A Father's Secret

by Yvonne Lindsay

  “Is it safe?” Sam said, looking at the rocker.

  “Sure, and it’s a huge help. Short of having him strapped to me during his waking hours, it’s a great way for him to be a bit independent of me and still see what I’m doing around the place.”

  “It’s okay,” he said, “I’ll hold him until we’re ready to eat.”

  Erin grabbed a second place setting and laid the kitchen table for the two of them. Even with Riley there, it felt strangely intimate to be laying the table for two. The last time she’d done this it had been several months ago, while James was still well enough to leave his bed and come to the kitchen. She pushed the memories aside. She didn’t want to go there right now. She had more than enough to think about.

  * * *

  Sam held the tiny body in his arms and fought to swallow past the lump in his throat. As hard as it was to believe, he could actually be holding his son. Every instinct in his body wanted to hold this child to him and protect him from the ravages of the world, but he had no right to do that until he knew for certain that Riley was his.

  He watched Erin as she competently moved through the kitchen, transforming a bare table to a convivial setting with effortless ease. The aroma of the dish she’d removed from the oven to stand on a trivet on the table spoke volumes to her ability as a cook. Even now, his mouth was watering. It all seemed to come so easily to her and reminded him uncomfortably of how natural she’d been with Riley when he’d entered the kitchen, following the sounds of the baby’s cries.

  Seeing the baby at her breast had brought home a whole new range of emotions. Erin offered sustenance to her son from her own body. It was perfectly natural, and yet he’d never even stopped to think about the baby’s level of dependence upon her as his mother. He wondered if Laura would have been the same—if she’d have nursed their child. They’d never even taken their discussions that far. Instead, their focus had just been on the business of getting pregnant. That focus had been consuming to the point of excluding almost everything else.

  Guilt swamped him anew, making him feel disloyal to his late wife’s memory. It seemed like a betrayal to Laura to be here, to be holding this child who might be his but not theirs. To be watching Erin Connell and not Laura. If he’d only been on time to pick Laura up for their appointment instead of insisting on attending to just one more issue that had cropped up at the office. One more issue that he’d since been forced, by his injuries, to learn to delegate. But it was far too late now. Too late for Laura and too late for the child conceived for them at the fertility center.

  Even surrogacy was out of the question. As far as he knew, their viable embryos had been destroyed in the clinic failure that had resulted when several anomalies had been discovered in their business practices. Anger licked at the edges of his mind. A wasted emotion now, he knew. But, according to clinic records, one of those mistakes could mean that this child in his arms had been conceived with his sperm.

  “Everything okay?”

  Erin’s voice broke through his reverie, jolting him free of the pain of the past and dragging him, all too willingly, into her company and the warmth and welcome of her kitchen.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. That smells great.” He nodded in the direction of the table.

  “You didn’t specify any dietary requirements, so I hope this will be okay.”

  She ducked her head shyly, making him realize he’d been staring at her for far longer than was probably polite. Erin took Riley from him and settled the child in his rocker, where he played and gurgled happily while they sat at the table.

  “This is incredible,” Sam said as he tasted the casserole she’d ladled generously onto his plate. “Where did you train?”

  “Train?”

  “To cook like this.” He lifted another piece of succulent and richly flavored beef to his mouth.

  She initially said nothing, just watched as he ate. For some reason, having her watch him wasn’t uncomfortable, unless you counted the state of semi-arousal he’d been in from the moment he’d arrived here.

  She averted her eyes from his face and focused instead on her plate. “I’m self-taught, pretty much. Connell Lodge had a cook here when I arrived, but she preferred plain food without much seasoning. I started to experiment with a few dishes, and when she retired soon after I got here James offered me the cook’s role full-time.”

  “You were staff here?” That was something that hadn’t been in the dossier his private investigator had put together for him. Mind you, the man had barely had a week to gather information about her, and at Sam’s insistence was still on a quest for more.

  “Initially, yes.” A bittersweet smile crossed her face. “I was a bit of a cliché, really—marrying the boss.”

  A sharp pang of envy lanced through him. Sam pushed it away ruthlessly. He had no right to feel any envy for the relationship Erin had enjoyed with her husband. He himself had been very happily married—hadn’t even so much as looked at another woman in the years he and Laura had been together, and in the aftermath of her death, he’d sworn he never would again.

  Erin continued. “The rest, as they say, is history.”

  “So, what brought you here in the first place?” He was keen to fill the gaps in what little he knew of her past.

  “I applied for work—general house duties. It was heading into winter and one of their regulars had fallen and broken her leg, leaving them short staffed. I was staying at a hostel about half an hour from here and saw a notice in the local paper, so I hitched out and applied for the job.”

  “And never left,” he commented. “What did you do before you came here?”

  Her expression changed, the friendliness in her eyes disappearing as effectively as if he’d just stolen her most precious possession. And, he suddenly realized, wasn’t that what he was here to do, after all?

  “Oh, a bit of this and a bit of that,” she answered evasively. “Nothing important.”

  Clearly, she didn’t like to talk about her past. More, he had the instinctive sensation that she was hiding something there that she would rather not have brought into the open. That instinct was what had led him to be where he was today. It had driven him to the top of his field in software development because he was never satisfied with simple answers. It made him all the more determined to discover everything he could about her. This irrational attraction toward her aside, he found he needed to know whatever it was that Erin Connell was hiding. Any secret could be a weapon to get him his son.

  Three

  Erin carefully sealed the envelope addressed to the San Francisco city law firm acting for Party A. Inside it was her very cautiously worded letter in which she requested more information to support Party A’s request. She could only hope that the mail would take several days to reach them, even though deep down she knew it probably wouldn’t take more than a few.

  The past couple of days had made it easy to put the whole matter out of her head. She had been busy taking care of her guest—keeping his rooms tidy and clean, providing his meals for him and shamelessly enjoying his male company while she did so. And then there was Riley, who was growing and changing daily—she could hear him gurgling happily through the monitor on her hip. She’d left him on his play mat in her sitting room while she dashed to the office to get the envelope.

  Yes, it was a busy life and she loved it. She didn’t want to lose it.

  She had an appointment in South Lake Tahoe midmorning with Janet Morin to see
if she could get a better idea of where she stood in this whole business. Janet had been more than happy to make time to see Erin when she’d called and loosely explained her situation. The woman said she’d be happy to advise, pro bono, and Erin’s relief had been palpable. Now, something that had filled her with dread was not so scary after all.

  Erin started to put the envelope in her handbag and turned to leave the small office she’d adopted as her own when she’d taken over the administration side of running Connell Lodge a couple of years ago. She walked straight into the solid wall of male muscle that was Sam Thornton—her bag and its contents flying in one direction, the envelope in the other.

  She reached out to steady herself, her hands coming to rest on a broad expanse of chest, the fine cotton of Sam’s shirt doing little to hide the definition of lean muscle behind it. At the same time, strong warm fingers closed around her upper arms. She could smell the clean scent of him, the slightly spicy tang of his cologne a subtle fragrance that was purely male and as intoxicating as hell.

  Her breathing became uneven as she looked up into his eyes—eyes that were dark and stormy and bored straight back into her own. For a crazy second, Erin almost thought he was going to kiss her. The thought filled her with both terror and intrigue. What would he taste like, how would his lips feel on hers? And then the moment was gone. Sam’s eyes became cooler, remote, and he gently set her away from him and took a step back from her. She must have been imagining things. Maybe even wanting things a little too much. She forced herself to look away and bent to collect the scattered contents of her bag just as Sam did the same.

  “Sorry,” she said, her voice a little rough around the edges. “I was distracted. I didn’t see you.”

  “No, it’s my fault, I should have knocked before coming in.”

  His long-fingered hands closed over the envelope and Erin saw him hesitate a moment before passing it to her. Sam was from San Francisco. Did he recognize the name of the firm on the front of the envelope? Did he wonder what she was doing sending mail to them? She gave herself a mental shake. What would he care anyway? Whatever her legal business, it had nothing to do with him.

  She finished stuffing her things into her bag and rose to her feet, suddenly very aware of Sam and of how close he now stood.

  “D-did you want me for something?” she stuttered, drawing in another breath of his essence before stepping backward.

  “I need to print some things,” he said, his stony-gray gaze never leaving her face. Did he somehow know how much he rattled her? How his very presence made her want things from him she had no right wanting or even thinking about? “I was wondering if the printer here in your office was wireless and if I could set up the drivers in my laptop so I can send to it.”

  The banality of his request dragged her concentration very firmly away from where it was heading. She shook her head. “I’m sorry, it’s an old printer and we’ve never had a need for a wireless setup. I’m going into town this morning, though. I’d be happy to swing by the office supply store and pick up a printer for you to use upstairs.”

  Mentally she counted the cost of what getting that printer would be. Surely he wouldn’t need top-of-the-line. Something basic would do and hopefully that wouldn’t be too expensive.

  “Why don’t I come with you?” Sam suggested. “I can buy it myself and get some paper and other supplies at the same time. What time are you leaving?”

  “Oh,” Erin said, looking at her watch, calculating the drive into town and factoring in the change to her original plans. “Let’s say in half an hour, nine o’clock. I have an appointment at ten that I can’t be late for, but leaving at nine should give us time to go to the office supply store and then maybe I can drop you somewhere before I head to my meeting?”

  “Don’t worry about dropping me anywhere. I wouldn’t want you to be late. Just leave me to get the printer and I’ll wait for you near there. There must be somewhere that has a chair, a newspaper and a cup of coffee close by.”

  Erin felt a wave of relief. Juggling Sam around her visit to the lawyer’s office could have gotten a bit messy time-wise.

  “There are plenty of places that do just that. Well, if you’re sure, perhaps we can leave a little after nine?”

  “That’d be great,” Sam nodded. “Are you bringing Riley?”

  “No, not today. A friend of mine is coming here to look after him.”

  Sasha had jumped at the chance to babysit Riley for a couple of hours. She had also teased Erin mercilessly about finally being forced to share her guest with someone else. Erin felt a rush of heat stain her cheeks recalling how she’d described Sam to her friend over the phone. Sasha’s sudden shrieked response of “You’re attracted to him!” had been an unpleasant shock. Her feelings had to be blatantly obvious if Sasha could pick up on them over the phone. She’d vehemently denied any interest in Sam, but Sasha hadn’t been deterred. Erin could only hope her friend wouldn’t embarrass her in front of Sam when she arrived.

  “A friend? Do you trust her with Riley?” Sam’s voice sounded unusually hard, almost disapproving.

  “Trust Sasha?” Erin laughed. “Of course I do. I’ve known her for ten years and she’s successfully raising three kids of her own. The youngest has just started school. Sash is my main go-to person when I need a break or can’t take Riley with me when I go out. Besides, she loves him to bits. She wouldn’t let any harm come to him.”

  The sound of a car pulling up around the back of the house warned her that Sasha was here.

  “That’ll be her now,” Erin said. “I’d better go let her in.”

  Sam stood to one side as she bustled past, but not so far away that she didn’t get another enticing whiff of his cologne, borne on the heat of his body. She needed to train herself to hold her breath around him, she decided irrationally. It was getting too hard to be in the same room as Sam without starting to think about things that no young widow with a baby should be thinking about.

  Erin headed through the lodge and flung open the back door just as Sasha raised her hand to knock.

  “How’s that for timing?” Sasha said with a grin. “Now, where’s my boy?”

  Erin leaned forward to give her friend a quick hug before stepping back to let her through. “He’s on his mat in my sitting room and is thoroughly entranced by the play gym you gave him. You spoil him, you know.”

  “Ah, he’s easy to spoil. And how are things going with Mr. Handsome?” Sasha asked, waggling her eyebrows. “This old married lady wants to live vicariously.”

  Erin laughed, wondering what Sam would think of Sasha grilling her about him. “Old? I don’t think so. And ‘things’ as you so neatly put it, are going just fine. Mr. Thornton is the perfect guest. Not a single complaint from him so far.”

  “And what would I have to complain about?”

  Erin’s cheeks flared with heat for the second time that morning. She wheeled around to see Sam leaning nonchalantly against the doorjamb that led into the kitchen. Damn it, but the man could move as silently as a ghost. Just how much had he heard? She suffered a moment of silent agony at the thought that he might have caught Sasha’s moniker for him, and hoped like mad that he wouldn’t have thought it had come from her.

  “Nothing, I hope,” she said with what she hoped was a calmness she was far from feeling on the inside.

  “Of course not,” Sasha interjected. “Erin’s one of the best in the business. Hi, I’m Sasha Edsell.”

  �
��Sam Thornton.” Sam offered his hand. “Sorry to interrupt you ladies, but I just wanted to confirm what time we’re leaving?”

  “About a quarter past nine, if that’s okay with you?”

  “Great, thanks. Nice meeting you, Sasha.”

  Sam excused himself to get ready, leaving the two women alone. As he disappeared from view, Erin puzzled over the way it almost seemed that he’d wanted to meet Sasha for himself, as if he hadn’t believed her when she said she trusted her friend with Riley. She eschewed the idea as quickly as she thought it. It wasn’t as if Sam had any say or interest in Riley’s welfare beyond that of a casual observer.

  Sasha fanned herself theatrically. “Oh, my, you weren’t kidding when you said he was handsome. I don’t blame you for taking him with you today. If you left him behind I might have been inclined to jump his bones myself!”

  “Sasha, please!” Erin said, putting a finger to her lips to caution her friend to silence. Sometimes Sasha’s enthusiasm for an idea was simply irrepressible and Erin couldn’t fight the smile that tweaked at her lips. “Besides, Tony would never approve.”

  She didn’t for one minute think that Sasha would cheat on her husband. Her friend was very happily married but, as she’d pointed out more than once, she wasn’t blind.

  “How are you going to manage with the gorgeous Sam for your trip into town?” Sasha asked as they entered the sitting room before picking Riley up for a cuddle.

  “It won’t be a problem. He needs some stuff from the office supply store so I’m leaving him there. It’s just across the road from the lawyers. He said he’ll wait for me until I’m done.”

  “Did you notice something familiar about him?” Sasha asked. “I feel like I’ve seen him somewhere before, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

  “Familiar? No. Maybe you’ve seen him in the papers or something. I believe he’s some high-flying businessman in San Francisco, but he’s here on some kind of sabbatical to write a book.”