Love & Lies

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “What’s wrong is the fact that you have the nerve to even ask me how my day was.”

  “But why wouldn’t I ask you?” he said, frowning. “I ask you all the time.”

  I shook my head in disgust. “Well, if you must know, my day was the same as it was for every other responsible, hardworking American in this country. But I guess you wouldn’t know anything about that, now would you?”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where is all this coming from?”

  “It’s coming from the fact that I’m sick of you sitting around here all day, taking advantage of me. You’ve been doing it ever since you moved in here and I’m sick of it, Antonio.”

  “But how many times have I told you? There aren’t any real jobs out there for me to pursue.”

  “Really?” I said, folding my arms. “And what exactly does real actually mean?”

  “Real means finding a job at a company that can appreciate my associate’s degree in general studies. And on top of that, there just aren’t any companies out there that are willing to utilize my natural wisdom. At least not the way I would expect them to.”

  I laughed out loud. I did this because there was no way he could have been serious about what he’d just said. He just couldn’t have. Not if he had a brain in his head.

  “Oh, so now I guess I’m funny?”

  “Actually, you are. But that’s neither here nor there because the bottom line is that you don’t have a steady income.”

  “But I just explained to you why I don’t.”

  “Well, maybe you need to accept the fact that a general studies degree is exactly that: general. And since you haven’t really specialized in any particular field, you might need to use your natural wisdom and take whatever entry-level position you can find and then work your way up to something better.”

  “Your sarcasm is becoming very old,” he spoke coldly. “And it still doesn’t change what I just told you. There aren’t any jobs out there for me.”

  “Oh, I think there are. And to prove it, I checked our employment directory at the university and they have a number of openings. They had listings for a janitor, a library assistant, and a groundskeeper. And as a professor on staff, I know I could get you hired pretty quickly.”

  Antonio gazed at me with a staggered look on his face. “You can’t be serious.”

  “As long as you’re bringing a paycheck in here, it doesn’t matter what the position is.”

  “You know what, Janine, let’s end this conversation before it goes too far.”

  “It’s already gone too far, and it’s like I said before, you need to find a job.”

  “And I will. Just as soon as the right position comes along. One that pays well and one that fits my qualifications. But until then, you’ll just have to be patient.”

  “No, that’s not going to happen. I’ve been patient for almost two years, and as of right now, you have thirty days to find a full-time job and start paying some of these expenses.”

  His laugh was cynical. “You know…this is so typical. A black woman not wanting to stand by her man simply because he isn’t sitting behind some wooden desk, pulling in six figures.”

  “That’s not it and you know it. This is about bills and how they need to be paid.”

  “But you would have to pay these same bills even if I wasn’t living here, so I don’t see what the problem is.”

  What nerve. I couldn’t believe he’d already analyzed the entire situation and then decided that I could afford to pay for everything. He’d stood right there in my face and basically told me that my complaint wasn’t valid.

  “Look,” he said in a more relaxed tone. “You know that I love you, right? Because if you do, then why isn’t that enough? I mean, remember how lonely you were when we first met and how you’ve told me on more than one occasion that you never want to feel that way again?”

  “That’s all beside the point.”

  “Is that right?” he said, raising his voice again. “Well, maybe this new attitude of yours is nothing more than some excuse you’ve come up with just so you can start dating other men…that is, if you haven’t started already.”

  “Just stop it, Antonio. You know I’m not seeing anyone else, and no matter how hard you try avoiding the truth, this is only about you not taking responsibility. I mean, here you are, two years older than me, yet you don’t have a penny to your name or even a car to drive around in.”

  “But I keep telling you that when the right opportunity comes along, I’ll gladly take it. And if you love me the way you’ve been claiming you do, then my being unemployed shouldn’t matter one way or the other. Especially since I’m faithful to you, and without question I’m the best you’ve ever had when it comes to sex. I mean, now let’s just be real about this whole thing. Most women would kill to be in your shoes, so it seems to me that you should stop all this whining and just thank God that I’m even here.”

  I couldn’t believe how stupid he was sounding, and the sad part was that he really was that full of himself. Which was interesting because no matter how many idiot remarks he made, he was still broke.

  “Your thirty days begin now,” I said matter-of-factly, and Antonio stormed out of the bedroom. Minutes later, I heard him slam the front door and speed off in my second vehicle. It was at that moment that I wondered how I’d been foolish enough to connect with such a loser. I wondered how I could have ever believed that a grown man, an unemployed one at that, who’d still been living with his parents, would somehow miraculously evolve into this perfect companion. I must have been crazy to think he’d ever be my ideal husband. I was crazy to let him move in with me, knowing he had nothing to offer.

  But I knew there was no sense pondering any of the above because as much as I hated to admit it, I’d fallen for Antonio the very first day I’d met him. Partly because he had treated me so well in the beginning and we always had so much fun together, and partly because he was Denzel Washington gorgeous. Not to mention Antonio had been right about how lonely I’d been before meeting him, and while I would never tell him, he really was the best when it came to sex.

  Nonetheless, his love for me, the fun we had, and our overall relationship just weren’t enough. I deserved so much more than that, and settling for anything less was no longer an option I wanted to explore. What I wanted was a decent, hardworking man in my life, the same as my best friend, Charlotte, had.

  What I wouldn’t give to trade places with her, to be married to a man who was as intelligent and successful as Curtis, a man who was such a good father to his children. I didn’t envy Charlotte, at least not in the same way so many other women did, but I did want the same type of life she was living, or at least something similar. I already had a wonderful career as a professor of business, but for whatever reason, I just couldn’t seem to get things right in my personal life. It had been that way most of my adult years, and as confident as I was, I was starting to question what was wrong with me.

  I wondered why I consistently attracted the wrong men and why I always seemed to give so much more than I received. A few years back, I’d cosigned a personal loan for a man I’d been seeing for more than a year because he’d claimed he was in a financial bind. But after about a month, he’d skipped town and I never heard from him again. Then, about a year before meeting Antonio, I’d been dating this guy named Raymond, but it hadn’t been long before I’d made the mistake of showing up at his house unannounced and had caught him with his other woman—a woman who he wasn’t married to but had five small children with. Information he’d somehow forgotten to tell me.

  I removed my clothing, slipped on a knit lounging set, pulled back the black velvet comforter, and stretched across my bed. What a day this had been. Worse, I knew this was only the beginning, because I had a feeling Antonio wasn’t going to leave quietly and might have to be forced out of my condo. I had a feeling this whole process would become uglier as time went on and that there was simply no other way to handle it.

  I
knew that from this day forward, Antonio and I would practically be at war with each other and that I had better start preparing myself. I needed to prepare for the worst because I just couldn’t see Antonio—penniless, homeless, arrogant Antonio, leaving without a fight.

  I knew this because only a few months ago, I’d learned from a cousin of his that he had beaten the last woman who’d kicked him out of her house so badly that she’d had to stay in the hospital for an entire week. It was the reason I’d mustered the courage to confront him only minutes ago in a bold fashion, even though, deep down, I’d been scared to death. I’d decided that if this was going to become a violent and very difficult situation, it was better for me to go ahead and get it over with.

  It was better for me to face whatever was to come.

  Better to do it now rather than later.

  Chapter 3

  CHARLOTTE

  What a beautiful autumn day this was. It was barely the end of September, but the leaves on most trees were already changing into breathtaking colors and the warm weather felt like Indian summer. The sun shone brightly, the sky was clear, and the slight breeze was exhilarating.

  “I am so glad you decided to take the day off from work,” I said to Janine, turning into the parking lot of the day spa I frequented at least four times per month.

  “I’m glad, too,” she said. “Because I really do need this. More than I thought I did.”

  “For me, going to the spa isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. Especially the massages, because by the time I run Matthew and Marissa to and from school events and church activities, I’m so stressed.”

  “I can imagine,” Janine said, but I could tell she was preoccupied with something else.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, turning off the ignition.

  “Not really.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t even know where to begin, and to be honest, all I want to do right now is go inside and enjoy my services.”

  “That’s fine, but before the day is over, I want to know what’s bothering you. Because now you’ve got me worried.”

  “Please don’t be. I’m good. And I promise we’ll talk when we leave here.”

  We stepped outside the car, and all I could think was that this probably had something to do with that no-good Antonio. He’d been using Janine for the longest time, and it was the reason I never had much to say to him whenever I went to Janine’s condo for a visit. I’d met Janine right when she’d moved here two years ago from Cincinnati, and she’d met Antonio around the same time. Of course, I’d known immediately that he would never amount to anything, but Janine had been taken with him from the beginning. The man had made promises to her that he clearly hadn’t planned on keeping, and Janine had believed him. Either that or she’d been hoping that he really was going to get his act together.

  Still, I didn’t understand how a woman who was so intelligent and who had such a warm heart could be attracted to the likes of Antonio. Yes, he was good-looking, but from where I was sitting, looks couldn’t buy a doggoned thing. Money, on the other hand, could get you almost anything you wanted. It was also the reason I’d never dated a man who wasn’t earning a very respectable income and why I had no intentions of divorcing Curtis. Our marriage definitely left much to be desired, but no matter how bad things got, I knew we would always be okay financially. I loved money and lots of it, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

  We walked inside the building and told the receptionist our names. She keyed in our information on her computer and located our appointment times.

  “You’re scheduled for a shea butter wrap, a hot stone therapy massage, and a facial, correct?” she asked me.

  “Yes, that’s correct.”

  “And actually, you’re getting the same,” she said to Janine.

  “Yes. I am.”

  “Great,” she said, and then she told us the names of each therapist who would be providing our treatments. “I’ll take you back to our locker room area so that you can change into a robe and slippers, and after that you can have a seat in our waiting area. We have fruit, whole wheat snacks, and water with lemon, so please feel free to help yourselves to whatever you want. Mina and Teresa will be with you shortly.”

  “Sounds good,” I said as we followed behind her.

  When she left us, we removed our clothing and locked everything away. Then we headed out to the lounge area and took a seat. The lights were dim, candles were lit, and as always, the atmosphere was soothing. I loved being here and I often wondered why there were so many women who’d never even been to a spa, because they couldn’t have possibly known what they were missing.

  “I feel relaxed already,” Janine said. “What a tranquil setting this is.”

  “I know. I was just thinking the same thing, and you really do need to come here with me more often.”

  “Well, I would except I can’t afford to spend this type of money every single week like some people,” she said, teasing.

  “Yeah, but how many times have I offered to take care of it for you?”

  “True, but you know I don’t feel comfortable with that.”

  “And we’ve been best friends for how long?”

  “Two years.”

  “Exactly. So I would never feel as though you were trying to use me. You’re a good person, I love you like a sister, and by now you should know that I would do anything for you.”

  “I do know, and I love you, too.”

  “And I’ll always be here for you. The only other best friend I’d ever had was my cousin Anise, and of course you know how I ruined that. I still miss her, but it’s my own fault because I never should have betrayed her the way I did.”

  I’d told Janine about my sleeping with Anise’s ex-husband, David, while they were still married, but I just hadn’t been able to admit to Janine that Matthew was David’s son. Not many people knew this although Aaron had told Anise, and I’d always been worried that one day Anise would end up telling David that he had a son living barely ninety miles away from him and that David would decide he wanted to see him. I worried about that a great deal because while Curtis wasn’t Matthew’s biological father, he loved him unconditionally. He loved Matthew the same as he loved Alicia and Marissa, and Matthew loved Curtis more than anything. Even now, Matthew was still a daddy’s child and his face still lit up whenever he spoke to Curtis by phone or saw him walk through our front door. The bond they shared was one of the reasons I wished Curtis and I could be happy with each other again.

  After about four hours of soothing and relaxing treatments, Janine and I returned to the locker room area, slipped our clothing back on, reapplied our makeup, and groomed our hair.

  “So you just about ready?” I said, doing a final once-over in the mirror.

  “Yep. Pretty much.”

  “I made our lunch reservation for one o’clock, so we still have about a half hour, but I’m sure they’ll be able to seat us a few minutes early.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “Basil Café.”

  “Really? You know I love that place.”

  “That’s why I chose it.”

  “You’re too much and you’re such a good friend,” she said, her eyes tearing up.

  “Look, Janine. What’s wrong? I can’t stand seeing you this way.”

  But before she could answer, two other women entered the room. So instead we spoke to them and headed out to the reception area to pay our fees and gratuity and so that I could schedule my appointments for next week. After that, we left and drove over to the restaurant.

  When we arrived, we were seated right away, and as soon as the hostess left our table, I asked Janine, once again, to tell me what was up.

  “It’s Antonio.”

  I knew it. I’d known it all along and I could only imagine what Janine was about to say.

  “What’s he done?”

  “It’s more what he hasn’t done. He just won’t get a job. He won’t do anything
except sit around the house all day or hang out with his loser friends.”

  “Well, J,” I said, “as much as I hate to say it, you know I’ve never thought Antonio was right for you.”

  “I know, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and there was a time when he really made me happy. He really made me feel special, and I honestly thought he had a lot more ambition. Especially since I know he’s capable of doing so much more.”

  “But it doesn’t matter how capable he is if he’s decided that he doesn’t have to. I mean—and please don’t take this the wrong way—but as soon as you allowed him to move into your condo with no sign of employment and you pretty much gave him your other car to drive around in, he was set. He decided right then and there that you were okay with who he was, regardless of whether he worked or not.”

  Janine sighed deeply, and I knew I’d hurt her feelings. I hadn’t meant to, but it was time I told her how I felt.

  “I’m sorry, J, but Antonio clearly doesn’t mean you any good. He never has, and what you need to do is kick his butt out on the street where it belongs.”

  “But that’s just it. I told him last night that he has a month to find a job or he has to leave.”

  “And?”

  “He wasn’t happy about it, so I don’t know what he’s going to do.”

  “Well, my guess is that he’s going to continue doing what he’s always done, which is nothing.”

  When the waiter with smooth dark skin approached us, Janine leaned back in her chair and I couldn’t help admiring his thick salt-and-pepper mane.

  “How are you ladies?”

  “We’re good,” I said. “And you?”

  “Wonderful. Can I start you with one of our wine specials or an appetizer?”

  “Sure, I’ll have the Chablis,” I said, thinking about how after seven years of being married to Curtis, he still despised the fact that I, on occasion, had a glass of wine. He couldn’t stand it, but as of late, I couldn’t have cared less what he thought.

  “I’ll have the same,” Janine added. “And I’ll also have a side salad with no croutons.”