Aura In LaLaLand

by Skye Grace

  Fight or flight! Fight or flight!

  Her body says bolt, and she goes to move. Jacksen’s hand is on her shoulder blades, fingers circling reassuringly, telling her to stay. Frozen. She stays frozen a few more seconds and manages to nod, somehow.

  He laughs and says, “Alright! I’ll have someone call you up after a few,” and disappears, just like that.

  She stands in shock for a while, trying to summon the glowing self-assurance that had been rearing it’s pretty head quite frequently, on and off. It’s currently off, apparently quite far off like maybe chilling somewhere in the Swiss alps. Not anywhere near the valley.

  “What are the odds you could find me like, a tray of cream puffs or something?” she whispers to Jacksen.

  “Sugar makes you braver?” he chuckles. She nods.

  “I like that about you…” Jacksen grins. “But I don’t think this is that kinda party, Aura. No waiters with puffs of any kind. I did, however, find a photographer for Inked Bodies Magazine. He said if we’d pose for him, a couples shoot, he’d push some other projects aside and get us in next month’s issue.”

  Aura whips around to face him. God, it’s so hard to tell when he’s joking sometimes. She decides that maybe she likes that about him, unpredictable, and with no excuse to ever get tired of her sass.

  “How serious are you right now?”

  “As in, did a guy really just ask me to pose naked with a girl I’ve known for not even 48 hours? Oh, that’s all true.”

  The idea of going up on stage in the next few minutes is suddenly removed from the table, she can’t think about how nervous she is because all she can see is Jacksen. Her hands settle boldly onto the open lapel area of his jacket and pull him in closer.

  “Well, you better tell me what you agreed to, naked photo shoot wise,” she says quietly, eyes still locked on his, “So I’ll know if I have to make a spray tan appointment tomorrow or not.”

  He continues the ruse, “If you do, can I go with you? You know, strictly for supervisory purposes, of course.” His eyes dance down to her neck, across her collarbone, and then down her bare arms and back up. “I didn’t think you had enough ink to pose for something called Inked Bodies?”

  “I didn’t think you did, either,” she says in her best husky voice. Who am I kidding? It’s always husky. Her eyes sweep down his chest and stomach, across his arms, and down his long legs. She really wonders how she could get this theory tested, invite him over to the pool, tomorrow perhaps?

  “Or you could come to mine.”

  Mouth agape. Eyes wet. Brain imploded.

  The look he’s giving her is so playful right now, and she can’t even speak. She has to, because, did he just? Read her mind?

  “Did you just-”

  “Aura Lidell! Get your ass up here! I’ve been wanting to sing with this girl for a while now! The Network usually keeps her busy, but we’ve got her tonight!” Bran is on the mic, calling her up to the band, people start to look around for her and a few even holler her name.

  Jacksen peels her fingers off his jacket and squeezes her hands in his, “You can do this. Here, let me walk you up there.”

  They sift through the crowd and he still has her hand as she takes the one step up to where the band is waiting patiently. Jacksen smiles and lets go, taking only a few steps back so he can watch her. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and hits the camera button, before guiltily assessing his feelings. He knows this feeling, he’s had it before. But how is he having it now? How am I allowed to feel like a proud boyfriend, already? The band starts playing, and he snaps a picture before changing it to video mode. He justifies it by telling himself she will want to see the video later, maybe.

  Aura looks down at the expectant crowd and begins to panic. Look at all these people, they’re so much cooler than me. And they’ve known the band, personally, so much longer. Why am I up here and not them? How did I get myself into this? She flashes back to that ominous, flashing technicolor mirror in New York. She looks at Jacksen beaming at her, recording device in hand, she looks at the band as their picks hit the strings. She knows that if she’d jumped in the frame, went back right then, something she would do could change everything.

  She’d never get back to this life, which means she chose this one. If I chose this life, I have to live it. Not just half way, no matter how big an ass I make of myself. She grabs the mic off it’s stand and positively shimmers as she sings the first verse of 16 year old Aura’s favorite song ever. Turns out, it’s 26-year old Aura’s favorite, too.

  Chapter Thirteen

  In the car, his hand remains locked around hers. That mixed with the looks he keeps stealing at her from the corner of his eye continues to set her ablaze. Combine that with the adrenaline still surging through her veins, and she’s positively giddy until she imagines what Rowan’s face would have looked like meeting Bran. How amazed, how in awe Rowan could have been, if she was there. Would she have even wanted to be there? Or could she not stand the sight of me? Would she have wanted to join me up there, singing with Bran and the boys?

  “You should have seen the faces of that crowd. Eating out of your hand. Man! It was… you were electric.”

  Somewhere in between her stomach doing back flips, she’s flattered. But he can’t keep saying exactly the right things. They’re too perfect, and her sinking suspicion that he’s hearing her thoughts continues to plummet.

  “So we’re both going to just stare ‘Mr. Obvious Elephant in the car’ in the face and pretend it’s not there?” she exhales, finally.

  He mimics looking all around the car, “Oh, sorry, I didn’t see him there. Still can’t really hear him, though. What’s he saying?” He jokes, only breaking the grasp to reach for the ignore call button on the Jag’s silly new Bluetooth stereo.

  Of course it’s Jameson calling, who else would it be? She bites her lip but interjects, “No! It’s totally fine, answer it.”

  “You sure?” She just nods and he reluctantly presses the green button but quickly erupts with a, “Brother!” Their bromance is truly epic.

  She jumps in her seat a little when not one but two voices greet them over the line, one Jameson’s, the other clearly belonging to his wife Gabby.

  “What are you do-ing?” Jameson asks like a petulant younger sibling, and Gabby follows, “We’re at the lamest club! Help!”

  “Save us!” he begs.

  “We’re bored,” she whines.

  “Guys, I’m kind of on a date here,” Jacksen says. She clears her throat and he corrects himself, “I am on a date, guys. A really good date,” He winks at her and she smiles. “You’re on speaker with Aura.”

  The muffled sounds of hand over phone speaker are quickly followed by Gabby’s voice on the other line asking, “He’s out with Aura Lidell? How come he didn’t tell us?”

  It sounds like Jameson is peeling her hand off the receiver. “Hey Aura!!” he says and she follows, “I’m talking with the Aura Lidell?”

  “I’m talking with the Gabby DeLano-Peters? I’m a big fan of yours, girl!”

  “Oh stop!” Gabby protests weakly, they can practically hear her grin over the phone.

  “Not a lie, Gabs, trust me. This girl could probably beat you in Protectors trivia,” Jacksen assures his friend over the phone.

  “Ohmygosh, I love Girl Gang! Are you really joining our coven, missy?” Gabby asks excitedly.

  That pure giddiness jumps up Aura’s throat again, with even more bounce this time, “Yes, I’m so excited!” She beams, barely believing it’s all real. There’s a little more whispering on their end.

  “Are you sure you two can’t join us? Gabby would love to meet you, Aur.”

  She chokes on Gabby’s invite and vintage car smell, beyond unsure of how to respond.

  It’s like Jacksen he can sense her anxiety, and he responds with, “I don’t know, guys. I promised her dinner and-”

  “But it’s midnight!” Gabby complains.

  “Hence her n
eeding food so badly, and I’m hungry too, guys. Come on.”

  “After you grab something? Please?” she insists.

  Jacksen looks over at Aura desperately and she knows he needs a little help here. She quickly tries to assess her emotional state, but all she can find is hunger and the utter confusion over why Gabby, of all people, would want to hang out with her.

  Doesn’t she know the history between her husband and I? Aura wonders. Just how common knowledge is that ‘one hot week’?

  She still has so much adrenaline pulsing through her veins and decides that, as long as she gets to eat, it might not be a bad thing to go out and expend a little nervous energy. Despite the potentially awkward company.

  “A little dancing might be fun…” she admits to Jacksen, momentarily forgetting the couple on the other line can hear everything.

  “Really?” he whispers and she nods back a ‘Sure.’

  Both of them sound genuinely excited over the aftermarket car speakers, “Oh thank god!” “Yay, thank you!” “Think we’re gonna head down the road to a place that’s supposedly more fun, it’s called the Bat Cave. See you in 30?”

  Jacksen confirms and ends the call.

  “Bat Cave? I’m sold!” Aura laughs, half joking, half serious.

  “You sure? I know it’s been quite a day for you.”

  Well, he isn’t wrong. “Very true, my kind sir. But when the day is going this well, it seems silly to end it at midnight.”

  He nods in agreement, hearing that it’s been a good day for her seems to solidify things for him. Today is the best day Jacksen’s had in so long, unless you count yesterday, and her saying that makes it feel less dreamlike. He had been sure he was just idealizing her, he’s been so low the past few months and she’d seemed so perfect for him. She wasn’t just beautiful, but an incredible actress too. He didn’t want to build her up so high, knowing absolutely no one is perfect. But so far, she is everything he imagined and more is an understatement. He feels more at ease all the way ‘till they pull up to the drive-through, where Aura begins pawing her way across his lap to see the menu. This does nothing to calm him down, whatsoever.

  “Feed me burgers, I’ll be yours forever.”

  “I’ll remember that,” Jacksen laughs, “And I could go for it animal style right about now, too.”

  Her cheeks flush, her eyes flit to him, open wide, until she realizes he’s referring to the secret In ‘n Out order where they load up your burger. She erupts with laughter and he follows. If it had been the more suggestive usage of the term, she can’t deny she would’ve been into that, too.

  “Ooh, yeah, animal style.” She remembers Monroe ordering that way last time, “Do that.”

  Thank God this isn’t another pretentious night club, she says to herself, thinking how done she is with the whole scene as they walk up to the club. She whips her head to the side, staring at Jacksen. She swears she just saw him nodding to her thoughts in agreement from the corner of her eye. Swears it. Aura continues to stare questioningly, but he seems oblivious.

  They walk in and she gasps, looking around as overwrought as an eight-year old on her first trip to Disneyland.

  “What am I looking at?” a perplexed Jacksen asks.

  Aura squeals in delight, “Ommigod, a goth club! Yes!” Junior high me would die for this, ugh! Why didn’t I bring black lipstick?

  She turns to him again, staring into his deep green eyes the second she sees a smirk creep over his lips.

  “What’s so funny?” she demands.

  “What? Oh, um, you. Your excitement over this, I mean, what IS that guy?”

  “Cyber Punk! Oh look!”

  She doesn’t know what’s gotten into her, it’s all so edgy, and she just has to plunge in. And the more she looks around, the more she realizes no one sticks out like a sore thumb in an industrial goth club more than the gorgeous, GQ brunette couple lounging uncomfortably on what could only be described as a ‘sex swing loveseat’ in front of her. She stifles a giggle as Jameson and Gabby hop off the contraption the instant they spot Jacksen and Aura and run over to them.

  “Oh thank god, you’re here!” They bound over, wrapping both of them in some sort of group hug embrace, which is of course awkward when you’re hugging a couple with over a foot height difference between them. When they break the hug, Aura realizes that, in her heels, she towers over Gabby as well.

  She honestly was fine with meeting up with them while they were chatting over Bluetooth, but now that she sees them together, something, or rather, someone who’s entirely not okay with it seems to take over.

  The petite brunette reaches up to put her little hand on Aura’s shoulder and coos, “It means a lot that you came to save us, I’m sorry we interrupted your date.”

  Are you really? she thinks snidely to herself, but as Gabby’s smooth Italian accent attempts to melt her frosty exterior, Aura can only think that her voice must have been one of the things that hooked Jameson right away. She doesn’t know why, but the thought of that still makes her bristle. It takes a second to comprehend that isn’t actually her bristling at Gabby, not entirely, anyway. Old Inner-Aura is fully present now, and she’s practically seething. It’s beginning to hit her just how enamored with Jameson she actually was back then, and how hurt by it she somehow still is.

  The guys ask what the girls would like to drink and Aura instantly regrets not going with them to the bar after they leave her with Gabby. She looks around the dark, cavernous room with its blood red dim lighting, exposed brick walls, and easily accessible DJ booth filled with leather, and its evil stepsister, pleather clad people crowding around it. This isn’t anywhere my friends would go. And not Gabby and Jameson for that matter. Somehow it feels freeing.

  She glances over to the bar, trying to mentally signal the bartender to pour those drinks quick. A tiny goth girl rushes up to hug the boys and attempts to take a selfie with them, only Jameson has to take it because her arms aren’t long enough. Aura sighs.

  “I didn’t know you guys were into Industrial,” Aura gives a little laugh. It sounds fake, even to her, and she cuts her voice short.

  “Oh, I hope you’re joking!” Gabby sweeps her stick straight hair, a nearly jet black cherry shade in this light, out of her dark eyes and puts her hand back on Aura’s shoulder for emphasis. Why does she keep touching me? “I have never been anywhere like this. Jameson thinks it’s funny, but I’m kind of scared. Should we leave?”

  Aura’s laugh is real this time, “I’m sure you’re going to be fine. If there is a dungeon, it’s not clearly marked and no one’s invited you down there yet. That’s a good sign, right?” Ha! Crickets. “What was that drink you ordered, a Jack Rose?”

  “Yes, it’s apple brandy and something, it’s sweet.”

  “It sounds good,” she replies, killing time.

  “It is, but it should probably be my last drink tonight.” She leans in to whispers, “Jameson and I just started, you know, trying.”

  It takes her a few seconds to register what that even means, as the idea of actually trying to get pregnant is something that’s never even approached her radar, only avoiding it at all costs. She attempts to listen in on how old Aura’s feeling about this, but all she can get from her is an almost vindictive resentment burning her from the inside out. She begins to feel the pull of her, urging her to run out of the bar and not look back.

  They return with their drinks and since Aura is definitely not trying to get pregnant and in fact can’t physically remember the last time she did anything that could get her pregnant, she feels the need to take a big slug of it the second it’s placed in her fingers.

  Jameson casually asks her how long she’s been drinking whiskey, and as she turns her head to answer him, she feels like a match has been thrown on her and she’s wearing some super flammable polyester. But it’s her insides that feel like they're on fire, as well as the outside, engulfed by the flames of an old memory returned.

  ‘One hot week,’ �
�You climbed me like a tree that night,’ the things Jameson had said to her yesterday have meaning now, not the kind of meaning she wants to be thinking about with current company. Not even a little bit.

  The warmth of the whiskey, the heat of the inquisitive looks from not just him but everyone in their group now as she fails to answer. It positively burns her up.

  “I’m not sure exactly…” she finally answers “But Monroe probably had something to do with it. She’s the very best kind of bad influence.”

  “Monroe? You’re friends with Monroe?” Gabby beams, “I love her! She is like my go-to workout inspiration! I always listen to her at the gym.”

  “We’re very close,” Aura smiles, taking another large sip of her drink and calming a little now, “I used to listen to her at the gym all the time too, until my coach said he’d remove me from his client list if I played her ever again.”

  They laugh. “Jacksen did tell me he was gonna crash your workout today. So who kicked who’s ass?” Jameson grins.

  “It was mutual, trust me,” Jacksen’s infectious smile creeps onto her lips as well. “Dude, you oughta be worried for our fight scenes with this one,” he smirks, wrapping his arm around Aura’s shoulder.

  The high of singing with the band earlier, the electric chemistry with Jacksen, the sordid, steamy memories of Jameson coming to the front of her mind, it’s all a bit too much for her. A burning memory of the last time she saw Jameson before he left the city, before he met Gabby, gets pushed to the front of her mind. She glances towards the exit and when she looks back to Jacksen, she can swear his face is ashen now, brow knitted with concern and... Is that hurt in his eyes all of sudden? I couldn’t possibly have caused that, could I?

  Now both parts of her are screaming internally, and she pulls her phone out of her clutch to fake an emergency phone call. She can barely offer a wave of her hand as she feels herself being physically pulled by the angry Aura inside her. She’s hurtled out the front door and sucks in a sharp breath, bracing herself for the epic battle of wills to follow.