Perigee Moon

by Fuller, Tara

  After I dressed I plastered a forced smile onto my face in case I ran into Grams on the way out, but to my relief I was alone when I hit the bottom step. I could hear a faint rustling sound upstairs. Grams was still hard at work on the remodel, which meant Grandpa was manning the store. I grabbed my keys and purse and slipped out the front door before she could notice. She wouldn’t be upset. She’d probably be relieved that I’d decided to venture back out into the world. The sun was now barely visible as it peeked out behind a patch of fluffy white clouds that were drifting lazily across the sky. I pulled my arms around myself as a chill slipped down my spine. I hadn’t really been paying attention as I approached my car. Because if I had I would have seen him. My breath caught in my throat as I reached out to grab my door handle and a familiar voice stopped me in my tracks.

  “Good morning.” Alex was leaning against my car just a foot from where I stood. He was wearing a black t-shirt instead of a white one. He had an easy grin spread across his face and his arms were folded casually across his chest as if we’d seen each other every day for the past week. I didn’t return his smile. Instead I jerked the door open and climbed inside without a word. I tossed my purse onto the passenger seat and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and tried to calm the way my heart was pounding in my chest. It was useless. I reached out to pull my door shut, but Alex’s warm fingers wrapped around my wrist to stop me. A spark of heat fizzled up through my arm and I shivered.

  “Rowan? What’s wrong?” He sounded genuinely concerned as he crouched down on the driveway just outside my door. I stared straight ahead, my eyes blurring with tears. I was too tired to do this anymore. To have him show up like this and twist me into knots then disappear without a word or any kind of explanation for his strange behavior. Why couldn’t I like someone normal like Tyler? Why did I have to let him affect me this way?

  He reached out and tugged at my chin with his fingers, coaxing me to look at him. “Rowan?”

  I gave in and leaned back into my seat to look at him. His coal-black hair was slightly disheveled and hanging into his eyes but in the most perfect way. Stupid perfect hair, perfect eyes, perfect–God! Why did he have to be so freaking perfect?

  “Where have you been?” My voice was raspy, rough from sleeplessness. I cringed at the sound of it.

  “I told you I didn’t know when I could come back. But I came back as soon as I could. I swear.” I thought I could feel some panic flaring up behind the wall between us, but when I went deeper to feel it, the block was thrust back up.

  I tuned my gaze back out the windshield.

  “Rowan please,” he said. “I know that all of this has been confusing for you, and I’m sorry for that. But you have to know now that things are never going to be easy for us if this is what you want.”

  My heart quivered at the sound of him referring to us as just that, an “us”. I shook it off. My eyes snapped back up to meet his. “What exactly is this?” I asked, annoyed, motioning between the two of us. “And what exactly do you want Alex?”

  He hesitated, then grabbed my hands and pulled them into his. “I don’t know. I don’t have answers to half your questions, not ones that I’m allowed to give you anyhow. All I do know is that I want you Rowan. You’re all I want now.” His gaze was certain and unwavering as he gripped my hands, refusing to let me look away. “The question is, do you want me?”

  I closed my eyes and wondered if he could hear my heart. It was beating so quickly it was hammering out every other sound in my ears. I opened my eyes again, blinking away the tears and whispered, “Yes.”

  He smiled and pulled me out of my seat and into his arms. I gladly followed and collapsed into his embrace as he sank down onto the concrete drive. He pressed his lips into my hair and pulled me tight against his chest. Inhaling every last bit of him that my lungs would hold, I buried my face into the hollow of his neck. He smelled wonderful. Like fresh earth and honeysuckle.

  I laughed, suddenly realizing what we might look like if Grams would happen to look out the window. He relaxed beneath me and I could feel his lips turn up into a smile against my hair.

  “What’s so funny?” he said.

  “I was just wondering what you had in mind for today. Because if Grams looks out here this might not look so normal.” I patted the concrete below us and glanced up at my car door that was still open.

  He laughed and pulled me to my feet as he stood. “Better?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Perfect.”

  He squinted up at the sun for a moment like he was thinking hard, then back towards the tree line behind us. “Do you want to go some place where we can be alone?”

  My heart leapt at the thought. I nodded, maybe a little too eagerly. “Yeah. That sounds perfect.”

  “Okay. But we’ll need some provisions.” He squinted in thought again then continued. “Do you have a blanket?”

  I wondered if he wanted to go back to the beach but I doubted it, considering the temperature today. I didn’t ask questions. Instead I held up a finger for him to wait there and darted back into the house. I grabbed a duffle bag from the closet and stuffed it with a blanket and a few bottles of water. Then ran back out before Grams could notice my presence or my absence for that matter.

  “So where are we going?” I started to toss the bag into the car but he grabbed it from my hand and smiled.

  “We don’t need the car. Follow me.” He grabbed my hand and twisted his fingers through mine.

  “Where are we going?” I asked again.

  He laughed. “I guess you’ll just have to trust me.”

  I did trust him. Beyond all reason, I would have trusted him with my life. Alex tugged me through the tree line across from my house and I followed without question. Every one of my senses was heightened. My thumb rested on his wrist and I could feel his pulse throbbing beneath his ivory skin. The bracken floor of the forest was still damp from the thunderstorm that had rolled through the night before and the misty smell of the rain still lingered here beneath the trees. Every few feet a burst of sunshine would break through the wild canopy of greenery above us, warming my skin, but it couldn’t compare to the raging heat that was now coursing through my veins. I was alone with Alex. Every step was taking us farther away from the rest of the world and I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to go back. The sound of water rushing over a bed of smooth, moss-covered stones broke into my thoughts and before I knew it, we had unexpectedly emerged from the trees. There was a small clearing next to the river. I had almost forgotten that the Ipswich River ran this close to my grandparent’s house. Alex let my hand fall to my side and pulled the blanket from the bag and spread it out over a grassy area that was still shaded by trees. He dropped down onto the large blue flannel blanket and held his hand out for me to join him. Staring out to the water, I sank down beside him. I could feel his eyes on me and my cheeks flushed in response. My hair was coming loose from my ponytail and I tucked it self-consciously behind my ear.

  “So you never told me where you were. Why did it take you so long to come back?” I finally decided to ask.

  “It’s my aunt. She’s been ill. Sometimes it’s hard for me to get away. She can be very…”–he paused like he was searching for the right word–“demanding of my time,” he finished, a smile tugging at his lips.

  I suddenly felt idiotic for making such a big deal over his absence. He was off tending to his sick aunt and when he does come back I give him a hard time about it. I felt like a jerk. It also made me realize how much I still didn’t know about him.

  “Oh. I’m sorry,” I said.

  “If she knew I was here…well let’s just say the outcome wouldn’t be good.” He chuckled.

  “Why?”

  “Because my life is very different from yours Rowan. And my aunt has very specific ideas about who she thinks I should be spending my time with.” His eyelids tightened and he looked away.

  So I wasn’t good enough? I suddenly felt like the girl from the wrong side of th
e tracks.

  “She has another girl in mind?” I swallowed, wishing I hadn’t asked the question. But it was too late. His eyes were studying my face and his expression was curious.

  “Yes,” he said.

  I nodded like I wasn’t interested, but doubted that I was pulling it off. “Who is she?”

  He leaned back against the thick tree trunk behind him and sighed. “Annabel. Annabel Connors,” he said, his voice void of any kind of emotion.

  “What’s she like?” I mentally scolded myself. I didn’t want to know these things. Why was I torturing myself? I didn’t even feel like I was in control of myself anymore. My curiosity and emotions were ruling my every action.

  Alex opened one eye to peek at me and smiled, almost amused. “She’s very pretty,” he admitted curtly. “And sweet I suppose, when she wants to be,” he added.

  Jealously flared through me almost to the point of pain as I pictured a girl with silky blonde locks spiraling down to her waist and large hazel doe-eyes surrounded by thick, dark lashes laughing with Alex, touching Alex. My Alex, I thought recklessly, then realized with chagrin that he wasn’t mine. I had never even kissed him.

  I sank back into my seat awkwardly and away from Alex, feeling tense and defeated. Of course some beyond-beautiful, wildly flawless girl was out there waiting for him somewhere. One of whom his family would readily accept.

  “So what’s the problem? Why aren’t you with her right now?” I watched the icy-clear water spill over a tower of flat, black rocks wondering if he was as crazy as I was.

  His silence and the feel of his eyes on my face commanded my attention so I turned to face him. He was still relaxed against the tree, unmoved, but something in his eyes looked almost hopeless.

  “Because she’s not you.”

  I took a deep breath, feeling my heart skip a beat. I blushed and all of the images of the strangely beautiful girl in my head vanished. I was calm. Happy. How did he do that?

  “So what school do you go to?” I fiddled with a twig that I found lying next to our blanket, eager to change the subject.

  “I don’t go anymore, but when I did my aunt employed a private tutor for me.”

  “Why?” I asked, bewildered.

  “I guess you could say I didn’t mix well with the other students. When you make people uncomfortable they react badly and in turn I react badly. It’s just easier this way,” he said.

  Suddenly I could see something in Alex that had always been so blatantly obvious but somehow I’d overlooked it. There was something dark about him. Dangerous. But when he was with me he was so vulnerable. Open, but still incredibly closed off. It was frustrating. I didn’t imagine that he let his guard down this easily for just anyone. It made me feel special.

  I could see he was uncomfortable so I changed the subject. “Wow. So your aunt must have a lot of money.” It had really never occurred to me that Alex came from a wealthy family. Especially when he wore the same thing all the time. Plain jeans and a t-shirt that he could have picked up at any local department store.

  He laughed. “Yes. My Aunt is quite wealthy. But not me. My parents had little to no money when they passed. I was lucky that she took me in.”

  “Yeah I guess I’m lucky Grams and Grandpa decided to take me in too,” I said. Our situations were very different but they felt the same. My father was still alive but lately I wouldn’t have known the difference. I had barely spoken to him. My throat felt thick and my chest tightened at the thought.

  Alex reached up and wiped something warm and wet from my cheek. A tear. I blinked away the rest and wiped my face with the back of my hand.

  “You miss your mother?” he asked tentatively. “Your family?”

  I nodded. “It’s like I don’t exist for them anymore. I may as well have died along with her.” What I didn’t admit was just how often I had wished that were the case. How many times I had wanted to give up, give into the flames that were eating my sanity away.

  “Don’t ever say that.” His voice was fierce as he took my hands in his. A bit of darkness flashed behind them.

  I looked away from the water rushing over the rocks and stared back at him.

  “Why?” I asked, and truly wanted to know the answer. Sometimes I felt like I was fading into nothingness. It all seemed pointless. Especially now when I was so exhausted it was physically painful to hold my eyes open.

  He brushed his fingers down the side of my face. “Because I need you now. And I can’t hear you talk like that.”

  I tensed when his fingers found the clasp to my armband and began to pull at it.

  “Alex…don’t.” He looked surprised when my voice broke. He didn’t listen, my protest urging him on as he pulled away the band that had left an imprint in my skin from so much wear. He turned my palm over and I closed my eyes as he ran his fingers over the scar.

  “Rowan…” I didn’t open my eyes when he paused, horrified. I couldn’t bear to see the look on his face. “Rowan did you do this?”

  “Alex…please.” I couldn’t do this now. I couldn’t do this ever.

  “Rowan how did your mother die?” he said, surprising me.

  “She burned to death. Someone set our house on fire and she didn’t get out in time.” The truth burned the back of my throat. He didn’t say anything else. Instead he slipped his hand up to touch my cheek.

  I rested my face against his palm and closed my eyes. I didn’t know if I’d have the strength to move it again.

  “You haven’t been sleeping have you?” he said with nothing but concern in his voice. I shook my head to answer. I didn’t want to tell him about the nightmares, or about Paige’s cousin and her terrifying prophecy. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to melt into him and forget everything and everyone else in the world.

  He pulled me to him and leaned back against a tree. Letting my face fall down on his chest, I lost myself in the gentle swells of his breathing, my own personal ocean lulling me to sleep. Alex smiled at me and placed his hand into my hair.

  “Sleep,” he whispered. I buried my face into his chest as he began running his fingers through the threads of my hair just like my mom used to. But I wasn’t thinking of my mother. All I could think of was Alex and how he filled every one of my senses as I felt myself slipping away into the sweet, colorful forgetfulness of a dream.

  Chapter 14

  When my eyes opened I was overwhelmed by the green. The bright yellow sunshine was absent and dark grey shadows had taken its place, turning everything a murky green in the twilight. I glanced up and Alex was dozing soundly beneath me. His arms were wound delicately around me, relaxed and still. I wanted to drown here in the gentle swells of his slow and steady breathing. With every rise and fall of his lungs my heart swelled to the point of bursting. I shifted my weight to pull my phone out of my pocket and check the time. When I did, Alex stirred and immediately shot up, his grip tightening around my waist, his body rigid from head to toe. His eyes darted around the forest, looking wild and terrified. He looked ready for a fight and a thrill of confusion and fear pulsed through me. I gasped. I was feeling him again.

  “Alex?” I dropped my phone onto the blanket and placed a hand on his arm to steady him.

  He blinked as if he were returning to reality and looked back at me with a slow smile spreading across his face. In an instant the wall was back up and I was alone in myself. Was he consciously blocking me out? How could he?

  “Are you alright?”

  “Yes. I’m fine,” he said, giving me a squeeze and pulling me an inch closer.

  I glanced up through the trees and noticed the sky was fading, soft pink and lavender wisps evaporated into a deep inky blue. The air was thick and heady with the smell of damp plant-life and fresh earth.

  “How long was I asleep?” I grabbed my phone and flipped it open to check the time. It was almost six thirty.

  “Oh my God! I slept the entire day. You should have woken me up. I’m so sorry,” I said, but he just laughed softl
y.

  “It’s fine. You needed it.” He stretched, fingers laced and arched above his head. His hip brushed against mine. “To be honest I think I did too.”

  I smiled, feeling not as guilty. It had never really occurred to me before, but I wondered if he had trouble sleeping too. I may have lost my mother, but he’d lost a lot more.

  “Were you having a nightmare?” I could barely see his face through the shadows now, but I could see his eyes. They were a startling blue, luminescent enough to cut through the darkness.

  “Yes.” He sounded almost embarrassed.

  “I have them too,” I said, trying to block the memories from rushing over me.

  “Did you today?”

  I smiled, realizing that I hadn’t. I couldn’t remember what my dreams had been about this time. They were wonderfully vague. Just flickers of friendly faces and beautiful colors.

  “No,” I admitted and knew it was because of him. Being near him I felt secure and safe. Like I could face anything.

  “Good,” he said. He was just another dark outline in the blackness now but I could feel myself being drawn to him. I scooted across the blanket towards him until there was no more space between us. We both suddenly seemed very aware of his arm that was lingering around my waist. His grip tightened and pulled me against him in one swift movement. His breath was coming in fast and uneven but so was mine. It was warm and sweet across my face and I longed for his taste on my lips. This was it, I thought gleefully. All these nights of dreaming and fantasizing about this moment and here it was. We were alone with nothing and no one to interrupt this perfect moment. My heart pounded harder with the thought.

  “Rowan,” he whispered so low I could barely hear him. I loved the way my name sounded coming through his parted lips, smooth and rich. My fingers wrapped around his t-shirt and pulled him forward in response. I tilted my face up eagerly and waited. He stayed motionless for a moment without even breathing, his lips hovering so close to mine that I could feel the energy sparking between us like magic. And then suddenly he pulled away. It was too dark to read his face, but I was glad for it. At least it was too dark for him to see the bitter confusion twisting across mine.