Fuck!
I was going to have to get control of myself better than this or I wouldn’t last one day without bringing down a lawsuit on my head. Maybe being stuck in this bed wasn’t so terrible of a thing.
Liar.
“What would you like for me to do, Mr. Black-Price?”
Reluctance hit me. Suddenly, I wished I didn’t need to do this. I didn’t want the intrusion of my real life away from this room. Guilt visited. Gretchen didn’t deserve to be the unwanted intruder in this. She deserved the utmost respect and my attitude towards her was troubling to say the least.
The reminder was just the impetus I needed. “Contact Gretchen Smith and arrange for her to be flown here ASAP on my jet.”
9
RISA
I fucking couldn’t breathe.
It had been over a day and I still couldn’t draw in a breath without feeling like my lungs were on fire. I hurt beyond tears. I hurt beyond explanation.
I just hurt.
My lover, my Damian, ordered me to bring his ex to see him. He still thought they were together. Worse, he missed her enough to have her fetched first class and in style. I wanted to break and smash everything within sight.
Elaine cautioned me every chance she got that I had to keep it together and to remember why I was going through this charade. I couldn’t even bring myself to pretend to not feeling like my heart was being crushed around her.
I was angry. I wanted a target.
“Why? This is so stupid and wrong! Pretending I don’t matter—it doesn’t make any sense! Nothing makes sense! My life has stopped making sense from the moment Damian knocked me out and chained me to a bed! And now he’s forgotten me and wants his ex-girlfriend back!”
Those were the words I wanted to shriek, but they remained lodged in my throat.
No wonder I couldn’t breathe.
I felt trapped. There was nowhere I could go.
Leon watched me like he expected me to bolt at any minute every time I took a step out of Damian’s room. Elaine kept me company during her free moments, which always seemed to arrive right when I was about let loose a wail of “Damn you! Why can’t you remember me?”
Just the sight of her calm, bloodless expression was enough to rein me back.
But the worst of it was that Damian seemed hell bent on keeping me right by his side. He acquired matching laptops and despite the standing orders from the medical staff, Damian worked all day. Which meant I worked all day too.
I shared my lunches and dinners with him as well. Dainty bites were all I could manage and I had to swallow them even though it felt like sand. Damian frowned at the amount of food I left on my plate but didn’t say anything.
Apparently, he wasn’t one to cross the line into my personal choices. At least not again now that he no longer thought I was fucking Leon Konstantinov.
It was pitiful at how much I wished to be insulted again. At least I could soothe myself with the assumption that Damian was jealous. Only until I remembered that Gretchen Smith was winging her way back to her ex-lover’s side.
I wished she had said no to the summons.
My fingers flew over the laptop keys, a little harder than necessary. The new equipment excused the fact that I didn’t have immediate access to his information, but the fact that I didn’t even have an e-mail address set up should’ve tipped Damian off. I honestly thought it would and actually felt relief at the chance of the charade coming to an end.
I didn’t want to be his PA.
I wanted to be who I’d been—his lover. His submissive. The keeper of his heart.
Instead, I was relegated to being chained by Damian’s side in a way that was millions of times worse than when I was in his country home.
“Risa, I’m sending over a list that needs to be divided. Do you have it yet?”
“Yes, Sir.”
I focused on the message that just popped up. We were currently going through his backlog of e-mail. The bulk of his business dealings had been taken over by his father. Damian’s disappearance hadn’t been much more than a blip considering all things.
Still, there were thousands of e-mails he needed to read through that had been copied over in his absence.
“Good. I want them divided into folders. I’m sending over instructions on the hierarchy I require.”
I kept my gaze trained on the screen. I already knew his system. He showed it to me not too long after I first saw Gretchen outside of his apartment. Even though I had mentioned for him to help me organize my computer files and folders as a joke, Damian took it seriously.
Personally, I always thought it was just so that he could spend more time with me. Now I wondered if that was yet another thing I saw through a slanted viewpoint. Maybe Damian really didn’t love me at all. Maybe he’d just been playing with me just like I’d accused him of doing.
No! Don’t go down this road. What you two felt was real. He really loved you, enough to break the damned law, and you loved him enough to forgive him for chaining you up.
It was fucked up. It was twisted. It was real. It was us.
My cheeks heated up. I could hear my heart pounding through my ears. I was only a thought or two away from blubbering all over my laptop.
I wanted things to be like they were, before the snow and blood and continuous mechanical beeps. I wanted Damian to be that icy and self-contained IT Director who made me burn for him with each glance. Again, I wanted us to be that couple who lived a few miles away from each other and went out to eat after work before we went home to fuck in the dirtiest most addictive ways.
I wanted my life of before.
I wanted the Damian that wanted me and didn’t want Gretchen Smith.
I wanted to be remembered.
Or maybe better—I wanted to forget the now and think about then.
The first time for Risa and Damian, the night where they became irrevocably tied to each other…
10
3 ½ Months Earlier
Damian’s Apartment
“Did you enjoy dinner?”
Damian stared at me while loosening his tie. “You’re nervous.”
Leave it to this beautiful but blunt man to cut right through social conventions. I smoothed my hands down my skirt. “No, I’m not.”
“That’s one.”
“One what?”
His gorgeous mouth curled into a smirk. “One spank.”
I put my hands on my hips. “What the hell for?”
Damian’s cocky smile grew wider. “That’s two.”
I glared at him through narrowed eyes. Then I turned on my heel and sauntered away towards my small yet neat living room. I’d invited him in, not for coffee, but for sex. We both knew it but I wasn’t quite sure if I was ready now that I had him here.
I mean, I wanted to fuck his brains out but I also felt shy. Shy wasn’t an emotion I embraced or felt easily in the presence of men. I usually made them feel awkward and shy, fumbling even. I didn’t mind that.
I did mind feeling shy around Damian.
I wanted him to see me as confident, bold, and unflappable. I didn’t want him to see me as meek, unsure, and quick to turn tail and run.
Yet, I couldn’t deny I was feeling all three things. Something about Damian had the power to reduce me down to a little girl. It probably didn’t help that I got a perverted thrill when he called me that.
“And that’s three,” he whispered right in my ear. I jumped. Damian’s hands firmly gripped my shoulders. “I’ve got you, little girl.”
I closed my eyes and leaned against him, relishing how he held me tighter. “Why do you call me your little girl?”
“Because you are.” His lips brushed against my cheek. “And because you like it. Don’t you?”
We apparently both knew I’d be lying if I denied it. “Yes, I do like it.”
Damian’s arms wrapped around my waist. I didn’t have to look behind me to know he was nearly bent in double. I loved how much taller he wa
s than me. I felt so protected and safe in his strong arms. I loved being little with Damian because of how he made me feel. It wasn’t a negative with him.
It felt natural. Right.
“Talk to me, Risa.”
“Okay. About what?”
“Why are you nervous?”
Ouch. He went straight in for the hard question. “Why don’t we start off with something easier? Like, how was work today? Or if I have plans for the weekend?”
“I don’t do easy, Risa. Never have and I don’t plan on starting now.”
“I know but—”
“Work for you was the same as always. You charmed the sale right out of the client. Your weekend plans are going to be spent with me. Now answer my question. Why are you nervous?”
My cheeks were definitely on fire now. I didn’t really want to answer Damian because…well, who liked to talk about things like this? It was so much easier to go to bed with someone than to talk about going to bed with him.
It was fucked up, but it was my truth.
“I’m nervous because it’s you.”
Damian kissed my cheek again. Dimly, I thought about how much I loved the scent of his cologne. It was spicy but subtle. Just like him.
“Are you scared of not pleasing me?”
What an odd thing to ask!
“The thought didn’t exactly cross my mind.”
“Then what did?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“I asked didn’t I?”
Even in the short time I’d known him I could already determine that arrogant answer to be classic Damian Black.
He wanted my truth? Okay.
“I wondered if I’m really ready for this. Can I sleep with someone I actually work with? If things fizzle out then what will that do for our current work situation? What if it works out so well that all I want to do is sleep with you and I lose all my clients? What if my underwear isn’t exciting enough for you? We just ate dinner. What if my belly is poochy and you get turned off? What if you get turned off by my stretch marks? I have them you know. Right across my butt and some on my hips too.”
My draw for breath after that frenetic speech turned into a horrified gasp. What the hell was I thinking telling him all of that?
Oh God, oh God, oh God!
Damian sighed. I knew I just talked myself out of sleeping with him. He obviously could see for himself that he’d dodged a crazy bullet. I wouldn’t blame him one damn bit.
“All right, little girl. I know what I have to do.”
“Umm, see yourself out? Forget this conversation ever took place?”
Damian suddenly lifted me up. He easily turned me around so that I was facing him. “Fuck you so hard until you can’t think straight.”
Oh God, oh God, oh God!
That was not the answer I expected.
“Tell me now if you don’t want it, Risa, because otherwise you’ll be naked and on your bed within a minute.”
Do or die. Now or never. Fucked or un-fucked.
“Tick-tock, Mr. Black.”
Damian’s wolfish smile took my breath away. I’d unleashed something that I didn’t know if I could handle, but I was going to try.
He lifted me up higher, tucking his arm beneath my hips so that I rested on it. His free hand twisted the hair on the back of my head. I gasped his name only to have Damian’s lips smash hard against mine.
He drove his tongue deep into my mouth. I could taste wine and peppermint. It was delicious and it was perfect. It was also our first kiss. I kissed him back just as hard, cupping his face and loving the feel of his whiskers against my fingertips.
I wondered if I’d wear his marks come morning. I hoped so.
Damian let go of my hair only to smack my outer thigh. I ripped my mouth away from his and let out a strangled scream. Before I could set an accusatory gaze on him, Damian licked my bottom lip and said, “I must not be doing my job if your busy mind has time to think.”
A guilty but excited flush spread across my face. “I was thinking about this.” I brushed the back of my fingers against his 5 o’clock shadow. “I was hoping that I’d get to wear your marks tomorrow.”
My words apparently lit a fire in Damian. His beautifully mismatched gaze seemed to burn as they licked across the tops of my breasts and further down. “I’ll have to be careful.” I almost pouted before biting my lip when he said, “I don’t want to leave my marks where anyone can see them. They’re for my eyes only, understand?”
Lust ricocheted through me.
“Yes, Damian.”
11
He kissed me harshly like before, gentling for unbearable seconds and then devouring me whole. I could barely breathe but I couldn’t stop trying to draw more of him into my mouth. Every nerve ending roared his name.
My body wanted Damian inside me, to take, fuck, love, use, abuse, and cherish.
I never, ever felt this way about anyone else.
It scared me. I was falling too deep, too fast, and who would be there to catch me if Damian walked away? And he would walk away. Happily ever after was only for fairy tales and the rare people like my parents.
Even I knew I wasn’t going to be that lucky.
I suddenly saw Gretchen, abased and huddled by Damian’s door. She was like a lost soul, desperate to be loved and let back into the only place she knew as home. But he wasn’t going to ever let her in because he was done with her.
Could that end up being me too? I shuddered. Frantically, I wanted to drown out those images and bury the fear so deep it could never resurface again.
It was different. His relationship with Gretchen had nothing to do with me. We were two different women who had loved this man at two different times…
Loved? I love Damian?
It was true he fascinated me more than anyone else alive. After our first disastrous date, I realized that Damian wasn’t as intimidating as I thought him. I couldn’t wait to see him in the office and he was the last thought on my mind before bed.
Damian challenged me daily just by being himself—aloof, controlled, and self-contained. My day was made when I was able to get him to crack a smile.
But love? Was that what this anxious feeling was? Fear, possession, uncertainty, bliss, and joy all at once? Was that love?
I didn’t know because I’d never been in love before. I’d had boyfriends and lovers. I’d felt affection for them, but my relationships never lasted long and while I felt disappointment over the inevitable breakup, I’d rarely shed tears over their loss.
Gingerly, I imagined not being able to see Damian again. Panic rushed over me like a tsunami. I tightened my grip around his neck and dialed up my aggression through our kiss. The feel of his lips and tongue against mine soothed the worst part of my fear.
I don’t want to lose him.
Love.
I’d fallen in love with Damian Black and I was terrified by what that would mean for the future of us. I didn’t know how I’d be while in love. Would I lose myself completely? Would I become a creature with no identity, no will but to love Damian?
It terrified me. It thrilled me. I felt reborn. I didn’t know who I was when I was with the enigmatic Damian Black.
But I was sure to find out.
He tossed me on the bed and stripped me quickly. I was naked before I knew it. Although Damian was still clothed I didn’t have time to feel vulnerable. His gaze licked across my flesh while his hands gripped my thighs and pulled them apart.
“Risa, you’re absolutely perfect.” His gaze branded my pussy. I shifted, knowing he could see the wetness of my flesh and he hadn’t even touched me yet.
Did that make me shameless? Easy? Disposable?
“Damian.”
His name was a plea for something I wanted but was afraid to grab. I absolutely didn’t want just one night. I wanted it all. I wanted him.
But I didn’t want this terror that came from being with Damian. My fear made me unworthy.
He
climbed on the bed, still fully clothed, and yanked me hard against him. My thighs splayed across his. Damian placed one elegant hand high up on each leg. I could almost feel the imprint of his thumbs against my dampness. Arching up, I tried to come in contact.
Damian’s fingers instantly dug into the softness of my thighs. I froze. His ethereal gaze pinned on me, Damian shook his head slowly and his beautiful lips parted to make a chiding sound.
“Bad. Girl.”
My heart pounded like a drum. Excitement filtered through, edging out the terror just enough that I suffered a drunken euphoria. I was completely out of control. Damian wasn’t.
What would happen next?
“Are you scared, Risa?”
It didn’t occur to me to lie.
“Yes.”
“Why?
Anger at myself tightened the screws. I had him, didn’t I? What was the point of being scared? I wasn’t a virgin and this wasn’t my first rodeo. I knew how to fuck.
What’s more I liked it.
I liked making a man moan, whimper, and groan beneath me. I got off on the power of knowing I could make him do anything I wanted with a slow slide down his cock. Just offering a taste of my full breasts had made more than one man roll his eyes in the back of his head.
But I knew it wasn’t going to be that way with Damian. No one, least of all me, could make this man do anything. He was in complete control. Always.
“I can’t control you.”
His mouth lifted in a smirk. “That’s right. You can’t.”
12
I continued my confessions. “I don’t like losing control. I never have.”
Damian nodded sagely. There was no judgment on his face. “You were a handful as a girl.”
“True.”
Handful was an understatement. I was a hellion for sure.
“Spirited” my dad used to say with a wink. “Stubborn as hell” was what my mom pointed out archly every time the subject came up.
“You’ll be one for me if I don’t keep a close eye on you.”
My Love Break Page 4