by S. R. Watson
I’m up a few minutes before my alarm goes off. I stretch and take in the scrumptious smell wafting in the air. I smell bacon, but I can’t make out what else. My stomach growls. Okay maybe I can eat before I write. If not, I’ll just be distracted by the enticing aromas coming from the kitchen. I slide from my bunk and follow the scent. Holy hell, I wasn’t ready. Diesel is facing the stove, but he’s wearing just pajama bottoms. The muscles in his back are just so damn lickable. It’s like deja vu. I’ve lived this scene before, just a short time ago. His bottoms sit low on his hips and I can’t help but drool. I know what’s hidden by those pajamas. A tingle between my legs has me looking away. I’m about to go back to my bunk when he turns and catches me standing there.
“Morning, Lourdes,” he says, smirking. I’m pretty sure I’m bright red. I try not to stare at his abs, but I fail. Then something catches my attention. There’s no fucking tattoo on his left side. Diesel has the serenity prayer on his left ribs. Holy shit. It’s Sevyn. His fucking smirk gets bigger when he sees that I realize my mistake. “Hmmm. You would be correct sweetheart,” he says answering my thoughts.
“Morning Sevyn,” I say, trying to appear unaffected. Lily is right. He is hot as shit. Then another realization hits. I didn’t fuck him. Even though, I guessed as much, this confirms it. I never slept with Sevyn. I would have known something was up if Diesel’s damn side piece just suddenly disappeared. The thought is comforting.
“Are you hungry?” He walks over to me and I can’t move. I have butterflies in my vagina. This shit is so unfair.
“Mhmm,” I manage to get out. He places a hand at the base of my back and I get goose bumps.
“Come. Let me make you something to eat.” He winks. Is he really flirting with me right now? These Beck boys are a hazard to my libido. I feel like such a filthy whore for being so turned on right now. How can I be this attracted to both brothers? Damn them for being replicas and confusing my hormones. Sevyn guides me over to the counter where he has food spread out, but his hand doesn’t leave my back. I can feel heat radiating there. I’m so consumed with his closeness, I don’t see Diesel until he’s standing next to us. He looks down at his brother’s hand but he doesn’t acknowledge it. Instead he tells us good morning and then rubs my ass when he passes to grab a plate from the cabinet. I should be pissed. They’re toying with me. So why is my pussy on fire right now?
“I think those are my favorite shorts,” Diesel says. They’re the short gym shorts from my first night here on the bus. The ones he forbid me from wearing into the store. “What do you think about them, Sevyn?” I’m going to melt right here. Just a damn pool of hormones evaporating onto the floor.
Sevyn doesn’t even try to hide that he is looking at my ass. “Well, she does fill them out nicely,” he agrees.
“You guys need to stop,” I say with an eye roll. Hopefully, they can’t see what their little game is doing to me.
I turn to put a pancake on my plate with a couple pieces of bacon. Sevyn offered to make my plate, but I got it. I feel arms come up on both sides of my waist and latch on to the counter in front of me. I’m trapped between Diesel and the counter. I don’t have to see the tattoo to know it’s him. He’s the brazen one.
“You like my brother’s hand near your ass, Lourdes,” he whispers. I can feel the hardness of his dick pressed against my ass. My pussy is throbbing now. I push against him a little. I need to stop this, but not before I get a little feel first.
“Shut up, Diesel,” I all but moan. He grabs my ass with one hand and I let him.
“He can’t have this. It will be my dick sliding into this wet pussy of yours before that happens,” he tells me. “We may look alike, but it’s my cock that you’re horny for right now. Say the word and I’ll take you right here. I don’t give a fuck. I’d even let him watch.” He turns to look over at his brother who is witnessing everything going on right now. Why does the thought of letting Sevyn watch sound so fucking hot all of a sudden?
“I’m not horny—” I start to lie. My words are cut off by the slip of Diesel’s finger under my shorts and right into my wetness. His fingers glide through with a few swipes before he removes his hand. I can’t believe that just happened.
“You were saying, Lourdes?” Sevyn says as Diesel licks my essence from his fingers. I push away from him and head for the table. Yeah, I’m busted. I liked that just a little too much. I should have been mortified that Sevyn just witnessed all of that, but I’m not. They join me at the table with smiles on their faces. These fuckers are something else. It’s crazy that just two months ago I was so pissed that they tricked me. Now they sit here toying with me and playing their twin games and I’m turned on.
“You guys are something else,” I accuse. “Anyway. You said you wanted to talk, Diesel, so talk before everyone else decides to get up.”
“You make my dick hard and now you want to talk, but okay.” I could point out that he made his own dick hard, but I just let him continue. I didn’t expect to hear what came next. Diesel’s mood takes a one eighty and my heart breaks for him.
He tells me that when he was in high school, he couldn’t do anything right in his father’s eyes. Sevyn was the one who could do no wrong. He was made to feel like a fuck up and a failure because all he wanted to do was his music. Sevyn was the smart one, or so his father thought. He began grooming him in their high school years to join his company. Diesel finally moved out when he was seventeen and he was told not to come back. This broke his mother’s heart.
Diesel and Sevyn knew they had to do something. Their mother wasn’t taking her perceived loss of her son very well. She had stopped eating and was depressed all the time. For the sake of preventing her from choosing between her son and her husband, the brothers became exact replicas of one another. Their father didn’t even bat a lash at Sevyn changing his identity by getting tattoos. He just figured that it was part of him becoming a man and his need to find his own identity. Since Diesel was no longer in the house, he didn’t know that he was getting the exact same tattoos. The haircuts and everything else identifiable needed to be an exact match. This allowed Diesel to substitute with his brother in and out of house without detection as long as he stayed out of their dad’s way. Their mom wasn’t thrilled when she found out what they had done, but it was done. They had to be very careful. Diesel finished his education online and stayed with friends who he could trust with their secret.
Their plan was supposed to be just for a little while, but then when their dad started grooming Sevyn to one day take over his acquisition and merger company, they formed a plan to bring Diesel in. Right now their father doesn’t even acknowledge that he has two sons. Now that he is dying, the two of them are formulating a way for them to both be owners of the company before the plan can be blocked by the board.
Diesel recalls that part of his life, and I can see the pain in his eyes. I just want to hug him. I can’t even imagine what that feels like—to not feel accepted or to have to change your identity in order to be allowed back into your home. It makes sense now why he is so reluctant to let people close to him.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Diesel. That’s awful.” Sevyn nods in agreement.
“The times that I took Diesel’s place in the house were so that he could take mine in the company. I needed help with few projects and in turn, I helped him with some of his music. This also allowed us to test our detectability with everyone. Kind of like, on the job training. My brother truly has the intellect of a fucking genius. He deserves to be right next to me when we reveal the company has two new owners and not just one.”
I’m so glad we’re having this talk. Having this insight helps me to understand Diesel more. He’s had to deal with shit no kid should ever have to go through. He just looks out the window now and I know our morning of flirtation is gone. He has a distant look in his eyes that I haven’t seen before. I wish I could take him into the bedroom and make him forget—for now anyway. I hear footste
ps and voices coming our way and that thought is now dead. He gets up and heads toward the back and I reach for him. Sevyn shakes his head so I pull my hand back.
“Don’t,” Sevyn warns. After Diesel is out of ear shot he tells me to give him space. “He just needs a minute. He’ll come back when he’s ready. He doesn’t want any sympathy. It makes him feel weak. It took me a while to understand what he needs when he gets like this and the answer is nothing. He deals with it in his own way—a way that works for him.” I nod, but it still breaks my heart. He was there for me when I was down, even though the reason was because of him. Now I feel like I’m just sitting here when he needs me. Lily and the guys join us at the table. I nibble at my food. I’m worried about Diesel. The bus slows to a complete stop and he is the first one off.
We’ve stopped so they could get a few things from the store. The next stop on the tour is Las Vegas. I was tempted to tell Brooke to fly up for the weekend so we could gamble. We both have always wanted to go. Now I’m in a funk. I stay on the bus when everyone else gets off. I lay across my bunk and finally do the writing I was supposed to do this morning before I got distracted. So far I’ve only written about the two shows they’ve played and a behind the scenes account of what the guys do to get ready. I know I need something more—more insight.
I’m glad I got all of that out. I don’t plan on telling that story again. Lourdes deserved to hear it for what I put her through, but I’m retiring that part of me as of now. I will take over Beck Investment Firm with Sevyn, because more than anything, that is what he wants. It’s my restitution for the shit my father put me through. I just hope he lives long enough to learn that the son he wrote off is just as fucking capable as the one he put on a pedestal. That would make all this ten times more worth it. I’m a little thrown that Lourdes hasn’t tried to talk to me all day, to be honest. I told her my life story. Something that, up until now, only Sevyn and I knew about. I didn’t even tell the friends I was staying with at the time. Not all of it anyway—just need to know shit.
Well the main thing is I finally explained it all to her. I hope she got what she needed. I hope she now knows that what we shared was real. It wasn’t some game or sick joke Sevyn and I cooked up for the hell of it. She wasn’t a pawn for our enjoyment. I can’t make her care about my past. It’s my cross to bear. Me reliving that fucking dark time of my life for her sake and her reaction, or lack thereof, is what I needed to move on. I’ve avoided her all afternoon and she didn’t attempt to check on me.
I was a little jealous earlier when I came into the kitchen and saw my brother’s hand on her. I had to show them both who had the power to make her melt. She tried to act unfazed, but I know I could fuck her with little effort if I wanted to. Thing is, she continues to be my weakness. The more I allow things to grow beyond platonic with her, the more I find myself going down the same path that I need to put a fucking road block on. I need to see what Ivy’s up to. If she is down with just sex, then I may just be willing to hook up with her again. I could use the distraction. I’ll see where her head is at later. Right now, I need to get ready. We go on stage in an hour.
“You ready, man?” Xander says taking a seat next to me.
“Why wouldn’t I be? Fuck yeah, I’m ready.” The extra enthusiasm is for his benefit. I know I’ll snap out of whatever the hell this is the minute our music starts.
“Good. You just seemed a little out of it today. You didn’t come out of that room all day. Just wanted you to know I was here if you needed to talk,” he offers. “Oh, and thank you for being there for my sister. For some reason she reaches out to you more than she does her own brother.” He chuckles, but he wouldn’t be if he knew why.
I change the subject by discussing the need for some rehearsal time with Reckless Ambition before our next show. I still want to bring Ivy and Anderson in on a couple of our songs. I need to focus on some new songs too.
We talk until it’s time for us to go on.
The lights dim and we take our places. Xander strums the first few chords before Gable joins in on drums. Keyser comes in with his guitar and the fucking crowd goes ape shit before the first lyric leaves my mouth. “One way or another, I’m going to find you,” I begin. It’s our rendition of Until The Ribbon Breaks’ One Way or Another. The beat is sexy as fuck. I use its sensual undertones to seduce the audience. I pull my T-shirt over my head and run my hand down my abs. The response is fucking astounding. I decide to give them a show. I continue the lyrics while unbuttoning my jeans. I stroke my dick through my underwear, giving them a peek at the outline of my cock through my underwear. The women are eating it up. I bet I just made all their pussies wet with desire. It just so happens that I’m feeling a little bit generous. Maybe I’ll let some lucky woman, or a few, get a taste. For now, that’s all they get. I tuck my shit back into my jeans and zip them back up. I leave the button undone though. My guys give me a look of curiosity, but they don’t miss a beat. You’d think my extra performance was part of the show. We continue the rest of our set with me shirtless and seducing the fuck out of the crowd. Our whole performance was one big act of foreplay and now I’m ready to sink my shit into some pussy. It’s time to get back to being me.
We’re back in our dressing room and the guys are giving me shit for my little ad lib tonight. Xander isn’t too impressed, but Gable and Keyser don’t give a shit. They think making women wet their panties can only be a good thing. They buy the fucking tickets. Men do too, but an abundance of women in one place is going to bring the men too. Lourdes and Lily are off in the corner talking about who knows what. I can’t be worried about what she thought about tonight. There is a knock at our door and we all stop talking, wondering who it is. I get up and open the door. It’s one of the security guys.
“Hey, man. I know Xander said to not let anybody back here, but there is a woman up front that is insisting that she knows you,” he says. So that’s why we haven’t been having any groupie action. Xander has been cock blocking his own boys. I can’t help but laugh at his slick ass.
“Who is it? Did she give a name?” I look behind me and see that they’re all listening.
“No. She says she’ll only talk to you,” the security guy explains. Well I’m not about to let some woman back here on her word. Not one that I haven’t picked out as my fuck tonight.
“Take me to her,” I say. I wonder who this mystery woman could be. Probably somebody I fucked and already moved on from. I’ll give her a few minutes of my time but that’s it.
I walk out with the security guy who has yet to give me his name. He is a few steps ahead of me for my protection. I see the blonde hair first and then the outline of her comes into focus. I stop a couple feet from her with a slack jaw. I’m not believing my fucking eyes right now.
“Hi, Diesel.” She smiles. That fucking voice. It’s been so long. Melissa sounds like a little girl, but she is all fucking woman. She’s short, like Lourdes. They’re even built the same. Tiny waist with a big ass and tits. The only other woman to fucking obliterate my heart is standing before me. Although she’s never gotten as far as Lourdes, she’s the one who introduced me to a world beyond Vanilla. You can’t tell by looking at her, but she’s even freakier than I am. My dick hardens from the memories. Unfortunately, I also remember than she walked away after she got bored with me. She needed someone more hardcore.
“What are you doing here, Melissa?” I ask, eager to get straight to the point. Is it my inevitable fame that has brought her forward?
“Don’t be like that. I just wanted to see you.” Her smile is gone. I hate that her damn voice so damn cute.
“Why?” I push. She’s going to have to give me more than that.
“Umm…” She looks down to the floor and my cock jumps at her submission. She is playing with me. She knows me in that sense better than anyone else. She knows what gets me going because she pulled this out of me. My demons were created by her. “I’ve missed you.”
“No. Why are you here
now?” I don’t do vague.
“I didn’t know how to find you before, after you left New York. I made a mistake, but when I came to find you, you had left. I heard about your band touring with Reckless Ambition on the radio and I knew I needed to come. I knew there was a chance you wouldn’t see me, but I needed to say that I am sorry.” She is still looking at the floor. “I’m not that same person from a few years ago Diesel. And if I had to guess, neither are you. I had to grow up—to find myself,” she finishes.
There is some truth to what she is saying. I’m not that same naive fuck that she toyed with back then. That shit would never work with me now.
“So you’ve come and given your apologies. I accept. Now what?” It’s a legitimate question. What did she hope to accomplish by coming here.
“I don’t know. I didn’t get that far. I wasn’t even sure if you would agree to see me.”
“Well, you kind of didn’t give me much choice. It’s not like you gave security your name.” The security guy is standing over to the side, no doubt listening in on our conversation. She looks up at me finally.
“I’m sorry,” she says and a lone tear trickles down her cheek. Damn her. She knows I don’t like to be the reason for a woman’s tears. That is why I try to be as upfront as I can.
I know I’m going to regret this, but I remove the rope so she can get through. I nod over at the security guy and walk her back to my dressing room. The guys have no idea who she is. I’ve never talked about her. Not even to Sevyn. When I left New York, she was dead to me. One thing all of this has shown me is that some people are worthy of redemption. Lourdes has forgiven Sevyn and I so maybe, if Melissa is being sincere, I can forgive her too. I’m trying to let our memorable moments outweigh the bad. She gave me an outlet—a sense of control. I was able to shed the weak boy that had been crushed by the disappointment of his father and transform to the man I am today. I owe her a chance to be redeemed for that reason alone. I’m not looking for another relationship because no woman will get that from me…maybe ever. I will spend some time catching up with her and maybe explore some of our mutual interests, but nothing more.