Love to Hate You

by Jo Watson

  “What the hell?” I reached down and started pulling him up again. “Are you going to … uh, were you going to … you were, uh, propose?”

  Ben burst out laughing and laid his hand on my shoulders. “No. But if you want me to …?”

  “No! God, no!” I pulled away quickly feeling like a total idiot. But Ben was so weird and unpredictable that I wouldn’t have put some totally inappropriate proposal past him.

  “You sure? This is the second time you’ve brought it up.” He laughed.

  “What’s in your hand?” I asked and pointed at the hand that had reached into his pocket moments ago.

  He opened it and held it out.

  “You think you can bribe me with chocolate?” I asked, taking it from his hand.

  “It worked last time.” He said and then without warning, playfully pulled me towards him again, wrapping his arms around me and locking me into a hug.

  I closed my eyes, not wanting to look him in the eye right now. God, I felt like an idiot!

  “Open your eyes, Sera.”

  I shook my head and closed them even tighter. “Mmm-uuhh.” And then I felt his lips coming down onto mine. They were soft and gentle and I was reminded of the way he’d kissed me in the car that night. No one had ever kissed me like this before—except him. I began to forget myself. Forget everything that had happened between us. And when his hands moved to my lower back, my mind went completely blank. Then he pulled me closer and started walking me backwards towards his … Bedroom?

  51. Kissing Daze …

  Halfway down the passage to his room, Ben stopped walking and had me pinned against the wall, kissing me. We tried to walk and kiss at the same time, which didn’t really work, so we were forced to make another kissing pit stop—this time I was doing the pinning. After a few more steps, he managed to get my top off, which caused another delay, as it seemed to call for more kissing. These kisses were concentrated in a more southerly direction. I’d never been in such a full-blown kissing daze. Ten minutes prior to that moment I hadn’t even realized such a state could even exist.

  I wasn’t even sure we were going to make it to the bedroom, because with only a few feet to go, Ben held me up against the wall and I wrapped my legs around him to pull him nearer.

  After some serious kissing, we finally arrived and tumbled onto Ben’s bed, but the second we did, Ben stopped kissing me.

  “What?” I asked, breathless.

  “You really are something, Sera,” he said, running his hand over my naked stomach.

  “Something?” I lifted my hand to his hair—I’d wanted to play with it for so long. I brushed it back and it stood up like a Mohawk, causing a small chuckle to escape my mouth.

  “What have you done to me?” He lifted his hand to his hair to investigate.

  I smoothed it down again and it flopped into his face, causing another small chuckle.

  “You’re terribly cute,” he said, circling my belly button with his fingers, which made me giggle.

  “Ticklish.” I pushed his hand away.

  “Really?” His eyes lit up with one of his now famous devilish looks. “And this?”

  He lowered his mouth to my stomach and started kissing it. Kissing it all the way up to where my bra started and then down to where my pants started. I wriggled, but not because it was ticklish.

  “No,” I said. The word was breathy.

  “And this?” he moved his mouth over my bra and up to my neck.

  “No.”

  “And if I did this?” he asked, taking my bra strap between his teeth and pulling it down over my shoulder.

  I shivered as the one side of my bra came off and he traced his mouth over my bare breast.

  “No.”

  “Good,” he said, undoing my bra rather stealthily and tossing it aside.

  But instead of continuing, he just lay there and stared at me for a moment. “We should do this properly, the good ol’ fashioned way,” he said, gently stroking his fingertips over my naked chest.

  “And what … um, what way … is that?” I was barely able to form words, let alone sentences at this point.

  “Well, we still haven’t been on that date.” He smiled, planting a kiss between my breasts. “Go out with me? Let’s start from the very beginning again. A clean slate.”

  “And Mei? I thought you said she hated other women? That it might jeopardize things with Li.”

  Ben smiled, it looked like it wasn’t for my benefit. “I’m very confident I’m going to get joint custody. Probably in the next week actually. The court-appointed social worker has recommended joint custody, and I also think Mei is tired of fighting. Not to mention broke. Once I legally have joint custody, there is nothing she can do to me.”

  “A completely clean slate?” I asked.

  “Sparkling clean.” He leaned in looking excited. “We put everything behind us, and start over.”

  “Okay,” I finally whispered.

  “Tomorrow night then?” he asked, and teased me with some more small kisses.

  “Mmmm-hmmm,” I said—that was all I could manage at that stage.

  “Good,” he said, coming up to my lips again. “By the way, I’m not going to sleep with you tonight, Sera …”

  I nodded, waiting for him to say more.

  “… I’m going to wait until you’re madly in love with me.” He smiled that naughty smile and I burst out laughing.

  “So confident.”

  “Yup. And when you are, I’m going to make love to you all fucking night.”

  I gasped. My heart raced and my breath got stuck in my throat. He lowered himself over me again, his lips brushing mine as he whispered, “I’m counting the seconds.” He kissed me again and I opened my mouth to feel his tongue inside me. We stayed there kissing for ages, before he stopped and pulled me off the bed.

  “So what say we paint a little girl’s bedroom bright pink?”

  “Sure.” I nodded and reached for my top, but he pulled it away from me.

  “No. Keep it off.” His eyes were staring straight at my breasts.

  “I’m not painting topless.”

  “I’ll take mine off too.” He whipped his shirt off and my eyes drifted over his naked chest. God, he was hot. And it felt like forever since I’d seen him this undressed.

  “Okay.” I nodded, feeling quite hypnotized by him at that moment. He was obviously working his black magic again, because who on earth would agree to paint a bedroom topless?

  Me. That’s who.

  52. Mariah Carey Would Be Envious …

  “You didn’t have sex?”

  “We didn’t have sex,” I repeated.

  “You didn’t have sex?”

  “We didn’t have sex.”

  “You didn’t have sex?” JJ was repeating the line like a broken record, emphasizing different words each time as if that might change my answer somehow.

  “Jesus, JJ. Get over it. For the tenth time, we didn’t have sex.” I smacked him on the arm playfully. He was still wide-eyed with shock.

  “So you painted a room topless, and you didn’t have sex?”

  “Exactly,” I said innocently.

  JJ eyed me suspiciously, “I hope you’re not keeping secrets from me.”

  I laughed. “Oh please. I couldn’t keep a secret from you if I tried.”

  It was already 5 p.m. by the time I’d been able to relate last night’s events to them. I’d woken up at 1 p.m., my body obviously knew that this was the first day of my entire adult life that I found myself unemployed, and it was making the most of it. I’d then had a leisurely coffee downstairs by the tree, and now I was flipping through décor magazines with JJ while we came up with ideas for the coffee shop.

  “So what do you think of this?” JJ asked, holding up the magazine.

  “I’m not so sure a Mercedes Sports Car would look good in the middle of the restaurant,” I said, looking at the magazine.

  “No. Not for the restaurant. For me?”

&nb
sp; “You?”

  “I think I would look good driving it around,” he said, looking at the shiny silver thing.

  “You have a perfectly good Audi already,” I said, going back to the décor magazines.

  “Well, I was thinking that maybe you could have it and I would get a new car.”

  “Me? No. You can’t give me your car.”

  “Why? You need a car, and it’s time for my midlife crisis.”

  I shook my head. “I could never accept that. Ever.”

  JJ put the magazine down on the floor and looked at me with something that resembled anger—he’d never looked at me like that before.

  “What?” I asked, feeling worried.

  “Sera, why won’t you let anyone help you?” he asked, sounding frustrated.

  “Help is a few bucks for petrol, not a car. And I do let you guys help me, in fact,” I hung my head, “I think I let you help me way too much and I really need to start paying rent around here.”

  “Stop it!” JJ held up his hand. “That’s ridiculous. You’re our family. We’re not going to charge you rent.”

  “JJ, I can’t accept a car from you!” I said firmly and looked back down at the magazines. “You guys have been far too generous over the years and I have no idea how I will ever be able to pay that back.”

  “Jesus!” I heard JJ snap angrily and looked up, “You really—”

  A loud beeping on my phone cut him off. It was a message from Ben.

  Sera, I will pick you up at exactly 6:45 pm. Dress very formal. XX

  “Shit.” I read the message out loud and looked over at JJ. The “dress very formal” line had me spinning. Luckily I lived with a drag queen who came with a closet that even Mariah Carey would be envious of.

  JJ shook his head, seeming a little angry that our previous conversation was over. He then looked down at his watch, “Well, there’s no time to waste, I guess.” He stood up and marched me through to his bedroom. He sat cross-legged on the bed while I rummaged through the closet. I passed the blue sequin dress—the dress that had started this whole crazy thing.

  “That!” JJ said, pointing at a long gold and black dress. It was strapless, tight and really, really formal.

  “Isn’t it a bit OTT?” I said, turning it around to discover that it didn’t have anything mildly resembling a back.

  “There’s no such thing as too over the top.” JJ took it from me and held it up against my body. “Yes, this will do very well. Mr. Sex Bomb won’t know what hit him.” JJ lowered the gown and peered at me. “You really didn’t have sex?” he asked again. Then he winked playfully at me. “Okay, let’s get you into this. But she’s tight, so we may have to grease you up.”

  An hour and a half later I was ready. JJ had insisted on doing my hair and make-up again, and this time he was much more subtle. My hair was simply blow-dried and straightened. My eyes were very subtly bronzed to match the dress. Then he added some eyeliner, bronzer on my cheeks and some red lipstick. “Every girl should own a great red lipstick,” he said—JJ said this every time he put on lipstick. He was also fond of quoting Coco Chanel, who had once very dramatically said, “A woman without a fragrance is a woman without a future.”

  After my Pretty Woman reveal to Bruce we waited in the lounge for the knock. My nerves were completely on edge. By the time I heard the knock on the door, my heart was positively trying to escape my chest—quite a painful feeling when my chest was squeezed so damn tightly into that dress. I opened the door only to have my breath violently ripped away from me.

  Ben was wearing a tuxedo and looked amazing. Although the blood flow to my lower body had been cut off, I was glad I was wearing the dress, because clearly we were headed somewhere very formal.

  “You look incredible,” Ben said, eyeing me with a look that made me feel like I wasn’t wearing a damn thing.

  “I was thinking the exact same thing,” I said, sounding a bit coy.

  “You should,” he said with a teasing smile. “You really do.” He winked at me and walked into the room to address JJ and Bruce.

  “I’ll have her home at midnight on the dot,” he said, giving them a small wave.

  He was teasing, but the whole thing did feel like prom night. JJ and Bruce were clinging onto each other like proud papas. It was amusing, somewhat touching and mildly disturbing all at the same time, since I knew my “dads” were secretly rooting for me to have sex with him.

  “You can keep her for as long as you like,” JJ said with a naughty smile—definitely not something a dad would say.

  Bruce was not so liberal. “Just treat her like gold,” he said, “Or I’ll kill you.” He flashed Ben a warning smile.

  Ben turned and looked at me, making me melt. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I will.” Then he offered me his arm, smiled at Bruce and led me out.

  As we opened the door, I heard a last teasing, “Our baby is growing up,” before we went into the hall.

  “I just want to get something from next door quickly,” Ben said, leading me towards his place.

  “Sure,” I said.

  Ben took out his key, unlocked the door and led me inside. When I looked up, I was overcome with dizzy excitement, and I heard a loud gasp escape my throat.

  53. À La MasterChef…

  It’s strange how all your senses seem completely interrelated, as if you can’t experience anything through one alone. One seems to ignite the other, which ignites another, making the experience a full-body one. The first thing for me was sight …

  Ben’s apartment was dark, but the entire place was drenched in the warm, flickering golden glow from a million candles. Candles on tables. Candles clustered on the floor. Candles on bookshelves and windowsills and outlining a path from the door to the dining-room table. Together, they gave off a subtle warmth, which I could feel throughout my entire body. Then there was smell …

  Something rich and sweet that made my mouth water, like cookies fresh from the oven. A nostalgic smell.

  All of my senses were awake and alert, so when Ben placed his hand on my bare lower back, I winced, not from pain or surprise, but from pleasure. Everything felt more heightened suddenly.

  He led me to the dining-room table, set with three sets of cutlery, different plates and bowls, flowers and colored napkins. He pulled out my chair for me, and as I sat down he placed an envelope on my plate with a smile.

  I opened it and pulled out a handwritten note.

  Menu

  Starters: Freshly baked, hot Lindt chocolate brownies with pecan nuts and cream.

  Main: Salted caramel chocolate tart served with homemade Snickers ice cream.

  Dessert: White chocolate mousse served with candied strawberries.

  My face almost cracked from the smile that spread across it.

  “Your kind of menu?” he asked with a playful tone in his voice.

  “Wow!” I looked towards the kitchen and inhaled the smell coming from it. “You really can cook desserts.”

  “Li and I do it together. If you think you have a sweet tooth …” He drifted off slightly and then changed the subject quickly, purposefully.

  “Can I get you a drink?” he offered, sounding and looking like a waiter now. He had assumed a very stiff pose, with one arm crossed over his stomach and the other by his side.

  “What do you have?” I asked.

  He indicated for me to turn the menu over. I did.

  Drinks: Water. With ice.

  “I sort of forgot to buy drinks,” he said and shrugged playfully.

  “Water is perfect.” And it was. It was so perfect that Ben would serve iced water with a three-course dessert-only meal. It was just so Ben. So totally, strangely, marvelously, perfectly weird.

  “The ice might not be frozen yet,” he said as he walked off in the direction of the kitchen. “In fact, I lie, I have no ice.”

  Even more perfect.

  I watched him as he fiddled around in his kitchen like an expert, à la MasterChef. I hadn’t expected
a date like this at all. Not in my wildest dreams would I have pictured this. I was sure he was going to take me out, but this was far, far better.

  “Here we go.” He came up to the table and placed the first course in front of me. He grabbed one of the napkins and laid it in my lap—a little too seductively. He didn’t hide the fact that, in spreading the napkin, he was focusing far too much on my upper thighs.

  “Sorry, couldn’t resist.” He looked up at me and gave my lap one last, very long, slow stroke. He walked round the table and sat opposite me. He didn’t have a plate in front of him.

  “Not eating?” I asked, but before he answered, he pulled my bowl into the middle of the table and grabbed a fork.

  “Sharing is caring,” he said and scooped up a mouthful. I followed his lead, and when I finally popped a bite into my mouth, I was met by the most warm, gooey chocolaty experience ever.

  “Mmm, oh my God. Where did you learn to bake like this?” I asked. But as soon as I did, his mood changed a little.

  “I baked a lot when Li left. It soothed me. In my anger management group, they suggested we find a hobby. So I baked.”

  I had been hoping that this topic wouldn’t come up tonight. I didn’t mean to be selfish, but this was our first date, and the first attempt at any kind of an “us.” Our lives were both so complicated, but just for tonight, I wanted to forget all that. I wanted to pretend it didn’t exist. Fortunately, Ben was way ahead of me.

  “But I don’t want to talk about stuff like that tonight,” he said with a reassuring smile. “Clean slate!” he quickly added.

  “What do you want to talk about then?” I said and popped in another warm mouthful of chocolate.

  Ben flashed me a naughty look. “How amazing you look in that dress. It should be illegal to dress like that, you know.”

  I blushed. Ben had a way of making me feel like the most beautiful woman alive, something I’d never felt before.

  “Why do you look like you don’t quite believe me?” he asked.

  “I suppose a part of me doesn’t.”

  “You’re beautiful, Sera,” he said, gazing at me disarmingly. “Everyone can look good covered in make-up,” he said, “but not everyone can look as good as you do in glasses and a ponytail. Not to mention cute and sexy all at the same time.”