by Carter, TK
She shook her head. “Not on your life. I’ll wait for you.”
We stepped up to the receptionist. “Good morning, may I help you?”
I smiled. “Yes, I’m Alissa Franklin, and I have an eight o’clock appointment with Dr. DeMario.”
The receptionist’s fingers clicked on the keyboard. I’ve never seen nails that long ever. I glanced at Dani who intentionally avoided my gaze and concentrated on the counter in front of us. The corner of her lips twitched, so I knew she knew what I was thinking.
“Okay, Mrs. Franklin, here’s the new patient packet to fill out.” She pushed the clipboard toward me.
I pushed it right back and smiled. “I’ve already filled all of this out prior to the appointment.”
She frowned. “Okay, let me check on that. May I have your insurance card, please?”
“I’ll pay cash for services.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “You don’t have insurance?”
I bit my lip and smiled. “Yes, I have insurance.”
“May I have your card, please?”
“No, I will pay cash for Dr. DeMario’s services.”
The receptionist leaned on the counter. “Miss, do you know how much it costs to have a baby?”
I leaned in but Dani interjected. “Excuse me, hi, I’m Dani Miscato. Pleased to meet you.” She extended her hand and shook the receptionist’s hand. “This is an exceptional circumstance as Ms. Franklin is my surrogate. I’m paying for her doctor bills, so this will not be going through insurance.”
The receptionist sat back in her chair. “I see. Go ahead and have a seat, and I’ll have the business manager come talk to you.”
I gritted my teeth and followed Dani to a set of chairs under a piece of abstract art that looked like the color orange had vomited into a silver platter. “If that drips on me, you’re paying the dry cleaning bill,” I muttered.
She giggled. “You know she thinks we’re lesbians, right?”
“I don’t give a shit what she thinks. Did you see how she looked at me? ‘You don’t have insurance?’ Bitch, please.”
Dani shushed me and put her hand over her mouth. “She can probably hear you, Lis.”
I rolled my eyes and whispered, “I could pay for the whole damn thing right now. Why would she—”
A pretty woman with long, curly hair walked toward us with a file in her hand. My file. The one I’d spent hours filling out to avoid this stupid interrogation. She extended her hand. “Ms. Franklin, I’m Janice; we’ve exchanged phone calls and emails.”
I stood and shook her hand. “Janice, it’s nice to meet you. This is Dani, the baby’s mother.” I swallowed around the knot formed in my throat as they shook hands.
“Come on back to my office so we can finalize a few things. It’s more comfy there.” She shrugged and wrinkled her nose before she turned to guide us toward her office.
I looked at Dani and mimicked Janice’s actions before following her. Dani giggled, grabbed my arm, and whispered, “Alissa Franklin, you need to calm down.”
I whispered back, “I freaking hate OB offices. Like a lot.”
She nodded and asked, “Do you think we should hold hands when we walk past the reception desk?”
I chuckled. “Kiss me, and I’m outta here.”
We entered Janice’s office and admired the spacious yet efficient setting. We took our seats in front of her desk and waited for her to begin the spiel. She didn’t waste a moment before placing a stack of documents in front of me to begin the “initial here/sign here” regimen. The last document was authorization allowing the doctor to discuss concerns with me or the baby with Dani. I frowned. “Why do you need this? I’m right here. I mean, I’ll be here the whole time.”
Janice chose her words carefully. “This would be in the event that you’re not okay. Or, if you have questions or issues and Dani wants to call the doctor for you.”
I signed the paper and let it go. Janice flipped through my papers. “Who is Chance Bradley?” She looked at me.
“My best friend,” I replied. “Why?”
“You’ve got her listed as your emergency contact.” She pointed her pen at Dani and asked, “Shouldn’t we include Dani on there as well?”
“Yes, of course. Habit.” I smiled. “Chance has been my emergency contact for some time.” I glanced at Dani who smiled and winked.
Janice said, “Okay, the last thing we need to discuss is payment.” She looked up and smiled. “We understand you are choosing not to use your insurance and wish to pay cash.”
I smiled a little too widely for the nature of this conversation. “Yes, that’s right. I believe you and I have already done a preliminary explanation of expenses. I’d like to go ahead and pay that estimate now, and we’ll settle up the balance after the baby is born.” I grabbed my checkbook out of my purse and locked eyes with Janice. “Is that satisfactory?”
Janice blinked twice and nodded. “Yes, I think that would be fine.”
“Good,” I said as I wrote out the check. I snapped the pen down on the desk. “I presume this is the last time we’ll have the awkward moments with the receptionist regarding payment, correct? Should I take a picture of this check and post it next to her computer monitor?”
Dani mumbled, “Lis . . .”
I sat back and watched Janice grab the check before the ink was even dry. She said, “We’ll have to do preauthorization for a check this large.”
I waved her off. “Want me to tell you the balance on that account, Janice? You’d be impressed.”
Dani squeezed my leg. “Lis!”
I folded my arms over my chest and tapped my foot as I looked at the clock. “It’s 8:30, Dani.”
Janice glanced at the clock and made a phone call. “I have Ms. Franklin in my office. We’ve just finished up, so if you’re ready for her . . . very good, I’ll tell her.” She hung up. “They’re ready for you.” She stood and reached for my hand. “I’m glad to finally meet you, Ms. Franklin. I think it’s very noble what you’re doing for your friend and want this to be as rewarding for you as it is for her. Please don’t be angry for the procedures. It’s just policy we all have to follow.”
I nodded. “I understand. Thank you.”
They led Dani and me to an examination room complete with ultrasound equipment and a shelf full of pregnancy magazines. Dani was in literary heaven, and I was drowning in my anger. “I have to pee. I’ll be right back.” She nodded but didn’t speak. This was becoming her go-to move. Don’t speak around the dragon; you might get an ass full of flames. I stepped into the hallway and right into the chest of the best smelling man I’d ever had the pleasure of sniffing. I rolled my eyes up to see a strong chin and green eyes staring down at me.
He said, “Excuse me,” in a deep voice that rumbled in my belly. “Are you all right?”
I stuttered, “Good heavens, thank you Jesus. Yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry. I’m headed to the bathroom.”
His eyes cut to the left as he pointed. “Right around the corner.”
I took a few steps back still looking at this fantastic display of manhood and prayed like hell that he wasn’t my obstetrician. While I wouldn’t mind getting naked for him, I sure didn’t want it to be so he could size up my cervix. I grinned and turned to walk to the bathroom but nearly walked into a wall. I didn’t bother looking back at him; in my mind, he hadn’t seen my mishap.
I finished my business and washed my hands. I smoothed my hair and patted at my eyeliner hoping I’d see Mr. HotBod in the hallway again. I glanced down at my bulging belly and snickered at the absurdity of it all. I whispered in the mirror, “Hi, I’m Alissa. I’m carrying the baby of a failed relationship, but would you like to go out sometime?” I rolled my eyes and walked back to the room with my eyes trained on the floor. As my hand reached the doorknob, another man approached me. “Ms. Franklin?”
“Yes?”
He extended his hand. “I’m Dr. DeMario.”
I smiled and sighed with r
elief. “Oh thank God. Would you like to step into my office?”
He laughed. “You’re stealing my lines already. After you.” He held the door open for me and greeted Dani. “Mrs. Miscato, it’s nice to meet you.”
Dani corrected him, “It’s Ms., now. I’m recently divorced.”
He nodded. “Sorry to hear that. Been there. It’s tough.” He clapped his hands. “Okay, Ms. Franklin, let’s get down to business.” He flipped through my chart. “I don’t see that you had a morphology prior to leaving Missouri.” He looked up at my blank face and smiled. “The big ultrasound looking at all of the body structures in the baby.”
“Oh, no, I haven’t had an ultrasound since the very first one when I found out I was pregnant.”
He grinned. “Well, today is your lucky day. Would you like to see your baby?”
I glanced up at him and smiled, but he was looking at Dani. Of course. I asked, “Do I need to remove my clothes?”
He smiled. “If you’re wearing elastic waistbands, we might be okay.”
I laughed. “Oh honey, I don’t wear elastic waistband anything. Except yoga pants.”
He smiled. “Well, your life is about to change.” He held my gaze longer than I’d expected. He was boyishly cute with cavernous dimples on each cheek and didn’t look a day over forty.
A day over forty.
When did I start judging men’s ages at forty? Probably when I turned thirty-four and forbade anyone handsome to be younger than me.
I snapped out of it and looked at him. “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”
He looked sideways at me and repeated, “You’re in excellent shape, and obviously take care of yourself, so you may not experience the same discomfort in pregnancy that others do.”
I looked at Dani who raised an eyebrow and smirked but left it at that.
He said, “Go ahead and lean back and get comfortable. I’m going to listen to the baby’s heartbeat, and then we’ll do an ultrasound.”
I stared at the tiles in the ceiling and asked, “Why don’t doctors put fun pictures on the ceilings in examination rooms?”
He slipped a stethoscope from his pocket. “Probably because we never think about it. We’re always looking at patients not ceilings.”
“Well someone should think about it.”
“I’ll be sure to pass the word.” He slipped the stethoscope in his ears and slid it around my belly. “How far along are you?”
“Twenty-three weeks, I think.”
Dani said, “Twenty-four, Lis.”
I looked at the doctor. “Twenty-four weeks, Dr. DeMario.”
He chuckled. “Moms are good about keeping track of that.” He gave Dani thumbs up.
Ouch. Damn.
He finished his examination and turned to the ultrasound machine. “Let’s see if the baby will show us something.”
He rolled the instrument over my stomach, and the image of a growing baby appeared on screen. Dani slid next to me and grabbed my hand. “Look, Lis, there’s the baby.” Perfectly rounded little head, little hands, little fingers . . . precious.
The doctor said, “Everything looks good. Do you want to know what you’re having?”
Dani and I looked at each other in shock. We’d never discussed if we wanted to find out the gender. Her eyes grew as wide as her smile. “What do you think?”
I breathed, “Hell yes, I want to know!”
She looked at the doctor. “What is it?”
He moved the instrument a few more times and pointed to the screen. “That is a very proud little boy.”
Relief poured out of me in waves of laughter. A boy. It’s a boy. The curse has been broken. Fuck you, Mom. It’s a boy, and he’s going to be fine and normal and perfect and unburdened by the female curse in our family. I buried my face in my hands as my laughter turned to tears and sobs replaced my guffaw. Dani rubbed my hand. “Shhh, it’s okay, Lis.”
Dr. DeMario quizzically looked from Dani to me and back. “Is there something I’m missing?”
I pointed to Dani and let her take the lead on the lie. “We had a bet . . . nothing, never mind.”
“A boy,” I whispered. Thank You, God. Thank You, Thank You.
“A boy,” Dani repeated.
The rest of the appointment was a blur to me. They gave Dani instructions for my glucose screening, made my follow-up appointment, and I followed behind like a lost-but-found puppy. The mid-morning Florida sun matched the glow I felt inside. A boy. I grinned and looked at Dani. “It’s a boy, Dani.”
She smiled and handed me my purse. “Yes it is, Lis.”
I dug for my keys. “Holy shit, we need to celebrate. Call Chance and tell her to get ready.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Against the Wind
Chance
Two weeks. Two weeks of sleeping ‘til I’m ready to wake up—uninhibited by schedules, alarm clocks, appointments, interviews, or responsibility. I could get used to this. As much as I wanted this lap of luxury, it was a little lumpy at first. I’m definitely the flexible one in the bunch, but even I was having trouble peeling off the layers of “be-here-go-there-now” life. Alissa had a head start on us, though, since she quit her job well before Dani and me.
I spent my mornings walking the beach with Chubs, drinking coffee in my favorite spot and staring at the waves of the ocean. Dani and Alissa respected my need for alone time in the mornings and let me be. We all had our “Saturday morning” routine back home, and each of us slipped into that then came back together after ten o’clock every day. When I was alone on the beach, I thought of Tony. It’s funny—this is where I was intending to forget him, yet he was everywhere I looked. His chuckle lapped with the waves, his sighs mixed with the wind, and his eyelashes blinked with the feathery clouds. I accepted this on day three and welcomed his presence in my morning routine. He really would love it here—he’s always wanted to vacation in Florida.
Correction: he wanted a honeymoon in Florida. The first time he mentioned it, I laughed ‘til I cried. We’d been lying in my bedroom. It was a bitter cold day, so we stayed under my down-filled comforter naked all day and only got up to pee and eat. You can’t eat in my bed. Just . . . no. Or pee for that matter.
It was like a scene out of a perfect romance movie. My grey walls created a soft background lit up by the snowstorm outside. His head was buried in my pillow—the blankets pulled up to his chin, and all I could see was the right side of his face. I stared at the day-old stubble on his cheek, the contour of his cheekbone and jaw line. He was pure perfection wrapped in human skin. Every time he opened his eye to look at me, my stomach flopped and I grinned. It became a game.
He opened his eye again. “How many times are you going to do that?”
I smiled. “What?”
“Smile just because I look at you.”
I made a mad face. “Is this better?”
He laughed. “No, but I think I just wet myself.”
I smiled. “What were you thinking about?”
He looked at me. “Want me to tell you the truth?”
I leaned up and put my head on my hand. “Of course. This oughta be good.”
He sighed and rolled onto his back. “I was thinking about our honeymoon.”
My heart paused then slammed against my chest. “Our what?”
He glanced at me and grinned. “You heard me.”
I chuckled. “Okay, I’ll play along. Where are we?” I rolled onto my back and closed my eyes. “Set the scene.”
He took a deep breath and curled up next to me. He slid his head onto my pillow, his arm across my stomach, and whispered, “It’s eighty-two degrees outside. You’re stunning in a white bikini that barely covers your tan breasts. . .”
I mumbled, “Ain’t no way in hell I’m ever wearing a white bikini . . .”
“Hush. It’s my fantasy.”
I bit my lips and waved him on. He continued to rub circles on my stomach. The blood in my veins matched his rhythm as my chest
swelled with anticipation. I curled my toes and took a deep breath to calm the hell down. His hand slid down my hip and across my thigh. I gritted my teeth to keep from pouncing. He whispered, “The palm trees swoon in the ocean’s breath.” He pulled the comforter from my chest and huffed his hot breath between my breasts—his chin stubble grazed my nipple and a whimper escaped my throat.
“Not nice,” I breathed.
He chuckled. “You’re lying on a beach chair slicked with the tanning oil I’ve rubbed all over your body.” His hands moved over my skin, up my body, and across my cheek. “God, you’re beautiful.”
I swallowed hard and asked, “Where is this magical place?”
He leaned into my ear and slowly whispered, “Florida.”
A hundred tropical majesties had appeared in my mind—Tahiti, Jamaica, but Florida was unexpected. I burst into laughter and the harder I tried to quit, the harder I laughed. I glanced at his face then laughed harder at his confusion. I tried to speak, but words wouldn’t form. He chuckled and asked, “Why is that funny?”
I wiped my eyes and waved him off. “I . . . I don’t know.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and curled against his chest as the laughter poured out. He laughed with me and from that day forward, we had a one-word inside joke that instantly sent both of us into hysterics—“Florida.”
I sat on the sand and ran my hand through the grains just like I used to run my hand through his patch of chest hair. I wrote “Florida” in the sand with my finger and sighed. Now I see why he wanted to vacation here. Well, one of us made it at least. I squinted against the wind and pinched back the tingle in my nose. No more tears. I grabbed my coffee cup and whistled for Chubs. He abandoned his post just this side of the wet sand and ran to me. I picked him up, shook the sand off his feet, and kissed his head. “My sweet boy.” I rinsed my feet and padded into the house to shower and wait for Alissa and Dani to return.
I really thought when I came to Florida, I’d have so many distractions and fun things to do I’d have no time to think about Tony. Or our failed relationship. Or my part in that. But mostly Tony. I decided today was the last day I would allow myself to think about him at all. I could practice Alissa’s tried-and-true methods of avoidance and eventually reprogram my mind to consider thoughts of Tony to be added calories. For every minute I thought of him, I’d convince myself I’d gain a pound. Yes, that will work. Today I’ll binge on thoughts of him, but tomorrow he’ll be cut from my mental diet. No tears though. No more tears.