Once Upon a Spy (Humorous Cozy Mystery)

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Once Upon a Spy (Humorous Cozy Mystery) Page 11

by Nic Saint


  The big guy moved over to Matt, and whispered in his ear, “Take care of my little girl for me, Matt. She’s the only one I have.”

  Matt, moved, slapped the older man on his back. “I promise I won’t let anything happen to her, Mr. Assenheimer.”

  “Gerald, please. You’ve sat at our table. You’ve eaten our food. You’re one of us now, Matt.”

  “Thanks, Gerald.”

  Mrs. Assenheimer then disappeared into the kitchen for a moment, and came back out with a plate of apple pie. The rest of the meal passed by uneventfully, with pleasant banter, and when Matt found Yvonne stealing glances at him, he gave her a warm smile. He liked these Assenheimers. And if he was totally honest, he liked her, too. A lot.

  His ringing cell phone wiped the pleasant thought from his mind, and when he checked the readout, he saw it was Kathleen Harridan. Dammit. Pressing a finger in one ear, he picked up.

  “Kathleen?”

  “We’re in trouble, Matt. Big trouble. We need to meet. Now.”

  Chapter 25

  Yvonne walked into the kitchen, carrying empty plates. She was humming a gay tune to herself, and only stopped when she noticed her mother giving her an appraising look.

  “You like that boy, don’t you?”

  Yvonne almost dropped the plates. “Huh?” She felt her cheeks brighten, and knew her body had given her away even before her mouth had.

  Her mother stood with her back against the kitchen counter, arms crossed, and gave her a knowing smile. “I knew it. You really like him.”

  She set the plates in the sink before she dropped them. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mom.”

  “Oh, don’t be coy with me, young lady. I probably know you better than you know yourself, so tell me the truth.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Mom. He’s my boss.”

  “So? That hasn’t stopped you before.”

  Yvonne’s cheeks brightened even more. She’d briefly been enamored with DeLantern the first week on the job. The man had been so big, so wholesome looking, she’d thought of nothing else than to become Mrs. DeLantern one day. Until she’d been introduced to the real Mrs. DeLantern. And the three little DeLanterns. Her infatuation had magically melted away.

  She still regretted having ever spilled this guilty secret to her mother. It was just like her to hang on to the memory like a clam to its shell. She swore Mom would never let her live it down. At least she hadn’t told anyone else. She’d have been the laughing stock of the whole department and would never have been able to face her boss again.

  “That was different. Merely a girlish infatuation.”

  Mom cocked an eyebrow. “So you’re admitting it. You have feelings for Matt.”

  “I—” She closed her mouth. She’d already said too much.

  “He seems very nice.” She winked lasciviously. “And very handsome.”

  “He is. Nice, I mean.” She hesitated, then added, “All right. He’s handsome, I guess. In a rugged kinda way.”

  “Which is just the way you like it.” It wasn’t a question. Mother knew best.

  She leaned her hands on the counter. “I’m sure he’s married, Mom. Or engaged or otherwise hooked up with some gorgeous girlfriend.”

  “Matt Halloran is thirty-four, single, and has never been married. He’s an only child, and his dearest wish growing up was to have siblings, which is why he likes our family so much. He’d love to spend more time with you, as he feels you’re a beautiful, strong, smart woman. And he finds you fascinating.”

  Yvonne looked up, aghast. “Mom! What did you do? Interrogate the man?”

  Mom gave a little shrug. “Just had a little chat, that’s all.”

  “So he thinks I’m fascinating, huh? I wonder where he gets that idea.”

  “You are fascinating, honey, and quite the catch.”

  “Oh, please, Mom. Just look at me.” She gestured at her bulging chest. “I’m fat! Fascinating is just another word for interesting. He probably thinks I’m some kind of freak” Then it dawned on her. “Did he really say I was beautiful?”

  “He did, and judging from the sparkle in his eye, he meant it, too.”

  Yvonne chewed her lower lip. No man had ever called her beautiful. A lot of guys had commented on her sizable bust, which had been one of her most prominent features since hitting puberty, but beautiful? It wasn’t an adjective commonly used to describe her. Though men had called her hot before, and smoking, they’d never considered her pretty.

  It was her bone structure, she knew. She was a big girl, just like her brothers and her father. Somehow nature had mixed things up when they’d made her, and instead of slipping her some of her mother’s genes, they’d dumped in all of her father’s instead. The only asset she had were her giant boobs, which seemed to distract men from the rest of her sizable frame. And when she was totally honest, she would give points to her face as well. Though her face was a lot rounder than she liked, it was lovely, radiating good health and that wholesome quality most associated with Hallmark Channel movies.

  Mom tucked a straying lock of blond hair behind her ear. “You are lovely, honey. Simply lovely. Any man should consider himself very lucky to catch your eye.”

  “Well, he caught my eye all right, and my fist, and my foot…” Her voice trailed off. She so shouldn’t discuss these things with her mother.

  As she had feared, Mom gave her an inquisitive frown. “You hit your boss? Is that why his nose looks so funny?”

  “And his eye. And pretty much all of him, I guess.” Though she hadn’t seen what Matt Halloran looked like sans clothes, she just knew he was all lean, hard muscle. And probably bruised all over because of her.

  Mom leaned against the butcher block. “Tell me all. I’m listening.”

  She would have avoided having this particular conversation, but her mother’s eye brooked no escape. So she reluctantly acquiesced and painted the picture of her first two days on the job in broad strokes, leaving out some of the more technical details and focusing on the human element.

  Her mother’s reaction was typical. She broke into laughter until the tears rolled down her cheeks. “Oh, dear. You do have way with men, honey. Now that you finally found a keeper, you can’t keep from pounding him into a pulp.”

  “Well, not really a pulp. Matt is pretty resilient.”

  “He must be, to still like you after all the beating he sustained.” She frowned. “You don’t think he’s one of those guys, do you?”

  “One of what guys, Mom?”

  “A, um, whatchamacallit. Oh, you know what I mean. Guys who love to be punished.”

  “A masochist? Nah. I’m sure he isn’t. You should have seen his face after I punched his lights out for the third time. He was ready to kill me.”

  Mom gave her a long look. “I think he’s perfect for you. But perhaps try not to beat him up. He seems determined to like you, but if you keep knocking him about the place, he might reconsider. Men don’t like to be hit by girls, you know.”

  “Oh, I know, Mom.” She’d kicked the living daylights out of her brothers on more than one occasion growing up, and they still resented it. “Trust me. I won’t hit Matt again. Next time I do, he might just hit back. And judging from what I saw of him, he packs quite the punch.”

  Matt wasn’t big and hulking, like the Assenheimer brood. He was more the wiry, muscular type. But in Yvonne’s experience, those were the ones you had to watch out for. They were much stronger than you’d give them credit for. Lean, mean and lightning fast, that was Matt Halloran in a nutshell.

  Mom had started on the dishes, and Yvonne automatically grabbed a dish towel.

  “I told Matt he was more than welcome to drop by any time.”

  Oh, dear. “You did? And what did he say?”

  “Oh, he said he’d love to. Like I said, he’s an only child, and I could tell from the way he accepted my invitation, that he would love to get to know our family a little better.” She gave Yvonne a meaningful look.
“And you, of course.”

  Yvonne didn’t respond. This was all too weird. Her boss? Taking a fancy to her? She just couldn’t believe it. She decided not to get her hopes up too much. After all, there’d been other men who’d chased her, only to turn into complete a-holes when she finally gave in to their wooing.

  If there was anything she knew about men, it was that they were weird. And that she simply couldn’t trust her own judgment when it came to them. She liked Matt, she couldn’t deny it, and perhaps he liked her too, but for all she knew, he simply appreciated her as a valued employee. Nothing more. That, and she still had to work with the man on a daily basis. He was her boss, for Christ’s sakes.

  “Let’s just wait and see,” she finally said, and decided to take things slow. Glacially slow, in fact. After all, in spite of what Matt had told her mother, he might just show up at work one day, Mrs. Halloran and three kids in tow, just like DeLantern.

  Chapter 26

  “It’s Grant. He’s gone.”

  There was a moment’s hesitation, but then Matt was with the program again. He shook his head, clearing it from all thought of Yvonne and the delicious pot roast dinner he’d just enjoyed. “Gone? What do you mean, gone?”

  Kathleen paced her study. It was the first time Matt had ever been invited to her home. Usually they met in public places, but apparently this time she hadn’t had time to set up a more elaborate meeting place. Anyway, what with their latest meeting ending with a bang, she probably realized secrecy was a joke.

  The house was grand, as he’d expected, but classic, which had surprised him. Kathleen Harridan’s office was sparse, her demeanor curt to the point of rudeness and her conversation to the point, so he’d expected her house to be equally spartan, both in design and decoration. In reality, it was decorated like a baroque mansion on the verge of the 20th century, with sumptuous carpets covering hardwood floors, velvet curtains covering the windows, and heavy oak paneling lining the walls. He detected several hunting prints.

  He found the place so out of character that he’d even asked her if it was hers. As usual, she’d raised a finely penciled eyebrow, and had answered his question with a meaningful silence.

  “He was in the hospital, after this morning’s attack, guarded round the clock by two of Chinn’s best men, but when Aaron and I went over there to ask him about the black box your agents retrieved from his house, and the missile strikes, we found his bed empty. The guards swear they never left the door. No one came in. No one went out. But Grant is gone.”

  “It’s like one of those Agatha Christie novels,” murmured Matt, wondering how the hell Aaron Chinn fitted into the picture. He seemed to have a very close working relationship with Harridan, and he wasn’t sure he liked it.

  “This is not a laughing matter, Matt,” growled Aaron, seated next to Matt in front of Kathleen’s desk.

  “I’m not laughing. Do you see me laughing?”

  “Stop it, you two. This is no time for your usual bullshit. You need to tell your people to track Grant ASAP, Matt. Do it now.”

  “I would, but…” Matt gave her a comical look. “You know that Grant can’t be tracked with ASS, don’t you? We never managed to plug that hole.”

  Kathleen gestured at Aaron. “That’s why you’re here. Give Matt all the assistance he needs. If the two of you work together, I’m sure you can figure something out.”

  Matt eyed Aaron skeptically, and had the impression the other man felt exactly the same way about this cooperation. “I don’t know—”

  “Oh, cut the crap, Matt,” exploded Kathleen. “This is bigger than all of us. If we don’t find Grant, we have to consider the fact he’s been kidnapped by the same people who’ve been trying to get their hands on the protocols.” She placed her hands on her desk and eyed them, grim-faced. “I don’t need to remind you of the kinds of secrets Oswin Grant has tucked away inside that brain of his? If our enemies build their own ASS and EYE, God help us all.”

  The drive back to ASS headquarters only took Matt ten minutes, and he was glad Aaron kept his trap shut for the duration. The mere presence of the man in his car irked him, and he simply couldn’t imagine the two of them finding common ground, even with their respective projects facing the biggest threat in their existence.

  Finally, they arrived, and Matt keyed them in. He led the other man straight to his office, and booted up his computer. Aaron brought out his laptop, and placed it on the desk. While the ASS symbol spun on Joe’s PC, the EYE logo appeared on Aaron’s.

  “Ready?”

  Aaron grunted, and cracked his knuckles. “Let’s do this.”

  “First off, tell me why we can’t track Grant. I have a feeling you know more about this.”

  “I do,” Aaron conceded. “As the original designer of the system, Oswin purposely kept himself out of the loop.”

  Matt frowned. “You mean, he built a routine into ASS that would keep the software from tracking him.”

  “Correct. Grant arranged for a loophole to be coded into the program that would allow him access at all time. He used this backdoor to remove any data about himself.”

  Joe’s original suspicions against Grant suddenly returned to the fore. “Weird. Why would he do that unless he had something to hide?”

  Aaron merely shrugged. “He wanted it that way, so we let him. After all, we needed the guy. It wasn’t as if we could deny him his privacy. However…” He cleared his throat and tapped a few keys, then turned his laptop to Matt. “Kathleen felt much the same way as you did, so she told us to work in a failsafe, in case anything happened to Grant. So we built a backdoor into the backdoor, and…” He pointed at the screen. “If you copy this bit of code into ASS, we should be able to track Grant’s whereabouts.”

  Matt did as Aaron suggested, and after both men had entered their passkeys into the system, he was finally able to bring the elusive scientist’s data onto the screen.

  The familiar tracking icon appeared, then the screen changed into a map, pinpointing their guy’s current location.

  Both men squinted at the screen. Matt was the first to speak. “What the hell?”

  Aaron turned to Matt, his face a mask of surprise. “What is Oswin Grant doing at Brian Wright’s house?”

  Chapter 27

  Yvonne was walking the family lab Bruno, when the call came. Even though Bruno technically belonged to the whole family, for some reason she was the one who always ended up taking him out on his walks. Not that the other members of the Assenheimer brood didn’t love the old dog as much as she did, but her brothers always seemed to have better things to do in the evenings.

  Bruno had finally done his business against one of the plane trees lining the street, when he phone rang. Expecting Izzy, she was surprised to read ‘Matt’ on the display. A slight tremor of excitement had her nerve endings in a twitter before she managed to clamp down on any anticipation she might harbor.

  Perhaps he’d finally put down a time and place for that date he’d told her about?

  “Matt?”

  “Yvonne. I need you.”

  Her heart made a little leap at this unexpected confession. “Oh?”

  “Meet me at Grosvenor Street 26 ASAP.”

  “Oh. All right. How do I dress?”

  There was silence on the other end, and when Matt finally spoke, it was in clipped tones. “Full combat gear, if you have any, all black if you don’t. And call Izzy.”

  “Izzy? She’s… joining us?”

  But Matt had already disconnected.

  Five minutes later, she and Izzy were on their way to the address indicated in Izzy’s mom’s tiny Toyota. Like Mrs. Superczyński always said, it wasn’t much, but it had wheels and got them from point A to point B.

  Izzy was as surprised as she was about this turn of events. “You think Matt likes us both? Maybe he’s into kinky stuff?”

  “I don’t think this is a date, Iz. I think it’s a mission. Who do we know on Grosvenor Avenue?”

  Izzy
shrugged. “No one. First time I’ve ever heard of it. I do hope they pay us overtime. I’d just curled up in front of the TV to watch some TiVo’d Bold and the Beautiful episodes.”

  “Combat gear, Matt said. We really have to tell him we’re just two sanwomen, Iz. He seems to think we’re some sort of super soldiers.”

  “We’ll be fine. Just see what the others do, and do the same. How hard can it be?”

  “If there’s shooting, I want hazard pay.”

  Izzy’s eyes widened. “Shooting? Do you think there’ll be shooting?”

  “Iz. It’s a mission. There’s always shooting on a mission.”

  Her friend shook her blond head, her expression dubious. “I don’t know about this, V. I’ve never fired a gun before.”

  “Same here.”

  Izzy heaved a deep sigh. “I’m beginning to have second thoughts about this ASS thing, V.”

  Yvonne grinned. “Now you’re having second thoughts? What happened to ‘police work is the same as garbage work?’”

  Izzy pursed her lips. “I may have exaggerated a little.”

  They’d finally arrived at Grosvenor Avenue, and Yvonne scanned the houses for house numbers. They were nice big houses, in a remote part of town.

  “Twenty—twenty-two—twenty-four…” She squinted at number twenty-six. It was a big villa, built in Tudor style, with a garage and a front yard. No other activity as far as she could tell.

  “Where should I park?”

  Yvonne searched around for the others. She didn’t see anyone. Weird. “Just park over there, between those two vans.”

  Izzy carefully slipped her mini Toyota between the van and the bigger van, and the two women exited the car. They’d both dressed in black, like Matt had asked. Yvonne in black jeans, black sweater and black leather jacket, and Izzy in a very nice black skirt, with her best black jeans jacket over a black frilly blouse. She didn’t really look combat ready, Yvonne thought.

 

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