The Big Ohhh

by Ashton, Nikki

  Then it struck me. The eagerness to get rid of Cane, his nervousness, the agitation – my brother was on drugs. That was why he was hiding in the back corridors of a bar talking to someone I’d never seen him with before. That was why he acted all shifty as soon as he saw me.

  “What’s going on Ruben? Who’s that Cane bloke anyway?”

  “Nothing,” he snapped and scratched at his bicep. “And it’s someone I know, so stop being so pissing nosey.”

  He turned around and started to walk away a hand clutched to the back of his neck.

  “Ruben,” I called. “Is everything okay?”

  My heart began to pound as I thought about him being involved with drugs. It didn’t seem like him, he rarely got steaming drunk, had never smoked and had never even wagged a day off school as far as I knew, unlike the rest of us. He was Mum and Dad’s good kid, apart from his miserable demeanour.

  “Fine, Willow, now piss off and leave me alone.”

  Then he was gone, and I was left feeling sick with worry about whether I should tell my parents that their youngest child was in trouble.

  Get right to the point and lift up your top and press your cleavage against his back – it is not recommended to do this to strangers whilst travelling on public transport.

  * * *

  Charlie

  As I let myself into the house, I was surprised at how quiet it was. It was Friday night, Johnny usually had music blasting away as he got ready for a night out with his mates, but there was nothing, not a sound. He must have gone on an early one as he sometimes did from time to time.

  “Johnny, you home?”

  No one answered, but I thought I heard a thud. I held my breath and listened again but didn’t hear anything. I threw my jacket over the armchair and was relieved to see the place was pretty tidy, none of Teresa’s clothes or makeup were hanging about, so maybe Johnny had actually spoken to her.

  I went into the kitchen to check what was available for dinner and glanced at the clock. It was still only half past six, so he had gone out really early which worried me because that would mean it was going to be a big session and he had his swim therapy in the morning. I, for one, didn’t want to drive him around when he was hungover and potentially about to puke.

  Searching through the freezer, I found a microwave lasagne and decided that would have to do. I had neither the energy nor inclination to cook anything more appetising.

  I ripped open the box, and was about to throw it into the waste bin when I heard the same thud that I’d heard a few minutes before and now I was in the kitchen, I could hear it was coming from the other side of the wall – Johnny’s bedroom.

  I tossed the lump of iced lasagne onto the side and ran to Johnny’s room and pushed open the door.

  “Johnny?” I couldn’t see him, but just before my eyes hit the deck, I heard him groan. “Fucking hell, you okay?”

  I rushed to my brother who was face down on the floor with his leg at a strange angle, his trousers around his ankles.

  “Do you think you’ve broken anything?” I asked, as my eyes scanned his body.

  “How the hell would I know?” he groaned quietly. “I can hardly feel it, can I?”

  “Fuck.” I sank down on my knees and lowered my head, so it was close to Johnny’s on the floor. “Okay, anywhere that you do have feeling in, does it hurt?”

  “Nope,” he groaned out. “Except I might have broken my nose. I fell flat on my face.”

  “What the hell were you doing?” I asked and hooked my phone out of my back pocket.

  “Putting my trousers on, or at least trying to.”

  “Where’s Teresa?”

  I punched out the number for the emergency services, as inwardly I cursed and hated my mother. She knew she was supposed to hang around on a Friday until either I got home, or Johnny went out. Johnny finished work at lunchtime and got a lift home with his workmate, whereas I often worked late on the night before a weekend, especially if one of the bands hadn’t finished laying down their tracks – the bosses let bands keep the studio until they finished on a Friday night at no extra cost and a lot of musicians took them up on it. That meant Teresa was supposed to be home keeping an eye on her damn son.

  “She hasn’t been home all afternoon,” Johnny ground out. “Fuck, I think I’ve definitely broken my nose. Shit, what if it spoils my looks?”

  I looked at my brother and sighed, wondering how the hell he kept so damn perky.

  * * *

  Thankfully, Johnny hadn’t broken anything, not even his nose, so he was pretty happy, which was more than I could say about myself.

  I was tired, hungry, and angry – so fucking angry I couldn’t even describe it as hangry; it was so much more than that. While Johnny had been prodded, poked, x-rayed, and scanned, I’d tried to get hold of Teresa. She wasn’t answering and because of Johnny’s condition and the amount of checks he needed, I’d had a long time to wait and keep calling her, so she’d ignored a lot of damn calls which made my temper worse.

  Finally, at almost one in the morning, we were able to go home as the doctors were confident Johnny hadn’t done any further damage to himself.

  “You know you don’t have to tuck me in like a child,” Johnny complained as I pulled the duvet up around his shoulders.

  “Well stop acting like one and trying to do things that you know you shouldn’t.” I hated getting mad with him, but he’d been stupid to try and get changed without anyone around to help him.

  “I get dressed on my own all the bloody time.” He glared at me and pushed the duvet down to his waist.

  “Yeah, but usually someone is here just in case.”

  “There’s never been a just in case before, it was a one off so stop looking at me like I’ve pissed on your damn chips and then force fed them to you.”

  “Yeah, well even fucking pissy chips would be welcome at this point, since I haven’t eaten.”

  I moved over to his bedside table and checked that he had everything he might need, including his catheter tube and bottle and his anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxant medication.

  “It’s all there, as it is every night,” Johnny said with a sigh. “Stop fussing and go and get some sleep or some food, anything to sort your head out. Better still, call Willow and get her to come around for the night.”

  My back stiffened as I thought about her and wondered whether I was being a dick by expecting her to put up with my shit. With Teresa being so unreliable, I had to take on the responsibility of taking care of Johnny and what girl wanted to be limited to where and when they could go away because their boyfriend had to look after his brother.

  Shit – boyfriend. We’d had three dates if you counted the night we met, but I could already see myself as her boyfriend; I’d been determined that I was going to ask her, but now I wasn’t so sure because of my responsibilities.

  “Charlie, stop over thinking it,” Johnny said. “She likes you and I’ll speak to Mum and tell her she’s got to step up.”

  I spun around to face him, angry that he even thought she’d take any notice of him.

  “You wouldn’t have to speak to her if you got a carer. You have the money.”

  Johnny’s jaw tensed as he ran a hand through his hair. He’d resisted having a carer ever since the accident and had always insisted that we could manage. Well the thing was, it was me who had to manage. It was me who worried about him every single minute I was away from the house, scared that even though I’d left Teresa with him she might decide to up and leave to look for booze or some bloke to shag.

  “I don’t want one. I’ll speak to her, now go to bed or whatever it is you’re going to do, but maybe don’t call Willow because if she did come around, I wouldn’t trust you not to fuck it up with that teenage mood you’ve got going on.”

  “As if I’d call her at this time, and I’m not in a teenage mood. I’m angry at the situation.”

  “What, that your brother is a cripple? Well boo-fucking-hoo Charli
e, I’m the one living with the situation, not you.”

  I shook my head, frustrated that he couldn’t see that Teresa not helping to care for him was not acceptable. His disability impacted on us all, or it should, but the woman who gave birth to him made damn sure it didn’t affect her in any way. She’d even got to live in a bungalow, something that she’d always dreamed of, because of it.

  “You know I don’t begrudge anything I do for you, Johnny, but sometimes I need a break from the worry, because believe it or not, I fucking love you and the thought of anything else happening to you scares the shit out of me, and as our mother doesn’t seem to give a toss, it’s all on me.”

  I poked a finger, hard against my chest, and tried to steady my breathing as I looked down at my brother. I could have said so much more to him, told him so much more. How Teresa had tried to take money from his bank account when he was in the rehab centre for six months, or how she’d tried to get the bungalow put into her name, stating Johnny wasn’t of sound mind – thank God the solicitor had thought to call me when Teresa turned up at his office one day, pissed off her head.

  The problem was, Johnny still held hope in his heart that she’d change and become the mother that we both deserved, that he was desperate for and nothing I said was going to change his mind.

  “I’m sorry,” he said so quietly it was almost a whisper. “I know it’s hard for you, I really do, and I swear I’ll get her to take some of the slack, but please don’t make me get a carer.”

  His gaze dropped to his chest as he rested his hand on his thigh and I knew that to him getting a carer was the beginning of the end – that was how he saw it and nothing I, or his doctors, said about that being totally incorrect would change his mind.

  I nodded. “Okay. Talk to her, but one more time and I’ll damn well get someone.”

  He gave me a chin dip and reached for the duvet, covering himself again.

  “You comfy?” I passed him the control for the state of the art turning aid he had been given after offering to be a guinea pig for the German company that made it. Something that he’d organised himself after researching sleep aids due to a month of restless sleep when he first got home.

  Johnny hung the control on the metal side of the bed and looked back up to me. “I’m good. Night bro.”

  “Night.”

  The word sounded tight and forced and I felt bad for taking my anger out on him. He didn’t deserve it, there was only one person who should be on the receiving end of my anger and she was out getting pissed.

  I leaned down and kissed the top of his head, expecting him to complain, but he gave me a small smile and then closed his eyes.

  Once I left his room, I walked down the hall to the front door and placed my hand on the key in the lock, ready to remove it so that Teresa could get in, but after a few seconds I changed my mind. I left the key in the lock and then went to bed, not giving a shit where she found to sleep tonight, if she even came home.

  Don’t rush when giving him a hand-job, going at warp speed will sometimes kill the sensation for him – maybe consider naming the Seven Dwarfs in between strokes, it may work a treat.

  * * *

  Willow

  Charlie and I had arranged to have a few drinks and then go on to Ziggy’s, but I could sense that he wasn’t really into it. He was tense, distracted, and distant and as much as it made me feel pathetic, my stomach ached with worry that he was about to dump me. I watched him nurse his drink, silently, for ten minutes and then decided I’d had enough.

  “Listen, Charlie, if you want to end this,” I said and waved a finger between us. “Please say it and put me out of my bloody misery.”

  His head shot up from the depths of his lager. “What?”

  “If you’re worried about saying it, don’t be. I get it, you don’t want to see me anymore.”

  I reached for my bag and started to push up from the chair, but before I could even get one cheek off the wood, he put a hand on my shoulder and pushed me back down.

  “Willow, what the hell are you talking about? I don’t want to dump you. For one, you’d have to be my girlfriend to actually dump you and for two…well, I really like you, so why would I dump you?”

  “You do?”

  “Yes, you know I do.”

  “Do I?”

  “I told you I do. I introduced you to my brother, I told you everything about my life and Teresa, do you think I’d do all of that with someone I don’t like or trust?”

  “But you’ve been quiet and distant all night. You’ve barely looked at me.”

  Charlie’s face softened and he reached for my hand. “I’m sorry, I just have stuff on my mind. It’s nothing to do with you at all and believe me I really, really like you.”

  My heart gave a sigh of relief and the knot in my stomach unraveled itself. Okay, so he didn’t consider me his girlfriend, but we hadn’t actually had the conversation about the state of our relationship, and we had only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks. Apparently, it was nothing like my parents’ youth, because according to Mum, Dad offered her a drink in a pub, walked her home and that was it, she was his girlfriend. If only life was as simple as the olden days.

  That didn’t matter though. I was happy he still wanted to see me, because I liked him like I’d never liked anyone before – a lot.

  “So, what’s wrong?” I asked, suddenly feeling guilty about making it all about myself when he was evidently worried about something.

  Charlie hissed through his teeth and pushed his pint away. “Johnny fell last night.”

  I slapped a hand to my mouth, feeling the worst sort of person. “Oh my God, is he okay?”

  “He’s fine, he went to the hospital and got checked out, nothing broken or damaged.”

  I rubbed a hand down his back and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “I’m so sorry, Charlie. You must have been worried sick. You should have called; we could have postponed.”

  He shook his head. “No, Johnny insisted that I kept our date, he’s got a couple of mates going around to play poker.”

  “So, what’s wrong?”

  He looked at me and his eyes were dull and full of sadness. “We had a huge row and I locked Teresa out because she was supposed to be home when he fell. We had a deal that she doesn’t go out on a Friday night until either I’m home or he goes out. You see, Johnny’s normally home early on a Friday and I can often be late because of bands getting free studio time, so we agreed that she’d stick around in case he needs anything. He won’t have a carer, so it’s the best we can do.”

  “And she didn’t stick to the agreement,” I stated on a sigh.

  “Nope. It’s just another way she lets him down.”

  “And is she home now?”

  He rolled his eyes and let out a sigh.

  “Are you worried about him?”

  “Yeah, I know he’s probably fine, but it shook him up. He’s never fallen before, not when there’s no one around. He’s had the odd spill out of his chair, but nothing like that. He was lucky I didn’t end up pulling a real late night. It’s not unheard of for me not to get home until gone midnight when studio time is being offered for free.”

  It was then that I noticed the dark smudges under his eyes and the slope of his shoulder. He was obviously tired and worried.

  “Let’s go,” I said as I stood up. “We’ll go back to your house.”

  Charlie looked up at me and tugged on my hand. “Honestly, Willow, it’s fine. We were supposed to be going to Ziggy’s, you don’t want to go back to mine just in case my brother needs me. Anyway, like I said, he’s got some mates going around.”

  “Ring him at least and we don’t have to go to Ziggy’s. I’m happy to go back now, but if you don’t want to, we could have a couple more drinks and then go back.”

  He considered my suggestion and glanced at his phone. “Are you sure you wouldn’t mind?”

  “Nope, not at all.”

  “Okay,” he sighed out. “And I
promise to try and be better company. I know it’s a lot to ask of you when we’ve barely started seeing each other, but he’s my brother and-.”

  “Charlie,” I said as I leaned down to kiss his cheek. “It’s fine, honestly.”

  I went to move away, but he captured my chin in his hand and gave me the softest of kisses sending a pulse of electricity through the whole of my body.

  “Now,” he said, “where do you fancy going next.”

  * * *

  When we got back to Charlie’s house, a taxi had pulled away from the curb and Johnny was watching from the doorway.

  “You finished your game?” Charlie called as he led me up the driveway, our fingers linked together.

  As we passed the Vauxhall Combo, I glanced in through the window to double check the awful beaded car seat cover hadn’t made a reappearance.

  “Yeah, I lost a decent wedge and Aaron won big time. He took money off all three of us.”

  Charlie pulled me in front of him as we waited for Johnny to wheel himself back inside. Once he started to make his way down the hall, Charlie tapped my bum to urge me inside.

  He’d cheered up a lot after he’d told me what was wrong, but I knew that suggesting we went home early had taken a huge weight off his shoulders.

  “Drink?” he asked as he followed me into the lounge.

  “Do you have any wine?” I asked tentatively, not sure if they kept alcohol out of the house because of their mum.

  “Yeah, Teresa keeps a stash in the shed that she doesn’t think we know about.”

  “Like we keep a stash of beer in a mini fridge in Charlie’s wardrobe that she definitely doesn’t know about.”

  The two brothers laughed, and as Charlie went off to get the drinks, Johnny yawned and stretched.

  “Shit, I’m knackered.”

  “I heard you had a late-night last night.”