It was different now, we both knew that, but neither of us wanted to lose the other.
I went to Tyler’s graduation to support and congratulate him. I was surprised to find Jeannette Valentine at his side. She was holding onto his arm for dear life and I couldn’t help but notice the glare she gave me when I hugged him.
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