Michael's Secrets

by Milton Stern

  Michael respected Sam’s wishes when he promised to do a guest spot or two, and he visited Sam a few more times in Toronto, whining as usual about the weather and endearing himself to Sam and vice versa along the way.

  The night of the Oscars, Michael debated whether to order a limo or just drive himself in his Cadillac, but Sid said that as a nominee, he should treat himself. Sam tried to fly in for the telecast, but filming had run over schedule by another month, and he was so upset he could not be there for Michael that he cried over the phone. Michael, although a little disappointed, told him it was OK.

  As Michael dressed for the telecast, there was a knock on the door. He finished tying his tie and walked to the front door and peaked through the window. He smiled as he saw who it was and swung the door open. Sam came in carrying a suitcase and a garment bag, dropped them both and hugged and kissed Michael, who started to tear up.

  “I thought you couldn’t make it,” Michael said as they parted lips, realizing it had been over three months since Sam had been home.

  “I pulled some strings, and I borrowed a tux from wardrobe,” Sam said as he pointed to the garment bag. “I thought my plane would be late. How much time do I have?”

  Michael was already dressed and told him he had about fifteen minutes. Sam ran into the bathroom, stripped, and jumped into the shower. He yelled from the shower, “When did you buy a Cadillac?”

  “In December,” Michael said as he stood at the bathroom door.

  “It’s about time you treated yourself,” Sam said as he finished showering, stepped out and dried himself off. “Did you sell the Corvair?”

  “No, it’s in the garage,” he answered as he stepped aside, so Sam could exit the bathroom and change.

  “I just thought of something,” Sam said, as he put on the tux that although was not a perfect fit, looked fabulous on him anyway. “Do you have a date for tonight?”

  Michael looked at him as if he just asked if he was pregnant and said, “Yeah, I’m going with this hot actor, who really knows how to treat a man.”

  Sam looked down, and Michael realized he believed him. “Jeez, Sam, did you leave your sense of humor in Toronto? I don’t have a date. I didn’t even give away my other ticket. I wouldn’t go with any man but you, silly boy.”

  Sam grinned from ear to ear and blushed with embarrassment. Right then, the chauffeur pulled up in the limousine and beeped his horn. He opened the door, and as Sam stepped out, Michael slapped his behind. He was flying on Cloud Nine, knowing Sam would be there with him. Michael then directed the limo driver to go to the Beverly Hilton as they had two more people to pick up.

  “Who else is going with us?” Sam asked.

  “Two people I have wanted you to meet for a long time,” Michael said and left it at that.

  They pulled up in front of the Beverly Hilton, and Michael stepped out of the limousine with Sam following. He walked up to his other two guests, who were already standing outside waiting.

  Dressed in a peach sequined gown, with diamonds dripping from her ears, neck and fingers, Doreen could not have looked happier. And, dressed in an orange sequined dress, with a low v-neck, and wearing her amber jewelry and smiling literally from ear to ear with her wide mouth and large teeth, Rona was equally as excited.

  “Aunt Rona, Aunt Doreen, there has been a slight change in plans,” Michael said. “I can’t be your dates for tonight as this wonderful man just flew in from Toronto to be at my side.” Michael motioned for Sam to come closer. As he walked up, both of them smiled with approval.

  “Sam Jacobs, I want you to meet two very special people,” Michael said as Sam went to shake their hands, “Aunt Doreen and Aunt Rona.”

  “What is this shaking of hands?” Rona asked as she grabbed him and kissed him on the cheek. “And, such a handsome young man.”

  “And a nice Jewish boy,” Doreen said as she grabbed him for a kiss. “Michael thinks the world of you. He has talked about you the whole time we’ve been here.”

  Sam looked over at Michael with a pleasantly surprised look on his face and said, “You talk about me?”

  “A little,” Michael said sarcastically with a smile. “Listen, Aunt Rona, Aunt Doreen, Sam is my date, so you two have to be each other’s dates tonight. You make a nice couple anyway.”

  “Come on, Honey,” Doreen said as she put her arm in Rona’s.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Rona said, “and if anyone asks, I’m the top.”

  They all looked at Rona and laughed. Then they stepped into the limo and headed for the Oscars.

  As they alighted from the limousine, photographers immediately started taking their pictures as Sam and Michael walked up the red carpet holding hands. Sam was so comfortable with himself, and for the first time in a long while, Michael smiled for the photographers as they said, “Look over here,” and he was getting dizzy from spinning in this direction and that direction. They were the only couple entering the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion without an entourage of PR people and the like, except for Doreen and Rona, who were close behind them. Michael spotted Joan Rogers’ booth and whispered in Sam’s ear, “Let’s see if she’ll talk to us.”

  They managed to get over to her booth, and she had just finished interviewing one of the nominees for Best Actor when she saw Michael. He had known Joan for years as she had done a couple of guest hosting spots on Los Angeles Live. She waved them up to her makeshift stage, and she didn’t talk directly to them, as she apparently was talking to her daughter who was on the other side of the red carpet, saying, “Mindy, I have Michael Bern here, we’ll switch to you in a minute.” Then, she turned to Sam and Michael and kissed Michael on the cheek.

  “Michael Bern has been nominated for Best Original Screenplay for Birthright, which has been a huge hit. Michael, how does it feel to be nominated for an Oscar?”

  “I have never been happier,” Michael said. “This is the highlight of my career, and even more exciting is that Sam was able to get away from filming in Toronto to be my date tonight. Have you met Sam Jacobs?”

  “I know Sam, he plays the sexy delivery guy on Working for a Living, right?” she asked Sam.

  “And, he’ll be in Montana Round-up, which opens in the fall and Melvin and Sandra, which will be released next year,” Michael said, beaming proudly for Sam.

  “Please, Michael, this is your night. Joan, ask him a question?” Sam said, proud of Michael’s achievements.

  “How long have you two been together?” she asked Michael, who froze. They had been dating, but was he ready to call Sam his boyfriend? Were they together? They had been apart more than they were actually together.

  “We met almost two years ago, when I parked his car,” Sam said, recovering for Michael.

  “Tell me, Michael, who are you wearing?” Joan asked.

  He was wearing a black suit with a black shirt and a gray tie, and he wasn’t sure who designed it, so he said, “Something I picked up at Loeman’s on sale.”

  Joan and Sam laughed.

  Then, Sam said, “I picked up mine in wardrobe, yesterday,” referring to his ill-fitting tuxedo.

  “Oh, who cares? You two are so handsome you could be in jeans and still look fabulous,” Joan said. “So Michael, what is your next project?”

  “I’m producing and writing a sitcom for HTO, called Mickey’s Life. We begin filming in a month,” Michael told her.

  “I know it’ll be a hit,” she said.

  “And, Joan, I want you to meet Aunt Rona and Aunt Doreen who flew in from Williamsburg, Virginia, to be with me tonight,” as he motioned for Doreen and Rona to step up to the makeshift stage.

  “How long have you two been together?” Joan asked.

  “Fifty-six years,” Rona said.

  “Liar,” Doreen said, “it’s been fifty-four years.”

  “Well, it feels like seventy,” Rona said.

  “However many years it is, you both look fantastic,” Joan said. “Good luck tonight, Michael. And, Sam, hold on to this one,
he’s a catch.” She kissed both of them, and they stepped down.

  As a nominee, Michael had an aisle seat eight rows from the front, and Sam and he sat down and looked around at all the stars and other celebrities in attendance. Doreen and Rona sat directly behind them and bickered the entire time about everything from the program to the seats to who this was and who that was, not knowing any of the actors’ names. Michael had to shush them a couple of times, but they would just smile and resume their banter. He also knew Sam was having the time of his life. Michael, however, was a nervous wreck. He had not prepared a speech as he always found that to be pretentious and did not expect to win.

  As with any award show, the festivities dragged on longer than necessary, and Michael just wanted it to end. His category came up during the third hour of the broadcast, and as his name was read out loud, Sam squeezed his hand. Michael could swear Sam was more excited than he was.

  “And the Oscar goes to … Michael Bern for Birthright.”

  There was applause, and Michael sat there in shock. He didn’t know what to do. Sam leaned over and kissed him and said, “Get up. You won! Go!”

  Michael stood up, turned around to kiss Doreen and Rona, and Stanley King also stood to hug Michael on his way to the podium. Michael thought he was going to trip, but he managed to walk up to the podium without making a complete fool of himself. They handed him the Oscar, which would not be his, as they would have to engrave it then send him the real one by the end of the week. Michael had won enough Emmys to know that routine, but for the sake of the audience, he looked at it as if his name were on it. He stood in front of the podium and could feel his heart beating through his suit, knowing everyone at home could, too. Michael looked down at Sam, who had a big smile on his face and tears in his eyes as well as Rona and Doreen, who pulled tissues from their sleeves.

  “Wow, I didn’t expect this,” Michael began. “Thank you. I thank my agent, Sid Goldman, the entire cast and crew of Birthright, and everyone over at HTO. I also thank four women who watched over me as a child, Rona Sapperstein and Doreen Weiner Eidleman, who are alive and well and sitting in the audience tonight, and Arlene Feld and my godmother, Florence Kennof, whom I wish could be here to see me holding an Oscar.” As he mentioned Florence and Arlene, Rona and Doreen held each other’s hands as they continued dabbing their eyes. Michael also started to choke up a bit. “I also thank my therapist, Dr. Andrew Mikowsky.” The audience laughed. “But, most of all, I thank Sam Jacobs, who borrowed a tux from wardrobe and flew in from Toronto just to be my date for the evening, and who has shown me that there still are caring, considerate and wonderful men in the world. I love you. Thank you, so much.” Michael looked right at Sam, who was crying, and held up the Oscar and turned around.

  Michael was led off the stage by the Oscar models to the press room, where they peppered him with questions about his career and what he was doing. Surprisingly, no one asked him about Sam. So, he said to one reporter, “Don’t you have any questions about Sam Jacobs, my date?”

  “Yes,” he said. “How long have you two been together?”

  “Sam and I met almost two years ago,” Michael said. “Remember his name, Sam Jacobs. He’s a great actor and a terrific guy.”

  With that, Michael excused myself, handed the pseudo Oscar to one of the stage hands and returned to his seat. Sam hugged him before he sat down, then he whispered in Michael’s ear, “Thank for what you said about me. And for the record, you are also a caring, considerate, and wonderful man.” Michael smiled at him, still reeling in the excitement of winning an Oscar.

  His was the only win for Birthright.

  The four of them went to Spago for the after-Oscar party, then they made the rounds to all the other Oscar parties, ending up at Stanley King’s house, where Michael received thunderous applause when he arrived with Sam by his side and Doreen and Rona in tow. He was the belle of the ball. Sam and Michael both only had the occasional sip of champagne all night as they both discovered that neither liked bubbly. At around 1:00 am, Doreen and Rona were exhausted, so Michael sent them back to the hotel in the limo, which returned to pick up Sam and Michael. By 3:00 am, they finally arrived home, still sober, and they wondered how many others in Hollywood were sober that night. Michael tipped the chauffeur, and he was on his way.

  They were still full of energy from the evening, so Michael and Sam decided to sit out on the deck and enjoy some alone time, as they had not been able to talk since he arrived at what seemed a day earlier, but was really only a short time ago.

  As Sam went out to the deck, Michael reached into the refrigerator and found a bottle of Manischewitz Blackberry Wine, which he kept for no particular reason. He unscrewed the top and poured two glasses.

  Before he carried them out to the deck, Michael went into the bedroom, took off his jacket and tie and found a small box he had kept in the drawer of his nightstand, and he put the box in his pocket. He then went back into the kitchen, picked up the two glasses of wine, walked out to the deck, and sat next to Sam.

  “Here, some Jewish bubbly for you,” Michael said, handing him one of the glasses.

  “Oh boy, Concorde grape?” Sam asked.

  “No, Manischewitz Blackberry,” Michael answered with a smile as he raised his glass.

  They clinked glasses and sipped the wine.

  “Mmmm, I love this stuff, but I should be careful. I get drunk on one glass,” Sam said, winking at Michael.

  “Me, too,” Michael said as they laughed.

  “Michael,” Sam began as he put his glass down on the table. “I have something to tell you.”

  Michael’s heart stopped. This was such a great night that he didn’t want anything to ruin it. “If it is bad news, don’t tell me tonight,” he said.

  “It isn’t bad news, I promise,” he began. “I just have to return to Toronto in the morning. My flight leaves at seven,” he said.

  “That’s in less than four hours,” Michael said, disappointed that he was leaving so soon after arriving. “At least I got this small amount of time with you.”

  Sam looked at Michael and smiled. “But I do have good news. We should wrap up in the next two weeks. I’ll be coming back then to stay. Sid lined up an audition for a new police drama,” he said, reassuring Michael he would see him again.

  “Then we can be together more often and take this relationship to the next level,” Michael said with a wink. But, Sam remained quiet and stared into the darkness. “You do want to continue seeing me, don’t you?” Sam took a sip of his wine, put the glass down, then took a deep breath. “Oh, no,” Michael said, “I know that look.”

  Sam looked at Michael, and he had tears in his eyes. He then looked down before beginning to speak.

  “There is something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about for some time … and I don’t know exactly how to tell you this …”

  “You’re seeing someone else,” Michael said.

  Sam looked up at him, surprised.

  “I’ve been around the block a few times,” Michael continued.

  “We met a year ago, and I wouldn’t call it serious, and he knows about you, but I swore a long time ago I would never fall in love again, so I told him, I could not be in a relationship unless we were able to see other people, and I know you are perfect for me, but if I saw you exclusively, I would fall in love with you, and I can’t risk that,” he said without taking a breath.

  “What?” Michael asked. “I’m perfect for you, but you can’t risk falling in love with me because you swore you’d never fall in love again? What kind of weird bullshit is that … and where the fuck is this coming from?”

  “I know it sounds crazy,” Sam said. “I don’t understand it myself. I want to continue seeing you, but I can’t see you exclusively because …”

  “You’ll fall in love with me, I heard you,” Michael said as he shook his head. “Well, I’m not ready to expend my energies on a relationship that is doomed from the start as you have no intention o
f falling in love with me and will do anything to keep that from happening … Is there anything else I need to know, or is this your only surprise tonight?”

  Sam looked out into the darkness again and took another sip of the sweet wine. He put the glass down and looked at Michael. “Sam Jacobs is not my real name.”

  “What?”

  “I’m not Jewish, either.”

  Michael was in shock. He stood up and paced the deck before stopping and looking at Sam’s back.

  “Who the fuck pretends to be Jewish? Are you also straight?”

  Sam looked back at Michael and said, “I’m gay … by my career was going nowhere, and I figured I was just another WASPy actor, so I changed my name to give me some ethnicity. I know it sounds backwards, but I needed a boost, and if you knew I wasn’t Jewish, would you have called me?”

  Michael sat down and looked at Sam. “I guess we’ll never know, will we. So, what is your real name, and how did you come about looking so Jewish?”

  “Bob Essex … and I had a nose job to give me a more ethnic look, and I dye my hair and eyebrows one shade darker. It’s amazing what a difference the slightest change can make,” Sam answered with an attempt at a smile.

  Michael looked right at him and said very calmly, “Get the fuck out of my house. Leave … now.”

  “But, Michael …” Sam pleaded.