Must Love Curves

by Glenna Maynard

  The whore from 7C grimaces and slams the door. The delivery boy is still watching the show. He is looking at me expectantly. He’s wanting his tip. “Oh, my bad, you must want your tip. Well here’s one for ya. Be careful of earthquakes. You never know when one will strike!” I slam the door in his face and tell Beans how naughty he has been.

  “Traitor,” I mumble as I give him one of my fries.

  My sulking and overeating is interrupted with a new text from Pineappleman. He’s this guy I’ve been talking with. I met him on one of those crappy online dating services. My Christmas present from my Aunt Irene, my mother’s sister. She is dead set on finding me a husband. She’s old fashioned in some ways. Says it isn’t proper for me to be living in a big house on my own with no man to look after me. She considers me an old maid at twenty-five. Eddie and I rarely hear from her, she travels a lot.

  I grin.

  Pineappleman: I’ve missed your sense of humor today.

  Curves: I see how it is…you only like me for my wit.

  Pineappleman: I could appreciate the rest of you, but you don’t want to meet.

  Ugh there it is…my fear creeping up on me. Pineappleman is different. He likes the real me, not the sister or the funny fat friend. We’ve exchanged a few pictures, none that really show the full body shot. He wouldn’t recognize me if he passed me on the street, but what would he really think of me in person? I’m good at taking photos that don’t show my true size.

  I look to Beans like he can advise me. He’s in his doggy bed snoring.

  Pineappleman: Did I scare you off?

  Curves: No, I’m thinking about it…

  Pineappleman: What’s to think about? We’ve been talking for months. I like you, I think you like me.

  Curves: What if we don’t like each other once we meet. Then what?

  Pineappleman: I guess we’ll never know unless you say yes.

  Ugh! Why can’t I have the nerve to say yes. He’s totally sexy from what I can see in his pics. Which leads me to wonder what he’s doing talking to me.

  It sounds stereotypical, but he appears as though he would be with that bitch in 7C. His hair is dark I think. He is wearing a beanie in all the pics I have seen of him. He doesn’t look like he’s a body builder or anything. I guess he’s average, but definitely not big like me.

  Pineappleman: What are we watching tonight?

  We have this thing where we watch one TV show together every few nights. Well we watch it at the same time and text about it.

  Curves: Vikings?

  Pineappleman: I could go for some raiding on the peaks of your body.

  I’m blushing. He’s such a tease.

  Curves: Seriously?

  Pineappleman: I could come over.

  Wow, he’s never offered to come to me. He usually asks me to meet him at a park or something. We haven’t even exchanged real names. We still only have screen names to go by. What if he’s a weirdo crazy person that meets women online then cuts them up or something? It’s happened. Or what if he becomes obsessed with me and stalks me?

  Maybe I am being dramatic but a girl can never be too safe.

  Pineappleman: Or Not :(

  Well, this isn’t my place. If he’s a crazy I can just go home…

  Curves: Okay.

  Pineappleman: No joke?

  Curves: I’m at Arbors on Old Hickory.

  Pineappleman: The condos?

  Curves: Yeah, you know them?

  Pineappleman: You could say that. I’ll text you when I’m close.

  I pop off the couch in a mad dash to put my outfit from earlier on and apply fresh deodorant after brushing my teeth. Beans is following me around and watching my every move. Little clinger.

  Not even five minutes have passed when I get a text.

  Pineappleman: I’m by the entrance.

  Shit! That was fast.

  Curves: I’m in building 7 apartment F.

  Deep breaths. I put Beans in his crate so he can’t run out on me again. Another glance over my appearance in the mirror, I determine I don't have any lipstick on my teeth. I feel positive.

  He starts knocking softly on the door and now I am freaking out.

  Maybe he will give up and go away.

  “Curves, sweetheart, I know you’re concerned. I am too. You could be waiting to whack my penis into tiny pieces and feed it to your cats.”

  I snort. “I don’t have a cat.” Shit! I clamp my hand over my mouth. I didn’t mean to say that aloud for him to discover I’m here. I don’t know if I can do this.

  “You gonna let me in, I’m ready to raid, woman.”

  I can’t help but snicker. I pad across the room to the door and squint at him through the peephole. He appears harmless, normal. He matches his pictures perfectly. At least what little morsel I can see of him.

  Another deep breath. Unlocking the door, I force it open before I can change my mind and send him away.

  “Curves,” he greets me with a grin. His eyes travel over my hips and up to my bosom. I have to avert my eyes from his overwhelming attention. I’m not used to being ogled, gawked at sure, but for remarkably different reasons than what the intensity in his eyes is giving away.

  “Damn, sweetheart, you just transported me to when I was fifteen years old and reading hotrod mags just to jerkoff to the pinup queens.”

  I shake my head. “You got here awful quick.”

  “I actually live in building 12. I can’t believe I’ve not noticed you before.”

  I step aside allowing him to come in. I’m not certain what to disclose. Will he assume it’s weird I chose to invite him over to another man’s residence?

  “I don’t live here,” I admit.

  “That’s cool. You invite strange men over to a stranger’s apartment regularly,” he teases.

  “No. I’m pet sitting,” I say with a weak laugh. “You want to sit?” My eyes roam his frame, he’s tall but not so exceptionally big that he will tower over me. His chest is broad, but not overly thick.

  He’s wearing a simple gray beanie; the same one he wears in his photos leaving me curious as to what he’s hiding beneath it.

  His brown eyes are gentle and sincere as he slumps back on the sofa and takes control of the remote.

  “Hey,” I gasp stealing it back. I feel somewhat uncomfortable and yet fairly comfortable being so close to this man. He’s a stranger but not. He knows my erotic fantasies and the noise I make when I get off.

  His large hand spans over mine on my thigh. “I can’t believe I’m actually here, with you, face to face. It’s weird, right?” He questions and I nod chewing on my bottom lip.

  “So, Vikings?” I ask in an attempt to fill the silence.

  “Vikings,” he answers.

  I flip to the channel with his hand still resting on mine, feeling highly intimate for two people who just met for the first time, but I feel like I have known him for years.

  I know that he is a photographer for some blog and that he hates nuts, but will eat peanut butter. Every Friday he goes bowling with his younger sister. Not all our conversations have held a sexual context. “Are you hungry? Need a drink?”

  “I’ll take a beer.”

  Smiling, I get up to go to the kitchen. I open the fridge and scan the shelves. Luckily there is a six-pack of pony bottles in the back.

  I locate a bottle opener and deliver both to Pineappleman. I don’t know what to call him. “Here you are.”

  “Thanks. Uh, what should I call you?”

  “Right, we haven’t discussed the rules.”

  “We have rules, do we?” He grins as he pops the bottlecap off and takes a hearty swig.

  “Well, you did say we would only meet for one night no strings. So…I guess I am still Curves and you are Pineappleman.” I laugh. “You never did tell me why your screenname is Pineappleman,” I inquire.

  “Honestly, it’s a joke between my friends and myself. We have this ongoing debate about whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza
.”

  “Oh, please, don’t tell me you like it,” I tease him. I don’t care for it but it really doesn’t bother me if he does. As long as he doesn’t try to force it on me.

  “Damn, you were almost perfect. You don’t eat pineapple on your pizza might as well say goodbye now. It will never work between us.” His face is dead serious.

  “What? Are you for real?”

  “I’m afraid that I am.”

  “Ooo-kay,” I draw the word out and stick my hand out for him to shake. “It was nice to meet you.”

  He takes my hand in his. He has a solid grip. My father always said you could learn a lot about a man by the power of his handshake. What exactly you could gather from it I couldn’t tell you. When he leaves maybe I will look it up.

  “I was kidding. Relax, Faye.”

  Quickly he jerks me forward and I am up close and personal with his handsome face. Smiling at me, he looks deep into the depths of my eyes. I don’t know what he’s up to, but then he presses his lips to mine, soft and pure. The peck is gentle and nice. It isn’t that earth-shattering kiss I was wishing for but it is satisfying all the same. Then I realize we both still have our eyes open and I pull backward.

  “Do you always leave your eyes open when you kiss someone?”

  “Do you?” He smirks.

  “No, I admit that this was a first for me.”

  “Well, the eyes are the window to the soul and you can learn a lot about how someone feels about you by their eyes when you kiss them.”

  “Okay, so what do my eyes reveal?”

  “You like me but you are skeptical. You haven’t determined how far you are prepared to go. If you want to simply hangout or if you’ll choose to find out if we’re as compatible in person as we are on the phone.”

  He’s good at that. Too good.

  “And you. What would your eyes convey to me?”

  “That I wish to explore this whatever this is. Whether it’s a physical attraction or simply friendship. I’m curious. And I think I'd prefer to kiss you again.”

  His mouth is on mine. This time I close my eyes and grant myself permission to genuinely experience it. His tongue prods at the narrow opening between my lips, demanding entrance. I don’t deny his request and when his tongue brushes against mine I deepen the kiss. My fingers grasp his beanie and I wonder what he’d do if I ripped it from his head. Maybe he’s going bald underneath there. It wouldn’t embarrass me if that were the case. He growls into my mouth and nips at my bottom lip before pulling away.

  “Now that was a proper kiss.”

  “I agree.”

  I settle back on the couch next to him with my head on his shoulder and we watch Vikings only speaking about the action on the screen. Things are going great until he twitches his nose and asks, “What is that smell?”

  I sniff the air, immediately covering my nose. “Oh no, Beans!”

  “Beans?”

  “Yeah, the dog. He must have gas. I need to let him out of his crate. I forgot about him.”

  I go over and open the latches and he struts out going straight to where I had been sitting on the couch and taking my spot.

  “Who’s a good boy?” Pineappleman scratches his head.

  Then my phone rings. Shit! It’s a video call from Darin. He probably wants to speak with his furbaby. I’ll just ignore it and call him back after my date leaves. I had a date. I grin to myself and notice he’s staring at me with a goofy grin on his face.

  “So, what’s under that beanie?”

  “I could tell you but…”

  “You’d have to kill me,” I finish for him.

  “No, I was going to say. I could tell you but I’d rather you pull it off and find out for yourself when I’m eating your pussy.”

  Holy shit did he really just say that to me? Heat burns across my cheeks and fans over my chest. That was hella sexy. I don’t know what to say to him. If we were texting or on the phone then I would easily have a comeback for him but with him sitting right here I am too flustered for words.

  I clear my throat. “Is that an invitation?”

  “It is if you want to come over to my place. I know you said that you’re pet sitting. Since this isn’t your place I’d much rather take you to mine.”

  He’s serious. It makes sense though, I don’t know how Darin would feel if I had sex with someone in his place.

  “Erm…okay, but I should probably take the dog out first.”

  “Good. I’m gonna head back over to my place. Come over when you’re ready. Building 12, apartment B.”

  “Okay.” I smile at him batting my lashes like I think I am some sort of sex kitten.

  Once he has gone, I get Beans on his leash and grab my phone so I can call Darin back. As I am walking the dog I start having second thoughts. What if Darin calling was a sign not to go any further. I mean, I don’t even know his name and I am gonna just go to his apartment and get my freak on?

  My insides warm at the thought. It has been so long since I have had the true pleasure of a real man between my thighs. Bob just doesn’t compare to the real thing. Bob is my battery operated boyfriend. He does the trick but nothing can ever compare to the real thing. It has been so long since I have experienced the real thing.

  I’ll call Darin and then I will decide.

  He picks up on the third ring.

  “Hey, video call me. I wanna see my boy.” I roll my eyes but agree to do it.

  I switch to video and Darin is immediately talking to Beans like he is a baby. It is sweet and irritating at the same time.

  “There’s daddy’s boy. Are you being good for Auntie Faye?”

  “He’s fine,” I tell him and turn the camera back to myself. “Shouldn’t you be...I don’t know on a plane?”

  “Flight was rerouted due to bad weather. Then we suffered equipment failure and we had an emergency landing. So, we are being put up in a motel in Dallas.”

  “Are you and Eddie okay?”

  “We’re fine. Well, Eddie is holed up in his room talking to Claire. So, hey, what was that dating app you use?” I try to hide the shocked expression I must be making.

  “Why? Are you lonely?” Darin isn’t the kind of man who needs a dating website to find a willing woman.

  “Just curious.”

  “Oh well…umkay it’s called Love Finder.”

  “Love Finder, well now that’s promising.” He chuckles.

  “Yeah, it’s not so bad. I’ve made a good friend through it,” I tell him sheepishly.

  “Really?” He waggles his brows.

  “Stop. Yes, really. Is it hard to imagine a man might find me attractive and want to get to know me?”

  His face gets serious. “No, you’re one of the best people I know, Faye. You’re beautiful.”

  “You’re only saying that because you want me to feel good.”

  “Would I lie to you?”

  “Yes, yes you would.” I laugh remembering the time he told my brother that his grandpa was Hugh Hefner.

  “Well, I’m not lying to you when I tell you that you’re beautiful. Any man would be blessed to have you. I mean it.”

  “Thanks.”

  “You ever meet anyone you talked to from that app?”

  I worry my bottom lip with my teeth before I tell him the truth. “Actually, I am about to put Beans up and go meet someone.”

  “Who?” His voice sounds deeper than normal and his eyes have darkened.

  “Just a guy.”

  “Just a guy,” he mimics. “How long have you known him? What’s his name? Where does he work?”

  “Why are you riding my ass?”

  “I worry about you.”

  I shake my head. “Since when, Darin?”

  “What do you mean? I’ve always cared about you. I mean, this guy is some random person, right?”

  I don’t say anything because I feel like an ass. I know he is probably just looking out for me because I am Eddie’s little sister and I work for him. Besides if s
omething happened to me who would take care of his dog when he goes out of town. We’re friends but are we really good friends like I think we are?

  He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose like he does when he feels stressed about work. “Just promise that you’ll be careful.”

  “Yeah, yeah, don’t worry, I have condoms. I’m gonna go.” His face goes hard at my mention of condoms.

  “Good night, Faye.”

  “Good night.” I end the call. I was terrified he would see how deeply I was blushing at his words. Darin calling me beautiful. I just…I don’t know what I wish. I suppose I have waited so long for him to really see me and that we could be great together. I know I could make him happy, if only he’d let me.

  Beans is done doing his business so I take him back inside and debate on whether or not I should go to Pineappleman’s apartment.

  When my phone pings with a text from him I laugh.

  Pineappleman: You could be cumming right now…

  Curves: I’m on my way.

  I decide what the hell. Why not go and see what happens?

  Beans is happily asleep on the couch so I slip out and walk over to building 12.

  Taking a deep breath, I knock on his door and it falls open.

  Do I just go on in? I guess I will. I mean, he knows I was coming so…

  Before I can decide he’s pulling me all the way in by my hand.

  I don’t even get a chance to look around, his lips are instantly on mine and his hands are working on ridding me of my shirt. When I pull away to catch my breath he is completely naked and not wasting anytime. I put an arm over my stomach.

  “A little eager, aren’t you?” I tell him trying to gain some time. I’m nervous. Clearly, he knows I am a bigger girl but he hasn’t seen me nude yet.

  I mean, what in the hell does this gorgeous guy want with me? He’s not Tom Hardy or anything but he’s above average. He could have a gorgeous skinny woman on his arm any day.

  “I can’t stop thinking about having you. You’ve been driving me mad for months, Curves. I want you.” He sucks my bottom lip between his teeth and growls at me, “Take your shoes off so I can get these pants off you.”