A Father's Secret

by Yvonne Lindsay

  James had ended his affair after she’d confronted him, and then, in one of those weird twists of fate, they’d won the IVF lottery. He had said it would help solidify their marriage once the pressure of Erin becoming pregnant was off them both. She’d wanted to believe him, even though the pain of his infidelity had stuck like a splinter in the back of her mind. Of course, they hadn’t counted on the bacterial infection that had attacked James’s heart. He’d gone from a vital and exuberant man to a dependant and demanding shell of his former self. Their marriage had never really stood a chance to rebuild.

  Erin gave herself a swift mental shake. Thinking about the past was no way to justify her reactions to Sam. He was a paying guest. That was all. She just needed a sharp reminder to keep it that way. She, better than most people, knew how life could turn on a dime. How feelings and emotions could lead a person into difficult, and sometimes terrible, situations.

  As she neared the café she saw Sam seated at one of the outdoor tables. He looked up and directly at her, then raised one arm and waved. She waved back automatically, wondering just how long she’d been standing here wool-gathering. She walked briskly toward him. As she grew nearer, she saw that his table held an empty plate, a crumpled takeout cup and a newspaper that was folded open before him. Turned to the business section, Erin noted as she drew closer.

  “Sorry I took so long,” she said. “Would you like to head back to the lodge?”

  He flung her a smile that made the knot in her stomach tighten a little more, but this time for an entirely different reason. So much for her resolution of just a few minutes ago.

  “I promised you coffee first,” he said, rising from his seat. “Although, if you’re in a hurry to get back to Riley…”

  “No, it’s okay. I nursed him not long before we left and I also left a bottle with Sasha, just in case. He’ll be fine.”

  “What would you like?”

  “A cappuccino would be great, thanks.”

  He was back a few moments later, setting the coffee on the table in front of her.

  “Thanks,” she said, lifting the takeout cup to her lips and taking a sip.

  “I didn’t know whether you wanted chocolate or cinnamon on top, so I told them to go for both. Is that okay?”

  “More than okay. It’s what I usually do,” she said with a smile. “Saves making a decision that way.”

  Sam stiffened, his face suddenly pale.

  “Are you okay?” Erin asked, concerned at the rapid change in him. “Did I say something wrong?”

  “No, of course not. You just reminded me of someone for a minute.”

  He rubbed at his right hip and upper thigh. It was a subconscious action, Erin was sure, but she’d noticed him do that every now and then and his limp would always be more pronounced afterward.

  “You’re sore, aren’t you? Don’t bother denying it,” she said with a smile. “We can head off now if you like, I can take my coffee with me.”

  “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

  “Hey, it’s no problem. I did what I came here to do.”

  Was it her imagination or did his expression harden again? Surely she was imagining things. Sam bent to pick up a large plastic shopping bag, emblazoned with the office supply store’s logo.

  “You got what you wanted then?” Erin asked as they walked to the car.

  “Yes. It’s not high tech but it’ll do the job.”

  He stiffened as they stopped by the car, drawing in a deep breath as if he was steeling himself for the ride back.

  “Is my driving really that bad?” Erin half joked as they got in the car and Sam secured his seat belt. This time without incident.

  “Don’t worry about me,” Sam said. “I’m just not a good passenger.”

  “Bad experience?” Erin probed.

  “Car wreck. I’d rather not talk about it,” he replied, his voice a little harsh. “Can we get going?”

  “Sure,” she said, clipping her seat belt safely and starting up the car.

  It must have been some wreck, she thought as she negotiated her way out of the city and onto the road leading them back to the lake.

  When they arrived back at the lodge Sam excused himself to head upstairs immediately, asking for his lunch on a tray, if possible. Erin was only too happy to oblige. He’d become distant and reserved—nothing like the man she’d come to know during the past few days.

  Erin knew they had a spark of something between them. She couldn’t possibly have imagined it. Maybe he was just one of those moody types whose disposition swung back and forth like a weather vane in a storm. She gave a mental shrug, telling herself it didn’t matter at all, even while her heart gave a little twang of denial. Sam Thornton wasn’t her problem; she had far more pressing matters on her mind than worrying about him.

  She went through to her private rooms. After the emotional strain of telling Janet the whole story, she needed the comfort of her son.

  “How did it go?” Sasha asked the instant she saw Erin.

  “Okay, I guess.” She looked around for Riley. “Is he down for a nap?”

  “Yeah, but I don’t think he’ll be asleep for long. I had to give him that extra bottle you left. He’s a hungry wee beast, isn’t he?”

  “Growth spurt, I expect,” Erin answered. “I’d hoped to delay it, but I think I’m going to have to start him on solids soon.”

  “You think putting him on solids is bad, just wait until you have to let him go to school.” Sasha patted Erin’s hand, clearly understanding her reluctance to embrace this next stage of Riley’s development. “Now, give me the details. What did the lawyer say?”

  Erin skirted over the basics of the discussion she’d had. “She’s going to do more research for me but feels it’s important to first establish that James was Riley’s father. So now I have to find something with a trace of James’s DNA on it.”

  “It’s all very CSI, isn’t it?” Sasha said, her forehead wrinkling into a frown of concentration. “You gave most of his stuff away, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah, although I did keep the important things for Riley for when he’s old enough to understand. There’s an old coat brush in amongst those things that might hold a hair. Aside from that I have no idea how I’m going to find anything.”

  Sasha reached across and gave Erin’s shoulder a squeeze. “You’ll come up with something. Probably where you least expect it. Have a little faith. I’d better go. Call me when you find what you’re looking for, okay?”

  Thinking she needed more than a little faith Erin saw her friend out, thanking her for caring for Riley.

  “It’s no problem,” Sasha insisted. “You know I love spending time with your little guy.”

  After Sasha had gone Erin put a quick lunch on a tray for Sam and took it upstairs. She knocked gently on the door to the room she’d given him as an office and went inside. He was staring intently at his laptop screen.

  “Lunch,” she said quietly. “Where would you like me to put it?”

  Sam gestured to a clear patch at the edge of the desk, without so much as lifting his gaze from the computer. Erin did as he bade and turned to leave him to his own devices. She was on the verge of closing the door behind her when his voice stopped her in her tracks.

  “Erin, can you come back a moment?”

  She turned and came back into the room. “Is there a problem?”

  “Yeah,” he said, his cool gray eyes lifting to meet hers. “I’m sorry I
was short with you. It was rude of me.”

  “No problem,” she hastened to reassure him. After all, he hadn’t come here for her company, had he? Even so, his apology soothed a bit of the sting of his earlier abruptness.

  “It is a problem. I’m not usually so impolite. Something you said reminded me of someone. It upset me and I let that affect my manners.”

  “Something I said?” Erin repeated, confused.

  “At the coffee shop, you said something my wife used to say. My late wife.”

  “Oh,” she breathed on a sigh of understanding. “I’m sorry.”

  “No,” he said, rising from his seat. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. If it’s okay with you, could I still eat dinner with you in the kitchen tonight? I…I’d rather not eat alone.”

  Compassion flooded her. She’d been lucky to have Riley to keep her thoughts occupied at mealtimes but she well knew, and understood, the loneliness that came after the loss of a spouse, especially in the everyday things that you’d always taken for granted. She managed a tremulous smile. “Sure, that’s no problem. Dinner at six, then?”

  Sam nodded. “Thanks, that’ll be great.”

  An awkward silence opened between them. Erin looked at the printer now installed on the desk. “You got the printer hooked up okay?”

  “Yeah, it’s all doing what it’s supposed to.”

  “Good. I’ll see you downstairs at dinner, then.”

  Erin left the room feeling a little better than she’d felt earlier. Sam’s sudden shift in temperament was now explained, which left her with only one more problem. Where the heck was she going to find something with James’s DNA?

  Five

  Sam heard the door close quietly behind him and bracketed his head with his hands. This entire exercise was proving harder than he’d anticipated. He’d thought it would be simple. Come to Tahoe, stay at Connell Lodge.

  See his son.

  He hadn’t expected for a moment to feel drawn to the baby’s mother, nor had he expected her to remind him so viscerally of his late wife. It wasn’t so much in a physical sense—the two women looked nothing alike. Laura’s porcelain skin and dark red hair had been nothing like the glow of summer-kissed skin and short black hair that Erin sported so effortlessly. But it was in their natures, their nurturing instincts—no matter who walked within their spheres. And it attracted and repelled him at the same time.

  After Laura’s death, Sam had sworn not to love another woman again. Not only did he not deserve to, he couldn’t trust himself. Everything in his life he’d done to the very best of his abilities, and he’d set the bar high. Yet with his wife, he’d failed. Failed on the most basic level. And that failure had cost her life. As he’d lain in a hospital bed in the aftermath of their car smash he’d welcomed the pain of his injuries, and afterward, the agony of rehabilitation and learning to walk again. Every torturous step was a just punishment for what he’d done.

  His life had become defined by his guilt and his failure. Even the company he’d created from a speck of an idea and grown into a multinational software empire failed to hold his interest any longer. He’d dwelled within a dark place for the past year and a bit. A dark place lit only recently by the information that Riley Connell may be his son. Suddenly he had something to strive for, someone to live for again. Someone to build a world around.

  Even now, just thinking about the boy made his heart squeeze. Already he could see a family likeness. The baby had the Thornton nose and the stubborn set to Riley’s chin was so like Sam’s own and his father’s before him. Was he tilting at windmills? Seeing things he wanted to see? He wouldn’t know for certain until Erin consented to stop delaying the DNA testing.

  He huffed a deprecating laugh. They’d gone beyond consent the minute he’d seen her walk into that lawyer’s office today. David would rustle up that court order, using whatever favors he could pull and Erin would have to agree. Sam didn’t want to wait any longer. He wanted to know now. He needed to be a part of Riley’s life, his future.

  Sam pushed his chair away from the desk and strode over to the window, staring out at the lake. It was beautiful here. An amazing place for a child to grow up. How would Riley cope, he wondered, sharing his time between the edge of the lake and Sam’s inner-city apartment? It would be all very well while he was small, but Sam wanted his son to attend the best schools, to have advantages geared toward his future that he wouldn’t have here. Would Erin agree?

  He shoved a hand through his hair. He was jumping the gun a bit. A bit? he asked himself ruefully. A whole freaking lot. Everything hinged on those tests. Everything.

  His very world.

  By the time he headed downstairs later that day, he’d pushed his mood behind him. As he approached the kitchen, he could hear Riley’s fractious griping followed by Erin’s soothing tones and he felt a new appreciation for her. She’d been raising Riley single-handedly. It was no easy task and yet he hadn’t heard a single word of complaint from her about it. Erin was stirring something on the stove as he entered and Riley gave a squeal of recognition as Sam entered the room.

  “Oh, it’s you. I’m sorry, but dinner’s running a bit late tonight,” Erin said over her shoulder.

  She sounded tired and distracted.

  “No problem. That lunch kept me going and it’s not as if I’ve been burning off energy,” Sam said, lowering himself to the table and handing Riley the toy he’d flung to the tabletop.

  “Do you want to go into the main sitting room, watch a bit of TV maybe?” Erin suggested.

  Was she trying to get rid of him? “No, I’m fine. Is there anything I can do to help?”

  “Sam, you’re a guest here. You’re not supposed to help.”

  “It’s not like you’re overrun with staff.” He smiled in return. “And I don’t mind chipping in when I can.”

  Riley threw his toy down again and instantaneously began to fuss. Sam picked up the toy again and handed it back to Riley, wondering just how long this game had been going on. Quite a while, if the tense set of Erin’s shoulders and her pale face were anything to go by.

  “Look, I’m sorry,” Erin said putting down her spoon and wiping her hands on a towel tucked into the waistband of her jeans. “He’s not normally this demanding. He slept a bit too long while we were away and then wouldn’t settle for his afternoon nap, so he’s overtired and grumpy.”

  Sam chuckled. “I know how he feels. Can I take him for a walk outside for a bit? Would that help?”

  He saw the relief on her face rapidly chased away by guilt. “I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

  “Hey,” he said softly. “I offered.”

  He could see the battle on Erin’s expressive features and knew he’d won when she sighed and said, “I’ll get his stroller and his blanket, then.”

  Outside, the evening air had a slight chill to it, a reminder that summer was on its way out and that fall wasn’t far away. The bay was still and settled with the dark shadows of the tall trees on the perimeter beginning to cast long shadows across the surface. Sam hunkered down beside the stroller and pointed to a pair of birds flying by, but Riley’s attention was already captured by them.

  Sam took the opportunity to study the baby’s face in more detail. No, he hadn’t been mistaken. Riley’s chin hinted at the same square line of his own, of the same dimple that was a trait of all the Thornton men. Riley had to be his, he just knew it, felt it—and when the little boy turn
ed his face back to Sam and gave him a gummy smile, Sam felt his heart squeeze tight.

  “He’s settled down then,” Erin commented from behind him.

  Sam straightened to his feet. She looked more relaxed now. More like the capable woman he’d seen from the day he’d arrived.

  “Yeah, maybe he just needed a change of scenery.”

  “You’re good with him. Do you have kids of your own?” Erin asked.

  Sam swallowed against the lump that formed in his throat. “My wife and I had hoped for a family. She died before we could start one.”

  And here it would come, he thought, mentally bracing himself. The same platitudes that his family and friends had cast at him with the best of intentions. He could still meet someone new, start again, have a family. But he couldn’t. It would be a betrayal of Laura’s memory. But Erin surprised him in even this.

  “It must be hard,” she said simply.

  “Some times are worse than others, but I’m getting there.”

  “As we do.” Erin sighed and looked out over the lake.

  Sam followed her gaze, saw it settle on the large launch moored at the end of the pier.

  “Yours?” he asked.

  Erin nodded. “It’s part of the lodge. Fishing charters used to be part of the appeal of staying here. We stopped them when Riley’s dad got sick.”

  Sam fought back the bitter taste that flooded his mouth every time he heard the other man referred to as Riley’s father. He wanted to point to his own chest and say firmly, “It’s me. I’m Riley’s father.” But he didn’t have the right. Yet.