I Found You

by Lark, Jane

  “Rach is working. She owes shifts to the people who covered her leave.”

  “So? Can’t you go on your own? Or are you tied to her now? Believe me, if you don’t go, you’ll be in the dog house. Mr. Rees can’t stand being snubbed.”

  Mr. Rees is an arrogant dickhead; I wouldn’t go for his benefit. But I had nothing else to do, and I needed to start sucking up and seeking promotion if I was going to get a bigger place for Rach and the baby. I should go, if only to do a bit of self-promotion. And I could always leave before twelve, and get back to the restaurant to see the New Year in with Rach.

  “Yeah, I’ll go.” God, that night was going to be torture.

  ~

  Rach gripped my hand, really tight, as we walked into the hospital.

  “You nervous?” I asked.

  “Excited,” she whispered back.

  We’d got another appointment booked in this hospital next week, with a consultant who was going to sort out the medication for her bipolar disorder. She’d been nervous when we’d seen the doctor about that. She’d be nervous when we came into the hospital then, and apparently her pregnancy was going to make it more awkward.

  Her fingers threaded through mine. “You are, aren’t you?” She looked across at me.

  I was. I didn’t know what to expect. This seemed a big deal to me.

  We sat in the waiting room.

  We’d talked last night about whether we wished for a girl or a boy. We’d even talked names, though we’d agreed on none.

  I’d started picturing the child in my head, and us playing games together.

  I imagined teaching a boy how to throw a baseball and swing a bat, or play a football tackle. I wanted a boy. But I’d love a girl, too, one who looked like Rach. Mom would be over-the-moon if we had a girl; she wouldn’t be able to resist dressing her up and showing her off.

  “Mrs. Macinlay!” A nurse shouted out.

  I loved hearing Rach called that. I still wasn’t used to it.

  We stood and followed the woman into a room. There was a couch thing and a monitor in there, and little else.

  “Loosen your clothing dear, and lie down here. Then we’ll have a look at the baby shall we?”

  Rach nodded, smiling broadly and undid the button of her pencil skirt before climbing up on the bed and lying down. Once she’d lain down she pulled her top up under her breasts.

  Her stomach was flat as anything, I knew the child was in there, but fuck it was deceptive. There wasn’t any sign really.

  “You must have good stomach muscles,” the woman said. “Baby’s well tucked in.”

  Her fingers pressed Rach’s stomach. You could see it was firm. I’d thought it was just the running, but it was probably the baby growing.

  Rach’s fingers brushed my leg, searching for mine. I took her hand and smiled down at her.

  She smiled at me as the woman reached for a tube of gel. “This is going to be cold.” She squirted some on Rach’s belly, and I felt a shiver run through Rach’s arm.

  Then the woman placed a probe thing on top of the clear jelly like stuff and slid it around. An image appeared on the screen next to Rach. I couldn’t work out what I was seeing. I looked down at Rach.

  She was biting her lip watching the screen.

  “There’s your little treasure.”

  Rach’s green eyes got wider.

  I looked up.

  The baby was curled up on its side a little. It had a fist in its mouth.

  “It’s sucking its thumb,” Rach breathed, her voice full of awe.

  I realized my mouth was open a little, and my eyebrows were up, and I breathed out, I’d been holding my breath. I couldn’t believe the little person I was watching.

  Its legs stretched, kicking at nothing, and its arm came up, but not the one by its mouth.

  “He’s got a good arm.” I whispered.

  “It’s certainly active,” the woman said.

  “Is it a him?” Rach asked.

  The woman moved the monitor and looked to see. “I can’t really tell from the way the baby’s lying. You’ll be able to tell at your next scan. Ask then.”

  I couldn’t believe how much my heart was racing. I was so glad I’d come to see this.

  The woman started pointing things out on the monitor, the nose and mouth and eyes.

  Wow. I was watching my child, tucked inside Rachel, and I could hear its heartbeat echoing about the room and see it on the screen.

  “Can I turn my cell on and record it?”

  The woman looked over and smiled at me. “No, dear, but we’ll give you a DVD.”

  Something caught in my chest, wrapping about my heart, and holding it tight.

  “You got family to help you out when the baby comes?” the nurse asked.

  It seemed a rude question but I knew why she’d said it. I’d felt young suddenly, not twenty-two. Really, I’d just grown up, certainly I’d only just discovered who I was, and now I was going to have to bring someone else up.

  Rach was only twenty-one. She hadn’t had much time to be young, either. We had to be responsible now.

  “Jason has parents,” Rach said. The woman looked down at her. “His mom and dad are real nice.”

  Her words only made it more obvious how useless her own mom had been.

  I squeezed Rach’s hand tighter.

  We were going to treat this child right, bring him up right, and make him happy. I kept thinking of the baby as a him.

  “Well, everything seems in order, and the baby appears healthy,” the woman said.

  Would I have loved the baby less if he hadn’t been perfect? No. I hadn’t even known I’d loved it, until today, but I did.

  The woman switched the monitor off and I missed the baby immediately, I didn’t want to say goodbye to it.

  “It looks like you’re eighteen weeks. Baby will be here the end of spring.”

  Less than five months and we’d see him in the flesh. We’d have a baby.

  I looked down. Rach was smiling up at me.

  “Here, clean your stomach and I’ll fetch that DVD for you.” The woman had given Rach some paper towel to wipe the gel off.

  “I can’t believe it,” Rach whispered once the woman had gone.

  “Nor me, I’m glad I came. It’s awesome.”

  She slid off the bed and hugged me. “I’m so glad you’re here. I don’t know what I’d have done on my own. I couldn’t have had the baby alone. Thank you.” She let me go, to button up her skirt.

  “You don’t need to thank me, Rach.”

  She looked up again and smiled. “I know, he’s your child, and you love me... But I can’t help feeling glad I found you, Jason.”

  When we left the hospital I kissed her goodbye outside the door. “See you later. I’ll try and get there before midnight.”

  “I love you.”

  “And me, you.”

  Then she was gone.

  I wasn’t going to see her for hours, she had to work all day and all evening.

  I went in to work.

  “Better late than never I suppose,” was Hilary’s opening shot when I walked through the door.

  “I said I’d be in by twelve.” It was eleven.

  “Yes, well, Mr. Rees is in…”

  That said it all.

  Justin grinned at me across the desk as Hilary walked away. “How was it then?”

  I felt the emotion and elation I’d felt in the hospital room sweep in again and pulled the DVD from my coat pocket, then waved it in the air. “Want to see?”

  “Oh my God.” He looked over his shoulder. “Hey! You interested in the baby pics?”

  God I was getting involved in a little office clique, with Justin, me, and the girls who sat near us. But, if I was going to try and work my way up, I had to fit in. The party tonight would at least help with that. I wasn’t looking forward to it, but Rach had encouraged me to go and it was better than another night alone waiting until it was time to meet her. I hadn’t seen muc
h of her since we’d got back from Vegas. We’d hardly see anything of each other when the baby came. I was going to work days and she’d work evenings. We’d discussed childcare too.

  The girls came over as I put the DVD into my computer.

  “Wow.”

  “That’s cute.”

  “Ahhh.”

  “I’m going to ring my mom.” I said, getting out my cell. The others drifted away.

  “Mom.” The sound of the heartbeat thumped from the screen, like a whooshing sound.

  “Jason.” She sounded pleased I’d rung.

  “Listen.” I held the cell to the screen.

  Then I put the cell to my ear again. “Did you hear it?”

  “Yes, honey.”

  “It’s the baby’s heartbeat. We got a DVD. I’ll put it up on You Tube next week and send you a link, so you can see it.”

  “That’s sweet, darling. Was Rachel happy?” I thought I heard her smile, it was in her voice.

  “More than happy, Mom. We don’t know what the sex is yet though. That’s still a mystery.”

  “Well, no harm in having a surprise. That’s the way it used to work when you’re Dad and I were born. It’s healthy? That’s the important thing.”

  “Yeah. It’s healthy.”

  “I’m glad everything’s okay, Jason.”

  “Thanks Mom. I better go. I’m meant to be working.” I really thought she was starting to come around now.

  “Goodbye, Jason.”

  “Bye.”

  “What the hell is that?”

  Shit. I switched my cell off. I hadn’t noticed Mr. Rees walk near my desk. He was behind me. I stood up as I realized he was talking to me. The sound of the baby’s heartbeat was still whooshing, and its image lay across my screen. Its dark eyes looking out at me. “It’s my baby, Mr. Rees. We had the scan this morning.”

  “You the sentimental type then, Jason, isn’t it? Get rid of the thing. Kids are a waste of money and time. Now get on with your job. I’m paying you to work, remember.”

  I didn’t say anything. Whatever you said to him wouldn’t be right.

  “Jason got married over the Christmas holidays and Keith let him have some time to attend this scan. He’ll start working now.” Hilary appeared, to paint over the cracks, before I ended up in deep trouble.

  “Married?” the asshole mocked. “That’ll be the worst decision of your life. Once you’ve given them a ring, if you say goodbye, you say goodbye to half of what you’ve got. You’ll regret it. Now get on with your job.”

  I took a breath, and then said nothing because I still didn’t know what to say. Rumor was, his money had come from his wife.

  “Asshole,” I whispered under my breath as he walked away.

  But fuck, I was going to the asshole’s apartment after work.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  My gaze spun about the room when I stepped out of the elevator into the lobby of Mr. Rees’s penthouse. I’d never seen anywhere so luxurious. The walls were glossy stone and the floor was a fucking fish tank, beneath the glass koi carp swam about. This was stupid.

  “I know,” Justin whispered next to me, clearly spotting my astonishment.

  We followed everyone else into the living room. It was huge, and there was sunken seating at various points.

  This place must take up the whole of the top floor of the skyscraper. It took my breath away.

  “Wait until you see the view outside,” Justin said.

  I didn’t know that I wanted to see it, it was too fucking high.

  My cell buzzed in my pocket, I took it out and looked at Rach’s text. I’d sent her one on the way over, asking how she was.

  ‘I’m fine, happy, busy, and looking forward to seeing you later. I keep seeing the picture of the baby in my head and thinking of it tucked inside my belly :-)’

  I smiled.

  I’d got into the habit of texting at least once in the afternoon or in the evening, depending on her shifts, to ask how she was. All the stuff I’d read on the internet said it helped people to share how they were feeling, and made them feel better to know someone cared.

  I texted back. ‘Me too. At the party. Can’t wait to see you. Hope to be there before twelve.’

  ‘OK, got 2 work.’

  ‘Love you.’

  ‘U 2’

  I slipped my cell back into my pocket. I knew the restaurant had three different large groups in tonight. It must be manic. Still I’d much rather be there than here.

  We went to a table where a man in dinner dress served drinks. I just had a beer.

  As I looked around, I figured we’d only been invited to have our noses rubbed in Mr. Rees’s wealth. The whole thing seemed designed to make us feel small and insignificant. I did feel small, but I didn’t give a damn. I didn’t want his wealth.

  I stood with Justin, taking it all in as we drank and talked.

  The place was full of people.

  Justin pointed out who was who in the media industry. I should try to get to know them if I was aiming to get a better job. When I’d come to New York, my dream was to have my own magazine. But I didn’t have the money to set that up, or the knowledge. I’d learned all the theory in college, yes, but I needed to learn the reality and the practical steps I had to take to get there. So far, the only thing I’d learned at the magazine was how to make a dozen coffees at a time and get shouted at, and from Mr. Rees, how to be an asshole when you had more money than you could spend.

  “Do you fancy looking outside?” Justin asked.

  “I could do with some fresh air.”

  “I thought you’d wanna see the view.”

  I admitted to myself, if not Justin, as we stepped outside, it was impressive, and you could hear the crowd who’d gathered to celebrate at midnight, in Times Square.

  No wonder Mr. Rees had delusions of grandeur; they weren’t delusions, he probably felt like a king living up here.

  We leaned on the wall at the edge of the patio area for a bit and talked. I looked down once, once was enough, it turned my stomach. It was a long way down. The cars looked like toys.

  I knew I should be inside, trying to make friends and build networks to better myself, I had a wife and child to support, but I just wasn’t in the mood. And more to the point I didn’t really like these people. Why the fuck would I want to be like them?

  I did like Justin though.

  “Hey.” I looked back at the doors as the girls who sat near us in the office, our little clique, came outside. “What are you up to?”

  “Just chilling,” Jason replied, leaning back against the stone balustrade.

  “I’m bored,” one of the girls said.

  My cell buzzed. I took it out of my pocket.

  ‘How’s the party going.’

  I sent a text back. ‘Boring, without you. It’s in asshole’s posh penthouse.’

  ‘Cool.’

  ‘Not cool, he’s a showoff.’

  ‘And you’re just jealous. Enjoy yourself. Got 2 go.’

  ‘C U later.’ I slipped my cell back in my pocket, imagining Rach flying out the kitchen again, plates in hand, she’d probably texted while she was waiting for the chef to put an order out. I missed her.

  “Your girlfriend?” The girl who’d claimed to be bored leaned towards my shoulder.

  “My wife,” I answered, leaning away.

  She blushed. “Yeah, right, I forgot.”

  Justin was still talking to the other two girls. The girl next to me, Portia, her name was, turned to them. “I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we go snooping around… I want to see the rest of Mr. Rees’s apartment. I mean if there’s a fish tank in the hall what else is there?”

  I saw Justin’s eyes glint with a bit of wicked. “Well, why not? That’s what I say.”

  “Yeah, lets … ” Another of the girls clapped her hands together.

  “Do you think he has a cinema?”

  “I bet he has a swimming pool up here…”

  “If
he does, do you think anyone would notice if we used it?”

  The girls were all laughing, and already turning to go back in. I glanced at Justin as he turned to follow. “Are you seriously up for this?”

  He gave me a slanted smile. “Anything to keep the girls happy… I’m up for a bit of skinny dipping if we find a pool.”

  Skinny dipping? Really. What the fuck? The drink was going to my head. I’d not taken lunch, so I’d not eaten. But even half-drunk, this seemed a really bad idea to me. I gripped Justin’s arm to hold him back as we entered the living the room. The girls were cutting across it at pace heading for a hallway. “Is it a good idea though, I mean…” I threw a look at everyone standing about talking.

  Justin just looked at me and laughed. “Are you stupid? This is the money crowd, they don’t give a damn what we do, they’re too engrossed in themselves. They won’t even notice we’ve gone.”

  I didn’t know what to say, but I knew I wasn’t going to stay in the living room on my own. I felt uncomfortable about this, but not enough to be left alone with these people I didn’t feel at home with. I guess now I understood a bit of what Rach had felt like at my parents. But still, when we walked out of the living room into the hall and saw the girls walking along it, opening and closing doors, it felt all wrong. Rach would say I was thinking small town; she’d have totally been up for a bit of snooping. I shut the door into the hall behind us.

  “Hey!” One of the girls, Portia, called from the end of the hall. Looking back at me, not Justin, like I gave a shit. “There is a pool!”

  I glanced back worried someone in the living room might have heard her. But the door didn’t open.

  “You’re kidding. Are we swimming then?” Justin was all smiles. But Portia was still looking at me not him.

  “I wanna swim…” She looked at the other girls, who’d ceased opening doors and were now all heading to look at the pool.

  “I’ll swim, but I’m not going in in my underwear, my dress would get all wet when I put it back on.”

  “Then go in naked.” Justin threw in.

  I did not like the turn of this… I wasn’t going in any pool naked or clothed.

  “I’m not going in naked, Justin. You can dream about it, but it isn’t happening.” At least one of the girls had some sense.