A Little Bit of Déjà Vu

by Laurie Kellogg

  “Considering the probable outcome, this is a pointless discussion. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m tired, and I feel sick. I’m going to bed.”

  He could sleep for a year. “If you let me come to bed and hold you,” he said, lifting his eyebrows in a hopeful arch, “we’ll both sleep a lot better.”

  The door slammed in his face.

  Way to go, Ass. Maybe if he’d offered her a backrub....

  ~~~

  The phone’s call light flashed at Margie after she let herself into the house. She pressed the play button and the computerized voice told her she had one message.

  “Hey, Margie, it’s Louise. I hope the dust has finally settled after what happened at the board meeting. Your son-in-law was quite eloquent in his defense of his dad. I just wanted to let you know I presented your funding request to the board for the parents’ book club.

  Bless, Louise. Margie figured after she’d run out of the meeting with Emma, her mission would have a major setback.

  “Naturally that jerk, Carmichael, tried to shoot it down. But after making such a fool of himself trying to ruin Jake, the rest of the board was determined to do the opposite of anything the idiot recommended. So you have your book club. Now all we need are some eager parents. Talk to you later this week.”

  At least something had gone right. Margie heaved a satisfied sigh as she crawled into bed fully clothed. She was too tired to even undress.

  Despite her exhaustion, ten minutes later she was still tossing and turning, repeatedly fluffing her pillow while she mentally replayed everything Jake had said that evening. After hearing him explain men’s ability to disassociate love from sex, she could almost feel sorry for them. But not quite. It sounded too much like justification for sleeping with her when he still cared for Roxanne.

  As for Katherine doing what she thought was best—in her heart, Margie knew he was right. Her mother had known Jake didn’t love Margie, and Katherine had done exactly what he said he would’ve in the same situation. Katherine had moved heaven and earth to try to keep Margie from ruining her life.

  He’d once said perfect parents didn’t exist. In the last month, Emma had revealed plenty she would’ve improved on in Margie. She’d made it clear she thought Margie should’ve shown more backbone with Dan. Her daughter would’ve been thrilled if Margie had put up a fight about moving every few years. Not to mention, Emma resented not knowing her grandmother—a woman who’d had a lot more spine than Margie ever had.

  If nothing else, her mother had been a woman of conviction.

  Emma had always been a lot like Margie. It’d only been since Jake had been in her daughter’s life that the child had begun to show some spunk—like her grandma.

  Margie smiled, remembering how adamant Emma was about saving her baby even if it cost her life. Her daughter was far stronger and more self-possessed than she’d been at her age. Her little girl was going to do all right, no matter what life handed her.

  For nineteen years, Margie had been punishing her mother, telling herself that, since Katherine hadn’t wanted her first grandchild, she didn’t deserve a relationship with Emma, either. She’d insisted a good mother couldn’t treat her child the way Katherine had treated her.

  But what was her mother really guilty of? Worrying when Margie was sick? Working extra shifts as a nurse to put a roof over her child’s head? Wanting her daughter to have the successful career as a doctor that Katherine regretted not having herself? And when Margie was in trouble and her future happiness was in jeopardy—loving her enough to hurt her?

  Jake was right. She’d never be at peace if she didn’t let her bitterness go as well as her guilt. All these years, she’d been directing her resentment at her mom, when deep down, she’d been beating herself up for not standing up to Katherine and for not having more courage and self-confidence. It wasn’t her mom Margie was so pissed off at. It was herself.

  As for her notion of what a good mother would do, she couldn’t claim to be blameless. She’d simply made different mistakes than Katherine had.

  What about being a good daughter? A good daughter would forgive her mother for doing what she thought was best for her child. And a good daughter wouldn’t waste another moment before asking her mother to be a part of her life again.

  She rolled over and dragged the phone off the night table and dialed the phone number Barbara had insisted on putting in her directory. Margie nearly hung up, but her mother’s voice stopped her. She sounded....old.

  “Mom?” she choked out. “It’s Margie.”

  “Margaret?” Katherine gasped. “Oh, my goodness.”

  “Nobody calls me Margaret nowadays,” Margie explained. In fact, she didn’t even feel like Margie any longer.

  Deep down, she’d loved the nickname Jake had given her nineteen years ago and had forsaken it the day he’d rejected her to marry Roxanne. If she really wanted to let go of her bitterness, she needed to reclaim the name her resentment had compelled her to discard.

  “Please—call me Maggie instead.”

  “Okay.” Katherine sniffled. “Maggie. You don’t know how I’ve prayed one day you would call.”

  “A lot’s happened in my life recently that’s made me think about our relationship.”

  “I know. Aunt Dorothy told me about Emma and showed me the wedding pictures you sent to her. She’s beautiful.”

  Maggie squashed the urge to tell her mother her granddaughter was no more beautiful than Jake’s baby would’ve been. She was forgiving her mom and letting go of the past.

  “I suppose she also told you who Em’s father-in-law is?”

  “Yes,” Katherine admitted, a chill creeping into her voice.

  “You may still bear a grudge against Jake, Mom.” Probably because he was one of the few people who’d ever stood up to Katherine. “But you should know he’s the one who convinced me I was wrong to cut you out of my life. I’m sorry.”

  “No, Sweetheart, I’m the one who needs forgiving. I had no right to make the decision for you that I did. And I guess I owe Jake an apology as well.”

  “Regardless, it still wasn’t fair to deny my daughter the chance to know her grandma. I’d like to change that. I’d love for you to visit us.”

  “Thank you. I don’t know if I deserve a second chance, but I would love to put the past behind us.”

  So would she. Just as long as her mother didn’t screech with laughter when and if Maggie had to confess she’d stupidly let Jake get her pregnant—again.

  Chapter 19

  Much to Alex’s distress, Emma was released from the hospital on Saturday morning and sentenced to partial bed rest until further notice—meaning her feet were only allowed to touch the floor while she ate her meals and showered.

  During the drive home, every time she so much as sighed, fear paralyzed his chest, and he had to fight the temptation to turn the Explorer right back toward the hospital.

  Shortly after they arrived home, his mother-in-law showed up and fussed over Emma all afternoon. She took her blood pressure every two hours in between helping his dad proofread the introduction to his dissertation and cooking dinner for them all.

  Alex camped out on the family room sofa in front of the television and held Emma, watching her as if she might self-destruct if he took his eyes off her. He just wanted everyone to go away, so he could punch something and relieve some of the tension cramping his shoulders.

  By eight o’clock that evening, he’d finally had enough and flipped off the remote. “Mom, I appreciate all your TLC, but Em and I need some time alone. We’re gonna say goodnight.”

  “Don’t apologize. I should get going anyway.” Maggie headed for the door as if she had a demon chasing her.

  Jake grabbed her hand. “Come for breakfast tomorrow, and you and I can go to church together afterward.”

  “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

  “Your daughter needs you right now.” He smiled at Emma with a pleading look in his eyes. “Don’t
you, Em?”

  Emma’s gaze bounced between them. “Yes, Dad, Alex and I need both of you.”

  Maggie sighed and pressed a kiss to Emma’s forehead. “Okay, I’ll be here at eight.”

  Alex led Emma to their room, closed the door, and sank onto the bed with her. “I guess, since you went along with my dad’s emotional blackmail, you’re okay with him getting involved with your mom.”

  “I guess.” She shrugged. “I think he really loves my mother, and I realized he cares a lot about me, too.”

  He nodded and bit his lip. The only thing they’d talked about for two days was their baby. He needed to hear Emma say she’d forgiven him. “Angel, what about us?”

  “What do you mean? What about us?”

  “Do you still want to stay married to me?”

  Her lower lip trembled. “You don’t want me to?”

  “No! I mean, yes, I want you to. I don’t ever want you to leave me. I just don’t know if you can forgive me.”

  She scooted into his lap and wound her arms around his neck. “I already have, Alex. Your dad helped me see you weren’t in love with me when Brandy pushed herself on you. I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me what she did.”

  “Because I was afraid you’d think I wanted her. I didn’t—don’t. I swear. I need you to believe me when I tell you I love you—and only you.”

  “That’s hard sometimes, Alex. You could have any girl you want. I’m always amazed you chose me.”

  “But I feel the same way about you. You’re the only girl I ever met who didn’t care my last name is Manion or that I was the school’s quarterback and had a hot car. No other girl ever listened to me the way you do.” He crushed her mouth under his.

  She slid off him onto the mattress and unzipped his fly. “I probably shouldn’t have sex until after I ask Dr. Brennan about it, but I don’t think doing it with my mouth could hurt anything.”

  God forgive him, he’d love to let her. But he didn’t want Emma to ever think what they did in bed would impact his love for her. “No, Em,” he whispered. “All I want is for you to let me undress you and hold you.”

  She smiled and flipped off the light. “I love you, Alex.”

  “Angel?” He pulled her blouse over her head in the dark and unhooked her bra. “When are you going to finally let me see you naked?”

  “Umm—maybe when your body isn’t more beautiful than mine.”

  “Em.”

  “Alex, you don’t understand. My breasts aren’t....”

  “Aren’t what?”

  “Normal. They’re—uhh....different sizes.”

  That’s what all her shyness was about?

  “So? You don’t think I know that? It’s one of the things I love about you. You’re like a variety pack.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  “You don’t get it, Angel.” He laughed and licked her nipple. “Most guys need two women to get the kind of choice I have with you. When I want just a mouthful, I simply play to the right. When I’m in the mood for a handful, I go to the left. I consider myself a very lucky man.”

  She tickled him in the rib. “And that’s why I love you.”

  ~~~

  The next morning, Jake let Maggie in the front door and turned on the electric griddle. “Would you mind fixing a pot of coffee while I finish whipping up the pancake batter?”

  The kids shuffled into the kitchen, wearing their bathrobes. Despite Alex’s serious case of bed-head, he looked as if he hadn’t slept in weeks. He pointed at the griddle. “What’s with the pancakes? I certainly haven’t done anything to deserve them.”

  “Who says you’re getting any.” Jake chuckled. “You can watch Maggie and Emma eat them all.” He lifted his hands in apology. “Actually, I’m doing penance for letting you down the last couple of weeks. Maggie told me the other night that you’ve been trying to talk to me, and I’ve been too distracted to listen.”

  Maggie raised her eyebrows. “Your father’s all ears now, Alex, and so is your wife.”

  Alex twisted his mouth a moment and dropped onto the stool at the breakfast bar next to Emma. “I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you....” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I don’t want to disappoint you, Dad.”

  “You’ve never been a disappointment to me before, and I seriously doubt you could do anything to become one.”

  “What if I quit playing football?”

  Jake stared at his son a full half-minute. Why would he want to give up everything he’d worked so hard to achieve? “That depends on why you want to quit. If it’s because you don’t like the game, then I will be disappointed in you. Very.”

  Maggie’s mouth dropped open. “Jake!”

  He held up his hand. “Because if that’s the case, it means you haven’t been honest with me the last seven years. I’ve never wanted you to play ball unless it was what you wanted.”

  Alex stared at the floor. “It was.”

  “So then what’s the reason?” Jake poured six round pools of batter onto the griddle.

  “I guess it stopped being fun this year when all the colleges started calling. Then I got that letter from the coach at Penn State, telling me how excited the other players were that Rocket Manion’s son would be joining their team.”

  “And that’s intimidating you?”

  “The whole world’s watching me, waiting to see if I can compare to you. We all know I can’t. My stats aren’t nearly as good as yours were in high school.”

  Emma put her arms around him. “Alex, you’re just scared.”

  “You’re damn straight I am. My dad’s fans can’t wait to see me fall on my face and make a fool of myself.”

  Jake closed his eyes. He’d thought he’d been doing right by his kid in not comparing Alex to himself or telling his son how much better he was than Jake had been. He hadn’t wanted to give his son a swelled head. All he’d accomplished was to make the kid doubt himself and his ability.

  Jake gazed at his son and saw the scared little boy he’d carried on his shoulders to kindergarten reflected in his eyes. “Tell me something,” he rasped past the walnut-sized lump of emotion clogging his throat. “If you turned out to be twice the football player I was, would it take anything away from my accomplishments?”

  “No.”

  “You have to play ball for yourself, Sport. All the coaches have a right to expect is that you give it your all and be the best that you can be.”

  Alex smiled. “You sound like an Army recruitment ad.”

  Jake chuckled and put his hand on his son’s shoulder. “I’m going to tell you a secret that, in hindsight, I should’ve let you in on a long time ago. You’re better than I was at your age.”

  “Yeah, right.” Alex sputtered. “Numbers don’t lie, Dad.”

  “The ones you’re referring to do. You know football’s a team sport, and your performance is affected by the guys playing with you. When you talk about the percentage of completed passes, you have another person at the other end of that ball.”

  Jake stepped over to the griddle and flipped the pancakes. “I played on a championship team that had two other players besides me eventually go pro—and one of them was a receiver.”

  Maggie ruffled Alex’s hair. “You should listen to your dad. I’m sure he knows a lot better than you do how your numbers stack up against his.”

  “That’s right, Alex, and you come out on top all the way around,” Jake told him. “You’ve been living and breathing football since you were born. You can run the hundred faster than I could at your age, and you can throw a ball farther and more accurately.”

  His son waved at him. “You’re making that up. You can hit an upright ten yards farther away from where I can.”

  “After five years in college and six seasons in the pros, I would hope so. Come on. You can’t be that naïve. Do you think you’re as good as you’re ever going to be, right now?”

  His son just shrugged.

  “Lying to you serves no purpo
se for me because I don’t give a rat’s ass whether you play ball or not. All I want is for you to be happy.” Jake transferred the pancakes to two plates and slid them across the breakfast bar to Alex and Emma. “Become a hairdresser for all I care. I just want you to be the best damn hairdresser you can be.”

  Emma wiggled onto Alex’s lap and slid her arms around his neck. “I don’t care what you do, either. I didn’t fall in love with a quarterback, Alex. I fell in love with the guy that was nice enough to ask me to lunch.”

  “Uhh—there’s something you ought to know about that.” Alex smirked. “My dad bribed me with pancakes to be nice to you. Meeting you in his classroom that day was a setup. I didn’t really need lunch money.”

  She peered into his face. “Are you telling me you didn’t want to eat with me?”

  “Not before I met you. But after you smiled at me, eating lunch was the furthest thing from my mind.” Alex pulled Emma’s mouth to his in a lingering kiss.

  “Son?” Jake cleared his throat. “Now that you have my attention, could we focus on the issue at hand?”

  “What do you want to do?” Maggie asked. “Are you leaving for school in August to train or are you waiting for the semester to start?”

  Alex glanced at Emma. “Do you think Em should be that far away from Dr. Brennan?”

  This from the kid who didn’t want the handsome doctor touching his wife.

  “They have hospitals and doctors near the college if I have any more problems,” Emma reminded him.

  “And if she does,” Maggie added, “I’ll request a leave of absence when school starts and come take care of her.”

  Alex uncapped the maple syrup and shrugged. “Then I guess I owe it to myself to see if I’m as good as my dad says I am.”

  “I’m glad.” Maggie smiled. “From what Simon tells me, you’re very talented.” All at once, she turned a sickly color and clapped her hand over her mouth. “Oh, no.” She dashed for the powder room.

  Alex squinted at Jake, chuckling. “Is there something the two of you aren’t telling us?”

  The kid was obviously trying to be funny and had no idea he’d stumbled onto the truth.