A Father's Secret

by Yvonne Lindsay

  “I wanted to show you how much you mean to me,” she finished, reaching up to cup his face between her hands, hoping that her eyes showed him the words she was suddenly too frightened to say.

  “Erin, don’t you understand? The feeling is entirely mutual.” Sam sighed and lowered himself so that their faces were only inches apart, his gray eyes holding her with a gaze so intense she was afraid to look away. “I never expected to feel like this again, with anyone. This is a gift that we share.”

  He kissed her again, this time so tenderly she felt the burn of tears at the back of her eyes. She fought them back. She would not cry. This was a gift, just as he said, and she wasn’t prepared to waste it.

  This time, when Sam pulled back, she remained silent, emitting sound only when she was helpless to hold it back as he traced the shape of her body with his lips and his tongue. When he undid the clasp of her bra, she felt her breasts spill out into his eager hands, sensed the heat of his mouth before she felt it on the tender, sensitive buds of her nipples. First one, then the other, each laved with enough attention that she was squirming against him, lifting her hips to his in silent entreaty.

  His shaft was a rigid spear against her body and she tried to reach for him, to stroke him, but he grasped her wrists and pulled her hands high over her head, leaving her prone to his gaze and his touch. She opened her eyes and saw in his a new reverence as he looked his fill of her before continuing his tortuous path, kissing and tasting her torso, lower and lower until she felt the warmth of his breath through the scrap of lace at her hips.

  When he lowered his mouth to her, tasting her through her panties, she nearly screamed. Every nerve in her body tightened to an almost unbearable tension. He released her hands so he could tug at the tiny garment, sliding it down her legs and off her before she realized what he was doing, and then his mouth was there again, his tongue circling her clit in exquisite torment before he sealed his lips around her and suckled. The orgasm that broke through her body was a tidal wave of sensation that sent burst after burst of pleasure pulsing through her.

  By the time she gathered her scattered senses Sam was lying beside her again, a half smile on his face.

  “You like that?” he teased, using her earlier words right back at her.

  She laughed, the sound filling her and expanding out into the cabin around them. God, he made her so incredibly, deeply happy.

  “Yeah, I did,” she answered, grinning widely. “And, feel free to let it go completely to your head, you have every right to look so darn smug.”

  They lay together in the filtered golden light that beamed softly through the opaque skylight above them and Erin knew she’d never felt so happy. Never believed she deserved to feel this good. When Sam leaned over and kissed her again, her body quickened almost immediately, hungry for more of what he had to offer. It seemed the more satisfaction she received, the more she craved and the more she wanted to give in return.

  “Condom?” Sam asked, pulling away from her just a fraction.

  “Right-hand cupboard, there,” she pointed.

  He reached up and grabbed a foil packet, ripping it open and deftly rolling the protection over his rigid shaft. Positioning himself between her thighs he slowly eased within her, burying himself to the hilt.

  “You feel so damn good,” he rumbled, his mouth at her throat, his teeth grazing the soft curve where her neck met her shoulder.

  Erin grasped him tight with her inner muscles, pulling him as deep within her as she could bear before releasing him again. She was beyond words as he withdrew before sliding home again and again in that most ancient dance of perfection. This time when she climaxed, she felt him tumble with her as, with her hips meeting his every thrust and her inner muscles clamping tight, she wrung both his satisfaction and hers from their bodies.

  Sam collapsed on top of her and she wrapped her arms around him, relishing the heavy, sweaty weight of him, sensing the exact moment he slipped from conscious awareness into the oblivion of exhausted slumber. She hooked her legs around his and hugged him with her entire body.

  “I love you.”

  She whispered it ever so faintly she wondered if she’d even said it aloud at all, then closed her eyes and let sleep take her.

  Eleven

  The persistent chime of her cellphone dragged Erin from her slumber. It stopped briefly, before starting again. Sam shifted his weight so she could get clear of the bed. Naked, she slid the phone from her bag and felt her stomach drop when she saw Sasha’s number on the caller display.

  “Sasha? I’m sorry I didn’t get to the phone earlier, is everything okay?”

  In the background she could hear the strident wails of her little boy.

  “I’m sorry, Erin. He woke from his afternoon sleep with a slight fever and he’s been unhappy ever since. I think it’s getting worse, and he keeps tugging at his ear, too. Can you get back soon? I really think he needs to see a doctor.”

  “Of course. We’ll be there in about ten minutes or so, we’re not far away.”

  “Good, do you want me to give him a dose of liquid painkiller? It might help with the fever.”

  Erin was normally not an advocate of using painkillers with small children, especially not her own small child, but his crying was so piteous she knew they had to offer him some relief.

  “Sure, there’s a bottle, for emergencies, in the cupboard above the refrigerator. A sterile dropper is in the box with it.”

  Sasha ended the call to go in search of the medication, leaving Erin standing holding her phone and feeling distraught. Her baby needed her and she’d been out here on the lake taking her pleasure with a man she’d only recently met. Guilt threatened to overwhelm her.

  “Erin? Is Riley okay?” Sam was already sliding off the bed and reaching for his clothing.

  “No, he’s not. Sasha said he woke with a fever and—” she felt her throat close up with anxiety “—he’s screaming his head off. He’s never like that. Never.”

  “Here, let me help you with your things. Don’t worry, we’ll be there soon and we can get him to the doctor. He’s in good hands for now.”

  Guilt sat on her chest like a lead weight. What was it she’d been thinking earlier, about how happy she was? She’d been a fool to embrace it, a fool to think she deserved it. There was always a price to pay. It had been no different when she was younger, it certainly was no different now.

  She accepted her underwear from Sam and hastily pulled it on, her hands fumbling at the clasp of her bra. Sam brushed her hands away and capably snapped the front clasp closed and silently handed her T-shirt and jeans to her. She shoved her feet into her shoes, not bothering with her socks as Sam dressed rapidly beside her.

  “Don’t worry about anything else. We can attend to it later,” he said, climbing up the steps that led to the wheel.

  Erin stood next to him, frozen with worry, as he capably started the motor, lifted the anchor and carefully pulled away from the spot that had seemed so perfect only a short while ago. Now it was the furthest distance imaginable from her sick baby. They rounded the point and the pier came into view, her home and Riley behind it. As they drew next to the pier she leaped from the boat and hesitated only long enough to tie it off before sprinting for the house.

  She burst in through the back door, Riley’s cries sharp in the air.

  “Oh, thank goodness you’re back,” Sasha said, her voice quavering. “I know I’ve had three of my own and all
that but there are times when only a baby’s mother will do.”

  “It’s okay, Sasha. It’s nothing you did.”

  She reached out her arms to Riley and scooped him close to her. His screams quieted down to sobs, but his crying didn’t stop. “Shh, Riley-bear, we’ll get you to the doctor, don’t worry. They’ll make you all better again.”

  Erin dropped down into a chair, lifted her T-shirt and unsnapped her bra in an attempt to soothe Riley by nursing him, but he wouldn’t have any of it. He simply turned his face away and kept on crying.

  “What can I do to help?”

  Erin turned to the sound of Sam’s deep voice beside her.

  “Can you get his car seat from the nursery and bring it through?”

  “Good idea,” Sasha interjected. “And I’ll get his diaper bag ready for you, just in case you have to wait at the emergency room. Although with how upset he is, I think they’ll hurry you through.”

  Between the two of them, they gathered everything Erin needed to get Riley to the doctor. Sasha left as Erin was buckling Riley into the baby carrier before carrying him out to the car.

  “Have you got everything you need?” Sam asked, coming back inside after putting the diaper bag and Erin’s handbag in the car for her.

  “I think so.” She thought for a minute, next to impossible to do with Riley’s distress filling the air. “Car keys! I think I left them in my office. They’ll be under some papers I think, on the desk. Can you grab them for me while I secure the car seat?”

  “Sure.”

  * * *

  Sam had never seen the baby so distressed. It cut him to his core knowing there was little he could do to help. He made his way as quickly as he could to Erin’s office and looked around. No obvious sign of the keys, he noted, and reached to pat the papers on her desk. He gave a grim smile. The woman might be almost fanatical about keeping the lodge spick-and-span but she left a lot to be desired when it came to paperwork. It was endearing and reassuring at the same time that she was vulnerable in at least one area of her life. She seemed to handle everything else so capably.

  He shifted some papers to one side, sending an envelope falling to the carpet. As he picked it up, he noticed the keys tucked behind another pile of papers at the corner of the desk. He grabbed them and was about to put the envelope back on the desk when he noticed the return address on the back.

  It was the facility David had used for the DNA testing they’d recently done on Riley. Why would Erin have had correspondence from them, he wondered. He slid the papers out of the envelope and noted it was dated two weeks ago. His eyes skimmed the details quickly, then again more slowly as he tried to assimilate the words on the page with the confusion in his mind.

  She already knew James Connell wasn’t Riley’s biological father? But why wouldn’t she have said anything? Why make him wait and go through all that rigmarole of asking further questions and only responding to the requests for testing once the court order came through? A flash of red clouded his vision as a fast-burning anger swelled through him. How dare she have withheld this truth?

  What kind of woman did that? He shoved the letter back into the envelope and dropped it back onto the desk. Whatever her reasons, and he had to give her the benefit of the doubt, he wouldn’t be able to press her for them now. Right now their most urgent priority was to get Riley to the doctor and find out what, exactly, was wrong.

  Erin had Riley secured in his car seat and she rushed to Sam as he exited the back door, pulling it closed behind him and testing to ensure it was locked.

  “Here,” he said. “The keys.”

  Erin all but snatched them. She slid into the driver’s seat of the car and tried to put the keys in the ignition. Now that his mother wasn’t near him, Riley started to scream again, the sound so wretched and heartbreaking that even Sam began to feel close to tears.

  To his surprise, Erin slammed a fist on the steering wheel.

  “I can’t do it,” she sobbed, tears now streaming down her face. “I can’t drive with him so upset. I need to be back there with him. You’ll have to drive us.”

  Before he could protest, she was out of the seat and tucking herself into the back with Riley.

  “Sam! Please, you have to drive us,” she implored when he didn’t move.

  “Erin, you don’t understand. I haven’t driven since—”

  “Sam, we need you. Please.” She was sobbing in earnest now.

  He gritted his teeth and tried to still the anxiety that now tied his stomach in knots of sheer terror. A cold bead of sweat ran down his spine as he walked around the car and lowered himself into the driver’s seat. It hurt to breathe and his muscles felt as if they were locked solid, refusing to obey his mental commands to reach for the key in the ignition and start the car.

  He hadn’t had a moment’s hesitation while out on the boat, yet right now he could barely hold back the bile that rose in his throat, let alone drive this heap of metal and motor—this potential death trap.

  “Sam?”

  “All right!” he snapped back then instantly wished his words back. “I’m sorry, I’ll do it. Just give me a moment.”

  The fear in Erin’s voice tripped a trigger in his brain and with a shaking hand he reached to turn the key. The engine roared to life, making him realize that he had automatically pumped the gas. He snapped his seat belt tight and reached to put the car in gear before letting the emergency brake go. One step at a time, he mentally ticked the boxes.

  The car inched slowly forward and Sam found himself fighting back the urge to throw up. In the back of the car Riley’s screams had stopped again, and even his crying had subsided a little. In the rearview mirror he noticed Erin was bent over his car seat. She looked up into the mirror, meeting Sam’s eyes.

  “You can do this, Sam. But you’re going to have to go a little faster,” she said with a watery smile.

  He looked down at the speedometer. Ten miles an hour. He’d have laughed if the situation hadn’t been so ridiculously nerve-racking. If the lives of his son and his son’s mother didn’t depend on how he managed to drive the car.

  His fingers curled even tighter on the steering wheel as he applied more pressure to the accelerator. The car jerked forward then slowed as he dragged his foot back again. God, he was a mess. What if he did that up on the road? That awful winding road that led to the nearest town. What if he did something stupid, like the last time he was behind the wheel of a car, and destroyed the lives of the people who now most depended upon him?

  He hadn’t even had a chance to tell Erin the truth out on the boat today, as he’d planned. Not that it mattered now, he warned himself as the reminder of the envelope he’d found in the office came flooding back. It hardened his resolve. By doing what she’d done, she’d effectively been denying his right to discover if Riley was his baby. He’d have it out with her in his own good time but right now, his son depended upon him and he was going to prove to himself, if to no one else, he was all the father Riley needed.

  Relief flooded through every taut muscle in Sam’s body as he eased the car into a space at the after-hours clinic. Erin was already lifting Riley from his car seat. He’d started screaming again as they driven through the winding hills and not even Erin had been able to calm him. She slung her bag over one arm and clutched the baby to her.

  “Can you bring his diaper bag for me?” she asked, already heading for the entry.

  “Sure,” he said to her retreating back.
>
  She was through the door before he’d locked the car. He leaned for a moment against the door, the diaper bag in one hand, car keys in the other. He’d done it. He’d actually conquered his worst fear, and he’d done it for Riley. He took a steadying breath and started to walk toward reception, feeling inordinately proud of what he’d achieved.

  Erin and Riley were nowhere to be seen when he entered the reception room. In fact, the waiting area was surprisingly quiet with only one other person on the visitors’ seats, slumped in a chair with a year’s old, well-thumbed magazine on his lap.

  “Can I help you?” the perky young woman behind the desk enquired as he approached.

  “I’m with Erin Connell and her baby, Riley?”

  “Poor little thing. Yes, one of our doctors could see her right away.”

  “Can I go through?”

  “Oh, you’re the father? That’s excellent. I didn’t get all the details I need from Mrs. Connell. Perhaps you could complete them for me, and sign the consent form relating to Riley’s care?”

  “Oh, I—” Sam cut himself short.

  He was about to say he didn’t have the authority to sign on Erin’s behalf. But he did. He had every right. He was Riley Connell’s father whether Erin liked it or not and as such he silently picked up the pen from the counter and began to complete the remaining details that were required. He’d just finished them and pushed the clipboard back toward the receptionist when his cellphone rang in his pocket.

  The receptionist pointed at a sign on the wall requesting that all mobile devices be switched off or turned to silent. Giving her a nod he reached for the phone, ready to turn it off. Then he saw who was calling him.

  His private investigator. He hadn’t heard from the guy since he’d told Sam where to find Erin and Riley. Sam had all but given up on him finding any further information. He had to take this call. He had to know what else she might be hiding. Especially in light of what Erin had done by keeping the news about James Connell’s DNA test secret.