I Am Alive

by Cameron Jace

  The girls are almost hypnotized by him. The boys want to pick a fight.

  I encouraged myself to stare back at him. Leo has ocean-blue eyes, with a strange shade of honey-color in them, which you could easily mistake for teardrops at first sight. Such strange eyes. I feel like I’m standing in front of an angry hurricane. I have never been looked at so intensely. Of all the girls here, why me?

  His stare doesn’t last long though. One of the soldiers buzzes him again, and Leo moans in pain. Why doesn’t he open his mouth? Ariadna grip my hands as the soldiers pull Leo away. She sensed that I was foolish and could have followed him. I give in to her reason and stand still, but feel parted from something precious to me. It’s illogical.

  “Now look who’s arrived?” Faustina pouts, with all her annoying friends following her act religiously.

  When I turn around, I see Eva Hutchinson and her brother, Don. Eva stands about five steps shy of everyone else. She is slouching, and barely making eye contact with anyone. Her brother is holding her hand. Eva is a pre-Monster, but she insists on attending the Ranking. Her brother pulls out a breathing device from the box. I think it’s called an inhaler. I think she has asthma, or a mysterious illness that only the iAm knows about. And it’s probably what made her a Monster.

  I remember asking my father about the iAm, and how it calculated results. He answered me from behind a newspaper, saying, “The iAm works in mysterious ways.”

  “The Monster must die!” a girl shouts at Eva. Nines and Eights start to throw paper planes at her, urging her to leave. Faustina looks amused.

  “Stop it!” I snap at the students.

  “There is no point in standing up for her.” Ariadna pinches me, trying to hide her embarrassment. She doesn’t like it when I support a pre-Monster. Sympathizing with Monsters is a serious act of defiance against the Summit.

  I ignore Ariadna, and do my best to bat the paper planes away. I can’t stop the insults though. Eva hides behind me, her hands on my shoulders.

  “Don’t let her touch you. Not on your Ranking Day. Bad luck!”

  The classroom door swings open. Mrs. Delacroix, one of our teachers, looks angry with the noise in the hall. I expect her to shush the Nines and the Eights. Instead, she looks at me, as if this is all my fault. “You,” she demands, pointing at me. “Follow me inside.”

  “I told you it wasn’t worth it,” Ariadna mouths, looking sideways at the classroom door.

  As I am about to follow Mrs. Delacroix into the room, I see Eva asking Ariadna if she has seen her iAm, which Eva seems to have lost. Losing one’s iAm is a crime. However, the Gatekeeper claims he has lost his electric cattle prod as well. This can easily downgrade him to a Monster.

  Everyone else shoots me worried looks as I follow Mrs. Delacroix into the classroom. Everyone is afraid of her, and it could be bad luck to have her check my final test. Mrs. Delacroix is a Six. Schoolteachers usually are. She does look like a lovely old woman when you first lay your eyes on her, but she frightens the bejesus out of everyone. She and Mrs. Dunbar, our math teacher, both killed their children last year. Mrs. Dunbar is said to have sent her kids to the Wastelands across the borders. Mrs. Delacroix is said to have taken matters into her own hands. Parents killing their children isn’t big news in Faya. When the kids are officially predicted as Monsters like Eva, some parents decide to sacrifice one child to save the rest. If Woo hadn’t taught me how to work the system, my mother would have killed me by now.

  I follow Mrs. Delacroix. Everyone around, even Faustina, wonders how I am going to stand being alone with Mrs. Delacroix in the same room.

  3

  Mrs. Delacroix opens the classroom’s door, using a magnetic card that can only be used from outside. As she closes the door behind us, I look at it worriedly. What if she decides to kill me like her children? I roll my eyes at my silly thought. Only Monsters get killed.

  “Hand me your iAm, please.” Mrs. Delacroix stretches out her hand across the table separating us.

  I obey silently as I examine her serious face. However peacefully she poses, I can’t stop imagining her killing her children. How did she do it? Did she drown them? Eat their hearts and livers, like the Snow White Queen? How can someone kill their own child, no matter how monstrous they are?

  “I am sorry about what happened outside with Eva,” I say, as Mrs. Delacroix checks my iAm, connecting it to a master computer to check if I am cheating.

  “Who is Eva?” Mrs. Delacroix says absently.

  “Eva, you know, the…”

  “Ah. The Monster.” She clicks her keyboard, her eyes glued to the screen in front of her. “Who cares about Monsters?” She takes a sip from her cold coffee.

  “How can you be sure she is a… you know?” Sometimes I can’t bring myself to say the word.

  “It’s so obvious. I called her parents yesterday to stop her from attending the Ranking Ceremony, but they didn’t listen. When I assured them that the iAms’ predictions were rarely wrong, and that she was going to be a Monster, they said that Eva attending the ceremony was going to be more of a last wish before dying.” Mrs. Delacroix licks her gummy lips, tasting the sweet coffee. “I hate when parents say that.”

  “I guess her parents saw no use in Eva attending the Monster Show.” I say. The Monster Show is the only way for a Monster to get ranked. A three-day-long deadly game show, that if you survive, you escape being a Monster. It’s pure entertainment that draws tons of money to the Summit. The show is broadcast worldwide, and the games are just sick. No one ever survived the Monster Show, not even Woo.

  “You never know. Maybe Eva is special, and could be the first ever to survive the Monster Show and get ranked.” Mrs. Delacroix chuckles mockingly.

  “How do you expect anyone to survive the crazy games and deadly puzzles in the Monster Show? It’s impossible. Besides, if someone survives the games, how are they going to live among us? Everyone will still humiliate them.”

  “Yeah. And that’s the fun of it,” Mrs. Delacroix nods, as if both of us share a secret. “The Monster has to die,” she whispers.

  “Do you know what’s going to happen to her parents?” I wonder.

  “If they were Eights or Nines, they might have to only move to poorer suburbs. It’s all up to the Summit. Sadly, Eva’s parents are both Fives. They’ll be downgraded to Monsters. The Summit hates when they turn older people into Monsters.”

  “Why?”

  “Older Monsters are not fun to watch on TV. They’re slow, and lack motivation. It makes the show dull and boring. Do you know that Eva’s younger brother might be a Six? If I were her parents, I would have killed her years ago, and saved the family.” She smirks at her reflection in the monitor.

  I start to feel uneasy being alone in the room with her. What if I turn out to be a Monster? Will she kill me on the spot, here in this room? I suddenly think of my family, but I know they will be fine. My younger brother Jack is a pre-Nine. He is the first in our family. We’re all usually Sixes and Sevens. Anything you want to share with me, Mom? I promise I won’t tell dad.

  “The Monster has to die,” Mrs. Delacroix lets out a long sigh, as she checks my name on the computer.

  “Is something wrong with my name?” I ask.

  “Not at all,” she says. “You’re ready to go. I think you will be surprised with your rank today, Decca. Let me just write your name in the system.” She started typing and licking her lips. “Don’t you wish all Monsters would just die? I can’t wait for the day we turn into a Monster-free nation.” She says nonchalantly.

  I don’t comment. My eyes are fixed on hers. I can’t help but feel disgusted by her. Now that I know I am safe, I try and look for a human soul behind her eyes. I can’t stop imagining her killing her children.

  “You have a big chance of becoming an Eight today.” Mrs. Delacroix looks happily at me. “You’re still a Seven though. Your score is very close to an Eight. Who knows? Maybe the iAm changes its mind.”

  I am not p
leased with her news. I keep staring at her. “How did it feel, Mrs. Delacroix?” I say slowly, my voice is unusually low and colorless.

  “Excuse me?”

  “How did it feel killing your children?” I feel a beast rising in me.

  “How dare you ask me about—” She doesn’t complete her sentence, as she notices the sudden, dark change in my personality.

  I jump over the table, and shock her with the electric cattle prod that I stole from the Gatekeeper outside. She buzzes like a fly, but I catch her before she falls to the floor. “Don’t you dare fall asleep on me,” I kick her. “I swear if you don’t do what I say, I’ll buzz you to death.”

  “Okay. Okay,” she obeys, drooling uncontrollably. “What do you want?”

  “I want you to switch the results on this iAm with mine,” I demand as I show her Eva’s iAm, which I stole in the middle of the fight outside. “Now!”

  “But that is impossible,” she says, looking at me as if I have turned into a ghost. She wonders if I am the same girl she was talking to seconds ago. “The iAm is connected to a small receptor in your brain, right under your ear. It’s the size of a grain of rice. It can’t be removed, and I can’t change the results.”

  “Don’t bullshit me,” I growl. “That receptor only gathers information about us and connects it to the iAm from the day we are born until we’re sixteen. Right now, the iAm and the Summit know that the owner of Eva’s iAm is a Monster, and that the owner of mine is a Seven. Switching the iAms now will work. I’ve been studying this for a whole year, and I know what I am talking about. There is a program that allows you to divert the iAm to a different receptor, which means a different teenager. This is how the Summit forges the results when they want to get rid of rebellious teenagers.”

  Mrs. Delacroix, although still dizzy from the shock, must be wondering how I know all this. How I suddenly changed from that damsel-in-distress girl to a rebel. She takes Eva’s iAm, opens it, and starts working her magic.

  “You know that this will make Eva a Seven, and you’ll become a Monster. Don’t you?” She locks the iAm, and types on the computer. I see Eva’s data and mine being switched. “Why would anyone do this? Why would you want to be a Monster?”

  “None of your business,” I threaten her by pushing the electric cattle prod closer to her.

  After she finishes, I snatch the magnetic card that opens the door away from her, and tuck it in my pockets, along with the two iAms.

  “I wanted to cry,” Mrs. Delacroix mumbles. “When I killed my children. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t.” An unborn teardrop seems to argue its way out of her eyes. “You know why I couldn’t? Because the iAm would pick up on it, and I didn’t want that to happen. In our nation, we have to accept these sacrifices, right? It’s for the best interest of us all. It’s our fate that we can’t control.”

  I throw her one last disgusted look, and I don’t hesitate to buzz her to sleep. “I guess I’ll have to sacrifice you now. I’ve decided that this is your fate, child-killer.” I walk to the door with the only magnetic card that opens the door from the outside. Mrs. Delacroix won’t wake up for hours to ask for help, and no one will know she is hurt. They will think she is working inside.

  The first thing I do when I get out is plaster a naïve and innocent smile on my face again, before I stumble intentionally over another boy’s shoes. I’ve managed to fool them all, but that’s only the start.

  4

  The students in the bus celebrate like crazy. We’re entering Faya’s capital, Sol, the most beautiful city in the world. Sol is a half hour drive from my town, Eve. Everyone is excited as we enter underneath the beautiful palm trees and hills surrounding it. The drones of celebration are euphoric. This year is going to be special. Not just because it’s Ranking Day, but because it’s the tenth year of the Monster Show, which was invented when I was six years old. We pass by a huge effigy of a Burning Man on our way. The Burning Man is no joke. We have to lower our voices and heads, and pay our respects to the symbol of Faya. The Burning Man is a representation of our God Almighty.

  The bus enters the neighborhood where Grand School is located. This is where the graduation will take place. Fireworks will blast against the night sky during the ceremony later, and I see white zeppelins floating and watching us. Teachers and senior students are waving at us from the zeppelins’ balconies, wishing us a happy Ranking Day.

  In front of us, dozens of other buses drive slowly toward the Grand School’s dome. Booming speakers are pumping music that sounds like restless heartbeats on a dance floor. To the left and right, girls are dressed in bright yellow latex trousers, dancing with colorful pink scarves in their hands. Beautiful, muscular boys are playing the big drums that are strapped on their broad shoulders. Senior boys tease and take pictures of us. Ariadna poses for the camera instantly. I shy away, but she pulls me into the frame. I plaster my fake smile on, and let the flashes hit me. I blink like always, and mess up the photo shoot.

  Hundreds of girls, younger than sixteen, jog next to the bus and throw purple and orange flowers at us. Ariadna catches one and sticks it in my hair. It smells surprisingly pleasant. Faustina, sitting with her legs crossed, is blowing kisses from her hand to the crowd outside, as if she is the queen.

  Not far away from Grand School, there is the place no one gazes at. They pretend it doesn’t exist—at least until the games begin. It’s called The Playa, an almost endless city dug twenty-feet under ground-level. It’s where the battles and games take place. It’s surrounded by military troops for now. Even I pretend I haven’t seen it, although I know that in only a few hours, I’ll be fighting for my life down there.

  Looking away from the Playa, I see Eva. She is dancing on her own, but she is smiling. I admire her enjoying herself, even when she thinks she is going to die a couple of hours from now. She doesn’t know she is going to become a Seven. I would love to see the look on her face when she gets ranked.

  Timmy isn’t celebrating like others. He is educating a couple of his nerd followers, telling them about the history of the Monster Show. He is showing them recaps of older games on his iAm. How could he stomach watching all that killing of young people? I hear the Monsters screaming from his iAm’s speaker. They’re shouting from the top of their lungs: “I Am Alive.”

  “The one and only rule in the Monster Games is that you have to report you’re alive on your iAm,” Timmy brags to his awkward friends. “Even when the games aren’t on, a Monster has to scream ‘I AM ALIVE!’ every six hours, or he’s considered dead. The Monster has to shout to the world aloud, so the Summit knows he means it.”

  “We know that, Timmy,” a nerdy boy rolls his eyes. “They all die in the end anyways.”

  “What you probably never thought of is what happens if a Monster doesn’t report he is alive, on purpose.” Timmy winked at the boy, showing him he is smarter.

  “Why would anyone do that?” the boy wonders.

  “Isn’t obvious? To escape the games.” Timmy says.

  “And then what? Everyone knows that no one can survive the Playa after the games.” The boy says. “There is no food, water, or means to live in this place after the games. It’s like trying to survive a deadly jungle or desert.”

  “You’re probably right,” Timmy shrugs his shoulders. “We’d have definitely known if anyone had survived.”

  In the middle of this fest around me, I try not to let Timmy’s conversation distract me. But I can’t. All this talk about a Monster escaping the games reminds me of Woo.

  A day before attending the Monster Show, Woo told me he was thinking of escaping the games and surviving in the Playa on his own. It’s never been done, but Woo thought he could pull it off. I never heard from Woo after, and the Summit never brought it up. In fact, they announced that all Monsters in the games died last year.

  Still, my heart tells me no. I have been trying to live in this stupid world without him for a whole year. It didn’t work. I miss him in ways I can’t ex
plain. After Woo’s death, I played naïve to get under the Summit’s radar. It worked. They think I am a Monster now. I can enter the deadly Monster Show that every teenager in our nation avoids at all costs. It’s my choice. I’m attending the games to find Woo. If I fail, then living didn’t mean much without him anyways.

  5

  Faya’s symbol is the Burning Man, but our national flag is white with a decagon in the middle. A decagon is a closed shape of ten sides and ten angles, representing Faya’s geographical design. We have ten major cities located between the angles that encompass our land. The ten cities are called Noo, Aft, Eve, Sun, Twi, Dus, Mor, Nig, Mid, Daw, and of course Sol, the capital, in the middle.

  The buses slow down. We get out and enter a huge circular park-like space in front of Grand School. Thousands of students throng everywhere. Two huge screens made of flexible fiber, roll down from two zeppelins.

  “What’s going on?” I ask Ariadna.

  “We have to listen to some boring speech from Prophet Hannibal Xitler,” a boy tells us.

  Prophet Hannibal Xitler is the sole ruler of Faya. The Prophet holds the holy word of The Burning Man, and only he has the power to commune with our God. The Prophet shall never be seen with the human eye for reasons beyond us. That’s why he only speaks to us through speakers, or messages on our iAms.

  The floating screens show another picture of The Burning Man effigy. We have to bow our heads again. Woo used to laugh at this part. No wonder he was a Monster. I don’t bow my head, and smile at the hordes of sheep with lowered heads. Sue me, I am only minutes away from becoming a Monster.

  I hear someone clap in the crowd. Slowly, someone else joins in, and then someone else, hailing the Prophet. Dictatorship is like a disease. It doesn’t hit you in the face. It spreads slowly, until it grows bigger than you think it ever could. Woo’s words.