Once Upon a Spy (Humorous Cozy Mystery)

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Once Upon a Spy (Humorous Cozy Mystery) Page 12

by Nic Saint


  “How do I look?” Izzy twirled around.

  “Um. Okay, I guess.”

  “I hope Frank will be there. You think my ass looks fat in this skirt?”

  “Honey, you couldn’t look fat in a potato bag.”

  “Aww, that’s so nice of you to say.”

  They both walked up the drive to number twenty-six, then dithered on the doorstep. Yvonne checked the name on the bell. Marshall Whethers. “You think we should ring the bell?”

  “Nah. Let’s wait for the others to show up.”

  “Oh, did I tell you about what Mom told me Matt told her about me?”

  Izzy’s eyes widened, and her face lit up. “What did he tell? Tell me—tell me all!”

  “He told my mother—my mother!—that he thought I was… Wait for it.” She made a little curtsy. “Beautiful.”

  “He didn’t.”

  “He did! And Mom invited him to come over any time he likes, and he said he would.”

  Izzy squealed with excitement. “V! That’s so great!” She patted her friend’s arm excitedly. “I bet you’ll be hitched up before you know it.”

  “Well, I don’t know about that.”

  “Come on! First a date, now this. The man is definitely sweet on you, honey.”

  “He is, isn’t he?” She sighed. In spite of her misgivings, she so wanted to hook up with the guy. Even if he was only interested in fondling her chest, like so many before him, she had a good mind to let him. Perhaps one thing would lead to another, and then…

  “Yes? Hello? How can I help you?”

  Yvonne and Izzy jumped back when the old man spoke. They hadn’t seen the door open.

  “Um…” For a moment, Yvonne was speechless. The owner of Grosvenor Avenue twenty-six was balding, and looked not a day under eighty, but his eyes were sparkling, and he looked friendly enough. She wondered why he’d be of interest to Matt or the team. She decided to take a head-on approach. A little honesty always went a long way.

  “Are you involved in any illegal activity, Mister, um, Whethers, sir?”

  The man’s bushy eyebrows shot up. “Illegal activities? Oh, dear Lord, no. I wouldn’t dream of it. Why? Are you a police officer?”

  Yvonne wished Matt had given them a badge of some kind. Didn’t agents always carry some form of identification? “That’s correct. I’m officer Smiley, and this is, erm—” She cocked an eye at Izzy.

  “Officer Sweetie. We’re here about the complaint.”

  “Complaint? What complaint would that be, officers?”

  “The, erm, garbage complaint?”

  Mr. Whethers, whose face had sported a confused look, now broke into a smile. “Oh, the garbage! Of course. Why, I only lodged the complaint this morning. This is really quick service. Come on in. I’ll show you.”

  Yvonne and Izzy reluctantly followed the man inside. Before the door closed, Yvonne darted a look over her shoulder. Where was the back-up if you needed it?

  Marshall Whethers led them down a neatly decorated hallway straight to the kitchen, then out the back door into a small garden. Flicking on the porch light, he pointed at a small garden shed at the bottom of the garden. “Over there. You see the problem?”

  Yvonne stared at the garden house. It was a nice garden house, as garden houses go. Not too big, not too small. “Um…”

  “Mh. I guess you can’t see in this light. Let me just…” He quickly retrieved a flashlight from the kitchen, and stepped out onto the terrace once again. “Please bear with me, officers. This will only take a moment.”

  They followed the old man out back, exchanging puzzled glances. Whatever this was, it was getting mysteriouser and mysteriouser by the minute.

  They’d finally arrived at the garden house, and when they turned the corner, they finally saw the problem. The backside had apparently suffered from some form of animal attack, for a sizable hole gaped in the wooden structure.

  “Oh my.” It was the only comment Yvonne could come up with.

  “I keep my garbage in here, you see,” the old man explained. “And this morning when I came to put the kitchen leftovers away, I saw the hole. Someone—or something—has completely destroyed my garden house. And stolen my garbage bags!”

  Yvonne and Izzy stared at the hole. “Rats, you think?”

  The man scratched his head. “You think rats could do this? But why would they steal my garbage? I mean, they took two bags! A brown one and a blue one. They’re simply gone.”

  Izzy had her own opinion and she voiced it in a loud whisper. “Rats would nibble.”

  “Huh? What’s that? I’m sorry. I don’t hear so well.”

  Izzy cleared her throat. “Rats would nibble. They wouldn’t take off with the bags.”

  “Right! That’s what I thought.”

  The three of them stood staring at the hole, and Yvonne wondered not for the first time what was taking Matt and his team so long to arrive. It also occurred to her that as missions go, this was a very weird one.

  “Let’s investigate,” she finally suggested, and took a peek inside the garden house. As long as they were out here, they might as well make the effort. And as she was leaning in to take a closer look, she noticed that the wood around the hole had been thoroughly charred. As if someone had burned a hole into the structure. Leaning in a little further, she then saw that inside the garden house, nothing remained.

  “It’s empty. Your garden house is empty, Mr. Whethers.”

  “It is. I don’t keep anything in there. I’m too old for gardening. I just hire a gardener these days. This place is just where I keep the trash.”

  “Can I?” Yvonne held a hand out for the flashlight and when Marshall gave it to her, flicked it inside the structure. To her surprise, she saw that it wasn’t merely the edges of the hole that were charred. The inside of the garden house looked as if a bomb had gone off. She quickly walked round to the front of the structure, and stepped inside. Slowly, her gaze rose to the ceiling. Only it wasn’t there. She found her gaze traveling up and encountering the evening sky.

  Chapter 28

  Matt looked at his watch. Where the hell were those two? What could be taking them so long? He couldn’t help a ripple of worry to upset him. What could have happened to them? The team was in position. Two men at the back entrance, two men in the front, and the others scattered all around, with one sniper on the roof of the opposing building, keeping an eye on all comings and goings.

  The house was quiet. Too quiet. Matt knew it well. He’d come here a couple of times to talk to Brian before the latter had signed up for ASS. A well-liked experienced field agent, Brian had come highly recommended. Even Kathleen herself had pre-approved his assignment. So what would he be doing with Grant? It just didn’t make any sense. On the other hand, if Brian was the mole, it would explain the leaks. Unless Grant himself was a triple agent? Matt quickly dismissed the thought. Grant was a scientist, not a spy. If he’d been selling out, Aaron would have caught him a long time ago.

  He took out his phone, and placed a call to Yvonne. “Where the hell are you?”

  “Hi, Matt. We’re right here. We’re checking out the garden house.”

  What the hell? “The garden house? You mean to tell me you’re inside already?”

  “Been here about ten minutes. Where are you guys?”

  The woman was amazing. She’d arrived before they had and already was in position! “We’ve sealed off the premises. Do you have eyes on the target?”

  “Affirmative. He’s standing right next to me. And he wants me to tell you he thinks you’re doing a great job.”

  Matt ground his teeth. “Ask him where Grant is.”

  “He says Grant’s in his tomb. Unless somebody decided to move him.”

  This was clearly a code of some kind. Grant in his tomb? “You mean he’s dead?”

  “That’s a definite yes, Matt. Been dead a long time.”

  Dammit! The bastard had killed Grant and was taunting them. “He’s gonna pay for this
, you tell him that.”

  He heard her transmit the message to Brian, but couldn’t hear the response. “He says he’s paid enough already.”

  Of course he did. “I’ve heard enough. Arrest him, V. And if he resists, you have my permission to use deadly force.”

  “Arrest him? Um.… On what grounds?”

  “Treason. Homicide. Terrorism. You name it. Throw the book at him.”

  “Oh, all right, Matt. If you say so. But I don’t think he’ll be happy.”

  What a woman. The man was a killer and a traitor of the worst kind, and still she felt predisposed to treat him with respect. He wished he had a dozen like her working for him.

  Aaron, in full combat gear, came trotting up.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Yvonne and Izzy got him pinned down. They’re making the arrest.”

  “Arrest? They nabbed him already? Damn, they’re good.”

  A surge of pride coursed through Joe’s veins. “We better move in. Give them all the support they need. I can promise you, this man isn’t going to go down without a fight.”

  Aaron relayed the information to his team, while Matt did the same with his men.

  ***

  Yvonne clicked off her phone. “Matt says to arrest you, Mr. Whethers.”

  “Huh? Could you repeat that, please, honey? Like I said, I’m a little hard of hearing.”

  Izzy gave her a look of surprise. “Arrest him? This nice old man? Why?”

  Yvonne shrugged. “Beats me. But orders are orders, I guess.” She gave Izzy a blank stare. “How do I do this?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You’re the one who watches all the cop shows. Isn’t there some sort of procedure or something?”

  A thought wrinkle appeared on Izzy’s brow. “There’s a formula they always use. Something like ‘You have the right to remain silent,’ and, erm, ‘You have the right to an attorney.’ Yeah. That’s it. Just repeat that, and you’re good. Oh! And handcuffs! You have to cuff him, V.”

  “I don’t have no handcuffs.”

  “Maybe a piece of string will be fine.”

  Yvonne turned to Mr. Whethers who stood looking at them with a confused expression on his wrinkled old face. Loudly, she said, “Do you have a piece of string, Mr. Whethers?”

  “String? Sure. Sure. Wait. Let me get that for you.”

  While the old man shuffled back to the house, Yvonne stared after him. “Such a nice man. I really don’t understand why we have to arrest him.”

  “Me, neither. But I guess Matt knows what he’s doing, right?”

  “I guess.”

  She returned her gaze to the garden house. She was certain now that a missile or something had hit it, and exploded inside, blowing off the roof. Must have been a very small missile, though, or else the whole thing would have been obliterated. Judging from the point of impact, it must have come from… She whirled around, and found herself gazing into the garden next door. The floodlights were on on the porch, and she was surprised to find dozens of garden gnomes spread across the smooth turf.

  “Look, Iz. More garden gnomes. Must be a real craze.”

  “Yeah. Looks like.” She shivered. “They give me the creeps. Like some horror movie.”

  Just then, there was a lot of shouting and screaming erupting from inside the neighboring house. Suddenly, the back door was thrown open, and a man came running out. Meanwhile, inside the house, it was as if someone had lit a dozen firecrackers simultaneously. Smoke and fire lit up the house.

  The man, whoever he was, made a dash for it across the garden, and now came running in their direction!

  And as he drew closer, Yvonne thought he looked oddly familiar. Flapping his arms and running full out, he was almost upon them when Yvonne directed the flashlight in his face. She gasped when she recognized him.

  “Grant!”

  Remembering how he’d almost gotten away from them that morning, she was determined not to allow this to happen a second time. Though she had a vague recollection this Grant guy was one of the good guys, you could never be too sure.

  The moment the light flashed in his face, Grant cried out in surprise, then abruptly changed directions and tried to get past them.

  “He’s getting away, Iz!”

  “Oh, no, he isn’t!”

  Izzy wasn’t very strong, but she sure was fast. Putting in a quick sprint, she’d caught up with the fleeing man in next to no time, and with a flying tackle, wrestled him to the ground. He tried kicking her, and when his foot connected, Izzy yelled out in pain and anguish. And he would have succeeded to get away if Yvonne hadn’t arrived on the scene, and with a loud grunt, threw herself on top of the man, squashing him like a bug.

  When finally she rolled away, he didn’t move.

  Izzy nursed the bruise on her back where the man’s foot had connected. “He dead?”

  “I hope so.”

  “Yvonne! Izzy!”

  It was Matt, accompanied by a dozen other men, all dressed in black.

  “We got the bastard,” she assured him, and pointed at the lifeless figure at her feet.

  Matt turned him over on his back. “It’s Grant.” His face turned grim. “And he’s dead.”

  Yvonne was surprised. She hadn’t hit him that hard. “I’m sorry, Matt. Sometimes I don’t know my own strength,” Yvonne began to say.

  “He was shot.”

  Just then, Marshall Whethers came pottering up from the house, waving a ball of twine above his head. “Officers Smiley and Sweetie! I’ve got the string!”

  Immediately, ten special forces agents piled on top of the old man, pinning him to the ground. One agent came up for air, and announced proudly, “We’ve got him, sir! We’ve got the killer!” As they hoisted him up, Mr. Whethers didn’t look very happy. “If this is about the garbage,” he croaked, “I confess! I put batteries in the general trash! I won’t do it again! I promise!”

  Yvonne shuffled up to Matt. “Um. I don’t think Mr. Whethers is our guy, Matt.”

  Matt eyed her wearily. “I think you’re right, V.” To the men, he barked, “Let him go, boys.”

  Aaron, Izzy and Frank had joined them, and they stared down at the body of Oswin Grant.

  The man responsible for ASS and EYE was no more.

  Chapter 29

  “We messed up.” The curt statement wasn’t contested by anyone. Matt gazed at the dozen faces in front of him. The ASS conference room was filled to capacity. Aaron had brought in his own team, as Kathleen had decided the ASS compound would now be headquartering both Matt and Aaron’s units.

  “Any news on the killer?”

  Matt shook his head. “None, Aaron. But rest assured we’re doing everything within our power to draw a bead on him.”

  Aaron shifted in his seat. “I’m sorry to be so blunt, Matt, but this needs to be said. How is it possible that Brian Wright worked for you all this time, and you never once suspected him of foul play? I mean, you’re in charge of the most sophisticated piece of surveillance software ever built by man, and you couldn’t even see what your own guy was up to?” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, but I find that very hard to believe.”

  Matt gritted his teeth. “The man had a built-in backdoor. You know this. Your scientist built it for him!”

  Aaron flicked an imaginary piece of lint off his suit. “Still. You should have known. He was your guy.”

  Frank piped up from the first row. “Let’s not get into a fight, you guys. We need to work together on this.”

  There was approving murmur from the teams, and Aaron rolled his eyes. Whatever the man’s qualities, he was still a dick, Matt thought. He simply couldn’t imagine working with him on a daily basis. At least their joint effort had led them to the discovery that Brian Wright was their guy. After using Aaron’s backdoor, they’d managed to draw up satellite imagery, along with footage from one CCTV camera that clearly showed how Brian had escaped from the house moments before the team had arrived, dragg
ing Grant along with him. The scientist had then made a run for it, and Brian had shot him. It still wasn’t clear how he’d managed to escape. It was as if he’d simply vanished into thin air after that, and he hadn’t popped back onto the grid since.

  “I know this is hard for all of you. Most of us have worked with Brian for months, and others—like me—even years. We all valued him as a loyal and valued colleague. Now we need to change our perception of the man we considered a friend, and that’s hard. It’s hard for me, and hard for you. Still. He has betrayed our trust, and we need to figure out why he did what he did, and who he was working for all this time. But most of all, we need to pinpoint his exact location so we can retrieve him, and the secrets he stole. ASS and EYE cannot fall into the wrong hands. But I don’t think I need to remind you of that. So man your stations, help your new EYE colleagues settle in, and let’s make this work. Together, I’m sure we can catch our guy and make things right.”

  ***

  All things considered, it was a great speech, and Yvonne felt the sudden urge to applaud Matt for it. Something told her this wasn’t the time or the place, though, so she sat quietly, and when the briefing was over, filed out of the conference room along with the others. But Joe’s voice held her back.

  “Yvonne? Izzy? A word?”

  The two women hung back, and when the room was emptied out, Matt closed the door. He folded his arms across his chest, and eyed them sternly. “Can you tell me why you were at the wrong address last night?”

  Yvonne knew the answer to this one. Izzy had accidentally typed the wrong address into her GPS, something she was prone to do. It was also the reason they’d been picking up garbage in the wrong alley the first day they’d met Matt. She had the distinct impression confessing as much would look bad, so before Izzy could open her mouth, she quickly interjected, “We wanted to approach from the rear, in case Brian tried to make a run for it.”

 

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