“Can we go to Aqua Terra, please?” Mallory’s voice was small, but they all turned to look at her. “I…I would really like to go there. It would be hard, but I feel I need to go there before I go home.”
Renee immediately picked up the phone and rang the restaurant to speak to the owner.
Their table was booked for eight and she had worn the red dress that she had bought back in Scotland. When they arrived her senses were bombarded with the sights, sounds and aromas from the night almost exactly a year ago when Sam had proposed. The music was the same. It drifted through the air and transported her back in time to that happy evening.
Mallory was understandably quiet throughout dinner. Renee kept squeezing her hand to ensure that she was okay. Mallory nodded each time. Eventually, when dinner was done, Ryan asked her to dance. He took her hand and led her to the dance floor. He held one hand at the small of her back and Mallory’s right hand in his left as they swayed to the sounds of ‘That’s Life’ by good old Frank Sinatra. The lyrics seemed somehow apt and Mallory smiled as she leaned her head on Ryan’s shoulder. She didn’t cry, even though she had thoroughly expected to. At least that was some kind of progress.
~~~~~
Friday came around too soon and Mallory was packing her suitcase. Renee knocked on the bedroom door and entered.
“Hi, Darling. I just wanted to check that you are okay?”
“I’m fine thanks, Renee. I’m just trying to figure out how to get all this stuff in my suitcase.” She smiled.
Renee began to her assist her with the mammoth task of folding.
“I hope this time away from home has been helpful to you, honey.” Renee touched Mallory’s arm.
“I’ve loved being here, Renee. I’ve felt closer to Sam. But I feel I’ve been able to deal with my grief easier being amongst all of you.”
Renee nodded. “It’s been good to have you here. I think it’s helped all of us too. Losing Sam was so difficult, but we made a pact as a family not to dwell on the sadness.” She sat down on the bed, “Sam was so full of life. He would hate us all sitting around crying and gnashing our teeth. This leads me onto something else.”
Renee paused and fiddled with the hem of a top she was folding. “He always told me that if ever he died suddenly, or after an illness of some kind, that he wanted people to wear bright colours and laugh. I just didn’t want to do that at the time. But, I hope you don’t mind, I invited some of his friends around tonight for a kind of memorial service.” Renee cringed as she awaited Mallory’s response.
Mallory sat down too, absorbing Renee’s words. “Oh, wow, how amazing. I think it’s a wonderful idea.”
Renee exhaled a sigh and looked relieved. “Oh that’s wonderful, darling. I’m so happy you think so.” She held Mallory’s hand in hers. “Ryan and Cara are out in the yard hanging coloured lights on all of the trees, whilst Dylan sleeps. I have some food ordered in. We’ve put up the gazebo and strung that with lights too. I have told everyone to wear bright colours and to write something down to read out and we have some lanterns to release. It will be so beautiful.” A tear cascaded down Renee’s cheek.
Everything was arranged for eight that evening, in time for when it had begun to get dark. The weather was being kind. Mallory wore her favourite new red top and white linen trousers.
She walked downstairs when she was ready and went out into the back garden. She inhaled sharply as she saw the stunning sight before her. The garden twinkled with thousands of fairy lights in all of the trees. It was so beautiful. Sam would have loved it.
There were coloured lanterns hanging from spikes in the grass and around the edge of the gazebo and a long table displaying an array of rainbow coloured food. There was a large photograph of Sam on the table with a garland of colourful paper flowers strung around it. The photo had been one that Mallory had taken in Edinburgh with the backdrop of the colourful buildings of Grassmarket behind him and that wonderful grin on his face. She had sent a copy of it to Renee for Christmas. He looked so very handsome and happy; his green eyes vivid and sparkling.
Gradually people began to arrive and fill up the garden. She had met many of them when she was over in Canada last time. Everyone was kind and friendly. She was hugged and kissed more times than she could keep track of. At ten o’clock Renee clinked her glass and a hush fell across the twinkling garden.
“Thank you so much for coming tonight everyone. As you know, we are here to celebrate the life of my son, Ryan’s brother and Mallory’s fiancé. He was such a special boy, but I know I’m preaching to the converted when I say that.” Her words choked in her throat, but after a reassuring squeeze on her arm from Ryan she continued. “I asked all of you to write down a memory on a little tag you were given. We’re going to each read our tags aloud and once they are attached to the lanterns we’ll release them into this beautiful clear night sky.”
Everyone was silent as the first person came up to read their memory. Mallory could feel her emotions rising to the surface and so she took her place by Renee’s side and held her hand. They knew they were in for a rough ride.
“I knew Sam from kindergarten. He was one nice guy. My earliest memory is the best one. I had joined kindergarten as the new kid. None of the other kids wanted to play with me, but Sam came over and handed me half his snack and told me his name.” The large tough looking man choked back a tear. “That has stuck with me ever since and we stayed friends from that day. And now the world is worse off for losing him.” He wiped his eyes as he was handed his lantern and dutifully tied his tag on.
“I worked with Sam at Woolworths when we were at college.” The pretty red head told the group. “We used to laugh all the time. The most vivid memory I have is when we had to chase a shoplifter down the street. It was a woman who was wearing a wig and as she ran away the wig flew off. Sam and I had to stop running as we could hardly breathe for laughing.” She smiled, “I kept in touch via email and he came to my wedding. I miss those emails…I miss hearing his news.” She tied her tag to a lantern.
“Sam and I were good friends at High School. When you met Sam you knew that his friendship was for life. He was there for me when my dad got ill. He supported me when I thought I couldn’t cope,” the mousy haired skinny man fought back tears. “I used to get called ‘geek’ and all sorts of other names at school by the supposed ‘cool’ kids. Sam was different. He was popular and compassionate. I love you, man.” He ended, looking up to the night sky and stepping down before his emotions got the better of him.
The memories ranged from school to work colleagues. It was so very emotional for Mallory, hearing how well thought of her man had been. There were a few jokes told which lightened the mood.
After a while it was Ryan’s turn.
“Losing my bro is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through, losing Dad was bad enough. We weren’t like a lot of brothers. There was no real sibling rivalry. Don’t get me wrong, he was such an idiot sometimes, like the time he decided to put the Christmas lights on the roof to save Dad a job and we had to get the fire department out ‘cause he got scared and couldn’t move. We ribbed him about that for years. But he was there for me no matter what. When Cara and I split up briefly in college and I was so sure none of it was my fault. He somehow made me realise that it was actually all me, being an ass. Maybe if he hadn’t done that I wouldn’t have my beautiful wife and son.” He rubbed his eyes and looked up at the sky. “If you’re up there lookin’ down bro, keep an eye out for Dylan, ‘k?” He stepped away and tied his tag on his lantern.
Renee stepped forward to speak. She was shaking and squeezing Mallory’s hand the whole time. “My sons have always made me so very happy. They have been loving and kind. They’ve helped people in need all through their lives. I couldn’t be more proud. Cara came along and completed my Ryan’s soul. He has never been happier since they got married. She is wonderful and I know Sam adored her too. Sam was always the outdoors type. Even as a child he was always off trek
king somewhere or other. Climbing trees or rocks and coming home with grazed knees. He loved to be in the open air and you can hardly get in our loft for all the scenic photos he’s taken over the years. We were all shocked when he agreed to go to England and become a white collar worker in his fancy suits. But then one day it all fell into place. It was all meant to be.”
She smiled at Mallory. “One day, not so long ago, Sam told us he was finally, utterly, irrevocably, head over heels in love with a beautiful English girl he had met within two months of being there. We were all delighted. When we had the pleasure of meeting the soul who had completed our Sam we all fell in love with her too. And his love of the outdoors was shared by Mallory. They bought their home in Scotland and he had his dream come true; Mallory, the outdoors and the amazing backdrop of the Highlands. Sadly now Mallory has to live the dream without him.”
A tear escaped and she simply let it fall. “Sam will be missed more than words can say, but I hope Mallory knows,” she turned to Mallory, “I hope you know, sweetheart, that some of the best memories I have of Sam are of Sam with you.” She hugged Mallory hard as the tears came. Mallory held onto Renee as if she held the very essence of Sam within her.
It was Mallory’s turn to speak. She had to muster up every ounce of strength she could find. She had actually planned out what she was going to say to him on their wedding day and it felt fitting to say most of the words now.
Mallory closed her eyes and with a trembling voice, began to speak from the bottom of her heart. “Sam, I literally fell into your life, one cold December lunch time. You made me laugh so much and I knew right then and there that my heart was yours. The way you looked at me, let me know that you saw the real me. Not the girl struggling with low self-esteem, not the chubby girl who hated the way she looked. You saw me. You saw the light inside me and you made it glow brighter than ever simply by being with me.”
With her lip quivering she inhaled a little courage. “You made everything fun and even when we argued you made me laugh, which I said I hated, but I didn’t really and you knew that. I miss you so much that I sometimes forget to eat, which isn’t like me.” She laughed through her tears, “Being here these past few weeks has helped me to love you more, but also to let you go. You will always be in my heart. I love you, Sam.” She could hear little sobs coming from the small gathered crowd of friends and family and her heart ached
The crowd wandered down the garden to the area which left them away from the trees. They stood in silence and in small groups released their lanterns. The sky lit up as they floated away. They looked so beautiful and the silence was a peaceful one. The lanterns swayed and played in the slight breeze as they floated higher and higher. They all stood and watched for a while. Renee, Ryan, Cara and Mallory clung onto each other.
With tears streaming down her face Mallory whispered, “Goodbye, Sam, I love you.”
~~~~~
It was raining when she landed back in Scotland. She climbed into the limo that had been arranged for her as a treat by the Buchanan’s. She relaxed into the seat and thought back to her wonderful holiday. She felt a serene calmness now; one that she hadn’t felt since before Sam’s accident.
The limo pulled up outside her cottage and the driver opened the door and helped her out. She went to unlock the door and the kind driver, Michael, brought all of her bags inside for her. She thanked him and he wished her well.
She closed the door and looked around her lounge. It felt good to be home. Home, she repeated in her mind. She took her bags, one by one up to her room and dropped them on the floor of the guest room. They would have to wait. She wanted to see Ruby-doo.
She started the engine on her little car and it reluctantly spluttered into life. She was a little concerned at the spluttering, but put it down to the fact that it hadn’t been driven in three weeks. Pulling away from her cottage she set off for Greg’s house. When she arrived, he was outside in the rain messing about under the bonnet of the Land Rover. She tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around, startled, banging his head on the hood.
“Ahhh, shit!” He rubbed his head and then realised who the culprit was. “Mallory! You’re home!” He went to hug her but stopped, looking down at his oil covered wet clothes.
Mallory sniggered. “Yep, I’m home.”
Wiping his hands down his grimy T shirt he gestured to the house. “Come in, I’ll make us a coffee.”
She followed him in.
Ruby came scurrying toward her making little yappy noises and whining. The little fluff ball had missed her owner so very much, that was clear. Mallory got down to floor level and cuddled her little black dog.
“So, where’s Trina?” Mallory eventually enquired, trying to appear nonchalant.
Greg ran an oily hand through his wet hair. “Ah, we…” He looked at the floor.
Mallory held her hands up in apology. “Sorry, it’s none of my business, rude of me to ask.”
“Na. It’s okay. We just weren’t compatible, let’s say.”
Mallory raised her eyebrows. “Oh. Right.”
Greg huffed, “Truth be told, she was ready for moving in permanently and getting engaged. I mean, for fuck’s sake, I’d only known her a few days.” He laughed, his eyes sparkling. “I’ll be back in a minute.” He ran up the stairs two by two.
Moments later he came back down in dry jeans with a T-shirt flung over his shoulder and a towel in his hand which he was rubbing through his hair. His chest glistened from the rain drops that had seeped through his other top.
“So, good time?” he asked, pulling the dry T-shirt over his fuzzy towel dried hair.
“Brilliant,” she replied.
“Make any new friends out there?” He combed through his hair scraping it back off his face.
“Yes quite a few actually. I even got asked out.” She smiled, and her cheeks heated as she remembered Carl.
Greg smirked and shook his head. “Why do you sound surprised?”
“Oh, I don’t know. It was nice. I’d forgotten what it was like to be asked out.”
“So did you go?” Greg was frowning.
“No, he wasn’t my type.” She followed Greg to the kitchen where he put the kettle on.
“Oh right. Do you have a type then?” he asked inquisitively.
“I didn’t think so. But anyway, he wasn’t it, that’s for sure. Too…oh I don’t know. I just didn’t fancy him.”
Greg chuckled and shook his head. “I’ve something to ask you, anyways.” He handed her a cup of coffee. It was fresh and smelled delicious.
“Oh yeah? What’s that then?” She took a sip, but winced as she burned her lip.
“Too eager! I made it with hot water and everything you know,” he teased.
She scrunched her face at him. “Ha ha.”
“Anyway. It’s my birthday next weekend and I thought we could maybe have that beach barbie we’d talked about for your birthday.” He looked hopeful. “I know that was just a rouse to get you to cheer up whilst I was planning your actual birthday, but I do quite fancy it.”
“Oooh, thirty eight then, eh? BBQ sounds good. Who shall we invite to come along?” Mallory also liked the idea of a beach party.
“Oh, leave that with me, I’ll sort it out,” he insisted. “You just get ready for around seven and I’ll pick you up.”
“What’s up with the Landy anyway? Looked serious out there.”
“Oh, it’s nothing. Just a wee oil leak. I think I sorted it. Not bad for a twenty year old car.” He took a sip of his coffee, “So what did you get up to whilst you were away?” he asked.
“We shopped, we looked around all the touristy things, went to the beach. It was so lovely and relaxed.” She smiled, recalling the things she had done.
“Well, you look…I don’t know…refreshed?”
“Thanks, I feel it. We had a kind of memorial service at Sam’s mom’s place.” She clasped her hands around her mug. “It was very touching. All his friends were there. They sa
id some amazing things about him. We all wore bright colours and released lanterns. It was really beautiful.”
Greg nodded and looked thoughtful. “Sounds great. Did it help you? You know, to be around his friends and family?”
“Definitely. I felt like I said a proper goodbye. Not like at the cremation where I was so numb I couldn’t even cry.” She looked at her mug and felt awash with sadness and regret.
“Must have been lovely.” He looked wistful.
Mallory had an idea, but wasn’t sure whether to broach the subject. “Hey, how would you feel about doing something similar for Mairi?” Mallory asked bravely, hoping it didn’t upset him.
Greg’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”
“Well, we could get a few friends together and say a few words and maybe release balloons or lanterns for her?”
Greg shook his head. “I don’t know…her parents and I weren’t close. I only met them once and it didn’t go down too well. And her friends already did a climb in her memory. There would be no one to invite.” He looked so forlorn. Mallory wanted to hug him, but didn’t dare.
“Well, okay, you and I could do it,” she said determined to help him, considering Sam’s memorial had helped her so much.
“You’d do that…for me?” He seemed surprised.
Mallory smiled, “I would…of course.”
“When could we do it? You and me? And where?” He seemed to perk up at the idea.
“Whenever and wherever you feel ready,” she said.
“How about on my birthday?” he asked looking a little more positive now, a smile playing on his lips.
“That’s fine by me.” She could see his mood improving as the plans began to come together.
Greg’s smiled turned into a grin, a handsome beaming grin. “Great. I will just write a few words and we’ll get some lanterns to release. Leave it with me. You can speak too if you like.”
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