by Carter, TK
She smiled. “If you think that’s necessary.”
“I do. Want me to bring you a Starbucks?”
“No, I’m fine. Thank you, though.”
“Alissa’s cleaning the kitchen, so why don’t you just relax up here for a while, and I’ll text you when we’re on our way back.”
She nodded. “All right. Thanks Chance.”
I tipped my nearly cold coffee at her. “It’s what we do. I’ll see you after while.” I slipped out of her room and sped through the fastest get-ready routine I’ve ever busted out. It was impressive, really. Exactly thirty minutes later, we were loaded in the Navigator on a mission to make Dani feel like the mother she was about to become.
We were like the folks you see on television with four thousand dollars to spend in thirty minutes or less, or whatever that show was. Michelle and I grabbed one cart, Katie and Alissa grabbed another. I said, “Okay, chickadees, we divide and conquer. Lis, show Katie around the food section, and Michelle and I are going to head to baby stuff. When you’re done, come look for us in the car seats. I’m sure that’s where we’ll get stuck.”
Katie yelled, “Ready? Break!” And we were off.
The only time I’d ever spent in a diaper aisle, I was checking Facebook while listening to Katie or Michelle bitch about buying something a baby would violate once then be thrown away. Michelle said, “Okay, you want these, not these. That kind leaks something awful. Never buy them, got it?”
I said, “Got it.”
She continued down the aisle. “These kinds of wipes? They’re a no-no. They have too much perfume for newborn bottoms. Always use these kinds until you see how sensitive his little ass is.”
“Sensitive ass. Got it. Go.”
We rounded the corner and stopped in front of row after row of baby toiletries. Michelle said, “This is the best one for—”
I cut her off. “Michelle, I don’t give a shit. It’s not my baby. Just load up the cart and save the advice for the mother.”
She looked at me. “You’re a douchebag.”
“Massengil, baby. I will never need this information and we’re on the clock. Alissa’s going to have the baby by the time I develop a give-a-damn. Seriously. Let’s roll.”
Michelle mumbled, “I should have shopped with Lis.”
“Yeah, but you’re stuck with me, sister.”
“You’re totally the man in this relationship, you know that?”
I laughed. “I know. I’ve been around way too much estrogen lately. I feel like I should buy some golf clubs just so I can go outside and clean them while Dani and Alissa cry over chick flicks.”
Michelle laughed and shook her head. “You’re a mess. I forgot how pleasant Morning Chance is. I’m looking forward to my real friend.”
I looked at the clock on my phone. “You have another hour before she actually wakes up. And, to make matters worse, I’ve only had one cup of coffee that was cold before I got to finish it. I’m a little pissy.”
“I can see that.”
I watched as Michelle-the-parenting-expert navigated the baby aisles and tried to nod, smile, and croon when the moment called for it. The cart was nearly full by the time we made it to the car seats and cribs and met up with Katie and Alissa. Their cart wasn’t much better than ours, but I grinned when I saw champagne and orange juice. I pointed to it. “Who’s my best friend, today?”
Alissa said, “Always me, baby. Always me.”
“I think I love you.”
She said, “I know. They all do.”
We found a reluctantly helpful store associate, asked her opinion about the car seat and crib, made our selection, and had her wheel them to the front of the store so we could check out. In an hour and ten minutes, we’d managed to get everything on the lists and a few dozen outfits the mother twins insisted we needed. Katie made a fast trip back down to the laundry soap aisle and came back with a huge jug of Dreft, then we all left the check-out lane to get sheets and mattress pads for the crib. Good lord, babies are expensive.
I made Katie and Michelle go pull the Navigator to the front of the store. I didn’t want them to faint when the cashier announced the total of our shopping spree. It’s a good thing, too, because I nearly shit my pants as I swiped my card. Alissa offered to pay, but that just seemed inappropriate. Plus, my balls were bulging as the only “man” in this group, so I felt it was my duty to pay.
When the lady handed me the receipt, I said, “Shouldn’t I get a free year’s supply of coffee or something for that ring-up?’
She smiled as Alissa pushed me in my back. “Move.”
We loaded up the Navigator and headed toward the house. I made a fast detour through Starbucks and instantly found my good mood in the bottom of the cup. By the time we got back to the house, I was ready to throw a party. Plus, I knew mimosas were on the menu. I was a happy girl.
I handed my phone to Alissa. “Will you text Dani and ask her to take Chubs for a walk down the beach? That’ll get her out of the house while we’re unloading.”
“Where are we going to take all this stuff?” Katie asked.
“What about the pool room?” Alissa suggested.
I shook my head. “Glass walls. She’ll see everything.”
“What if we take it all to her room?” Michelle said.
“No, I think we should do it downstairs,” Alissa answered. “We could throw all this stuff on the other side of the big couch. We can stuff the gift bags over there.”
I looked at Michelle in the rearview mirror and bit my lip. “Did we get gift bags?”
“Got ‘em.” Michelle smiled.
“Shew. I’m such a dude. I think we should send Alissa down the beach to go make nice with Dani, which will buy us more time. You two probably need to talk, anyway.”
Alissa sighed. “Probably so.”
“Okay, that’s settled. Katie, you’ll be the look-out from the porch while Michelle and I lug all this stuff inside.”
Michelle flexed her arms. “Beef cake.”
I laughed. “Hot mess.”
Everything went according to plan. Dani was a dot on the beach when we got there, so we sent Alissa to stall her while Katie kept watch. Michelle and I hauled everything into the house and dropped it in the middle of the floor. We both broke a sweat while stuffing bags and ripping off price tags. Michelle took Katie’s place so she could come in and set up the cake, punch, and all that shit I know nothing about. Except mimosas. I know mimosas. And I had two before Alissa and Dani made their way back to the house.
Michelle stuck her head inside the door. “You’ve got about one minute before party time.”
Katie clapped her hands. “Done!”
I flipped the last gift bag into place. “Done!”
Michelle came in and grinned. “Aw, it’s so pretty. She’ll love it.”
I said, “Katie, you got the camera ready?”
“What? No way! You’re on camera duty.”
“Shit. Okay.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket and flipped it to camera mode. “Video or pictures?”
Katie said, “Video. Totally video.”
“On it.”
Alissa and Dani walked in with the conversation lingering over their heads. Chubs bounded in and left a little trail of sand where Dani forgot to wipe his feet. Oh well, I’ll clean it up later. As long as my OCD doesn’t make me stop everything and do it now. We’ll see.
Dani lifted her eyes and gasped. Her hand flew to her neck as her eyes bugged and chin quivered. “What is this?”
“Surprise!” We all yelled. Alissa joined the party-thrower’s side and clapped.
Dani buried her face in her hands. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe it. Thank you so much. A baby shower. A real baby shower.” She looked at the cake and pointed at the blue booties. “Oh that’s so sweet.” She wiped her face. “This is amazing.”
Katie handed her a glass of punch and guided her to the guest-of-honor chair. We should have gotten balloons. Every picture I�
��ve ever seen of a baby shower, there’s a helium foil balloon in every shot bobbing just over the head of the mother-to-be. I watched Dani take her place and look with disbelief at the massive display of gift bags on the floor in front of her. It looked like the carpet had puked rainbow sherbet. I downed the rest of my mimosa and went for round three. This was challenging my good mood.
I’d probably have more interest in the gift exchange if I hadn’t just participated in the dash-and-stash shopping spree. Nah, I wouldn’t have been interested either way. I stood next to the kitchen island thinking it would be more appropriate for me to have a cigar. I smiled and alternated between pictures and video footage of the baby shower. I was careful not to get any pictures of Alissa’s belly even though we already had the plan of telling people she was Dani’s surrogate if we got careless and uploaded a picture to Facebook that revealed Alissa’s condition.
Watching women’s faces at a baby shower is priceless. They keep a silly grin on their faces in anticipation for the full-face smile which precedes the gasp and, “Awww. . .” Michelle and Katie were at Dani’s feet schooling her on every product. Michelle turned to me and stuck her tongue out. “See? Someone appreciates my experience.”
I tilted my mimosa toward her. “Do your thang, sister.”
Today was day one all over again. I’ve had sixty-seven of them in the last three months. Operation Phase-Out-Tony wasn’t going as well as I’d hoped. Even standing in the midst of one of the happiest days of Dani’s life, his freaking face pops into my head. I researched hypnotism around day fifty of “day one” but couldn’t bring myself to do it. You just never know what they’re going to do when you’re under hypnosis. The last thing I needed was to bark like a dog every time I see a flashing yellow light or some shit like that.
Alissa sauntered over and leaned against the counter. “Penny for your thoughts,” she whispered.
I smiled. “I’m trying to imagine Dani changing a poopy diaper.”
She grinned. “Liar.”
I sighed. “Nope. Honest truth. Scout’s honor.”
She nodded and gave Dani a grin over her latest treasure. “I can read you like a book, Chance.”
“Really? What am I thinking now?”
She stared at my face and scowled. “No, you don’t want to go to prison for killing me.”
I smirked. “I do look awful in orange.”
“But, you’d make a great play toy for some six-foot-nine triple homicide lady.”
I nudged her. “That’s nasty.” I took a few more pictures of Dani and looked at Alissa. “Look at the little hens just clucking away.”
“Do you remember Michelle’s first baby shower? God, we were so hung over.”
I put up my hand. “Don’t say another word. I remember it very well, and I still can’t eat fried chicken.”
“That’s the last time I ever drank Jaeger, too.”
“You’re going to make me gag if you keep it up.” I shivered. “How’d it go on the beach?”
Alissa shrugged. “I told her I had a lot of that coming and that I was sorry for making her feel like my enemy. The same conversation we’ve had a few times already.”
“Think it held this time?” I glanced at Alissa then took another picture of Dani holding one of the outfits Katie had picked out. “That’s super cute, Dani.” She flashed me a perfect grin and sipped her punch.
Alissa said, “Yeah, I think this time she believes it.”
“I’m glad she had that blow-up. I think it was good for her. And I think this shower probably settles a lot of mixed emotions she’s been having.”
“How so?”
I took a deep breath. “If I were Dani, I’d live in complete torment wondering if you’re going to change your mind at the last minute. Now, before you interrupt me and explain for the four hundredth time why that can’t happen, hear me out. It happens all the time in the adoption world. I think legally the birth mother has something like three days to change her mind. If she does, whammo. Done and done. I realize this situation is unique in that you’re friends but still, shit happens, and I don’t think she’s going to breathe that sigh of relief until she has that baby in her arms. So this shower is symbolic in that she’s opening the gifts and getting schooled by the mama hens. I think you’ll see a big difference in her.”
Alissa sighed. “I hope so. Come on. Let’s get the crib and car seat.”
I followed Alissa to the other side of the living room and giggled. “Alissa, you’ve got that pregnant waddle going on. Haha, that’s awesome.”
She flipped me the bird over her shoulder and motioned to Katie to come help me. Alissa said, “Just like on the television shows, I’d like to announce that, Ms. Dani Miscato, we’re not done yet. What’s behind couch number one?”
Katie and I took our cue, slid the crib box around the couch and leaned it against the wall. I performed my best Vanna White while Katie curtsied. Dani squealed, “Oh my goodness, that’s a crib! The baby has a real bed.”
“A real bed for a real boy,” I said with a big smile.
“Way to go, Jiminy Cricket.” Michelle laughed.
Katie’s eyes widened. “Oh, oh! I know! When we get home, we’ll throw another shower for Dani’s friends and family with a Disney movie theme!”
Michelle clapped. “Oh Katie, that’s perfect!”
I put my thumb on my nose. “Not it!” Alissa followed suit, then Katie, so that left Michelle with the nomination to host. I said, “Haha, you lose again, Chelle.”
She said, “I don’t mind planning a party at all. It will be so much fun. Oh I can’t wait to hold that baby, smell him, see his sweet little hands and feet. Gibson had the cutest little cheeks.”
I pointed at her. “You need to quit that, now. You’ve got that look in your eye.”
She laughed. “First of all, one must actually have sex before they can conceive.”
Dani said, “Oh, is that how it works? I bet that’s where I went wrong.”
We all laughed and shook our heads. I said, “Point, Dani. Alissa, what else do we have for the lovely mother-to-be?”
Alissa grinned. “Glad you asked, my friend! What does every prince need to ride in a chariot fit for a king?” Katie rounded the corner and picked up the car seat. “His very own car seat! Blonde bombshell model sold separately.”
“Don’t make me laugh while I’m holding a prize,” Katie said.
Dani stood and took the car seat from Katie. “You guys should not have done all of this. Thank you so much. It’s . . . I’m . . .” She wiped the fresh tears from her eyes. “I’m so grateful. This feels real, now, like this is really going to happen.”
I pointed at Alissa’s belly. “Was there ever any doubt? Look at that thing.”
Alissa slapped my hand. “You’re a jerk.”
“You love it.”
“Come on, Katie.” Michelle pointed to the pile of presents. “Let’s help Dani take all this stuff upstairs and see if we can put the crib together.”
I looked at Dani and cringed. “Maybe we should see if there’s a handyman around here. Have you ever seen the things those two have put together?”
Michelle put her hands on her hips. “Hey, they were cheap shelves to begin with.”
I chuckled. “Yeah but the bookcase still took a side lunge and poor Freddie the fish perished.”
She huffed. “You never forget anything.”
I pointed to my temple. “Steel trap, baby.”
Katie, Michelle, and Dani took armloads of gifts up the stairs, and Alissa and I started gathering up gift bags and tissue paper. I said, “I’m pretty sure this is about forty dollars worth of gift bags we’ll never use again.”
Alissa shrugged. “I’m paying for an indoor pool you’ve never stepped into. Deal with it.” I rolled the idea in my head then decided she had trumped me. She said, “Go ahead and think for a comeback. I’ll wait.”
I stuffed the last bit of tissue paper in the trashcan and cinched the bag. I gru
nted as I hauled it out of the can. “I don’t have to think of something clever. I’m just trying to decide if I’m going to cut your hair in your sleep or sell your Coach bags on eBay.”
“Go for the hair. It grows back,” she said.
“Not if I keep cutting night after night.” I swung open the door with the trash in my hand and felt the air in the room explode past me and right into Tony’s face. I dropped the bag and stumbled backward. This was no vision; this was no flashback or memory. The man I had tried to erase stood in the door in front of me looking scared to death. I saw the little black swirlies trying to cloud my vision and took a deep breath. “Jesus,” I whispered.
He said, “No, Tony, but I get that a lot.” He looked at my stomach and met my eyes with a puzzled gaze.
“What are you doing here?” My voice resembled a terrible vibrato in a pubescent boy.
“I . . . I tried to see you. I went to the station, but they said you’d taken an extended leave. No one knew why.” He looked at my stomach again and swallowed hard. “I thought . . . I figured . . . I was afraid you . . .”
Alissa entered the mudroom. “Damn, Chance, were you born in a barn? Shut the damn . . .” She saw Tony and stopped. His eyes dropped to her bulging belly and softened. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and sighed as he put all the pieces together. Alissa stood unmoving but said, “Surprise.”
Tony shook his head and stuttered over his words. “I . . . I’m so sorry to barge in, Alissa. I didn’t know. About you. I didn’t even think . . .” He pointed at me. “She disappeared. I . . .”
She smiled. “Stop it before you make me seasick with all that wavering.
He sighed. “Thank you.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off him. “Are you really here?” I whispered.
He locked eyes with me. “I’ll prove it.” He stepped into the door and wrapped me in his arms. My chest swelled as my soul sighed. He rubbed his hands over my back and buried his face in my neck as he whispered, “God, I missed you.”
I swallowed hard and tried to speak, but all I could muster was a nod. I nearly broke my jaw as I clenched my teeth to stop the sobs of joy, relief, confusion, and shock from rolling out of my body.