“And I love you. Kellan, it’s already too late to go back…can’t you see that?”
He sighed and looked down at his folded hands, “Yeah, I guess I can…” he said, sadly.
“What are you so afraid of?”
“Losing you.”
I shook my head, “You can’t lose me, Kellan. You can’t. You’re the one holding all the cards, you have the power. You always have.” I remembered Tyler’s words, and knew he’d been right.
“So, you’re saying I’m the only one who can screw it up?”
“No, I’m saying, I’m yours…for as long as you want me.”
He swallowed hard and said, “I don’t deserve you.”
“We belong together, and if you’d stop worrying so much, you’d realize that.” I got up and scooted in on his side of the booth.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m sitting next to you, if that’s okay?”
He smiled and said, “Yeah, that’s okay.” He put his arm around my shoulder and I was content to lean against him, thrilled to be just where I wanted to be…in his arms.
We had a nice dinner, and shared a scoop of Spumoni ice cream before leaving the restaurant.
“I guess I should take you home,” he smiled.
“I don’t want to go home…unless you’re coming with me,” I smiled.
“Abby, work with me here; I told you, I need some time.”
“Why does it seem like our roles are reversed?” I asked him.
“I guess they are…but I know what I stand to lose if we don’t do this right.”
“I’m sure you’ve done it enough to know how to do it right,” I sighed and looked away, jealous of every woman he’s ever been with.
“That’s not what I meant,” he said, shaking his head.
“So um, how many…never mind,” I said, when I realized I was too embarrassed to ask him how many women he’d been with.
“How many, what?”
“Nothing,” I said, chickening out.
“Oh no, you started to ask me something, so ask.”
I glanced up at him and said, “It’s really none of my business, I’m sorry I said anything.”
“A lot,” he said softly, looking down at me with guilt in his baby blue eyes.
“A lot of what?” I asked.
“You wanted to know how many women I’ve slept with, right?”
I blushed, “Yes.”
“You have your answer.”
“I guess I kind of figured that. Girls have always been crazy about you.” I was suddenly worried that I wouldn’t be enough for him. He must have sensed my dismay…
“Abby,” he said and stopped me before we got into the car, “it was just sex, nothing more.”
“That seems like a lot to me,” I said, refusing to look him in the eye.
“I mean, I didn’t…love any of them. Look, sex is great, it is, but if you’re with someone just for that release, then that’s all there is. There’s a physical connection…maybe, but no emotional one. That’s why we need to wait. Do you understand?”
I shook my head no. I already had an emotional connection with Kellan, and I was dying for the physical one.
“Just trust me, it’ll be better if we wait…get to know each other a little better.”
“I don’t know why you keep saying we need to get to know each other, we’ve known each other most of our lives.”
He lifted my face up to his and said, “Not like this. I know you think you know me, but I’m not…I mean, I’m not that guy you grew up with. Not anymore.”
“That’s exactly who you are. You’re still the same guy who stood up for me, time and time again to Nancy and Joe. You’re still the same guy who was always there for me…no matter what. You scared off bullies for me, you were always there, no questions asked. What worries me is that you’re still that gorgeous guy that every other girl wants…” I said honestly.
“I think you’re forgetting that I’m here with you. I came back…for you. There is no one else.”
“And, I keep thinking you’re only here with me because I forced you to be,” I looked up at him, realizing for the first time, it was true.
“Is that what you really believe?”
“I forced the issue. You, yourself, called it blackmail.”
“Yeah, well, you were pretty persuasive.”
“Please tell me there’s more to you being here than just to keep me from sleeping with Tyler?”
“Abby, believe me, if that were the only reason, I would have just put a stop to it. I wouldn’t have had to promise you anything. And, I wouldn’t have even had to be here to stop him.”
“What does that mean?”
“I mean, there was no way I was going to let Tyler anywhere near you, and it had nothing to do with the deal we made.”
“How could you have stopped him…us?” I asked.
“He’s 18…it’s illegal for him to touch you. I would have sent Ted Jellison over to his house for a visit.”
“Who’s he?”
“He’s a high school friend who owes me a huge favor. A friend who’s now a cop.”
“You would have sent a police officer over to what, threaten him?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I already had it set up.”
“I don’t understand, if you weren’t going to allow it, then why did you agree to…?” I asked, confused.
He took a deep breath and said, “Because when I saw Tyler standing there at the airport holding you, I wanted to kill him. But, not because he was holding my little sister, but because…I knew then, that I wanted to be the one holding you. I promised you…because I wanted to, because I want you.”
I stared up at him in disbelief. I knew he had feelings for me, but I honestly never thought that they were that strong, or that he’d ever admit to them.
I was stunned silent. I reached up and hugged him and said, “There’s no one stopping you from holding me now…except you,” I whispered in his ear.
“Yeah, as if I have any more right to touch you than Tyler did. At least Tyler’s only two years older than you…I’m almost five years older. I should have Ted arrest me for just thinking about…”
“Trust me, I won’t press charges,” I laughed, which only made him sigh in response, feeling guilty once again.
“Come on, I need to get you home.”
“I don’t want to go home and be alone. It’s your first night back…stay with me, please.”
“Abby, please try not to rush this, okay?”
“I just want to be with you. I’m not asking for anything else. Nancy and Joe won’t be home until at least Sunday night. We can watch a movie or something, and you can sleep on the couch.”
“Why don’t we go to a movie, instead? I think that would be safer,” he smiled.
“Yeah, but not as much fun,” I smiled back.
“And how would you know that?” he asked with raised eyebrows.
“I’m counting on you to teach me. When you’re ready,” I added, letting him know I was willing to wait, even though I didn’t want to.
“You have two choices, you can either go to a movie with me or I’m taking you home, and I’m not going inside. This is our first date, Abby, remember?”
I took a deep breath and knew I was getting nowhere fast. I looked up into those mesmerizing eyes and said, “A movie sounds wonderful.”
He put his arm around my waist and led me the rest of the way to the car.
We stood outside the theater having a disagreement over which movie to see.
“Kellan, I’ve outgrown Disney movies.”
“Maybe so, but you’re not quite 17 yet, so we’re not seeing an R-rated movie.”
I rolled my eyes and said, “You know what? As long as we’re together, I don’t care what we see. I give; we’ll see whatever you want.”
He sighed and said, “Stay here, I’ll buy the tickets.”
He walked to the counter and I turned around and ran into some friends f
rom school.
“Abby, how’s it goin?” Jess Cahill asked me.
“It’s great, thanks. How are you guys doing?”
Kellan walked up behind me just then. “Are you ready?”
I turned around and smiled at him. Pam Franklin stepped up and whispered in my ear, “No wonder you’re great! Wow! I didn’t know you liked older guys.”
I turned toward her and said, “Pam, this is Kellan. Kellan, this is Pam, Jess, Callie and Kevin. They’re friends from school.”
“Hi.”
“So, is he why you broke up with Tyler?” Kevin asked.
“No, wait, isn’t he your brother?” Callie asked with a smirk.
I looked up at Kellan and grinned, knowing he was probably feeling guilty again. I turned back and said, “No, he’s not my brother, and no, he’s not the reason I broke up with Tyler. Well, not really, anyway.”
“So, are you two dating, then?” Callie asked snidely. I never thought she liked me, and her attitude certainly proved my suspicions.
I looked up at Kellan, but didn’t say anything. I was waiting for him to answer her.
“Yes, we are. Is that alright with you?” Kellan asked, obviously irritated with her snide manner.
She thought she had me, she wanted to embarrass me, but Kellan was there, standing up for me once again.
Callie shrugged her shoulders and looked away.
“It was nice meeting you. Come on Abby, the movies’ about to start.”
He put his arms around my waist and led me into the theatre.
“I thought you didn’t want to take me to see this one?”
“I guess if we’re going to date, among other things, then we should be able to watch an R-rated movie together.”
We sat towards the back and I noticed my friends filed in and sat down a few rows in front of us. I think Kellan noticed Callie kept glancing back at us, trying to see if he really was my date. The third time she glanced back, Kellan smiled at me and put his arm around me. He pulled me to him and whispered in my ear, “I don’t think that girl likes you very much.”
“She doesn’t.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I think she liked Tyler…and I don’t think she believes I could be dating someone like you.”
“What does that mean?”
I reached up and touched his face, “I told you, you’re perfect…a fact I’m sure she couldn’t over-look.”
“I’m far from perfect, Abby, and I don’t think it has anything to do with Tyler or me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think she’s jealous of you.”
“I just told you that…she wanted Tyler, but now, I’m quite certain she’d rather have you.”
“No, that’s not it, Abby. Have you even looked in a mirror lately?”
“What?”
“You still don’t see it, do you?”
“Kellan, what are you talking about?”
“You’re breathtaking. Abby, you’re the most beautiful girl…young woman, I’ve ever seen. I told you that before. That’s why she’s jealous.”
I didn’t know what to say. I looked up into his eyes, he was looking into mine and I wished he would kiss me. I think he wanted to, but I knew he also wanted to take things slowly.
“I um, I’d love to prove her wrong and kiss you right now.”
I looked into his eyes and said, “Forget about her, just kiss me because you want to…because I want you to.”
He smiled, “It’s only our first date.”
I knew he wasn’t going to kiss me, “You’re driving me crazy; you know that, don’t you?” I smiled and leaned into him.
“Trust me, the feeling’s mutual.”
The previews started playing and I snuggled into him, content to be in his arms. The movie was a bit explicit, and I felt myself blushing a few times, but I wasn’t about to complain.
He took me home after the movie and walked me to the door.
“Did you enjoy the movie?” he asked, grinning at me, knowing I was completely mortified during most of it.
“Um, it was…” I couldn’t lie to him, “…embarrassing. Maybe the other one would have been better.”
“I agree. There is something to be said for Disney movies.”
“Well, I found my Prince Charming, so maybe next time, we’ll settle for a comedy.”
“Sounds good. Goodnight, Abby.”
“Please stay,” I asked one last time.
“No. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
“Take me with you, then. Kellan, I’m always alone…and I miss you so much. I only have you for the summer. Don’t leave me alone.”
“Abby, please don’t do this. Believe me, this is just as hard for me as it is for you. I don’t want to leave you…I want…”
“What do you want?” I asked, looking up through veiled lids.
“You. I want you.”
“I’m right here.”
“Goodnight, Abby. I’ll pick you up at 10:00.”
“Okay. What should I wear?”
“I thought we’d go to breakfast and then the Santa Monica Pier. You still love the beach, right?”
“Sounds wonderful. I’ll see you in the morning.” I reached up and hugged him, hoping for a goodnight kiss, but I was disappointed as he pulled away and started to head to his car.
“Lock the doors and windows, okay?”
“Kellan?”
“What?”
“If this was a date, where’s my kiss goodnight?” I asked.
“This is our first date.”
“So?”
“Did you kiss Tyler on your first date?”
“I um, I’m not sure when we officially started dating. But, I didn’t actually kiss him until prom, not that he didn’t try earlier.”
“I don’t want to hear this. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I sighed and watched him walk to his car.
“Abby, go inside and lock the windows and doors, please.”
“Kellan, this was a date. You’re not acting as my big brother now.”
“Abby, I’ll always be there to make sure you’re safe…got it?”
“Okay.” I closed the door and locked it and then ran to the window to watch him drive away.
THE BEACH
He picked me up the next morning and we went out to breakfast and then to the pier just like he said. It was fun. After having lunch, we headed to the beach for a swim.
“Is the water warm?” I asked Kellan as I stripped down to my swimsuit.
“No, it’s still a little…” he stopped talking when he turned around.
“It’s still a little what?” I asked, walking toward him.
“It’s um, it’s…you’re stunning, Abby.”
“Thank you. For some reason I thought you were going to yell at me to put my clothes back on.”
“That’s exactly what I should do…but I don’t want to.” He was staring at me like he’d never seen me before.
I walked up to him and said, “It’s officially our second date.”
“Okay?” he said, looking down at me and breathing hard.
“Will you kiss me, now?” I asked, wrapping my arms around his neck. I knew he wasn’t going to, but I thought I’d play with him a bit. I kept moving forward which inched him back and once he was knee-deep in the water, I pushed him backward just as a wave hit.
“You’re going to pay for that!” he yelled and stood up. He chased me down the beach, and it wasn’t long before he caught up to me and grabbed me around the waist.
I laughed and said, “I just thought you needed to cool off.”
“Your turn,” he smiled and picked me up and tossed me into the frigid water.
I screamed and he said, “You started it,” and he followed me back into the water.
We swam and played and had a great time. We shared another romantic dinner and then he took me home. And, just like the night before, he refused to kiss me.
&nb
sp; “Kellan, please kiss me goodnight,” I said while standing on my front porch.
“The last time you asked me to kiss you I ended up in cold water.”
“Well this time, if you don’t kiss me, you’re going to be in hot water,” I smiled.
“Goodnight, Abby.”
The next few weeks were pretty much the same…frustrating. He refused to touch me or kiss me and when I finally had enough, I confronted him on my porch.
“Kellan, I thought you were serious about dating me?”
“I am. We’ve been together every minute since I’ve been back.”
“That’s right! Two weeks now, Kellan. Tell me something? How long do you usually wait to kiss your dates?” I was angry, and he knew it.
“I don’t usually wait, Abby. Most of the time, I do a lot more than just kiss on the first date.”
“Then what are you waiting for?”
“The right moment.”
“Now works for me.”
“Now’s not the right moment.”
“Kellan, is it ever going to be the right moment? Or, are you just going to drag this out until the summer’s over?” I reached up and put my arms around his neck and said, “Would you please kiss me?”
He pulled my arms from around his neck and said, “I um, I’ve been meaning to talk to you…about that,” he said, sitting down on the front porch steps. He patted the step next to him and said, “Sit with me for a minute, please?”
I sighed and sat down next to him, wondering what he could possibly have to say.
“Kellan, what is it? Don’t you want to kiss me?”
“Yes, Abby, I want to kiss you. I want to do a lot more than that,” he admitted reluctantly.
“What’s stopping you?” I asked, frustrated.
“I um, I want you to do something for me…for us, first.”
“What?” I asked, wondering what he could possibly want.
“You may not like it.”
“If it will get you to kiss me, then I’ll do it. Just ask!”
“I want you to see a doctor.”
“What?”
“I want you to see a doctor…first.”
“What for?” I asked.
He took a deep breath, turned toward me and said, “Birth control.”
“You want me to get on birth control before you’ll kiss me? Kellan, I read the book you bought me. And, although I may not be experienced in this area, I’m pretty sure you can’t get me pregnant just by kissing me. Trust me, it’s safe.”
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