Trying to avoid him for the rest of the evening, I helped Nanny B clean the kitchen after we ate dinner. I then chilled in the living room for a while and paged through an Ebony magazine. I continued to keep my eyes on the bedroom, and when the lights went out, I gave him a few minutes to fall asleep before heading upstairs.
When I entered the bedroom, I almost lost it. To my surprise, he sat on the white leather chaise, with his birthday suit on. Several lit candles surrounded him, and he was leaned back with one leg on the floor and the other one on the chaise. His smooth dick lay long on his stomach, and he stroked it up and down. He took a sip from the glass of wine in his hand, and then placed it on the table next to him. While focusing on me, he licked his lips from one side to the other.
“It’s been kind of cold in this room lately. I was hoping you’d have the pleasure of warming me up tonight.”
I stood mesmerized by his fineness. I couldn’t get any words to come out of my mouth. Instead of saying anything, I walked over and kneeled down in front of him. Wanting to give him some type of satisfaction, I reached for the hot cinnamon gel he had next to him. I squeezed it onto my tongue and licked around his head until I heard him moan my name. I used my hands to help with my stroking, taking all of him deeply into my mouth. It was rare that he’d come like this, so I had my work cut out for me. I sucked in my jaws and made sure that every entrance made it to the back of my throat. By how tense he was, I could tell he was pleased. I worked his jewels and tightly squeezed my lips over his thick head to make him come. When he tightened his fingers in my hair, I closed my eyes and swallowed.
“Take off your clothes,” he whispered.
I ignored him and continued to clean him up with my tongue.
“That was good . . . very good, but I want my pussy.”
I stopped and looked up at him. “Not right now. Just let me finish, okay?”
He was too excited to respond, and he lay back so I could finish the job. Moments later, he pleaded to go inside of me, but this time I refused.
“What’s the big deal?” he yelled. I watched his dick deflate in my hand. “Are you fucking around with somebody else?”
“No, Jaylin. I just don’t feel like it tonight. Maybe tomorrow.”
He gave me a hard stare, and without saying one word to me, he got in bed. His eyes followed me as I went to the bathroom to get a towel. When I wiped him with it, he grabbed my hand.
“If you’re fucking around on me, I’m gonna hurt you, Scorpio. I will not tolerate a cheating woman.”
How dare he not tolerate a cheating woman when I’d tolerated a cheating man? Jaylin’s controlling ways were making me crazy, but now wasn’t the time to deal with them. I definitely had a bigger fish to fry. “I’m not messing around on you. Being pregnant just makes me this way, so be patient. It’s not that often that this happens.”
He let go of my hand and mumbled something underneath his breath. After that, he turned his back, and thirty minutes later, he was sound asleep.
I felt horrible. I was in no position to argue with him about his actions. This was my fault, and continuously lying to him wasn’t making things better. I wanted him inside of me so badly, but I had to wait until I somehow worked out this mess.
By early morning, I crept into the bathroom to check my blood flow. It wasn’t too heavy. I got in the shower before going to my fake doctor’s appointment. As I was in the shower, Jaylin knocked on the bathroom door. Normally I’d leave it unlocked, but I knew after I turned him down last night, he’d want to join me.
“Baby,” I yelled, “I’ll be out in a minute, okay?”
“Unlock the door,” he said, turning the knob.
“Can I have some privacy, please?”
“You can have all the privacy you want after I piss. Now open the door.”
“Can’t you go to another bathroom?”
“Scorpio, open the damn door!”
I turned off the shower, grabbed a towel, and unlocked the door. When Jaylin came in, I quickly covered myself with the towel. He cut me like a knife with his eyes, and then sat his jaw-dropping naked body down on the edge of the Jacuzzi tub.
“What is up with you?” he said, rubbing his eyes.
“Nothing. I just needed some privacy, that’s all.”
“For as long as you’ve been in this house, you’ve never locked the bathroom door or demanded your privacy. If you’re not going to forgive me for what I did, then maybe it’s time for us to call it quits. I’m not going to live my life like this; I’m not going to be in the same house with my woman and can’t even touch her, and I’m not going to stay stuck up in here because of your insecurities.”
“I understand,” I said softly. “And I’m not asking you to. All I wanted was some privacy this morning. Nothing more, nothing less.”
He grabbed my waist and sat me down on his lap. I held the towel tightly above my breasts so it wouldn’t slide down.
“Tell me honestly,” he said. “Do you still love me?”
I placed my hand on his face and looked into his to-die-for eyes. “Yes, I love you, but being in love with you is a scary thing. Just give me a little more time to get over this and I promise you, I will.”
I rose up, and Jaylin stood tall in front of me. He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed tightly.
“Don’t be afraid to love me, because I’m not going to hurt you again. We’ve come too far, Scorpio, and I hope you’re willing to work this out with me. So, let the towel go, and let me make love to you this morning.”
“We’re going to be late for my doctor’s appointment. Can we do it later?”
Jaylin didn’t buy my excuse. “It’s six-thirty in the morning. Your appointment isn’t until ten o’clock. How in the hell are we going to be late?”
“You ain’t no five-minute brotha, Jaylin. And once we get started, you’re not going to stop.”
“We’ll have to see about that.”
Jaylin pulled the towel from the back, and not being able to hold on, I let it go. He moved my wet hair away from my face and leaned down to kiss me. I held my hands tightly together in front of me, feeling myself about to lose it. As soon as he gripped my butt cheeks and swayed his hand across my coochie, I backed up. At that moment, I wanted to lie and tell him that I’d had a miscarriage, but we had already lied to each other enough, and I just couldn’t go there. If he found out I lied, he would never forgive me. I had to be honest and come clean, but I also had to do so when it felt convenient for me. Now wasn’t the time or the place.
“I’m sorry, I can’t,” I said, backing away from him. “Not right now.”
“And why not right now?” he yelled. “I’m about to explode.” He held his hard dick in his hand. “What in the fuck do you expect me to do about this? I thought you were my woman. I guess not.”
He opened the bathroom door and slammed it as hard as he could. One of the potpourri crystal vases fell from the counter and broke.
I hurried to clean myself up. Not saying a word to Jaylin, I went into the closet, changed clothes, and hurried to go. Having no cash on me, I stopped at the doorway and turned to face him.
“So, I guess you don’t want to go with me, huh?” I asked.
He wouldn’t even look up at me. “Nope.”
“Then can I have some money?”
“You already got some money.”
“Trust me, I don’t. The last time I checked my account, I only had twenty dollars in there.”
“Then check again.” He picked up the phone and held it in his hand.
I dialed my bank’s 800 number then entered my code. The recorder said I had ten thousand twenty dollars and some-odd cents in my account. I hung up and looked at him. “Thanks for thinking about me.”
He didn’t say a word. I headed toward the door and turned to him again. “Are you sure you don’t want to go with me?”
“Positive.”
Having no doctor’s appointment at all, I drove around for a while
to keep myself busy. I had breakfast at Denny’s on Manchester, and then stopped at Frontenac Plaza to shop. Thinking about how good Jaylin had been to me, I shopped for him at Saks Fifth Avenue, and then bought a dress for Mackenzie as well. I didn’t want to leave out LJ, so I bought him a blue jean Polo outfit and a pair of shoes to match.
By the time I finished, it was almost one o’clock. I called Leslie’s house to see if she wanted some company. From the sound of my depressing, low voice, she sensed something was wrong and told me to come over.
When I got to her place, she was arguing with her boyfriend James. The kids were crying, and she had a bat in her hand, about to crack his head wide open.
“Come on, you black-ass fool,” she yelled with tears streaming down her face. “If you call your bitch on my phone one more time, I’m gonna fuck your ass up!”
“Girl, you better put that damn bat down before you get beat up in here,” he ordered.
Leslie swung the bat hard and hit James in his arm. After that, they were throwing down. The kids were crying even harder. Unable to separate Leslie and James, I called the police.
Several minutes later, the police came, and James flew out the back door. One of the officers saw him and chased after him. They took a statement from Leslie, and she lied about who hit who first. Since James had a warrant out for his arrest, they hauled him off to jail.
I calmed the kids and went into the bathroom, where Leslie stood looking in the mirror at the bruises on her face. Having different fathers, she was much darker than I was, so the bruises were easier to hide. She pressed a towel against her lip, wiping blood from it.
“I’m so sick of this mess,” she said, throwing the towel in the sink.
“Well, why don’t you just leave him alone?”
She tooted her lips and cut her eyes at me. “I know you ain’t talking. If anybody needs to leave anybody alone, you need to leave that no-good-ass Jaylin alone.”
“Leslie, there’s no way you can stand there and compare an animal like James to Jaylin. For your information, Jaylin loves me, he takes care of me, and he would never put his hands on me the way James just did you.”
“Whatever,” she said, walking out of the bathroom. “Abuse is abuse. It comes in all different shapes, forms, and fashions. If you want me to be honest about it, your situation ain’t no damn different from mine.”
I put my hand on my hip and defended my situation. Again, there was no comparison, and Leslie knew there wasn’t. This was her way of taking the heat off her situation and putting it on mine. “Now, I don’t want to argue with you about this, but think about the children, please. You’re destroying them, girl. One thing I can say is Mackenzie has never been subjected to Jaylin and me beating the hell out of each other. If anything, you should know how it feels to watch your mother get beat all the time. We watched it for many years, and you know it’s not a good feeling.”
Leslie lit a cigarette and sat on the edge of her bed. The whole damn house was a mess, and I was so disappointed to see her living like she did.
“Look, I know you’re right, and that nigga ain’t coming back here ever again. He’s smoking that crack, and if one more bitch call this house looking for his ass, I’m gonna kill him.”
“Girl, please. He ain’t even worth it. Then your kids would really be messed up without no mother.”
“You got that right.” She took a few more puffs from her cigarette then put it out. “Anyway, why you been coming over here lately? The only time I see you is when shit ain’t going right with you and Jaylin.”
I sat on the bed next to Leslie. “That’s not true, but we are going through something.”
“Who he done fucked this time? Don’t tell me he’s on his way back to Nokea.”
“No, it’s nothing like that. But, uh, he has another baby on the way.”
Leslie’s eyes widened. She looked like she’d seen a ghost. “Other than your baby? He got another baby?”
“Well, something like that.”
“See, that’s what I’m talking about. And you just a fool for sitting back letting him.”
I had to get my secret off my chest. Maybe it would make me feel better to tell someone, and who better to tell than my own sister. “Leslie, the baby I had wasn’t Jaylin’s.”
Her eyes got even wider. “Well, who in the hell’s baby is it?”
“It was Rick’s baby. You remember the fine-ass exterminator I told you I met in Denver?”
“Yeah, I remember. But you never said anything about having sex with him. And why in the hell would you not use a condom?”
“We did, but it tore. Twice. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want anybody to know. I found out that it was his baby, and I had an abortion the other day.”
“Does Jaylin know all of this?”
“No, he doesn’t.”
“Well, I’ll get you and Mackenzie’s bed ready in the basement. I’m sure after you tell him, you’ll be right here with me.”
I couldn’t agree with Leslie more. Jaylin acted as if I had no feelings and no right to be with anyone other than him. There was no way he’d understand my need to have sex with Rick, even though he’d been doing his thing with Daisha. He was so one-sided. It was always up to me to put a stop to the mess he continuously dished out. I knew it wasn’t fair, and it would be just a matter of time before he’d have to deal with the reason I turned to another man.
I laid my head on Leslie’s shoulder. “Our relationships are such a mess, aren’t they?”
“Was a mess, baby girl. I’m getting out of this shit and soon.”
“Me too.”
I stayed at Leslie’s house and helped her clean up until almost six o’clock. When I called home, Nanny B said Jaylin wasn’t there and told me Mackenzie was in the backyard playing with her best friend, Megan, and Barbie. I told her I’d be home soon.
“Big sis,” I said, “I’m getting ready to take off. Do you need anything?”
“About fifty dollars, if you got it. I got a disconnection on my gas and electric bill and—”
I reached in my purse and gave Leslie three hundred dollars. She looked at it. “Thanks. I guess that damn fool you got is good for something, ain’t he?”
“More than you will ever know.”
By the time I got home, I was hoping Jaylin would be there, but he wasn’t. I called his cell phone and he didn’t answer. During a late dinner, Nanny B could tell how moody I was, and she encouraged me to stay strong. I tried to, but it worried me so much when I didn’t know where he was.
I went downstairs and watched television with Mackenzie and Megan. Seemed like every five minutes I gazed at my watch. By midnight, I was fuming. I zipped Megan and Mackenzie’s sleeping bags so they could stay warm and headed upstairs for bed.
Jaylin didn’t come home until almost 3:45 in the morning, and when he did, he was drunk as hell. He crawled in bed and kissed all over me.
“Would you move, please?” I said, shoving him off me.
“Come on, baby. Open them legs up and let me in.”
“Hell, no! Get off of me, Jaylin.”
He continued touching me, and when he tried to force down my panties, I smacked his face hard and got out of bed. He jumped in front of me as I headed to the bathroom.
“Don’t ever put your hands on me again,” he said calmly. His breath reeked of alcohol, so I did my best to ignore him. “If I can’t make love to my woman, then . . .”
I ignored his threats by going into the bathroom and closing the door. When I came out, he was gone. I looked outside and saw him speed off down the street in his Mercedes. I was so sure he was headed Daisha’s way.
6
NOKEA
At almost five o’clock in the morning, the doorbell was ringing like crazy. Panicking, I rushed to the door only to see Jaylin standing outside. When I opened the door, he stumbled in. He removed his shades and his faded black jean jacket. His matching wide-legged jeans were cuffed, and his red stretch shi
rt hugged his muscles. When his phone rang, he slightly lifted his shirt, looked at the number, then turned it off. I got a glimpse of his six-pack, and instantly noticed the normal hump in his pants. I turned away and yawned, attempting to ignore my attraction to him.
“What are you dong coming over here this time of the morning?” I asked.
“Where my son at?”
“He’s outside playing golf. Where do you think he is?”
Jaylin walked down the hallway to LJ’s room, and his shoes made a loud noise on my hardwood floors. I ran down the hall to stop him from waking LJ.
“Please don’t. He’s been crabby all night and I need some rest. You can spend all the time you want with him later today, okay?”
Jaylin looked at me but didn’t say a word. He walked into my bedroom and looked around. “Where your man at?”
“At home. Hopefully getting some rest.”
“Why ain’t he over here with you?”
“Because he was just over here the night before.”
“Did you fuck him?”
I smiled at his question, as it had caught me off guard. “Are you crazy? That isn’t any of your business.”
“You’re right,” he said, sitting down on my bed. He lay back, placed his hands behind his head, and looked up at the ceiling fan. “You know I’ve been thinking a lot about you, don’t you?”
“No, I didn’t know.” I walked over to the bed and sat next to him. “But did you have to come over here this early in the morning to tell me?”
He turned his head and looked away. “I was out. Besides, I’ve wanted to tell you how much I’ve missed you for a long time. I just didn’t have the courage.”
I was bothered that he was coming at me like this; after all, we’d both decided to move on. Still, there was a part of me that would always have some feelings for Jaylin. “Look, Jaylin, don’t do this. I know you’re going through something right now, but telling me something you really don’t mean isn’t going to solve your problems. The alcohol doesn’t help either.”
“I do mean it. Hell, I miss you like crazy. Been missing what we shared for a very long time.” He looked at me for confirmation. “But you’re in love with Collins, right?”
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