Igniting Ash

by Stacie, M. A.

  “Ouch,” Asher said, scrunching up his nose. “I’m glad I don’t have to deal with the parental chat.”

  “Ike would have been interested.”

  Letting her statement absorb, Asher tilted his head to the side and asked, “How do you know that?”

  “The way you speak about him tells me how close you two were. He was your dad really, wasn’t he?”

  “Yes. Yes, he was.” He still felt Ike’s loss so hard. It was like a blow to his gut whenever he thought about him. Earlier in the morning he’d been wishing he could have a few minutes to talk to Ike about Emma; to share his confusion and gain clarity. Confessing all to Ben wouldn’t be the same.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you.” Emma pressed her palm flat against his chest. “But he was important to you. I like watching your face light up when you remember him.”

  “I try not to be upset, but he’s the only one who was there. And now he isn’t.” Damn, he was choking up.

  “But I am.” She raised a hand and gestured out toward the shop. “And so is his legacy. He trusted it with you.”

  “He had no one either.”

  Placing her hand on his stubbled cheek, she placed a quick kiss on his lips. “One day, Asher Harris, you really will trust me enough to tell me the whole story. And explain those scars across your torso.”

  His muscles grew taut. He hadn’t expected her to ignore them, though he wasn’t ready to confess all. “I trust you now.”

  “Oh, I know you do. But we’re not there yet. I know that.” She kissed him again and patted him on the cheek. “I’m liking our journey though.”

  Asher opened his mouth, however he had no idea what he was about to say. A protest would have been feeble. Lucky for him his customer chose that moment to interrupt.

  “Hello? You still back there?”

  Asher groaned and gritted his teeth. He took a deep breath before answering. “Yeah, coming now, mate.” His whispered an apology to Emma.

  She shrugged. “I have to go anyway. Don’t be sorry.”

  Pressing his body against her, he raised her arms and cuffed her wrists with his hands. Her soft sigh shot straight to his dick. It was going to be difficult tearing himself away from her.

  “Thank you for last night,” she said, smiling. “Can we…?”

  Crushing his mouth to hers, Asher kissed her with all that he had. He was determined to make her remember him—make her feel him, for the rest of the day. He was stunned to admit, even to himself, that he wanted to leave his mark on her. He was claiming her as his.

  “Wow.”

  Asher smirked, revelling in the happiness bursting inside of him. “Yeah, wow. And, yeah, we so can. Tonight? Will you come to me, Emma? At the end of your day will you come here to be with me?”

  She nodded, her smile never faltering. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  He hung his head. “I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to.”

  “Oh, Asher. Last night was something very special to me. You are someone special. Please don’t doubt that.”

  “I’m trying,” he replied, pressing his forehead to hers. “I am.”

  “Good. Then I have another question…Can I wear your shirt, Asher?” She giggled. “I can’t find my top.”

  Laughter burst free from his mouth, and his customer shouted for his attention again. “I’ve got to go,” he chuckled. “Damn, I have to bloody go.”

  “You need help here.”

  “Agreed. I keep looking for someone, but everyone I see is wrong. I’ll keep looking. Now I really, really have to go.”

  “I know.” She fisted the front of his top. “Kiss me, Ash. Kiss me goodbye.”

  There wasn’t a cell in his body that could have declined her, so he didn’t even try. His customer could wait a little longer.

  ***

  Emma

  “So, Gabe, talk to me. How’ve you been?”

  Running his hand over his spiked, blond hair, he fidgeted in the chair. Emma took the time to check out how his wounds had healed, noting the scar that would never go away. She doubted it was the only one Gabe had from whomever caused them. The more she thought about what he was going through the more frustrated she became, and her thoughts would always shift to Asher. Their lives were far too alike.

  “Yeah, I’m okay. Doing good here.”

  “Bolt told me you’ve been helping him in the kitchen. Are you enjoying that?”

  “S’ok.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Gotta keep looking for something that pays though. I need out.”

  “It’s not so bad here, Gabe. We’re keeping you safe. Your social worker felt this was the best place for you.”

  “Yeah, until she decides to sling me into a kid’s home, or gives up completely.” He finally lifted his gaze to meet hers. “It happens.”

  “Not here it doesn’t.” She understood his negativity, but it didn’t halt her annoyance. “Going back…home isn’t an option for you. I know your social worker told you about the investigation.”

  “Maybe.” He toed the floor with his scuffed trainer.

  “It would help if you spoke to someone about what happened that night. Or what has happened in the past. Your medical records have been requested. Gabe, you could tell us. Before they read it.”

  His top lip curled, another scar pulling tight white. His heart clenched. “Nothing to tell.”

  “We both know that’s a lie. Who are you covering for? And why are you doing that?”

  He scowled, his lips pursing. She could only hope he was debating whether to spill or not. It was clear to everyone that his abuser was probably a parent; however she refused to barge in and accuse. Instead, she was determined to tread lightly. It seemed like she had to treat Asher and Gabe the same, no matter how much it frustrated her. With both of them.

  “It don’t matter anymore. If I stay here then none of that shit will happen again. So you can all drop your investigation. You have nothing to investigate if I keep my mouth shut.”

  Reaching out, Emma placed her hand on Gabe’s knee. “It will carry on whether or not you talk about the person who made you come here for help. None of us will stand by and allow a child to be abused. You were in such a terrible state. I thought…I thought you weren’t going to make it.”

  “I’m okay now,” he responded with a bite to his tone. She’d faced the wall before, usually when she got too close while speaking to Asher. She could see that now with Gabe. He didn’t want to talk about it, but she wasn’t going to give him much choice. She would still tread carefully. Gentle questioning always worked best.

  “You are now. You came here because you needed us. I suspect you’ll be back here, still needing us, if you’re allowed back to the person who hurt you.”

  “I can avoid him.”

  She’d heard that declaration before, and not just from Gabe. Asher had said the very same thing. Not for the first time, she thought of how good they could be for one another if they would both allow it. And that’s when an idea struck her. Removing her hand from his knee, she paused and studied him. His skin was clearer than it had been when he first arrived, and there was much more colour to his cheeks. His short stay at the shelter had already started to change him. For the better.

  “I looked into that programme we were talking about. I talked to a few people. You’d be perfect for it, and they would subsidise, or even cover the cost of your accommodation.”

  He sat forward in his chair. “But you said I needed a job.”

  “You do. And you’ll have to complete an application after you gain employment. I have to make it clear that should you stop work the help from them stops too. You have to be serious about this.”

  “I am.” Gabe started to rub his hands together. “But I still need a job.”

  Emma let a slow smile spread across her face. “I think I’ve sorted that out for you as well.”

  Gabe’s eyes grew wide. “What? You got me a job? Where?”

  Encouraged by his excitement, she con
tinued. “My friend, Asher Harris, owns a bookshop, Hidden Treasures. It’s just off the high street. Anyway, he needs help. I have to talk to him first, and he’ll want to meet you. But I think you’d work well together. Also, if I explain to him the importance of the job.”

  “No!” he interrupted. “Don’t tell him that. I don’t want anyone’s pity.”

  “Gabe, Asher would understand more than you know about what the job means to you. He wouldn’t give you pity. Just help.”

  “No,” he repeated. “I don’t want him to know.”

  Feeling as though she had no choice, Emma agreed. “I’m seeing him tonight. I’ll speak to him about the job and hopefully we can arrange something.”

  “How long would it be before I could get my own place?”

  She could feel his impatience, wished she could resolve it all for him now. “I’m not sure. If Asher agrees the programme will have to check him out. Then they’ll need to make sure that you’re committed to working for him. It’s the first step, Gabe. Give it time.”

  He huffed, his lips pouted. “So it’s going to take ages. That’s what you’re saying.”

  “I don’t know exactly how long. This is something new that I’ve looked into for you. I think it could be good for a couple of others too. This is a great opportunity for you. I understand it’s frustrating that it will take time, but getting them to help pay for a bedsit or a room in a house is worth the wait. Isn’t it?”

  “Suppose so.” His shoulders slumped and he dropped his gaze. Emma understood his need to start afresh; to him, the process wasn’t on his side.

  “Maybe we could find another kid who’s in the programme? Maybe chatting to them would help you?”

  “I guess. I’d be able to see where they live?”

  Emma chuckled. “I have no clue until I put the feelers out. Some of them might not want to talk about it. To some, it will be a part of their lives that they don’t talk about to their new friends.”

  “You make me talk about it,” he shot back, his brows raised in confrontation.

  “Too true, but there’s a flaw in your argument, Gabe. They disclosed their information when they were at this stage in the process. It helped their social workers and caregivers to point them in the right direction. Their lives are different now; they have distanced themselves from their past and created new lives. That’s why they may not like to discuss things now.”

  All she could think about was Asher. His past, his life now and his reluctance to talk about it all.

  “Yeah, I want to talk to one of them and see where they live. If you can sort it.” He stood up, scraping his chair across the floor as he shoved it back. “You’re all right, you know.”

  Emma gawked at him.

  He blushed. “I mean, you’re not like the others or my social worker. You try. She never said anything about the programme. She told me my options were here or…there.”

  Swallowing past the lump that had formed in her throat, Emma placed her arm over Gabe’s shoulders. “You’ll never have to go back there. I’ll do whatever I need to. I’ll keep you safe.” He nodded. “You have to trust me though. I can only help as much as you’ll allow me to. Maybe you don’t want to give me a name of the person who hurt you, but will you think about possibly talking to me about what happened that night. Or others. Sharing your experience with me will help you process what happened. It can’t be good if it sits inside you and rots.”

  Gabe twisted out of her arms, his head still hung as he shuffled toward the door. “You’re good, Miss Priss.”

  “I’ve only ever wanted to help you.”

  He froze in the doorway, his hand on the wood frame. His words were whispered, and he didn’t turn around when he spoke. “I’m going to try and let you.”

  Chapter 16

  Asher

  Asher flipped the closed sign on the shop door, sighing as he engaged the lock. His days were growing busier and he didn’t know how much longer he could go without employing help. Today had been hectic. He hadn’t even had time to check today’s delivery, let alone add the books to the shop shelves. That meant he either had to get to work tonight, start very early in the morning, or hope the shop was quieter tomorrow.

  The first option was out. Tonight he was spending all of his time with Emma. She deserved his full attention, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to ask her to help him. He also hoped that if their date went well, then the early morning start would be ruled out too.

  He wanted her to spend the night with him again.

  Remembering their time together, the way she’d felt pressed against his hot, needy skin had his dick hardening. He lusted after her in a way he’d never wanted anyone before. His desire throbbed within him, pulsing to the heavy beat of his heart, and as the day wore on it intensified. Less than twenty-four hours after seeing her—touching her, his desperation clawed inside of him.

  It was fucking embarrassing.

  For years he’d managed to function without the kind of connection he had with her. Yet now he’d experienced it, he found himself driven by it. Each hour that passed brought him closer to seeing her and holding her close.

  The ringing of his mobile phone had him startling and hoping Emma wasn’t about to cancel on him. Lifting the phone to his ear, he walked back toward the stairs that led to his flat. However, his body, that was only seconds ago lust-filled and anxious to see the object of his affection, was dowsed in a cold flood of dread when he heard a familiar monosyllabic voice.

  He inhaled sharply, his nostrils flaring as he pressed number one to accept the call. He never wanted to accept them, but what choice did he have?

  “Asher, honey?”

  Jesus, it didn’t get any easier talking to her. His blood still ran cold and his gut started to fill with lead. “Hey,” he croaked out.

  “I’m sorry I’m late. The line for the phone was longer today. We’ve had some newbies arrive.”

  Humming, Asher slumped down onto the bottom stair. He rested his elbows on his knees, running his fingers through his hair as he clutched the phone to his ear with his other hand. As always, he searched for something to say to her. “How’ve you been?”

  “Oh, you know. Nothing much changes in here. I look forward to hearing your voice though. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on with you?”

  “Nothing really. Busy with the shop.”

  “Asher it’s been two weeks since I spoke to you. Something new must have happened in that time. I always have to prise details out. Why don’t you talk to me?”

  Asher blew out a breath. “We have this conversation every time. You waste time by going over it. You only have so much time when you call. Can we just move past it? Please?”

  “We could.” She laughed. “If you’d share your life with me. Asher, I don’t see the world like you do anymore. I’m told what to do, when and for how long. Talking to you is a little bit of freedom.”

  He ground his teeth. “Don’t put that blame on me. You made your choice. I had no part in that. I won’t let you make me feel guilty for it.”

  “That isn’t what I was saying.” She lowered her tone. “Please, just talk to me and tell me how your week has been. Or even your day.”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose. The woman was already giving him a headache, and whether she was putting it on him or not, guilt had begun swirling low in his belly. Shit. “Shop’s busy. Looks like I’m going to have to take someone else on, but everyone I interview just isn’t right.”

  “How so?”

  “Too shy, too abrupt, doesn’t read books or they’d spend most of the time reading the books instead of selling them. None of them fit right. I keep trying but…”

  She laughed again. “You’ll always be the same, son. Your search for perfection is never ending. Hasn’t there been just one that was close?”

  Asher grunted. “Don’t. You don’t know me. We have a ten minute conversation every couple of weeks—have done since I was fourteen years old. Those ten
minutes don’t mean a thing.”

  “I’m not going to stop calling you. Every decision I made was for you. I’m here because—”

  He shot up, his hand clenching as he growled, “Do not say that you’re in there because of me. We both know that’s a pile of bullshit! You’re in there because of your own selfish reasons. Tell your new friends, the guards, or your therapist what the hell you want, but don’t try and twist my memories. I know what happened before, during, and after. I know the real reasons.”

  The line went quiet, the only sounds filtering through were background noise. Crying, shouting and the odd banging. When she finally spoke it was little more than a whisper. “Will you stop accepting my calls?”

  He couldn’t. He was all she had. “No, though you have to stop twisting the truth. And making demands from me. I owe you nothing.”

  She hummed. He could just picture the pout on her face. He’d seen it more than once during his childhood. “You don’t, but Asher? It doesn’t stop me from wanting to see you. I’ll keep sending those visitation orders. I’ll keep looking for you. Hoping.”

  He couldn’t. “I have to go. I have…erm…a thing.”

  “Oh. Oh, okay. Well, no matter what, it always makes me feel better when I talk to you. I miss you.” When he didn’t respond she continued. “I love you, Asher.”

  He gulped, the guilt strangling him. “Yeah, Mum, I know.”

  “Enjoy your night. I’ll call you soon, son.”

  He nodded, even though she couldn’t see his response, and ended the call. Bile rose in his throat, his stomach churning with acid. Vomit rose as he heard a small rap on the shop door.

  He needed air, the guilt squeezing his lungs so tight that he could barely breathe. Rushing to the door, he unlocked it and threw it open.

  “Hey.”

  Asher pushed past Emma, gasping for air while running onto the street. He retched. Twice more before what little he had in his stomach emptied out into the street.

  “Asher? What’s wrong?” She placed her hand on his back, sliding it up and down his spine. Her touch calmed him; the clenching in his abdomen lessening. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, his throat still burning, and when he straightened himself, Emma moved her hand to his chest. He couldn’t meet her gaze as shame flooded his chest. This was a side to his life he fought to keep from her, and yet now she was slap-bang in the middle of it.