Not much time passes, maybe twenty minutes at the most, before someone comes knocking on my door. I half expected someone to come up and check on me but I guessed they’d have come sooner.
“Go away,’’ I sniffle, not wanting anyone to see how humiliated I’m feeling right now. It would just be another knife to the chest.
Max deliberately caused that scene downstairs, knowing what it would do to me and how I would feel. He didn’t care either way. It has me wondering, though, if he had planned to do what he did all along. He didn’t seem to hesitate or mull over what he was going to say next, it all came out naturally like a rehearsed speech.
The door opens even after I protested, telling them to go away. I’m about to ream out whoever’s brave enough to go against my wishes but when I’m met with Maverick’s dark, nearly black, eyes staring back at me, I’m startled into silence.
Out of everyone Maverick is the last person I would have guessed to be the one coming to check up on me. We’ve never really spoken. He’s given me more dirty looks than the girls at the church food bank.
I’ve not really seen him since Denny’s hen party. From what I overheard Mark telling Joan last week, Maverick has something going down at V.I.P and it’s causing him stress.
“Hi,’’ I whisper, wiping tears from my eyes and my runny nose along the sleeve of my t-shirt.
“How are ya feelin’?’’ he asks me gently, stepping further into the room and taking a seat on the end of my bed.
“Oh, I’m fine. Not like Max didn’t just rip my heart out in front of everyone I care about,’’ I bite out sarcastically. My body sags immediately for talking so rudely to him when he’s just checking up on me. “I’m sorry.’’
“It’s fine,’’ he tells me gently, his eyes staring at me intently, searching for what, I don’t know. Shifting on my bed, I avoid his intense stare. I’ve always been intimidated by Maverick. Out of all the brothers he seems to have a dark edge to him, something cold and dark lurking behind those dark brown eyes of his. It actually reminds me of when I first met him and I thought his eyes were black. God, how long ago that was now?
“It’s not,’’ I whisper after a few awkward moments of silence.
“You do know he didn’t mean any of what he said down there, don’t you? He’s just scared, as much as it would pain him to admit,’’ he tells me and my eyes reach his. Looking at him closely I can tell he genuinely believes what he said. It doesn’t matter, though. Max can’t take back what he did or said to me. It’s engraved in my mind, playing over and over like a broken fucking record.
“Didn’t he? Want to bet he’s already with Lindsey right now?’’ I bite out, my face scrunched up in pain. “I thought I meant something to him,’’ I tell Maverick without meaning to. It just slipped out. But I meant every word. I did believe I meant something to him. I thought we shared something special.
“Deep down I think you know how much you really mean to him. You’re just angry and upset right now. He knew you’d be leaving.’’
“How? I didn’t even know until he made the choice for me. And why do you care? You’ve always seemed wary of me.’’
“I guess I predicted this would happen. I know my brothers. They’re good men and I knew the first time I met you that you were running from your family. Whether it was from a broken home or something else, I didn’t know. The minute one or more of my brothers found out they’d want to fix it. Max fixed it,’’ he shrugs. “He didn’t grow up with a family like you did. All he’s ever had is us and Granddad. Everyone else left. He doesn’t realise how fortunate we are our mum left, but that loss hits him whether he admits it or not. Our dad was killed, leaving us. Even if he was an evil prick we were together. Then we moved in with Granddad and our Nan. Then she died, leaving us again. We’ve watched people leave us our whole life. It’s why he never lets anyone in. He never even got close to anyone to push them away before until he met you.’’
“What about Harlow, Denny and Kayla?’’ I whisper. His words roll around in my head and I never really thought of it that way. He never seemed to care that he lost his parents. In fact, he always made me believe it was a blessing and from what he told me about them, it was a blessing.
“He knew they weren’t going anywhere. Have you seen the way my brothers are with those girls? They’d die before they’d let them leave. Denny left once, when Mason fucked up, and although she was with Mason, it killed Max. They were close and he felt that loss when she left.’’
“Why are you telling me all of this,’’ I whisper, conflicted about what to do.
“Because I need you to know my brother loves you, even if he hasn’t said those words out loud. I’m hoping this isn’t the end of us seeing you and that you’ll come back.’’
“Wouldn’t that be harder?’’ I ask him, searching his expression.
“Maybe,’’ he shrugs. “But what’s the alternative? If you stay then you’ll miss more time with your family. Max out of all people should know what it’s like to be apart from your twin. Or you could go, keep in touch and try to balance it all out.’’
When I don’t say anything he reaches into his coat jacket, pulling out a card with the club logo on. When he hands it to me I look at him confused.
“Call me. If you ever need anything, no matter what, call me.’’
I nod my head, tears filling my eyes once again. “What am I going to do about Max?’’
“Forgive the prick. He’s probably at some bar drinking his sorrows, regretting what he did.’’
When he leaves I stay sitting on my bed thinking about everything he just said to me. Either way I’m going to be destroyed, but at least if I leave with my parents I’ll feel wanted. Grabbing my phone from the side I pull up Max’s number, sending him a message.
LAKE: I’m sorry
I fall asleep holding my phone to my chest, waiting for Max to reply. But when I wake up the next morning, there are no missed calls or messages, sealing my fate.
CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
LAKE
Bags packed and loaded up in the car, I sit in my bedroom, taking in my room once more before I leave.
My parents waited as long as they could for Max to return home, but it’s midday and still no word from him. Everyone has tried to get in touch with him with no luck. They’ve tried to play it off but I’m worried. We’re leaving in fifteen and I’ve still not said goodbye.
My door opens and I wipe my tears frantically, stunned when Joan walks in with some tissues.
“Thank you,’’ I smile.
“You’re not leaving us for good, sweetheart. This isn’t goodbye, it’s I’ll see you later,’’ she tells me, causing me to burst into tears. I wrap my arms around her neck, holding her tightly. I’m going to miss her so much.
“Thank you. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me. You’re the Grandma I never had. I love you,’’ I choke out between sobs, hating that I’m leaving.
“Sweetheart,’’ she sighs, rubbing her cold hands down my back. “I love you too, but thank you. Thank you for coming into our lives. We’ve loved having you and you’ll always, always, have a home here. This room will always be yours. So you can come and stay whenever you want. You’ll always be welcome.’’
“Why isn’t he here?’’ I ask after a few minutes of just holding each other. I pull back looking at her sad expression.
“I don’t know, sweetheart, but I will tell you he’s got me to answer to when he finally resurfaces.’’
I give her a weak smile. “I’m really going to miss you guys.’’
“We’re going to miss you too. I’ve packed you some chocolate mousse cake for the drive home, it’s in the kitchen.’’
I begin to cry again and Joan pulls my head on her shoulder. I knew today would be hard but not this hard. I can literally feel my heart cracking in two, being pulled in two different directions.
The door knocks again, opening to show Denny, Harlow and Kayla. Denny and Kayla h
ave both got tears in their eyes but Harlow is full on crying.
“Damn hormones,’’ she sobs, walking into the room. Joan stands, pulling me to my feet.
“I’m going to make sure your mother doesn’t need anything before she leaves,’’ she smiles, then pulls me in for another hug. “See you soon.’’
“My hormones can’t take this,’’ Harlow sobs close by and I pull back, laughing through my tears.
“Com’ ‘ere,’’ she sobs, pulling me into a hug, her bump pressed against my stomach.
“I’m going to miss you,’’ I whisper, holding her tighter. She’s been like a sister to me, one I always wished for growing up with a brother.
“I’m going to miss you too. It’s not going to be the same around here without you,’’ she tells me sadly. “But I know if I had a chance to go back to my parents, I would. I miss them every day,’’ she vows to me. “Max will get over it soon,’’ she promises.
“My turn, bitch,’’ Denny tells Harlow, bumping her lightly with her hip. “Don’t be a stranger, girl. We’ll hunt your ass down otherwise,’’ she tells me, her voice choked up with emotion.
“I won’t, I promise,’’ I giggle, wiping my eyes once more. God, I didn’t think I had any tears left after I cried myself to sleep last night. Obviously I was wrong.
“What she said,’’ Kayla smiles sadly. “I don’t want you to go, but if I had parents like yours, I’d want to spend every waking moment with them.’’
“This is so hard,’’ I cry, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Kayla moves behind me on the bed, Denny sits to my right and Harlow to my left, and they all envelop me into a tight hug.
“We love you,’’ Harlow whispers as the door to my room opens once more. I don’t have time to turn my head before large bodies are squashing us to the bed. Harlow moves out of the way quickly.
“Arghhh, you fat bastards,’’ Denny cries, half lying on me still.
“Group hug,’’ Mason chuckles, smacking a kiss on Denny before lifting up along with Myles, Malik and Maverick. Jesus, how did they not suffocate us?
Seeing Myles has a pang hitting my chest. I keep expecting Max to turn up and seeing his face is just another reminder that he’s not coming.
Kayla barely makes it off the bed before Mason and Myles are jumping on me again, squashing me into the mattress. The girls begin to giggle while I try to puff out a breath.
“Seriously, you guys weigh a ton,’’ I wheeze out.
“We’re going to miss you,’’ Myles tells me, leaning in to kiss my forehead. My eyes water again and I roll my eyes.
“Don’t leak on me,’’ Mason tells me seriously, making me giggle.
“Sorry. I’m just going to miss you guys,’’ I babble, balling my eyes out once again.
“Now look what you’ve done,’’ I hear Maverick mutter. Strong arms lift me up from the bed and fold me into a hug. “It’s going to be okay. Do you still have my card?’’ he asks, his voice below a whisper so the others don’t hear. I nod my head and hold him tighter for a second before pulling away.
“I best go then,’’ I tell them and all of them rush towards me, engulfing me into a tight huddle.
When they pull away, Malik clears his throat seeming uncomfortable with all the emotion going on in the room. It makes me smile.
“I’m going to go… Go do some shit,’’ he says, causing Harlow to giggle.
“Let’s go see if they need any help,’’ Harlow tells him.
Everyone starts filing out of my room and I’m the last to follow, my eyes taking in the room once more before I shut the door, emotion clogging my throat.
We’re all outside saying our goodbyes once more. Denny has Hope wrapped up in her winter coat, standing next to Mason. Myles has Kayla wrapped up in his arms, her head on his shoulder and Malik has his arms wrapped around Harlow from behind, his large hands rubbing her pregnant stomach. Maverick is standing next to Mark who has a weeping Joan in his arms.
My hands are full, holding two containers of my favourite chocolate mousse, when an idea occurs to me.
“Wait, I need to do something,’’ I tell Mum and Dad. Everyone stares as I step away from the car, a smile tugging at my lips.
“Where are you going?’’ Mum calls.
“Just need to leave something for Max,’’ I call back, hoping he’ll understand.
When I’m done I can’t help but cry. I’m about to leave Max’s bedroom when one of his t-shirts catch my eye. Checking the hall to make sure no one is there, I grab it, folding it up and hiding it underneath my coat.
It might be creepy stealing his clothes, but I need something to remind me of him. The thought of never smelling his scent again causes an ache to form in my chest. Just like the thought of never being able to see him again.
Walking out, Mum and Dad are in the car; Marybeth’s already gone.
“Where’s Cowen and Marybeth?’’ I ask as I walk up to the car. Joan moves away, coming to hug me one more time.
“They’ve gone ahead, sweetheart,’’ Mum tells me.
I nod, getting into the back of the car, strapping the belt around me. Everyone is standing outside the window and I wave, smiling sadly.
“You ready?’’ Mum asks.
No. No, I’m not. Instead, I whisper, “Yes.’’
She starts the car and tears begin to fall faster. I wave at everyone standing there and watch the girls and Joan break down in their men’s arms. A painful sob tears from my throat and I can’t hold back any longer.
“Oh, honey,’’ Mum whispers, looking at me through the rearview mirror.
“It will get easier,’’ Dad says from the passenger seat, looking over at me sadly. I give him a weak smile as I rest my head against the window, watching the rain begin to pour.
It feels like I’ve just left my other half all over again, splitting me in two. When my phone dings I grab it out of my coat pocket, thankful that Joan let me keep it.
My breath hitches when I see Max’s name and I find it hard to breathe as I open the message.
Max: I’m sorry.
I don’t text back, my heart hurting too much. I should be over the moon that he’s sorry but it just makes leaving that much harder.
All I can do now is pray my heart recovers, but deep down, without Max, my heart will always be torn in two.
CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
Max
It’s been a week since Lake left and nothing seems to be getting easier. Joan has tried to keep me busy, or punish me, but it doesn’t matter, she’s always on my mind. No matter how much I drink at night I’ll still fall asleep thinking of her, dreaming of her and wishing I didn’t fuck up as bad as I did. But if I didn’t I know she would have torn herself apart making a decision. We hadn’t talked about it, but I knew it was there in the back of her mind. Pushing her away was the only way and I regret how I did it, but not doing it… I couldn’t be the reason she stayed apart from her family, not when I know how I would feel if someone ever tried to take my family away from me.
I had planned to say goodbye, to tell her I’m sorry, but I passed out at Antonio’s place and never woke up until late midday. I woke up to a bunch of missed calls and messages off everyone, telling me what a prick I am and that she left. I immediately texted her, telling her I was sorry. But it was too late, even I knew that. But saying it, even if it was through text, was something I needed to do.
Finishing up the last of the washing up, I dry my hands on the tea towel. Joan takes that moment to walk in and I groan. I had hoped to sneak out and head over to the pub. I’m not in the mood to do shit today other than drink.
“I’m off to the pub,’’ I tell Joan before she can rope me into anything else.
“Nope, you’re folding these clothes and putting them away,’’ she tells me, throwing a sock at me, the offending item smacking me in the face before I grab hold of it.
“Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!’’ I shout and grab my coat fro
m the back of the kitchen chair and run out the backdoor, ignoring Joan’s furious calls for me to go back.
I take the shortcut to MC5 and get there in record time. Luckily Mason isn’t working today and Maverick will be downstairs sorting whatever shit is going on with V.I.P. I’ll have time to wallow in my own self pity without having them all watching me like a hawk.
“Double JD and coke and a straight double of JD,’’ I tell Jax, one of the new bartenders Mason hired.
“Sure,’’ he nods and makes quick work of making my drinks. I don’t bother moving away from the bar. After downing the first double shot of JD I order another and another. Soon I’m swaying myself over to an empty high table, struggling to sit straight on the stall.
“Shit, this fucker’s high,’’ I mutter, chuckling to myself and feeling drunker by the second.
“Hey, handsome,’’ a young girl with a friend flirts as she walks up to my table. “You want some company?’’
“I need something,’’ I mutter to myself and wave my arm at the two empty chairs. They both share a grin before taking a seat. “Well, hello beautiful ladies,’’ I grin, faking my charm.
“So what has you drinking all alone this evening?’’ the other girl says. She’s a curvy girl, works it well. Freckles cover her nose and cheeks and she has her hair up in a messy ponytail, the blonde box job she’s got needs some serious work. I think she’s got more roots than blonde.
“Do I look lonely to you?’’ I smirk. “You know, Lake would never come get drunk with me,’’ I tell them heatedly. “NO! She’d make me watch lame ass movies, which I’d enjoy but didn’t want to.’’
“Huh? Who’s Lake,’’ the girl who first approached me asks. She’s slimmer than the bad-blonde girl, has sharp blue eyes. She tries to give me a seductive smile but all I can do is hold back a cringe. She’s got a gap between the top two front teeth, making me feel sorry for the next fucker she gives a blowjob to.
Max (A Carter Brother series Book 4) Page 37