Creed of Redemption (S.I.N. Rock Star Trilogy #2)

by S. R. Watson

  “I am the show so it’s fine if they want to start without me.” She grabs my dick in front of them. “There will definitely have to be a few more rounds of that, handsome.” She twists her ass toward the stage because she knows I’m watching.

  Lily is shaking her head but Lourdes has yet to say a word, until now.

  “Come on. Let’s see if we can get a good place to watch the show,” she says while walking off. Just damn.

  This sinking feeling in my chest is not supposed to be here and I fucking hate it. I go back into the dressing room they have set up for us. The guys are lounging on the sofa watching Reckless Ambition’s concert on the big screen. They look up when I come in and the shit eating grin that Keyser lets loose tells me they already know.

  “So. Ivy was late getting to the stage. Did you have anything to do with that?” Keyser gets straight to the point.

  I wave him off, but’s it’s no use.

  “Desiree is going to kick your ass,” Xander says matter-of-fact. Whatever, Desiree doesn’t manage this dick, so she just needs to stick to what she was hired to manage.

  “How was it?” Gable asks. Now this surprises me. He normally doesn’t get involved in our shit. He’s more of the quiet, introverted one. We give him his space.

  “Guys, we’re not talking about this…c’mon. Stop giving me shit. Where are the hoes at? You guys need some groupie love or something.” I shake my head and get up to finish off some more of the bourbon I had before going on stage. Truth is, my thoughts are on Lourdes, and her reaction to seeing me with Ivy, rather than the actual fucking. I didn’t have any problems fucking bitches until she came back into the picture. What the hell is this feeling? Guilt?

  “Fine. Be that way, man. And for your information, we’re chilling on having groupies back here tonight. This is only our first show. We want to let it all soak in and enjoy the experience. There will be plenty of time for that. Trust me,” Keyser explains.

  “Damn, they’re killing it,” Xander says bringing everyone’s attention back to Reckless Ambition’s performance on the screen. I’m thankful for the reprieve.

  The band is nearing the end of their set when Lily comes waltzing in to join us and she’s alone.

  “Where’s Lourdes?” Xander and I ask simultaneously.

  “Don’t cock block, boys,” she slurs. “She’s just right outside the door with some sexy guy she met. He’s hot as shit. I only have eyes for you though, Xander.” She’s giggling and it is so obvious that she’s had one too many tonight. Xander grabs her and pulls her to him, before giving me his handle-that look.

  “On it,” I say to him. I swing the door open and I see some fucking douche bag with his hands plastered on Lourdes’s ass trying to bring her closer to him. And she’s fucking letting him. What the fuck? Then she stumbles a little bit from him tugging on her. She’s drunk. I swear I see red spots of rage.

  “Get your fucking hands off of her before I break them, you stupid fuck!” He looks up at me briefly before retuning his attention back to Lourdes. He waves one hand to dismiss me.

  “Leave us alone, Diesel,” Lourdes slurs, sounding similar to Lily. Mad is not even the right adjective at the moment. This suicidal motherfucker squeezes her ass harder, and I lose it. The guys come out into the hall just as I yank his dumb ass away from Lourdes and pin him against the wall. I’m about to punch his fucking face in when she grabs my wrist.

  “Don’t, Diesel,” she manages to get out. Only she can’t hold on. She falls flat on her ass.

  I shove blondie against the wall one more time before I reach down for Lourdes. My guys are at my side by this point. Gable must have told him to get the fuck away while he could. I want to hold her and yell at her all at the same time. I can’t show my cards though. I can’t let on what I’m really feeling. I help her up and she clings to me to stay upright. And this is what the fuck this dirt bag wanted? She can barely stand, let alone walk. My blood is boiling. If looks are anything to go by, Xander is pretty pissed too. We can hear Anderson and Ivy wishing everyone a goodnight so we know it’s time to go. There will be no after party tonight.

  “I’m going to help Lily to the bus. I’m so pissed at both of them I could spit,” he says. We don’t really see him phased by much. He is irate right now and has every reason to be. I don’t want to even think about if they hadn’t made their way back to our dressing room. “You got my sister?”

  “Yeah. Let’s go. Their asses are going to hear about this tomorrow,” I assure.

  “Definitely,” he agrees. He heads toward the back where our bus is parked and Keyser and Gable follow him. Lourdes needs to grab her clutch first so we go back inside our dressing room for her to grab it. When we come out, we run into Ivy and the guys.

  “What do we have here?” Ivy is the first to speak up.

  “You remember Xander’s sister Lourdes? Well she had a just a little too much to drink.”

  “A little?” she smirks.

  “Shut it, you whorish bitch. You may have fucked him tonight, but he’s leaving with me so just suck on that, cunt!” I’m caught completely the fuck off guard. I’ve never heard her speak like this, let alone flat out verbally attack someone. The guys look on, stunned, with questions in their eyes of what the hell is going on. Ivy just laughs.

  “Sounds like you’re jealous, Lourdes. I’ll let that jab slide because you’re drunk, but just know that’s the only pass you’ll get.” Lourdes stumbles again, but then gives her the middle finger.

  “Lourdes, stop. Let’s go. Sorry, Ivy.” Lourdes is trying to push away from me, but if she thinks I’m letting her go she’s crazy.

  “Why don’t you get rid of that hassle and join me on my bus? We’re going to the same place. Or—”

  “Not tonight Ivy,” I say, cutting her off and hoping she understands. She pouts, but it’s not happening.

  “That’s right skank. He cock blocks and I pussy block.” Lourdes informs. “My pussy is better than yours…” she sings. Holy shit. I need to get her away from Ivy and fast before she gives everything away.

  “I wouldn’t know,” I roll my eyes to assure Ivy. “Talk tomorrow. I have to get her back to the bus.” Ivy leaves me standing there. Anderson fist bumps me when he passes.

  “Good luck with that, man,” he says before they continue on their way. Lourdes is dragging so I throw her sloppy, drunk ass over my shoulder. I pray she doesn’t say shit on the bus to get us busted. I didn’t see this shit coming.

  I cringe at the sunlight in my face. I try to block it with my hand but there is a body snuggled in behind me and I can barely move. It takes me a few moments to realize I’m in the bedroom on the bus and that body is Diesel. What in the ever loving fuck? His arm is wrapped protectively around my waist. For a second, I let myself enjoy the feel of him. But then memories of last night crash these feelings of bliss. He fucked Ivy. I try to pull away from him, but my head protests the sudden movement.

  “Ahhhh,” I cry out. My freaking head is pounding like I’ve been hit by a two by four. This wakes Diesel. The gorgeous fucker lazily wipes the sleep from his eyes. Why does he have to be so beautiful? I can’t even look at him. I shouldn’t be jealous, but I am. I try again, albeit a bit more slowly, to get up.

  “Are you okay?” He looks concerned. My head feels like shit, I have cotton mouth, my stomach feels queasy, and my body hurts. I tell him none of that.

  “I’m fine,” I lie, trying to get away. He pulls me back down next to him and my stomach rolls. I grab my head in desperation to stop the throbbing.

  “Fine, huh? Lay down Lourdes. Let me take care of you, baby.” We both go quiet. He’s the one to spring from the bed this time. I think he realizes his slip up.

  “Just lay here, okay?” He’s still wearing his clothes from last night. “I’ll be right back.” I answer him by pulling the covers back over me. I couldn’t get very far even if I wanted to. He leaves the room and I’m left alone to replay what happened last night. I don’t ever want to
drink that much again. What the hell was I thinking? Then I remember the hurt I felt seeing Diesel and Ivy coming out of her dressing room. She was even late for her own performance. I needed to drown those fucking feelings in alcohol. I went straight to the bar to order myself a drink. I don’t even recall how many shots I had. I just wanted to feel numb. Lily didn’t even ask why. She took almost as many as I did.

  From that point on, things are kind of fuzzy but I do remember flirting my ass off with some cute blond guy. I’m sure I made an ass out of myself. God, I don’t even want to know. I need to pee. I will just have to move slowly. I pull the covers back. I’m wearing just a t-shirt and panties—no bra. Did Diesel undress me too? Ugh. I’m literally on my hands and knees right now trying ease out of bed. Diesel would pick this moment to walk in. He’s carrying a glass of water.

  “Your ass in the air like that,” he says giving me the okay sign with his other hand. He is lucky I’m sick as shit. He helps me get out of bed before handing me three pills with the water. “Here, take this. It’s ibuprofen for that headache of yours. I’m sure your body is sore too, since you fell on your ass last night.”

  I turn away from him and take the pills. I’m so damn embarrassed. “Thank you,” I whisper. “I just need to go pee.” He turns me back to face him and lifts my chin.

  “I’ll help you,” he offers. Like hell he will. “I won’t look, even though you don’t have anything I haven’t seen before. Who do you think held your hair last night after you puked all over yourself? Who cleaned you up and changed you into something to sleep in?” I’m even more embarrassed now.

  “Ugh,” I moan. “Sorry you had to do all of that.”

  “I’m pissed that you put yourself in danger with that asshat last night, but never apologize for me taking care of you.” The details of last night are muddy. I only remember bits and pieces, but suddenly I have a flash back of calling Ivy a cunt. “What’s the matter?” he asks when I groan for the millionth time.

  “Did I really call Ivy a cunt last night?”

  “Among other things,” he informs. “You were in rare form last night princess. It would appear that you can’t contain your jealousy when you’re intoxicated. You blew our cover to fucking pieces. Thank fuck the guys weren’t around to hear your little rant.” He smirks and the sexiness of it sends a tingle straight to my core.

  “I don’t want to hear anymore. I’m going pee before I embarrass myself even further.”

  “Oh, I’m sure you haven’t heard the last of it. Wait until Xander gets a hold of you. He already laid into Lily this morning. He was fucking pissed. He doesn’t know I stayed in here with you last night or I would be in the line of his wrath too,” Diesel warns. “You’re safe for now. Everyone got off the bus to go get breakfast.”

  “So why didn’t you?” I ask as I head to the bathroom. There is no answer. I close the door behind me and finally empty my bladder. I don’t even care if he can hear me. I’m past caring at this point. What can be worse than him witnessing me vomit on myself. Gross. I finish my business and start the shower. Need to wash my hair, and maybe the hot water will soothe my aching body. I realize I didn’t bring any clean clothes with me after I’m already in the glass shower. Oh well. I’ll wrap myself in a towel when I’m done.

  The stream of hot water flowing down my body is exactly what I needed. It soothes my pounding head. I close my eyes and let the water run through my hair. I don’t know how much time passes before I feel his presence. He opens the shower door and I’m frozen in place. Diesel grabs me by the hips and I feel powerless. I know I should kick him out, but right now, I just want to feel him. I need to feel him. Fuck. He fucked Ivy. He fucked Ivy. I repeat this over and over to myself, but I’m getting wetter by the second.

  “Look at me, Lourdes.” The warmth of his breath is mere inches from my lips, but I’m scared to open my eyes. I stubbornly leave them shut. “Have it your way, baby.” It’s the last thing I hear before his lips are on mine. I hate myself for giving into him so easily. My tongue swirl with his as I let him in.

  “Mmmmm,” I moan into his mouth. Headache completely forgotten. He lifts one of my legs and the hardness of his cock caresses my folds. It’s been too long. I rub my pussy against him, desperate to dull the ache there.

  “Tell me what you want, Lourdes,” he says before resuming his assault on my mouth.

  “You fucked Ivy,” I say shamefully, resting my head on his shoulder.

  “But I want you right now,” he assures, evading my statement. “We can’t go back to the way we were, but I can make your pussy cream. Let me make you feel good.” He nudges his dick at my entrance, but it feels like he has doused me with cold water—a slap to the face with reality. I push him away.

  “I can’t do this. You’re right. We can’t go back to the way things were, but I can’t be just your fuck either. I’m sure Ivy is up for the role, though.” I will not cry. What the hell was I thinking? I’m so fucking weak. I get out of the shower and grab a towel. I need to put some distance between us. I watch as he runs his hand through his hair in frustration, but doesn’t leave the shower.

  I go into the bedroom and find some jeans, a shirt, and a hoodie. I’m dressed and off the bus in record time. I need some time on my own. I’ll find somewhere within walking distance to eat.

  I fucking caved and now she’s running again. I had the will of a saint last night while I took care that she was cleaned up and changed. Her vulnerability in my hands unraveled something in me. It took me to a place I promised I would never revisit. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and know that she was safe. I didn’t even care if Xander got up in the middle of the night and found me snuggled with her. His priority was Lily and Lourdes was mine. She will never know the level of guilt that wracked through me with each beat of her heart against my hand. I was sorry that I fucked Ivy. I was sorry that she saw us together and that it hurt her.

  There’s no denying that she holds my fucking heart in the palm of her petite fingers. She isn’t aware of the power that she has. I don’t want to be this man. I don’t want to be weak for anyone. I have to let her go. I need to rebel against what she represents—my weakness. First I need to find her. I know my admission that we can’t be more cut her deeply. If only she knew just how much I was ripping my own fucking heart out in the process. It’s just the way it has to be. The one person who was supposed to love me unconditionally, broke me. I wasn’t good enough so he threw me away. Lourdes was the first person since high school that I allowed to see me—the first person I put my heart at risk for and she stomped on it when she left that day. I had to pick up the shattered pieces without a chance to explain.

  There is no amount of love that will make me relive that feeling of unworthiness. I fuck. I move on. Period. I throw on some clothes from my bag and leave out the door. She left on foot so she couldn’t have gotten too far. I search for at least half an hour before I find her in a small mom and pop diner. She is sitting toward the back with her head down. A plate of uneaten pancakes and sausage is next to her.

  I slide into the booth directly across from her. “Lourdes,” I say gently but she doesn’t lift her head. “Look at me, please.” Still nothing. I reach my hand under her folded arms until I find her chin. When I lift her head, I’m fucking rocked yet again. Tears stream down her face. Her eyes are red and swollen. I did this and I can’t fix it. I’m out of my seat and next to her within seconds. I just need to hold her. She needs to know how hard this is for me too. I will give her comfort. I just can’t give her me. Not anymore. She cries in my arms and I’m defenseless. We get the nosy stares, but they can all just fuck off. We will sit here as long as she needs. She finally pushes away from me and wipes her eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Diesel. That won’t happen again.” She wipes her eyes with the back of her hands before throwing a twenty on the table. “I’m ready to go now.”

  “Lourdes—”

  “Don’t. Please. I needed a moment and now I’m do
ne. Let’s not talk about it. Okay?” she says, cutting me off.

  “Okay,” I agree reluctantly. I can’t give her what she wants so I respect her need to let this be forgotten.

  We walk the ten minutes back to the bus in silence. I need to work on some lyrics or something. I need a distraction. This whole situation is a fucked-up mess.

  When we get back on the bus, Lily and the guys are already lounging around. We’re supposed to be pulling off in the next hour to head toward our next tour stop. We would have left last night, but the other band needed to get some things done here in Los Angeles before we left. Their bus will be following behind ours for the remainder of the time. Xander seizes the moment Lourdes gets on the bus to let her have it. He’s yelling how irresponsible she was last night and that he didn’t invite her on this tour to play babysitter. The jackass is so full of his own anger that he hasn’t noticed the fragile state she is already in. A few sniffles come from her and he goes quiet. She then starts sobbing uncontrollably, just standing in the middle of the room.

  “Oh my God, Lourdes. I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean it like that,” he apologizes. I put my hand up then I put my arm around her and lead her to the bedroom. I’m so mad at his unobservant ass that I don’t give a shit what he thinks about me comforting her. I bring her into the room and put the lock on the door.

  “I’ll be okay,” she tries.

  “I know. I’m not going anywhere so it’s just me and you.” I crawl into bed and pull her in with me. We’ll figure this shit out later, but for right now we have each other. This room is our bubble. We don’t have to deal with the reality in here. In here, it’s just us.

  “Okay,” she agrees. She snuggles against me—her back to my front and we give each other comfort. It’s not long before sleep finds us both.

  I don’t know how much time passes. I wake up in Diesel’s embrace and the bus is now moving. I’m ashamed to say I had a relapse today. I wanted Diesel to take me in that shower, but his words crushed me. He was okay with just fucking me—just like he fucked her. That’s all I’ve come to mean to him. No matter how much I tell myself that I’m done with him and that I don’t care what he does, I know that I’m just lying to myself. He’s still passed out, but I’m content to lay here. I’m not ready for us to leave our bubble. He mumbled about this room being our bubble as he drifted off to sleep. If this is all I can have with him, maybe that is okay.