The Gamble

by Alice Ward

  As I tried to calm myself down, I decided to call my mom. I couldn’t remember the last time I talked to her.

  “Hi, Mom,” I said brightly when she picked up the phone.

  “Oh, my goodness, Talen!” she exclaimed. “Honey, we haven’t spoken in so long. How are you?”

  “I’m good,” I said, smiling. It was nice to hear her voice. I immediately felt calmer and more at ease. “Everything’s fine here. I just miss you.”

  “I miss you too,” she said warmly. “Are you sure everything’s okay? You don’t sound well.”

  My mom could always pick up on my moods without much effort. She, unlike my dad, took the time to know me. Despite being absent a lot during my childhood, she made sure to spend time with me while she could. If she was at home, then she was with me. I loved her for it.

  “Things at work aren’t great,” I admitted. “Dad has all this stuff he wants me to do and I just, I don’t feel like I can.”

  “What stuff?”

  I opened my mouth to speak but quickly closed it again. Part of me wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to unload my problems onto her and let her deal with my dad, but I couldn’t. On the off chance that she didn’t know the real reason for her marriage, I didn’t want to be the one to tell her. I loved her too much to cause her that kind of pain.

  “The investors are coming next month,” I said simply. “He expects me to shape up my image before they arrive. He doesn’t want me spending time with Brandon anymore.”

  It was the truth, just not all of it. I felt guilty for hiding things from my mother, but I knew it wasn’t the right time to tell her everything. My week had already been bad enough.

  “Honey, I’m sorry,” she said softly. “Your father just wants what’s best for you. I know it doesn’t often seem that way, but it’s the truth. He loves you very much, and he only wants you to succeed.”

  “Mom, you don’t really believe that, do you?”

  “Of course, I do,” she said firmly. “Jacob can be difficult. I know that better than anyone, but he’s a good man. Deep down, he just wants to make sure you’re well taken care of.”

  “He threatened to cut me off,” I said bluntly. “If I don’t do what he says, he’ll cut me off completely. From the business and everything else.”

  There was a pause. I could hear my mom breathing on the other end of the phone, but she didn’t speak. I knew her well enough to know that she was thinking. She didn’t know what to say to make me feel better and still remain supportive of my father. For years, she’d been put in the middle of us, and it wasn’t fair. She didn’t deserve the stress we caused her.

  “It’s nothing,” I said before she could speak. “I’m just complaining. I’m sorry.”

  “You can always complain to me,” she promised. “That’s what I’m here for.”

  “I’ll be okay. Change is just hard sometimes, but I can handle it.”

  “I know you can.” I could hear the smile in her voice. I was glad to make her happy, even if it was through lies.

  “How are you?” I asked her. “How’s everything going?”

  “I’m just fine. Spending time with the girls. I just organized an event for the children’s hospital, and it went perfectly, so that was good.”

  “Sounds great.” It wasn’t hard to sound happy for her. “That’s awesome, Mom.”

  “Thank you. I’m very proud of our success. We raised twice as much money this year.”

  That was impressive. “Wow.”

  “Oh, it was wonderful,” she gushed. “Talen, you would have loved it. It was magnificent.”

  She delved into the details of the event. I tried to listen, but I found it all deathly dull. My mother, Victoria Gaston, had been the head social chair among her friends for decades. Every event and fundraiser went through her, and she loved it. She loved being queen bee. It made her feel special, which she so deserved.

  “Then, Constance got drunk off brandy, and we all had to help get her home,” she continued. “It was humiliating and almost cost us quite a few donations, but I was able to smooth things over fairly well. Needless to say, Constance will not be invited next year.”

  “Wow,” I said again. “Drama among the socialites.”

  “Always,” she said seriously. “But what about you? Are you still doing that Big Brother program?”

  “I am,” I said, happy that she remembered. “I haven’t been assigned a little brother yet, but I’ve been training and getting to know everyone.”

  “When will you get your assignment?”

  “Soon, I hope.”

  “I’m so proud of you,” she cooed. “This is a step in the right direction for you, honey. It’s so wonderful that you want to give back.”

  I lifted a shoulder she couldn’t see. “I just thought it was time.”

  “Whoever your little brother is will be lucky to have you,” she promised.

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “I have to go now, darling,” she said. “But we’ll talk soon, okay? Maybe you can come see me sometime.”

  “Of course.” I wished I could visit her now. “I’ll come visit really soon, Mom.”

  “Okay, honey. Talk to you later.”

  “Bye. I love you.”

  Her voice warmed even more. “I love you too.”

  When we hung up, I set my phone down on the coffee table and fell back on the couch. Talking to my mom made me feel better, but my good mood didn’t last. It wasn’t long before I felt miserable and defeated all over again.

  I couldn’t believe that my father would say something so horrible about my mother. Even if he did marry her for her social standing, how dare he admit that? Victoria Gaston was the only woman I knew who truly deserved happiness. After putting up with my father for so many years, she deserved better. I hated him for what he said.

  As I sat on the couch fuming over my father, my front door opened. I glanced over to see Brandon letting himself inside. I gave him a key to my place years ago, so he almost never knocked.

  “Hey,” he said, plopping down beside me. “What are we doing tonight?”

  “I don’t know.” I didn’t even have the energy to shrug. “Hadn’t planned on doing anything.”

  He gave me a concerned look. “What’s up?”

  I looked over at him. He was frowning. He could tell something was bothering me.

  “My fucking father. He’s sunk to new levels of douchebaggery.”

  Brandon propped his feet up on the coffee table. “What did he do this time?”

  “He ordered me to get married.” The words sounded like glass coming from between my teeth.

  Brandon blinked then stared at me with wide eyes. His mouth hung slightly open, and I grinned at his dumbfounded expression. I knew this would be his reaction.

  “M-married?” he stammered. “Like, death-do-us-part married?!”

  I nodded. “Yup. The investors are coming next month, and apparently, I need to be married before they arrive. I have a few weeks to find myself a wife. If I don’t, he’ll find one for me. So basically, I either have to find some desperate broad and convince her to marry me, or let my father arrange everything.”

  “This is some medieval shit,” Brandon said, shaking his head like he was trying to clear it. “Arranged marriage? What the actual fuck?”

  “I know. It’s bullshit. Oh, and I’m not supposed to hang out with you anymore.”

  “Me?” Brandon asked with raised eyebrows.

  “You’re a bad influence.”

  Brandon threw his head back and laughed. He couldn’t care less about my father or his opinions. My dad was right. Brandon was a bad influence, but it didn’t matter. Brandon was only amused by my dad’s insults.

  “So,” he said. “You have to get married and drop me? Is that it?”

  “Yup.” I nodded. “Otherwise, he’ll cut me off completely.”

  “Man, fuck him,” Brandon said. He bounded to his feet and paced around the living room. “What
you need is a weekend away. You gotta get out of here. You need to get out of your head and relax. Your dad has you all tense, and it’s not good. Let’s just go.”

  “Where?” I asked blankly.

  “Anywhere!” Brandon said, throwing his hands in the air. “Who cares where? Let’s just get in the car and go. Unwind for a little while.”

  I stared at Brandon, thinking about my options. After a week of stressing over my father’s orders, I was ready to put everything behind me. I hated him for what he’d done, and I wanted nothing more than to piss him off. As I stared at my best friend, a smile began to form on my face. I grinned at him and nodded slowly.

  “Okay. You’re right. My dad doesn’t own me, and when I’m not working, I can do anything I want.”

  “That’s right!” Brandon yelled.

  “Let’s go.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  Dani

  It was late when I returned home from my mother’s house on Friday night. After working the breakfast shift at the diner, I spent most of the day with her. We watched movies together, and I helped her clean the house. After dinner, I prepared a few meals for her and said good night. I knew she would be okay for the night, but I still felt nervous as I backed out of her driveway. I hated the constant fear that lived inside of me now. No matter how much time I spent with my mom, I never felt like it was enough. She needed me, and I could only devote so much time to her.

  When I made it to my apartment, I immediately moved to my easel and placed a blank canvas on it. I stared at the canvas for a few seconds, just thinking. Ever since Tuesday night, I’d been on edge. My show was a bust and Perry dumped me. I was still in shock over our breakup, and I hadn’t yet wrapped my mind around it. After that night, I devoted most of my time to my part-time jobs and to my mother.

  Now that I had a free moment to myself, I was ready to let myself feel everything. I replayed Perry’s words over and over again in my mind. When I hung up on him, I thought he might try to call back. After five years together, I thought he would at least want to make sure I was okay, but he didn’t. I hadn’t heard from him since, and I didn’t think I would. He admitted to being with someone else, and now, I didn’t mean anything. As I poured black, blue, and green paint onto my board, I wondered if I’d ever truly mattered to him.

  With my thickest paintbrush, I swirled the three colors together. I quickly lost myself in the blending process. When my brush hit the canvas, I felt my shoulders relax. I breathed out slowly and let myself fall completely into my painting. I moved the brush automatically, not thinking about technique or style. I didn’t think at all. For the first time in years, I just painted. I didn’t try to create a scene or invoke any emotions, I just let myself be free.

  When I was finished, the canvas was covered in different colors of paint. There wasn’t a clear picture. I took a step back, scrutinizing my work, but I didn’t see any clear shapes or images. Instead, I saw a mess of colors and lines. My brushstrokes were messy and harsh. I hadn’t painted like this since college. It was raw. As I looked at it, tears formed in my eyes. I analyzed the blues and greens I’d created. I looked over the specks of bright yellows and oranges that were scattered over the canvas. My heart ached as I took in the hues of purple and pink.

  Every color was represented on the canvas. In that moment, I realized I’d been painting my own emotions. By not thinking, I was able to set myself free. I didn’t know if anyone else would like this painting, but I did. I stared at it for a long time, reveling in my creation. I felt good. I felt strong. Then, all of a sudden, a fresh wave of sadness hit me. I slumped over and laid my paintbrush down. Tears fell while I continued to stare at my latest creation.

  I was so immersed in my own head that I didn’t hear the soft knock on my door. It wasn’t until the door creaked open that I spun around, terrified.

  “It’s just me,” Madison said as she stepped inside. My eyes must have been wide with fear because she raised her hands defensively and hurried over to me. “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “It’s okay,” I said, placing my hand over my heart. It was pounding so hard I thought it might burst from my chest.

  “I knocked, but you didn’t answer.”

  I pressed my fingers to my temples. “I’m sorry. I was just in the zone.”

  “Painting?” Madison glanced at my easel and took a step forward.

  I shrugged. “Yeah. It’s nothing. I just had the urge to paint when I got home.”

  “This is beautiful,” Madison said softly. She was close to the painting now, staring at it with interest. “Really, Dani, this is amazing. It reminds me of your old stuff. It’s so—”

  “Messy?” I finished for her with a laugh.

  “Real,” she said, spinning around to face me. “I’m serious. This is amazing.”

  “Thank you.” I suddenly felt shy. It was always like this when someone praised my work. Back in college, I won different awards, and everyone seemed to enjoy my work, but lately, compliments had become increasingly rare. I didn’t realize how much I missed the confidence boost until Madison gushed over it now.

  “Were you crying?” Madison narrowed her eyes and took in my face. I knew my green eyes were probably bright red, and my cheeks were most likely flushed. Embarrassment quickly overwhelmed me, and I turned away from her.

  “No,” I said, wiping my face. “The paint just irritates my eyes sometimes. That’s all.”

  “Since when?” Madison asked.

  “It’s a new kind of paint,” I lied. “Just got it last week.”

  “Dani…” I was still facing away from her, but I could hear the understanding in her voice. I’d never been very good at lying.

  I slowly turned around to face her with an apologetic grimace. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have lied.”

  Madison shrugged. “It’s okay. You’re terrible at it, so it doesn’t really count.”

  I laughed. “Thanks.”

  “What’s going on?” Madison took a step toward me.

  “A lot.” I was finding it hard to breathe again and turned to sit on the couch. Dropping my head in my hands, I rubbed my face roughly before I looked back up. Madison had moved to sit beside me. She was watching me closely, waiting for me to explain.

  “Just talk to me,” she said. “What is it?”

  I sighed. “Perry. He dumped me.”

  Madison’s face immediately shifted from concern to rage. She looked ready to kill. “He what?”

  “He said he met someone else.”

  Her nostrils flared. “Holy shit. Who?”

  “He didn’t say.” I shrugged. “And I didn’t ask. Honestly, I don’t think I really want to know. It doesn’t matter anyway.”

  “It doesn’t?” Madison asked with a frown.

  I lifted a shoulder. “Why would it? He met someone. He broke up with me. That’s all I need to know.”

  “But…” Madison began, but I shook my head, and she immediately fell silent.

  I fell back upon the soft cushions and curled my feet up under me. “The worst part is that I knew something was going on. I could feel it, but I never said anything. I just kept waiting like a freaking puppy dog for him to show up. I let him walk all over me and use me for years, Maddi. I wasted years on him. I really thought we would…”

  I trailed off, not wanting to finish my sentence. Even though Perry and I never discussed marriage, I always thought we were heading in that direction. Once his business slowed down, I imagined he would propose, and we would start our safe little life together. There were days when Perry was the last thing I wanted, but I stood right in the middle of my comfort zone. I never let my curiosity get the better of me. I never cheated or betrayed him. I was loyal. Always.

  “He’s such a shit,” Madison said. “God, I always hated him.”

  I nodded. “I know you did.”

  “Well, I knew he would do something like this!”

  “I didn’t,” I admitted. “God, I knew our rela
tionship wasn’t perfect, but it was five years. Five years! How could he just up and find someone new after five years?! Who does that?”

  “Assholes,” Madison said simply.

  “Exactly,” I sighed. “I’m such an idiot.”

  I put my head back in my hands and left it there. Madison rubbed my back gently, silently comforting me. It felt nice to have her there with me, but I still felt pathetic.

  “Is it that big of a loss?” Madison asked softly. I lifted my head and looked at her, trying to fully comprehend the question.

  “What?”

  She licked her lips. “I just mean, were you even happy? Did you really love him?”

  I frowned and looked away. I didn’t even need to think about it. I wasn’t happy. I hadn’t been happy with Perry in a long time. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time we even did something so simple as laugh together, if he happened to be in town.

  “You know, he never asked about my art.”

  She frowned at my change in subject. “What?”

  “My art,” I said. “My paintings. When we first met, he was so interested in it, you know? Back in college, he loved everything I did. He was at all my shows. He was always there to cheer me on when I won my awards, but after we graduated, he just stopped. I guess I thought it was because I got worse. I just blamed myself, thinking that I was at fault.”

  “It wasn’t your fault,” Madison said softly. “It was his.”

  “Still,” I said, shaking my head. “I really believed that if I got better, he would come around. I tried so hard to paint something he would like, but I just never could.”

  “You shouldn’t have to try that hard for someone’s approval,” Madison said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Especially not someone who claims to love you.”

  I nodded. “I know. I do. I know that, but it’s hard. My mother wants me to get married so badly. Every time I see her, she asks me about Perry, and I lie. I lied again today. I just couldn’t tell her that we broke up, you know? It would break her heart.”