Sofa Space

by Tom Cheshire

  “Joe…”

  “Next time you and Dom are playing the Muppet Beard Show, is that when it’ll be the right time?”

  “Calm down, Joe,” Emma sighed.

  “Alright guys, let’s split up and look for that cigarette,” Chloe said, looking away.

  “Chloe, we don’t need it!” I shouted. “I… I don’t need it. I don’t want it. I’m not sick… I’m not…” I trailed off, realising I was only digging myself a bigger hole. Chloe stared at me in disgust then strode off with Emma and Dom.

  “I’ll just close this up for now then,” Bob said as the luxury escape pod closed back to its original solid, round state. I figured it would be a while before we’d be able to properly discuss who should go and who should say, and that I probably shouldn’t risk aggravating anyone further in the meantime…

  Still, I refused to accept the notion that I was sick. Those things I’d been imagining? Bob’s elevator music? My imaginary friend? What did it really matter? I’m only as sane as everyone else, I told myself. X was right, there was no sensible definition of sanity out here. Either we were all sick, or none of us were. Though if there was one thing I had to believe in… I was about to reach into my pocket when Bob called across to me.

  “By the way, Mr. Joe, I have another communications transcript for you!”

  “What?”

  “Here you go!”

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  // Broadcast Communications Transcript 212.1.D7

  AS >> Yo.

  CO << Copy that. Who is this?

  AS >> Come on, you know who it is. Senior technician on board the Atom Sierra.

  CO << Look, we’ve been through this before. Please use the standard greetings terminology when…

  AS >> Yeah I know, sorry. I can never remember that damn signcode. It isn’t stored on any of our drives either. You know what security’s like.

  CO << Well, you must have it written down somewhere, surely?

  AS >> Yeah of course. But you should see my desk, bloody hell. Samples all over the place. It’s probably here somewhere. Do you want me to look? Might take a while, I’ll have to sort through all these books.

  CO << Just make sure you have it to hand next time.

  AS >> I will, I promise. Just gotta tidy up, I swear.

  CO << Don’t say that like it’s not your fault. Why do you have so many books lying around? I mean, who the hell reads books these days?

  AS >> You’d be surprised.

  CO << Well, whatever. Your advisor’s here now, I’m patching you through.

  < HOLD >

  CO << You have no idea how pissed my boss is at you right now.

  AS >> Meh, what’s he gonna do, cut my salary?

  CO << No, that’s not the issue, it’s just that… if anything happens, anything goes wrong, you know we won’t be able to contact you.

  AS >> Come on… It’s a straightforward analysis mission, what could possibly go wrong?

  CO << Well, what’s the latest on the Simmons / Hammond situation?

  AS >> Oh dear, don’t get me started on that…

  CO << Is it true?

  AS >> Yeah, she’s pregnant. How about that, eh? Knew I was onto something.

  CO << That… must be awkward.

  AS >> Tell me about it. And we’re stuck out here with no bloody contraception on board. Bit of an oversight there…

  CO << So much for the professional code of conduct.

  AS >> Yeah, well, tell that to the idiot who thinks it’s fair to recruit hot young mixed gender teams to spend months of their lives in a few square meters of living space. It’s a freaking love nest in here.

  CO << This is why we have the sterilization services. Guess with this industry they’ll have to be stricter in the future.

  AS >> Yeah, more to the point we’ve got a god damn space baby on the way.

  CO << She could still have an abortion, surely? The bots must know what to do.

  AS >> Yeah, I honestly don’t think she’s going to go through with that. She’s thinking of keeping the child.

  CO << Jesus. If this gets out we’ll have another damn scandal on our hands. Another one for the headlines…

  AS >> Yeah, and it’s thrown our cryosleep plans into jeopardy too. The long freezing process ain’t good for pregnancies, apparently.

  CO << Not considering the timescales you’d be keeping to…

  AS >> Yeah, it’d be good if you could just thaw out a frozen pod at any old time but that just ain’t how it works. Gotta be committed to the long nap. Don’t think any of us are now. I guess we’ll just have to sit it out.

  CO << Dammit, that’s a big chunk of mission data we’d all be missing out on. Don’t think the seniors are going to be happy with that.

  AS >> Oh come on, since when have we ever been able to meet all the deliverables?

  CO << Indeed. So anyway, your wife is here. Thought you might like to have a catch-up.

  AS >> Yes please!

  CO << Be careful. You know the drill, saying your family members’ names on here is strictly prohibited. Security’s clamping down on these things.

  AS >> Come on, man. Nobody’s listening.

  CO << It’s the transcripts we’re worried about. Can’t wipe ‘em any more. Hell, nobody knows where or when people could be reading this stuff.

  AS >> Jeez, maybe I shouldn’t have kept going on about zero-G intercourse that other time…

  CO << Well, quite. Anyway, I’m putting you through now.

  < HOLD >

  CO << Hi darling!

  AS >> Hi… Hello…

  CO << What is it?

  AS >> Nothing, just… It feels like such a long time since we’ve spoken. I don’t really know what to say.

  CO << It’s weird isn’t it. So how have you been?

  AS >> Surviving, you know me. We’ve been getting a lot of samples recently. It’s kind of dull though. Space isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

  CO << It’s been a long month…

  AS >> Oh man, how are we gonna last the whole next three years?

  CO << We knew what you were signing up for. It’ll be okay, sweetie.

  AS >> Yeah…

  CO << By the way, there’s someone special here for you.

  AS >> Oh my…

  CO << Daddy?

  AS >> Hey, hey, how have you been, little man?

  CO << Daddy! Look what I made!

  AS >> Is that… Is that a little space ship you’ve got there?

  CO << Yes yes and it’s all mine! Woosh! Nyeeooo!

  AS >> Aw, that’s cute, son. Man, I wish I was allowed to say your name on here.

  CO << Look how fast it can go, Daddy!

  AS >> Yeah, that’s really great, I… actually, I’m not sure you should be playing with that indoors, what does Mummy say?

  CO << Mummy says I should be responsi… responsible for my actions.

  AS >> Yeah, well, I’m not sure you want to be responsible for burning down the whole of Central Office. Be careful!

  CO << When I grow up I wanna be a spaceman just like you, Daddy!

  AS >> That’s wonderful son, now can you put that down? Look, Mummy wants you to put it down now.

  CO << But Daddy, I…

  AS >> Listen to your mother, son.

  CO << Aw… Do I have to…

  AS >> Yes.

  CO << Oh…kay… Daddy… When are you going to come home?

  AS >> Daddy’s on a very important mission, son. It’s going to take some time.

  CO << Are you going to be here for Christmas Daddy?

  AS >> Son, I…

  CO << I miss you, Daddy.

  AS >> I miss you too…

  CO << Daddy, what does this button do?

  AS >> Um, no, don’t press that. It ends the broadcast… oh, you’re pressing it aren’t you. Well
, so much for logistics…

  < Unexpected Transcript File Reset to {BrdCms_PK02} >

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  “I still don’t know what you’re on about, Bob,” I said as I climbed through the hole back to the corridor. “I don’t see any transcripts or anything, but, uh… thanks?”

  “No problem, Mr. Joe!” Bob called. “Would you mind giving me a lift to the common room?”

  I froze mid-step and did an awkward roll back into the airlock room.

  “Yeah, sure, whatever…” I grumpily trudged back to the luxury escape pod and placed Bob into my pocket.

  After dropping Bob off in the common room and stumbling past Dom, Chloe and Emma, who were sorting through the cables in the corridor, I turned towards the bathroom.

  “You’ll have to wait, Travis is in there,” Dom called out, but I tried the door anyway. To my surprise, it wasn’t locked.

  I found Travis standing facing the sink with his back to me. Not wanting to be awkward, I said hello. At first there was no response.

  “I know what you’re after,” Travis said, softly. I was taken aback.

  “What do you mean? The cigarette?” I asked. “The others are looking for it, but…”

  “But you don’t want it,” Travis said. He turned around slowly. In his hand… there it was. The single, inconspicuous looking cigarette, already lit.

  “What… what have you done?” I stammered. I almost dropped to the floor in shock. Travis had stolen the so-called cure – was he trying to waste it?

  “You’ll never accept the prognosis,” Travis inhaled a puff of smoke and breathed it out directly into my face. The fumes rose up into the ceiling and quickly escaped through some kind of vent, leaving no actual trace behind. “That’s the problem. You’ll never accept that you’re the sick one.”

  I was speechless. Right now it definitely didn’t look like I was the one we should be worrying about. I’d never heard Travis speak so clearly. His stammer had completely disappeared.

  “Don’t worry. This is just regular tobacco.” Travis rubbed the butt of the cigarette on the edge of the sink. “The cure’s still intact. At the end of the cigarette, you see?”

  I nervously stepped forward. There was a faint ring around the opposite end of the cigarette showing that something else was inside it.

  “Leading with the tobacco, it’s an interesting move. Get you addicted before they get you cured. I guess the medical industry must have its pockets in the tobacco business as well. Everyone has to make a living.”

  “I don’t understand, Travis.”

  “Sorry, I’m rambling. Still getting used to talking this much. This shit is really loosening me up. Where was I?”

  “The cigarette…” I pointed, trembling, and still finding it incredibly hard to adjust to the new Travis, high and talkative.

  “Right, yeah, they must’ve designed it like this so people like you’d smoke it all before they even knew what was in it. That’s the idea, trick people into curing themselves of their mental ailments. The people they designed this for never believe there’s anything wrong with them, never willingly accept a cure. A little detail Bob seems to have neglected.”

  “Wha…” I gasped.

  “But, since the cat’s already out of the bag… I knew I’d have to get the cure ready for you… make it as simple as possible when the moment comes. Even if that means distributing it via some other means. The water supply, the air vents…” I watched again as the smoke dissipated through the ceiling, and covered my mouth.

  “It’s okay. Like I said, I haven’t reached the cure yet. There’s a load left to smoke through first. You’re breathing regular old tobacco…” Travis paused for a brief coughing fit. “Advanced technology, this cigarette. It can be lit and relit again and again,” Travis tapped the edge of the cigarette against a familiar bright red object.

  “Travis… What the hell are you talking about? Where did you get…”

  “This lighter?” It was exactly the same lighter as before. “I borrowed it from Emma.”

  “No, the cigarette! Where did you get the cigarette?” I asked, desperately.

  “You want to know where I found it?” Travis laughed. “They stuck it in the fridge. It was glued to back of the inside wall, you’d never have known...”

  “The fridge?” I was stunned. “Wait… So back when we first went to the kitchen and you were looking inside the fridge… you were actually getting the cigarette out? You’ve known about it all this time?”

  Travis sighed and nodded. “After the incident, when the panel to the escape pod area was sealed off, they knew they’d have to move the cigarette. Somewhere closer, so that it would be within reach if another crisis came around. They weren’t betting on everyone losing their memories, though. I guess that’s what a really, really long sleep will do to you…”

  “Who’s they? How do you know all this?” I growled.

  “I’m not like you guys.” Travis said. “I remember. I remember everything.”

  I grabbed Travis by the neck and pushed him to the wall, restraining him with my elbow.

  “Tell me!” I raged. “Who are you?!”

  “You really want to know who I am, or should I just cure you now?” Travis choked, making like he was about to shove the cigarette down my throat. Panting, I relaxed my grip and wiped the sweat from my brow.

  “I was conceived and born on this ship.” Travis coughed. “It was an accident. I was the child that wasn’t supposed to be.”

  I stared, open-mouthed, perplexed, slowly stepping back. What the hell was he implying?

  “Don’t act like you don’t know,” Travis continued. “I know Bob’s been sending you transcripts.”

  “That’s what he told me, but I swear I haven’t seen them!” I cried. “I don’t know where to look!”

  “Hm…” Travis sounded saddened. “It might already be too late…”

  “What are you talking about? Born on this ship? I don’t understand.”

  “Yes, I was born here. My parents… my parents are…”

  “No…” I said, trembling. “Don’t say it.”

  “It doesn’t even matter now,” Travis lamented. He paused and turned towards me with a piercing gaze. “The only person that matters is you.”

  “I don’t get it,” My head was spinning. “What did I do?”

  “You sabotaged the whole mission, Joe.” Travis’ words were like a knife. “It was all because of you… I had to stop you. But I was young, weak, just a boy… all I could do was freeze you with the others.” The aggression in Travis’ words was echoed in his body language – now thoroughly intimidating.

  “But you…” I gasped in disbelief. “We were all frozen together, even you…” I gasped.

  “No. I couldn’t join you at first. The pods don’t work on children…” Travis turned away, breathing slowly. “I waited… I grew up… found out about the cure… I tried to find a way to unfreeze you to give you the cure but the dials can’t be altered on the pods already in use…” Travis paused to have a coughing fit. “One day after I’d waited long enough, I tried to catch up.”

  “Catch up?”

  “Yes, by freezing myself too. I was old enough at that point. I set the dial on the remaining pod so that I’d wake up at the same time…”

  “But the dials on the pods said you slept the same length of time as everyone else. You must have started at the same time too!” I insisted.

  “You’re forgetting what Bob told us before.” Travis smiled, weakly. “The dials on the pods. Rolling over every 256 years. I didn’t understand that at first. I changed the dial so that the number matched the others, thinking I’d catch up with the rest of you, but I didn’t, I was years off. It was trial and error, every single time. I’d wake and it would be weeks before my pod would recharge and I could try again. I did this so many times, I began to grow frail…”

  I slumped against
the wall, desperately trying to take this all in.

  “The final time the dials rolled over, I had the timing figured out. The last 25 years. Perfectly synced at last…” Travis coughed once again.

  “So because you had shorter sleeps… you never lost your memories?” I asked, my voice starting to break.

  “Not to the extent of the others,” Travis said. “I knew the cigarette was important, couldn’t remember why. It all came back to me during the quiz.”

  “Travis…” I finally whispered. “Whatever it is that I did… I don’t even want to know, but that’s not me any more. I promise…”

  Travis turned back to the sink.

  “Prove it. Take the cigarette,” Travis said, holding the so-called cure out in front of him. “Please. All you’ve got to do is smoke the rest and you’ll be cured. It’s the only way I can be sure.”

  I froze. What was I supposed to do? Someone was knocking on the bathroom door. I shuffled backwards, eyes still fixated on Travis and nervously felt for the door latch, sliding it across to make sure it was locked.

  “Joe? Travis? Who’s in there?” It was Dom.

  “Take it!” Travis waved the cigarette right at me. The knocking grew louder. I closed my eyes. My head was throbbing harder than it ever had before.

  “Please…” Travis’ chin wobbled with desperation. “Before it’s too late…”

  “I don’t smoke.” I didn’t know whether I was lying.

  KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

  “Okay.” I said, taking the lighter and the now-cool cigarette from Travis’ hands. “I’ll think about it.”

  “If you don’t go through with it,” Travis said calmly. “When the moment comes, she’ll be ready.”

  Do you really believe that there is any sensible definition of sanity under the current circumstances of your space-faring existence?

  I’m only as sane as everyone else.

  16

  The bathroom door swung open. Apparently I hadn’t locked the door at all; that or the latch had stopped working. Dom stood in the doorway with a bizarre expression that seemed to transition through a whole range of different feelings in about one second. His embarrassment at having intruded on our privacy quickly gave way to confusion as to why both me and Travis were in there.