The Breakup Mix

by Carter, TK

  She walked out of the bathroom, and my stomach dropped. She was absolutely stunning. Like, as in I had tears in my eyes—that kind of stunning.

  “What do you think?” she asked.

  “I think you’re the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen,” I whispered.

  She laughed. “Alissa, are you going to cry?”

  I wiped at my eyes and sniffled. “Stupid freaking hormones.”

  She grinned. “Aww, that’s so cute that you’re crying. And that reaffirms that this dress was the right dress to buy.”

  I nodded. “I’d love to see the look on Tony’s face when he sees you.”

  “I told you about the redhead, right?”

  I frowned. “No, I don’t think so.”

  She gave up the fight trying to put her own bracelet on her wrist and stuffed her arm in my face. “Here, help. Okay, so the lovely Miriam-the-anorexic is his new anchor, and she’s gorgeous. Beyond beautiful, borderline fairytale action, dude. She’s smoking hot.”

  “Yeah, but you’re a freaking goddess. In rock-paper-scissors, she’s like the wrinkle on the end of a knuckle compared to you.”

  Chance laughed and asked, “Where do you come up with this shit?”

  I chuckled. “I don’t know, but that was pretty funny, I admit. Maybe my private guest is a comedian. There.” I patted her arm. “All set.” I stood up and stretched. “You really look fantastic, Chance.”

  “Thank you, dahling. Did you find anything promising in Naples?”

  “Yeah, I’ve got a few that look like they could work. It’s hard to tell from the pictures, but I’ll call a few real estate agents tomorrow and see if they can help me find a place.”

  “You are just planning to rent, right?” she winked at me.

  “Oh hell yes. I can’t afford to throw down a million dollars on a house even though the idea of living on the coast year-round sounds amazing.”

  “Just promise me one thing, okay? We are coming back, right?”

  I laughed. “Yes, we’re coming back. All of us are rooted here, and I couldn’t put that much distance between us and Katie and Michelle permanently. They’re squirrely, but I love them and would miss them too much.”

  She looked at me. “I’m really worried about Michelle. Something’s not right there.”

  I sighed. “Yeah, I feel it, too. Wish there was a way for her to come with us.”

  “Oh, Brandon would never go for it, and her kids would miss her too much.”

  “Katie won’t even consider it, even for a weekend. I already asked.”

  “Well, maybe when we’re there for a few months, we can ask again,” Chance said. “The holidays will be over by then, and winter will be in full swing up here. They’ll be ready for a getaway for sure.”

  “I guess I should get on the road so you can get one with your huge mistake. Have fun tonight and call me when you get back. I want to hear every detail about your night.”

  Chance smiled and hugged me. “Thanks for coming up. I’m really glad you did. Text me when you get home.”

  “I will. I have a few stops to make, so it will be a while; don’t mama-bear out on me.”

  “I’ll walk down with you. I’m supposed to meet the crew at five downstairs, anyway.” She grabbed her clutch and slipped her room key in the side pocket. “Let’s roll.”

  After leaving Chance, I navigated through St. Louis and hit I-70 west—homeward bound. I failed to plan properly for the five o’clock traffic, so I flipped the radio into CD mode and let the voices of the Breakup Mix flood the car and keep me company. Kelly Clarkson and Alicia Keyes represented well and deserved the repeats in rapid succession; they were speaking to my soul.

  Mark didn’t have any right to say those things to me. I’ve done nothing but be good to him, and if he didn’t like me or want to spend the rest of his life with me, that’s not because I’m damaged—he’s the one with the problem. Kelly Clarkson said so. I’d love to buy her a vacation home just for her brilliant voice and perfect timing. Maybe I will, just to be nice. Or maybe I’ll just keep buying her music and call it even.

  I got back into Columbia around eight-thirty with plenty of time to hit the mall and gather my treasures for Dani. I flew through the stores and avoided the jewelry store where they know me by name. I could hear their cash registers salivating when I breezed through and intentionally looked the other way. I should’ve probably called Dani and told her I was coming by, but I didn’t want to hear her excuses.

  I pulled in her driveway, took the price tags off the gifts, and shoved them into the gift bag I’d spent way too much time agonizing over. I was about to knock on the door when it opened and she said, “I wondered how long you were going to sit out there. Come on in.”

  “Hi, there. I have something for you.”

  “Oh, you’ve been shopping. You have that afterglow about you.”

  “Hush up, now. Geez, it’s already getting cold at night. I’m not ready for this.”

  “Ah, but soon enough seventy-five will feel chilly to us.” She had a new twinkle in her eye that I’d never seen before, and it warmed my heart to know I had something to do with that.

  “I have a few things for you,” I said as I handed her the gift bag.

  “What on earth, Lis?” She laughed as she took the bag. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me, yet. You haven’t even opened it,” I followed her into the living room and took my place on the couch beside her.

  She retrieved the book What to Expect when You’re Expecting out of the bag and grinned. “This is kind of bass-ackwards, isn’t it?”

  “Well, I figured you could still use it even though it’s not technically your body. That way you’ll know exactly what your baby is doing when you’re apart.”

  Her eyes teared up as she flipped through the book and whispered, “I can’t believe this is real.”

  “Ha! Be me right now.” I winked. “But wait, there’s more.”

  She pulled out the silver picture frame that said “Baby’s First Picture” and gasped as she stared at a picture from the ultrasound today. “When did you get this?”

  “This afternoon before I went to St. Louis.”

  “You went to St. Louis? Wow, busy girl.”

  “I had to do something to kill time. This not working business is already taking a toll on me. I don’t have anything to do and it’s driving me crazy. I figured Chance would be killing time before her big event, so I went to hang out with her for a while. Your face was priceless during the ultrasound, so I thought I’d give you something to stare at.”

  She wiped her face and chuckled. “It’s amazing. Thank you, Lis.”

  I watched as she ran her finger over the black and white photo and smiled. “You’re going to be such a good mother. That baby’s only got six cells right now, and you couldn’t look prouder.”

  She laughed and set the frame on the table beside her. “This is such a dream come true. And you’re so selfless, Lis. You don’t have to do these things, and you’ve already established that this is my baby in your belly. Like this is really going to happen.”

  “That’s because it is your baby. I’m just the oven keeping the little feller cooking. I want to do this for you, Dani. I’m just glad it’s all working out.”

  “How did it go with Mark?”

  I sighed. “Not good. Not good at all, in fact. He said some pretty awful things and assumes I’m going to have an abortion, so we’re going to let him think that, okay?”

  She paled and whispered, “Legally, though—”

  “Legally, you won’t have anything to worry about. He wants nothing to do with this baby or me. He made that very clear. So you don’t have to worry about it. Plus, he doesn’t know you and Barry have split up, so if he ever hears word that you’ve got a baby, he’ll just assume it was yours anyway.”

  “Speaking of Barry, the paperwork is already filed, and it’s just a matter of letting it sit for the duration of the waiting period and then the ju
dge will sign off on it. I’ve decided to sell the house and buy something smaller after I pay Barry for his half. I’ve got two people interested and it isn’t even listed yet.”

  “So it sounds like that’s working out well.”

  “I’m not even going to look at buying until we get back from Florida, soooo . . .”

  I squealed. “Yes, yes, yes! Oh my gosh, yes! Please stay with me. I’m going out of my mind by myself over there.”

  She grinned. “I was hoping you’d say that. I’m going to sell everything, so I’ll only have my personal belongings when I move in. I want a fresh start with new furniture—minus the rocking chair, of course.”

  “We’ll find a perfect place for that, I promise.”

  “How have you felt today?”

  I thought for a second. “Ya know, I don’t think I’ve puked once today. I’m exhausted, though. It takes a lot of energy to create another human, apparently.”

  Dani laughed. “I imagine so. Go home and get some rest. And thank you so much for my gifts. I’ve got some reading to do.” She winked and rubbed the cover of What to Expect when You’re Expecting. “A baby . . . I can’t believe I’m going to have a baby.”

  “Study well. I’m counting on you to tell me what the hell is happening to me.” I left Dani’s house and could barely keep my eyes open on the drive home. By sheer will, I pulled in the driveway at my house and stumbled through my house. I didn’t even bother to take off my clothes or brush my teeth, and I’m pretty sure I was asleep before I had the covers over my shoulder.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Rolling in the Deep

  Michelle

  The house would have exploded if the tension levels had risen any higher. Del Ray was still pissed off that no one picked her up from school, Martin and Gibson were still upset because I dropped the f-bomb when I got home, and Brandon was fuming because I lost my job. And, I didn’t have the energy to try to pretend things were fine. The only sounds at dinner were the scrapes of forks hitting plates and the occasional request for someone to pass a dish.

  My muscles were still very sore, but I knew better than to complain or make it appear I was uncomfortable lest I become the butt of several jokes and jabs. Del Ray was perched ready to attack, and I didn’t want to give her any ammunition in which to get grounded over. I just wanted to go to bed.

  I looked over my family. “Guys, I want to apologize for my behavior today. I had a bad day and was wrong to take it out on you. I’m sorry.”

  Gibson and Martin mumbled, “It’s okay, Mom,” or some variation around the mouthfuls of taco salad. Del Ray rolled her eyes and shook her head then excused herself from the table to start clean-up. I glanced at Brandon who stared at me with a fresh pissed-off look on his face. I had no idea how long it would take for him to not look at me like the turd in a punch bowl. I had visions of me landing a big fancy job tomorrow and coming home to announce that I would be the breadwinner and he could kiss my fat, white ass.

  Or maybe I would just tell him that anyway.

  I excused myself, scraped my unfinished meal in the trash and headed to the couch to wait for Gibson so we could work on homework. I picked up the remote and started flipping channels while trying to remember the last time I sat on this couch flipping channels. I wondered how many people spent their lives sitting on couches watching other people live the lives they never had the balls to pursue. Reality TV was everywhere—singing shows, daredevil shows, survival shows, you-name-it. I settled on The Voice and watched Gwen and Adam battle it out for a contestant with a powerhouse voice and knocking knees.

  “Mom, did you hear me?” Del Ray asked.

  “What baby? No, I wasn’t listening. What’d you say?”

  She sighed. “I asked if you had decided about me spending the night at Kara’s this Friday.”

  “How are your grades?”

  “Fine, same as always.”

  “Yeah, it’s fine with me, then. Ask your father, though.” I turned my attention back to the TV then thought about what just went down. “Actually, no, you can’t go to Kara’s.”

  Del Ray huffed. “Um, can I ask why?”

  I put the remote on the table and stood up. “Yes, you can, but I’m no longer obligated to explain myself to you. I don’t appreciate coming home to your smart mouth and rants of how your father and I have failed you yet again when we work our butts off to give you guys a good life. You no longer get the privilege of treating me like your hired hand. I’m your mother and you’re my daughter, not my equal, you got me? If you want to go to Kara’s, you’re going to have to work for it.” I sat down and turned the television up.

  “What the crap, Mom? What’s your problem?”

  Martin mumbled, “You just got told, Del. Good job, Mom.” He sat beside me and curled up under my arm. “What are you watching?”

  “Oh, I’m just flipping channels. The Voice has caught my eye.”

  “Oh, I like this show,” he said.

  Del Ray stomped over to the television and stood in front of it. “Um, hello, I’m still talking to you.”

  “Move your ass, Del Ray. I’m not even kidding right now.”

  She sidestepped three feet and stood next to the television with her arms folded across her chest. “I want to know where you think I’m treating you like my hired hand.”

  I faked a chuckle. “Well you can start with all that action you’ve got going on there. You’re posture suggests you feel superior to me and that you’re entitled to a justifiable answer. That’s simply not the case. See, I can say no just for the fun of saying no, and you have to obey because that’s the natural law and order of parenthood. I get to make decisions and you get to obey them.”

  Brandon entered the living room. “Michelle, have you lost all your marbles today? What’s gotten into you? She wants to go to a friend’s house Friday night. Big deal. Why are you entering a pissing contest with her over it?”

  “Because when I got home, she attacked me, and I don’t appreciate it.”

  “You didn’t pick her up from school like you said you were going to. She had a right to be pissed.”

  “You were the one that was off today, so why didn’t you get the ass chewing when you could have just as easily picked her up?”

  “Because I’m not the one that told her I would be somewhere and didn’t show up.”

  “It’s no wonder these kids treat me the way they do when you give them the blueprints, Brandon.”

  Martin looked up at me and whispered, “Mom, I don’t treat you like they do.”

  “No, you don’t, baby. No you don’t.”

  “Suck up,” Del Ray mumbled. “So Dad, can I go to Kara’s then?”

  “I don’t have a problem with it, but make sure you get the final nod from the newly unemployed queen on the throne!” Brandon left the house and slammed the door on his way out.

  Even Del Ray’s eyes revealed the shock of Brandon’s disrespect. She saw the tears welling up in my eyes, and her chin quivered slightly before she stomped down the hallway and slammed the door. Martin looked at me like he was mentally wishing for us to disappear and reappear anywhere but here. “I love you, Mom.”

  I wrapped my middle child in my arms. “I love you, too, bud.” I glanced at the table to see Gibson still shoving food around on his plate. A lone tear dripped down his cheek which he wiped on his shirt sleeve. “Come here, Gib.”

  He got up and ran to me, throwing himself on my lap. “I hate all this yelling, Mom.”

  “Me too, sweetie, me too. So I guess I should tell you that I don’t have a job anymore. That’s why Daddy is so upset. He’s just worried, that’s all. But I’m going to go out tomorrow and try to find a new one, okay?”

  I felt the boys nod and take turns sighing. Neither one of them said anything, so I just held them until they were ready to let go. I needed to go talk to Del Ray, but I figured I’d get her after the boys calmed down.

  Gibson looked at me. “So does that mean you’ll p
ick us up from school tomorrow?”

  “Yep, that’s what that means. I’ll take you and pick you up. What do you think about that?”

  The boys smiled and Martin asked, “Will you make us a special after-school snack like you used to?”

  I smiled and sighed. “Oh, I’m sure I can whip something up.”

  Martin turned his attention to the woman singing on television. “She’s a really good singer.”

  Gibson turned to watch. “What’s that mean when the chairs turn around?”

  I said, “It means the people in the chairs think that person is good and want them on their team.”

  Gibson looked at me. “If I was in the chair, I’d pick you, Mom.”

  The bubbling brook in me overran the banks and poured onto my face. My husband and daughter thought I was a worthless piece of shit, but my sweet sons were cuddled up on my lap telling me they wanted me on their team. I couldn’t help but cry with the sweet way Gibson was trying to make me feel better. I had people on my side—people under my own roof were on my side. And, after the look on Del Ray’s face before she ran down the hallway, I’d say I’m close to getting another one, too. It’s one thing for a child to ass-up to their parent; it’s an entirely different animal when someone else starts trash talking their mama. I’ll be curious to see what Del Ray says when I talk to her.

  I tried to get up, but Martin squeezed me and whispered, “Just a minute longer.”

  I smiled. “Okay, bud. What do you think of that guy singing?”

  Martin shrugged. “I think he sounds okay, but he won’t get any chairs to turn.”

  I looked at him then glanced at the television. “Why do you think that?”

  “Because he sounds like he’s trying to sound just like the man that sang the song in real life.”

  I nodded and waited for the song to finish. When no chairs turned around, I smiled at Martin. “Wow, you called that one.”

  Martin gave me a half-smile and shrugged. “I like this show.”

  “You know, your dad was quite the musician back in the day. Sounds like you got some of his talent.”