by JF Jenkins
Taking her hand in his, he gave her one more soft kiss. "I wanted to spend some good quality time with you today. So long as that's okay with you. You didn't make any plans or anything? I'd hate for you to have to cancel them for me."
She reached up and touched his hair, "No plans. I'm all yours. Did you have an idea?"
"No, just spending time with you while I have plenty of it. Anything you need, it's yours. Anything you want. Everything for you." He only had so much time left, and then he couldn't guarantee if he'd come back.
Things would be a lot easier if Jason was still around. He could admit to taking advantage of the fact he had a brother so close to him. Their relationship had been distant for a while, ever since they went through the marriage ritual. Once Kat became a permanent, stable, part of his life, Matt became so engrossed with work and her. Jason had his own things keeping him away as well. Matt didn't feel the same without his brother around though. He didn't like being strangers with him, but he wasn't sure on how to end the strain. The two changed a lot over the summer, grew up and grew apart. They'd always be tied to one another through blood, and the love would always be there, but were they still best friends? Matt wanted to believe so. He could hope and keep trying.
I need you. His eyes closed, trying to focus on his brother.
It took a few minutes, but a reply came. Happy tears pooled in Matt's eyes when he heard two words.
I'm here.
Chapter Ten
The Inero
I'm here, Jason told his brother. Despite everything they'd been through recently, he would never completely abandon Matt. Gwen insisted he not be too close with his brother anymore in case he tried to manipulate Jason into doing something he'd rather not. She didn't get it though, but then again she was an only child.
Thank you, Matt said. How are you?
Fine, it's okay. You can just tell me what's wrong. What do you need? He wanted to skip the pleasantries. Obviously Matt wanted something from him or he would have sent a different kind of message. This wasn't so they could shoot the breeze with one another.
Matt was quiet for a minute. I need some of your sanity. You've always been the calmer, more rational one. It's comforting to just hear your voice sometimes. I've missed you.
And I you. Jason closed his eyes. This was harder than he thought it would be.
I think I've bitten off more than I can chew. And I'm definitely not ready to be a dad.
He smiled a little. You don't have much choice in that one, but you're going to be fine. I told you that before.
I feel like I can barely take care of myself though.
Speaking as someone who's from the outside, you seem to be doing a good job of it. Jason didn't mean for it to be harsh. He had wanted it to come off as encouraging, but Matt's reaction suggested he hadn't succeeded at his goal.
You wouldn't have to be an outsider if you came home.
He didn't want to say the first thing coming to his mind. It would have been mean and he didn't have the energy to fight with his brother today. Fighting with Gwen was bad enough, and they weren't even fighting necessarily. They were just not speaking with one another.
Jason finally found the words. We're still trying to work things out. This isn't as easy as I thought it would be.
You still haven't...?
No, we still haven't had sex. It's frustrating and complicated. We're not talking about my problems though, we're talking about yours.
Another moment of quiet. If there is a way I can help, ask. I'll do it. All I wanted was for you to tell me it was going to be okay. It's stupid and childish, but I feel awful asking Kat for reassurance. She's tired and moody enough as it is. The last thing she needs is to worry about me. I know you'll get it. You understand my duties to Father.
That Jason did understand. The man was hard to say no to, and if it was hard for him to say no, it would be doubly so for Matt. His brother believed in Lynx, trusted him. He couldn't bring himself to say they were doing the right thing by starting this war, but he could try to offer something encouraging.
You are more than capable in anything you do. Trust your gut instincts and go with it. That's how I know you'll be fine. They're usually right. Jason hoped those words would resonate inside of Matt's heart, and maybe even lead him back down the right path.
When you and Gwen finally do become one, you'll come back right? Matt asked.
Jason had to think about this. We'll discuss it. She likes the islands a lot. Thank you for the suggestion. It's kind of like both of our homes combined together, and we might stay. But of course we'll come back often to see you, Kat and the baby. Father too if he has time for us. Any names for junior?
No, she wants to call it Danielle. Which I guess is fine since we're supposedly having a girl.
A what? Jason blinked, completely stunned. His jaw dropped and he was glad they were having this conversation via telepathy because he wasn't sure what he would do.
A girl. I'm skeptical. Kat's hopeful. We're both confused.
I will do my best to come back before he...she...hatches. A girl dragon? How could this even be possible?
Thank you. Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help you? What's the hang up exactly?
Jason rubbed at his arms. Even if they weren't together physically, he could feel his brother's presence. It was humbling and awkward all at once. At first she wasn't ready which I need to respect. Now she is, but I guess I'm not. I'm too nervous.
Stop thinking about it so hard then.
That's not helpful.
You're right, I'm sorry. This is a tough situation, but just know that when the time is right it'll be natural and easier to make it happen. Sure, you'll still be nervous, but that's not going to go away until after you both feel comfortable with each other.
I know. Jason rolled his eyes. He'd heard more than enough sex talk to know what to expect the first time.
So maybe it hasn't been the right time just yet. Take some baby steps. You're married, so nothing should be holding you back from expressing how you love each other. There are more ways than just sex, or anything sexual in general, Matt said.
That was something he'd forgotten about. Such a heavy emphasis was put on the act of mating, that he'd pushed all other ideas aside. No wonder things felt strange. It seemed obvious now. Though there was still the problem of the voice inside of his head. He wanted to ask his brother about it, but didn't know what Matt would think of it. Fear kept Jason quiet. More importantly though, Jason wanted to ask if Matt felt different at all.
Shortly before coming to the island, the brothers had partaken in a summoning ritual with the supposed Holy Prophet Seth. Jason didn't buy it, but he did his part in the ceremony because it was the only way he could guarantee being able to leave safely with Gwen. Both he and his brother had blacked out. Ever since he came too, he'd been feeling not entirely like himself.
He didn't know much about the ritual. What little he did understand though made him nervous. Lynx had spoken of the twins' powerful magic being used to open a connection to the spiritual realm. Anything could have walked in or out during their moment of vulnerability. He couldn't help but wonder if maybe he was possessed.
Are you still there? Matt asked.
Yes, I'm thinking, Jason said. You're right. I'll see if I can try a different approach. One that involved kicking the voice inside of his head, out.
Chapter Eleven
The Oceina
Once again, his side of the bed was cold. Darien was up walking again in the middle of the night. She remembered his father doing this, though she didn't know if it was something he had done often or not. Her encounters with the man had always been brief. They hadn't even spoken to one another. Maybe he had smiled and nodded at her once, but no words had passed. She was sure of it. But the walking did happen. The sounds of his footsteps moving up and down the halls in the middle of the night would always stand out in her mind. When she had first arrived at the Oceina home, the sound
had terrified her into staying put in bed.
It amused her how alike his father Darien was without even realizing it. Moments like now, her mind would drift back to home, and she wondered how similar she was to her mother. Or maybe she too was like her father. She'd never known the man, so all she had to go off of were guesses. Not something Tai enjoyed thinking about either. Why think about someone who left her when she was just an infant?
Her mother, now she was a good woman. Always smiling, and always friendly to others. She gave a lot up for her daughter. That was the kind of person Tai wanted to be. I don't think I'm doing a good job of it though.
Hmm? Darien asked. Butting into her thoughts, again.
She didn't reply. Maybe he'd get the hint if she didn't say anything to him.
All right, I'll leave you alone. I can't sleep, and my curiosity got the better of me. Go back to bed.
When he said things like that to her, guilt filled her. She knew all he wanted to do was help, and he only asked because he cared so much. I'm on edge is all. There's so much going on at once. I have a lot of emotions to sift through still.
Do you want me to come back?
No. Don't take this the wrong way, but I like you away right now. It helps me feel clearer... Does that make sense to you at all?
Yes. But she could sense a tension in his tone.
Only for a little while, she added quickly in an effort to be reassuring. We can still talk too.
Okay, because I admit, I do want to know what you mean.
She sighed, staring up at the white ceiling. I'm still adjusting to this. Being here with you. Every day it gets a little easier, but it still feels so much like a dream. What if none of this is real, and instead of coming here with you, I'm still unconscious and chained to the altar on the island?
If that is the case, then I suppose I will have to go over and save you again.
What if that were true? How would things be different between them if she hadn't spontaneously decided to be one with him the night they first met? The circumstances of their meeting were strange in and of themselves, but that had been the biggest catalyst for their romance. She'd wanted him to at the time, and even though it was hard to admit it, she didn't regret it. Not completely. Did he?
Would you still love me? she asked.
Of course. I've loved you for a long time.
Even knowing all of the drama that's happened since?
Yes. I wouldn't change a thing about us Tai. It's what makes us special.
She let out a soft sigh of relief. If given the chance, would you have courted me like a human boy?
Yes, if it would have pleased you.
Would it have? Probably not since in the past she'd always ignored the guys from school. Relationships weren't something she believed in for a long time. Any guy her mother dated had left, and the whole thing seemed like a lot more work than it was worth. I'd have pushed you away.
Good thing I love you, because I'd have kept trying. Hello, you pushed me away all summer. Even now, you still try to sometimes. It's different, but I respect that you like to be independent.
How did he know her so well? Why couldn't she be so observant?
Do you want to be courted? he asked, his tone going soft now. Something was troubling him, she could sense it.
I don't know. I've never been pursued much before. Why?
Just wondering.
Okay... Now she was confused.
You should sleep. It's getting late, and there's class tomorrow.
Not going to ask me to skip again?
No, I see why it's so important to you. As long as you want to and are able, I won't keep you from it.
Come back soon, so I can be awake when you hold me tonight?
Yes beautiful, of course.
Her eyes closed and she hugged herself. These were the moments when it was easy to remember she loved him. When her mind was able to carefully put all of the puzzle pieces together and see the bigger picture surrounding her. In the bustle of the school day, immersing herself in the normal world, she easily got lost in the ways of how things used to be. It was easy to feel single, to feel in control of her destiny again. Then she'd see Darien and the reality of her life would hit once more.
Things weren't in her control. Sometimes, she was okay with this. It grew tiring after a while, and the more she let herself rely on him, the nicer it felt to not have to worry about taking care of everything. Other times it was scary. She didn't like feeling powerless. The last thing she was was anything that resembled weak.
She did love him though, and that kept her going in this new life. Hopefully someday she'd open herself up more to the others in his family. Then things would feel a lot less lonely in the house. Once Ethan was born, she would have more in common with his brothers' wives. If only she could find someone to talk to about being pregnant, because coping was getting harder and harder to do.
With a yawn and a sigh, she rolled onto her left side. I don't want to be a mother.
Chapter Twelve
The Oceina
The doubt was killing him. When would Tai realize that she could be so much more than she believed when it came to her own capabilities? She doesn't want to be a mother? Why not? It happened a lot sooner than he'd expected, but children had always been the only thing he was positive he wanted in his life besides her. It stung to hear those thoughts, and he didn't know how to confront her on the issue. Making her upset was always a bad idea. As hard as it was for him to pretend he hadn't heard that one particular thought, it was better if he did. He had to respect her and her privacy.
Those sorts of thoughts put him on edge even further though. Didn't she realize that? What if she decided to walk away again? Only this time she wouldn't come back to him. She'd stay gone, and move on with her life without him. Unlike his brother though, he didn't think he'd be able to survive. If she didn't want to bear his children, how could she want to be with him for the rest of their lives?
Unsure if he could keep his thoughts private for too much longer, he pulled out his notebook for math class and grabbed a pen. There were a few ways to block the telepathy a dragon shared with his wife. The first being simple self-control and concentration, the second being in contact with his element, and the third was putting those thoughts straight to paper. Darien didn't understand the way this magic worked, but he was grateful for it because it would save his sanity.
I don't know why I hadn't thought of this before. Now I know how to ensure Tai gets the rest she needs at night when I'm plagued by insomnia. This time I need it to stop a fight. We did enough of that over the summer, and I don't want to start any more just yet. Especially now that she's pregnant because I don't want any unneeded stress to harm Ethan. Besides, it doesn't feel worth it to bring this up. Not yet at least. I'm having a hard time understanding her is all. Why doesn't she want to be a parent? Does she feel like she would do poorly at it? Or is it because she wants more time with me first? Or something else?
My logic is telling me it's option number two. This is fast. Yeah, I want a lot of sons just like any Dragon Lord does, but I had hoped to start on this a little further into being married. Perhaps after our first dragon year had passed. That's four years of human time, and she'd have plenty of settling in done by then. We'd be closer, stronger, but I guess this is fitting for us. We've always been a whirlwind.
But my gut is telling me there's something else going on. Maybe I'm paranoid, maybe I'm going crazy from everything else happening, but I see things, notice things. Mainly involving her and some of the other males at school. Okay, I'll get specific. Alexjavier.
It started as being innocent. He's always thought she was attractive, but the scent of his lust is changing. It used to be a sweet sort of cinnamon, now it's spicy, strong, and to the point where I can't be around him. The first thing I want to do when I smell it is sneeze because it strikes my nose so forcefully, and then after that I want to punch him for looking and thinking about her in such a pe
rverted way. I get it, she can't control how he reacts to her. Obviously he has great taste, but I don't think he respects our relationship. Of course he doesn't know we're married.
What worries me more than him though is that I can smell her changing her response to it. At first there was a slight caramel-like flavor surrounding her, which I think is flirtation. He flusters her. But I can get that same smell off of her by telling her she picked out a cute pair of socks that morning, so I don't think it's anything to go crazy over. She's human, she has emotions and reactions to things. That's normal. Now the smell is getting smoother, richer, and spicier. She's starting to lust for him too. So what do I do now? Am I doing something wrong?
I need to talk to her about all of this. What I don't know is how to go about doing so. What if it's only paranoia?
He stared at the words on the page feeling a lot better than before. Still just as confused as ever, but better all the same. The gnawing feeling on the inside of his gut was gone, so maybe now he could get some sleep. Doubtful, but he could at least try.
Chapter Thirteen
The Inero
Four days had passed since their disaster of a romantic date happened. Jason avoided Gwen any chance he had. He knew this was a bad idea, but he didn't quite know what else to do either. She needed an explanation, a real one, and the words were not something easy to come by.
If I tell her I'm possessed, she's going to freak out. Hearing voices usually means a person is crazy. Being possessed is even worse news. He didn't bother guarding his thoughts from his brother half hoping that maybe he would reply, but mostly believing his twin wouldn't care enough to. They had the one good conversation not too long ago, sure, but would they both keep making the effort? Probably not. The only solution that would be acceptable to Matthias was for Jason to come home, and he didn't want to.