Worthy of Love

by Carly Phillips

  “Ever the optimist.” Nikki marveled at her sister-in-law’s strength.

  Janine smiled. “When you have another life to think of first, it’s amazing how your perception of the world changes. You’ll see.”

  Nikki nodded. “I agree with you.” Her hand went to her still-flat stomach. “But it’s because of this life that I have to be realistic. And counting on Kevin for more than fatherhood won’t do either of us any good.”

  “I’m going to make myself something to eat,” Janine said and rose from the bed. “You know, Nicole, you’re very much like your brother. You see things one way: your way.” She shook her head, sadness etched in her features and the dejected tilt of her head. “But what happens if that tunnel vision of yours is wrong—and you count out the very people you ought to believe in?”

  Nikki narrowed her eyes. “What are you saying?”

  “That as well as you knew your brother, you didn’t know him at all. Because it’s too hard to see likenesses that you don’t want to face. And he didn’t trust enough. Not in me, not in his partner…”

  “Tony trusted Kevin with his life,” Nikki argued. But she was unsure if it was her brother she was defending or Kevin and his lack of faith in himself. He believed he’d failed Tony. Nikki couldn’t bear it if Janine felt the same way.

  Janine shook her head. “Tony trusted Kevin as much as he trusted anyone. Unfortunately, it wasn’t saying much. He shouldn’t have left Kevin behind that night and you know it.”

  Nikki nodded. If her brother had waited for his partner, he might be alive today. “But I don’t get how Tony’s behavior applies to me.”

  “No, you don’t. And I hope you never will.”

  Nikki decided to leave Janine’s riddles alone. She was too tired to make sense of them now anyway. “What are your plans?” Nikki asked.

  “I’m booked on a flight at the end of the week. I want to go home and get my bearings. Decide where I want to live before I pack my things and worry about moving them.”

  “I’ll help any way I can. You know that.”

  “I do and I appreciate it. Most I can handle alone, but Tony’s things…” Janine’s voice cracked with emotion and she drew a deep breath before continuing. “When I get back, will you help me sort through them?”

  Nikki nodded, knowing it would take the strength of two people to tackle that job and was glad she had a few weeks reprieve.

  * * *

  The bar music had reached its crescendo. Kevin took a sip of soda and wondered if he was getting old or if it was the scene before him he’d grown tired of. One week of hanging out in the bar, watching Nikki do her thing, was getting to him. Each night, her steps grew heavier, her pace slower, her smile dimmer. And each night he had to sit on his hands while she worked, anything to prevent him from picking her up and physically hauling her out of the bar.

  He dug into his pocket and came up with the small black and white printout of the sonogram depicting the baby. His baby, his and Nikki’s. His heart beat faster in his chest and a lump formed in the back of his throat. Such a tiny little thing. Minute in size but so heavy a burden. He shook his head. Not a burden, a responsibility. A commitment. One he took both seriously and willingly. Whether he could live up to it was another story.

  He’d do his damndest to see he didn’t fail again. Last week at Planned Parenthood, he’d voiced his misgivings regarding Nikki’s continued employment. The doctor had informed him Nikki wasn’t sick, she was pregnant. In fact, the good doctor hadn’t objected to Nikki’s job unless she sacrificed her health in any way. At the time, Kevin swore to Nicole he’d back off the waitressing issue. To himself, he’d promised he’d maintain a steady vigil and step in at the first sign of problems or distress.

  No way he’d let her end up like his mother—overworked, manhandled, and dead way too young.

  He glanced up. Nikki leaned against the back wall behind the bar. For support or a second’s rest, Kevin couldn’t guess. But he knew, even if Nikki didn’t, that she’d just worked her last shift.

  * * *

  Nikki reached for her jacket just as she heard her name being called. She turned to find Jack, the owner and her boss standing in the doorframe leading to his office. She sighed, grabbed her coat anyway and headed for the closet-sized room from which he ran his domain. Since her interview, where he’d grilled her on her nonexistent skills, she’d managed to steer clear of his mulish personality by not dropping the glasses onto the floor. Her crash-course courtesy of the other employees had saved her more than once.

  “You wanted to see me?”

  He nodded. “We have a problem.”

  “I can’t imagine what that would be,” she said in her most compliant voice. “What’s wrong?”

  He chewed on the end of the expensive cigar. “I can’t keep you on.”

  She clutched her fingers around the material of her coat “Because?”

  He shrugged. “I’m the boss. I need a reason?”

  “C’mon, Jack. I haven’t broken a glass or offended a customer.”

  “No, but you’re not going to be cocktail waitress material for much longer. Dammit, I didn’t say that,” he muttered.

  “But you did, so explain.”

  He groaned. “Pregnant women don’t exactly project the right image around here,” he said grudgingly.

  Nikki sucked in a gulp of stale air. She needed this job almost as much as she needed to breathe. At the very least, she needed as much money as she could make before announcing her condition and seeking employment elsewhere.

  “What makes you think I’m pregnant, Jack?” She tossed her coat over an empty chair and paraded herself in front of him. Thanks to the constant bouts of nausea, she still fit into her jeans. And when the waist on this pair gave, she still had the next size up before she’d have to admit defeat.

  “Sorry, but it won’t work. I like you, which is why I gave you a job when you had nothing to offer. I mean no experience. And you learned fast. But your…” He gnawed on the end of the cigar again, obviously uncomfortable. “Your condition makes this all wrong. Half these guys come here for the view and that won’t be getting any better. Besides, if you can’t drink, you shouldn’t be serving drinks.” He folded his arms, obviously satisfied that he’d made his point.

  He hadn’t.

  “You still didn’t answer my question. What makes you think I’m pregnant?”

  “The constant trips to the bathroom… uh, you’re tired…”

  “Ever been married?” she asked.

  “No way in hell.”

  “Women pee a lot, Jack. How are you feeling?”

  “Been here every night this week. I’m goddamn tired. Don’t change the subject.”

  “I’ve been here every night this week, too, and I’m just as tired.” She braced her hands on his desk. “One more time. What makes you think I’m pregnant?”

  “Look. I’m not getting involved in domestic disputes. You and your boyfriend have a problem, work it out on your own time.”

  Jack had just confirmed what she already knew. And when she got ahold of Kevin, she’d kill him. But first… “You know you can’t discriminate. So I still have my job?”

  He groaned. “As long as the boyfriend keeps his threats to himself.” He grabbed for the unlit cigar again. “But only until you start to show and can’t wear the uniform,” he warned her.

  Nikki exhaled the breath she’d been holding. “You’re a prince, Jack.”

  “Yeah, well, just don’t tell anyone.”

  * * *

  Nikki pulled Janine’s car up to the Victorian-style house in the suburbs. The sun shone on the gray roof and tulips had begun to bloom below the veranda. Not exactly the place she pictured Kevin Manning calling home. Too close to the white picket fence and family scene for Kevin’s love ’em and leave ’em style, she thought. She wondered why he didn’t just sell the old place to someone who’d appreciate its charm and potential. Family potential.

  Drawing
a deep breath, she banged on the door and when she got no answer, she knocked louder. Anger had propelled her this far and she needed it to keep her going. She raised her hand for one last try, and the door swung wide.

  Kevin stood before her. Obviously she’d woken him. His dark hair was tousled in a sexy mess and his eyes were not yet focused. Her gaze traveled downward and she realized he wore jeans… and nothing else. Maybe he’d pulled them on before grabbing for the door because they rode low on his hips and hadn’t yet been buttoned. She took in the tanned skin on his stomach and the tapered hair disappearing below his belt line and nearly lost her focus.

  He cleared his throat “Nikki? What’s wrong?”

  Her focus returned along with her anger. “Where do you get off interfering in my life? Nearly costing me my job? My job.” Her voice rose in pitch but she didn’t care. “The one thing I need in this world if I’m going to take care of my baby.”

  “Our baby,” he corrected her.

  “And my responsibility. So who appointed you sole decision-maker in something that doesn’t concern you?”

  “Are you finished?” His sleepy-eyed gaze was gone, replaced by the determined look she knew too well.

  What he didn’t realize was that this time she was equally determined. “No, I’m not finished.”

  He reached for her hand, grasping her wrist before she could stop him. The heat of his skin caused an answering warmth to curl inside her. She fought against it, just as she planned on fighting his need to control.

  His grip was gentle but remained in place. “Then let’s take this inside. It’s a quiet neighborhood and I wouldn’t want to alienate these people before they get to know and love me.” He grinned.

  Nikki didn’t smile back. “Lead the way,” she said, not liking how those words sounded. The balance of power between them needed to shift in her favor and soon. She followed him into the house, but as soon as the door closed behind her, she yanked her arm out of his grasp.

  He turned. “Come into the kitchen and we’ll talk.”

  “Here’s fine with me.” She didn’t see any sense in coming inside, getting comfortable, or playing nice. Not when Kevin had gone behind her back and nearly cost her her job.

  “I thought we could discuss this like civilized adults. Besides, you woke me out of a deep sleep and I could use a cup of coffee.” Without another word, he headed toward the kitchen.

  “What would you know about civilized?” she muttered.

  “I heard that. What can I get you to eat?”

  Her stomach growled in response to the question. A good sign, Nikki thought, since lately just the thought of food was enough to sending her running to the nearest bathroom. Maybe the end of morning sickness was finally in sight.

  She entered the now-familiar room to find Kevin standing by the fridge. “I won’t be here long enough to eat. I just want to set a few ground rules.”

  He shrugged. “Suit yourself, but I’m starving. Talk while I make breakfast.” He opened the refrigerator and she glanced over his shoulder inside. What had been pathetically empty last time she was here was now well stocked. He pulled a carton of eggs and American cheese from inside, placing them on the counter. He grabbed a bag of frozen french fries from the freezer next. “Sure I can’t make you something?”

  She narrowed her gaze. “Looks like you were expecting me.”

  He shrugged. “Let’s just say I hoped.”

  “I hate games.”

  He met her gaze. Intense and focused eyes stared back. “And I already told you I don’t play them.”

  “What do you call revealing my pregnancy, threatening my boss…”

  “I didn’t threaten. I merely explained how it would be in his best interest to see you weren’t overworked.” He tossed his hands in the air. “I didn’t like going behind your back but you forced my hand. I couldn’t stand by and watch you work yourself too hard and for no reason…”

  “No reason? Try self-preservation. Or another life that’s counting on me. Is that reason enough for you? Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot. You insist you’ll be there for me, so maybe it never dawned on you how important it is that I rely on myself. Just in case.”

  Kevin narrowed his gaze, but she could see the hurt reflected there, too. She hadn’t expected to feel guilty and resented the feeling that she now did.

  “I realize you have no reason to trust me… but you can,” he said.

  “After an underhanded stunt like you pulled last night, tell me why I should.”

  “My father was a drunk,” he said without warning. He shut the refrigerator door behind him and turned to face her head-on.

  She blinked, startled at his choice of subject. “You hinted at that once.”

  “And my old man didn’t care who supported his habit as long as there was enough booze to go around.”

  * * *

  “Go on,” she said, obviously confused at the relevance. But her voice had softened, which meant he’d breached her defenses.

  He stepped toward her. “My parents got married right out of high school. Because they had to. My mother had no life skills, no shot at a decent job. We never knew when one of the old man’s binges would start or how long one would last. Waitressing was the best she could do to bring in money.”

  Nikki’s eyes remained locked with his. He felt curiosity and sympathy flow from her in waves. Unable to deal with the latter, Kevin figured he’d better just answer her silent questions.

  “She worked because he didn’t. She didn’t take care of herself, didn’t have the time. By the time she did get around to a doctor, it was too late.”

  “Kevin, I’m sorry.” Her slender arms wrapped around his waist and she tipped her head back to meet his gaze.

  He brushed her hair back from her face. “I couldn’t handle it if something happened to you,” he whispered.

  “Nothing will.”

  He couldn’t do more than try to take care of her. But with her face turned upward, her soft lips beckoning, he wanted so much more. Self-restraint came at a great cost and but he managed to get himself under control.

  Until she took the initiative, pressing that welcoming mouth against his. Her lips were warm and her touch seductive. He realized she was giving comfort, but that didn’t stop him from wanting, and without warning, softness turned to pure desire.

  No longer tentative or hesitant, she touched her tongue to his lips and the kiss became harder, more demanding, carnal in its intensity. His hands gripped her waist and she molded her curves against him, creating unbearable friction against his already hard erection.

  Kevin’s grasp on sanity was tenuous at best, but he’d been tested before and he’d failed. He wasn’t about to do so again. Not at Nikki’s expense. Pulling back was probably the most difficult thing he’d ever done; and, seconds later, his body still demanding release, he was amazed he’d been able to do it at all.

  When he managed to focus, he found Nikki’s clouded eyes staring back at him. “Thank you,” she muttered.

  “For?”

  “Calling a stop to what would have been a serious mistake.”

  He agreed, which was why he’d backed off first. But hearing her say it didn’t sit well with him. Bruised ego or something more, he couldn’t say. Or maybe he just didn’t want to know.

  He ran a hand through his hair. “There’s too much unsettled between us to mix things up more.”

  Her damp lips parted as she drew a deep breath. “I agree.”

  He shifted positions and prayed for strength. Before he could gather his next coherent thought, she pointed to the kitchen chairs.

  “Sit.” Nikki slid into one of the chairs herself.

  He shrugged and headed for a seat across from her, finding comfort in the barrier the old tabletop provided. “What is it?”

  “Same as it was yesterday, and the day before that and the day before that. We need to reach an agreement, Kevin. One we can both live with. I need to go on with my life and you need to let
me live it.”

  As much as he hated to admit it, she was right. Approaching her boss had been underhanded. A move borne more out of fear than rational protective instincts. He could admit that much to himself. “You want me to back off.”

  “That’s right.”

  He fought an internal battle. Trusting her instincts versus trusting his own. “I still don’t think the job’s good for you.” She opened her mouth to argue and he held up a hand to stop her. “Hear me out. You’re pale, for one thing. Exhausted for another.”

  “And you heard the doctor. As soon as this morning sickness passes, I should be fine.”

  “And in the meantime?”

  “I’ll take it easy at work. I’ll take more breaks, I promise. But you have to stop hanging around all the time. Just how are you functioning at work, anyway?”

  “Not easily,” he muttered. He made his own hours, already had the security in place down at the warehouse, and he wore a beeper. If he got in to work late in the morning, no one noticed. But keeping bar hours and working a day job was beginning to catch up with him.

  “If you go back to living your own life, nothing will happen to me. Let’s face it, Kevin. If something were to go wrong, you couldn’t prevent it even if you were there.”

  Leave it to Nicole—perceptive, intelligent, Nicole—to figure out the crux of the problem. “Maybe not, but at least I’d be there.”

  This time. Did she say the words or did he merely think them?

  Nikki reached out and grabbed his hand. “You can’t bring Tony back by making me your number one responsibility,” she said softly.

  She could become much more to him than a responsibility, he thought. But she deserved better. “You’re not giving me a choice, are you?”

  “I can’t stop you from hanging out at the bar, but I can promise to make you as miserable as possible.” A grin lit the edges of her mouth and, in her eyes, he caught a glimpse of the old sparkle. She obviously sensed she’d won this round.

  She had, but Kevin didn’t plan to go down without a fight. “You want your freedom, you want me to back off? Then I have some conditions of my own.”