22 Things a Woman With Asperger's Syndrome Wants Her Partner to Know
Page 10
Glossary Of Terms
Alexithymia: difficulty in experiencing, expressing, and describing emotional responses (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/alexithymia).
Asperger’s syndrome (AS): an autism spectrum condition first described by Hans Asperger. It is a milder form of autism, characterized by qualitative impairment in social interaction. This is manifest through impairment in nonverbal behaviors, e.g. eye contact, facial expression, body postures and gestures; failure to develop appropriate peer relationships; lack of social reciprocity; restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, and activities; inflexible adherence to routines or rituals, and abnormal preoccupations.
It is now widely understand that many people on the autism spectrum possess strong focus and special talents, and in some cases, a level of genius in one or more areas.
Aspie: a person with Asperger’s syndrome. Not derogatory, but an informal term which is popularly used in forums and self-reference.
Autism spectrum conditions (ASC): also known as pervasive development disorders. They are characterized by varying degrees of impairment in communication skills, social interactions, and restricted, repetitive, and stereotyped patterns of behavior. They can range from severe autism to Asperger’s syndrome.
Executive function: “a set of cognitive abilities that control and regulate other abilities and behaviors” (www.minddisorders.com/Del-Fi/Executive-function.html).
Neoteny: a slowing of the rate of development with the consequent retention in adulthood of a feature or features that appeared in an earlier phase in the life cycle of ancestral individuals (e.g. neoteny in the ostrich has resulted in adult birds sporting the down feathers of nestlings) (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/neoteny).
Neurotypical (NT): although not the strict definition, this is a term often used to describe a person who does not have Asperger’s or any other autism spectrum condition.
Theory of mind: “the ability to attribute mental states—beliefs, intents, desires, pretending, knowledge, etc.—to oneself and others and to understand that others have beliefs, desires and intentions that are different from one’s own” (Simon Baron-Cohen, cited at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_mind#Defining_theory_of_mind).
Bibliography And Other Resources
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Attwood, S. (2008) Making Sense of Sex: A Forthright Guide to Puberty, Sex and Relationships for People with Asperger’s Syndrome. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Attwood, T. (2006) The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Holliday Willey, L. (1999) Pretending to Be Normal. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Holliday Willey, L. (2011) Safety Skills for Asperger Women: How to Save a Perfectly Good Female Life. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Nichols, S. (2009) Girls Growing Up on the Spectrum. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Simone, R. (2009) 22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger’s Syndrome. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Simone, R. (2010a) Asperger’s on the Job: Must-Have Advice. Arlington, TX: Future Horizons.
Simone, R. (2010b) Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
ONLINE RESOURCES
Ms. Simone’s Asperger website
www.help4aspergers.com
For a list of female Asperger traits, diagnosing doctors, my calendar, and much more.
Ms. Simone’s Fantasy trilogy featuring an Aspergian hero
www.OrsaththeFool.com
Comedy and jazz site
www.rudysimonecomedyjazz.com
Ms. Simone’s personal Facebook page
www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000224576377
Look for Ms. Simone’s books on Facebook as well!
Psychiatric Drug Side Effects Reported to the U.S. FDA
www.cchrint.org/psychdrugdangers/medwatch_psych_drug_adverse_reactions.php
OTHER BOOKS BY RUDY SIMONE
The Fool—Part I: Orsath the Singer (2010).
The Fool—Part II: Orsath the Traveler (2011).
by the same author
22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger’s Syndrome
Rudy Simone
Foreword by Maxine Aston
ISBN 978 1 84905 803 2
eISBN 978 1 84642 945 3
Although having Asperger Syndrome (AS) can make romantic relations difficult, having a fulfilling relationship with an Asperger man is certainly not impossible. A woman in love with a man with AS may interpret his difficulties with communication and socialization as a lack of interest in the relationship. He may vacillate between being gentle and caring to seeming cold and distant. She may find his behaviour hard to understand, resulting in feelings of loneliness, isolation, and confusion. This book shows how to overcome these difficulties and maintain a loving relationship with an AS partner.
From an unwillingness to show affection in public or even sleep in the same bed to problems holding down a job, this book looks at 22 common traits that women may discover when they are dating, living with or married to a man with Asperger’s Syndrome. Rudy Simone explores the complications of Asperger’s relationships with honesty and understanding, drawing on research and personal experience to inform and advise women with AS partners. She offers helpful tips for improving the relationship and finding fulfillment both individually and as a couple.
This book will help women to understand the male Asperger’s mind and, equally, it can help men with AS to see things from their partner’s perspective. It will also be of interest to counsellors working with couples where the male partner has Asperger’s Syndrome.
Aspergirls
Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome
Rudy Simone
Foreword by Liane Holliday Willey
ISBN 978 1 84905 826 1
eISBN 978 0 85700 289 1
*Gold Medal Winner in the Sexuality / Relationships Category of the 2011 IPPY Awards*
* Honorary Mention in the 2010 BOTYA Awards Women’s Issues Category *
Girls with Asperger’s Syndrome are less frequently diagnosed than boys, and even once symptoms have been recognised, help is often not readily available. The image of coping well presented by AS females of any age can often mask difficulties, deficits, challenges, and loneliness.
This is a must-have handbook written by an Aspergirl for Aspergirls, young and old. Rudy Simone guides you through every aspect of both personal and professional life, from early recollections of blame, guilt, and savant skills, to friendships, romance and marriage. Employment, career, rituals and routines are also covered, along with depression, meltdowns and being misunderstood. Including the reflections of over thirty-five women diagnosed as on the spectrum, as well as some partners and parents, Rudy identifies recurring struggles and areas where Aspergirls need validation, information and advice. As they recount their stories, anecdotes, and wisdom, she highlights how differences between males and females on the spectrum are mostly a matter of perception, rejecting negative views of Aspergirls and empowering them to lead happy and fulfilled lives.
This book will be essential reading for females of any age diagnosed with AS, and those who think they might be on the spectrum. It will also be of interest to partners and loved ones of Aspergirls, and anybody interested either professionally or academically in Asperger’s Syndrome.
of related interest
The Partner’s Guide to Asperger Syndrome
Susan J. Moreno, Marci Wheeler and Kealah Parkinson
Foreword by Tony Attwood
ISBN 978 1 84905 878 0
eISBN 978 0 85700 566 3
Adults with Asperger Syndrome (AS) often have difficulties acquiring relationship skills due to the defining characteristics of the syndrome, experiences with peers during childhood and adolescence, and the expectations of their partners. However, an increasing number do go on to achieve happy a
nd successful long-term relationships with non-spectrum (NS) partners.
This supportive book will give NS partners a better understanding of NS/AS relationships, and of what other NS partners have found to be helpful in terms of better understanding themselves and their partners, and enriching their relationships. Drawing on interviews with over 100 people in NS/AS relationships, as well as on their own experiences of having family members on the autism spectrum, the authors explore the key differences which may impact upon AS/NS relationships, such as communication, social skills, and sensory issues, and offer tried-and-tested advice on how to surmount difficulties and make things work. The book includes chapters on coping with stress and meltdowns, parenting, positive AS qualities and how to use them to their full advantage in a relationship, as well as advice on how the NS partner can ensure that their own needs are met.
This book will provide support and encouragement to those in a relationship with someone who has been diagnosed with AS, or who is suspected of having AS, and will also be a useful resource for counsellors and other professionals who wish to deepen their understanding of AS/NS relationships.
Love, Sex and Long-Term Relationships
What People with Asperger Syndrome Really Really Want
Sarah Hendrickx
Foreword by Stephen M. Shore
ISBN 978 1 84310 605 0
eISBN 978 1 84642 764 0
What are the motivations and desires behind relationship choices and sexual behaviour? Are they very different for those with Asperger Syndrome (AS) than for anyone else? Does having extreme sensitivity to physical touch or an above average need for solitude change one’s expectation of relationships or sexual experience?
Many people on the autism spectrum have limited knowledge of how to establish or conduct sexual relationships: drawing on extensive research with people on the autism spectrum, the book openly explores such questions. For the first time people with AS discuss their desires, needs and preferences in their own words. AS attitudes to issues such as gender, sexual identity and infidelity are included, as well as positive advice for developing relationships and exploring options and choices for sexual pleasure.
This accessible book is an invaluable source of information and support for those with Asperger Syndrome and couples in which one or both partners has Asperger Syndrome, as well as counsellors and health and social care professionals.
Connecting With Your Asperger Partner
Negotiating the Maze of Intimacy
Louise Weston
Foreword by Tony Attwood
ISBN 978 1 84905 130 9
eISBN 978 0 85700 286 0
Communication and intimacy can feel like a constant struggle in relationships where one partner has Asperger Syndrome (AS). For the neuro-typical partner (NT) in particular, this can be an endless source of frustration, misunderstandings, and tears.
Drawing on her own experience of being married to a man with AS, Louise Weston shows that the road to intimacy begins with letting go of expectations and looking after your own physical and emotional needs. She provides tried-and-tested strategies for relating to and connecting with your AS partner, as well as useful tips for coping with hurtful words and meltdowns, helping your partner to interpret emotions, and finding further sources of help and support. Above all, she shows that although your AS/NT relationship will challenge you beyond what you ever thought possible, by letting go of expectations and respecting each others’ differences, this unique partnership really can be both happy and successful.
Brimming with stories and advice from other NT partners, this practical book will help NTs take positive steps towards connecting with their AS partners. It will also be a useful resource for counsellors and other professionals who wish to deepen their understanding of AS/NT relationships.
Safety Skills for Asperger Women
How to Save a Perfectly Good Female Life
Liane Holliday Willey
Foreword by Tony Attwood
ISBN 978 1 84905 836 0
eISBN 978 0 85700 327 0
Life with Asperger Syndrome can be a challenge at the best of times, and trials and tribulations that neurotypicals take in their stride can leave Aspies perplexed and unsure of how to solve problems and keep themselves safe, both physically and emotionally.
Liane Holliday Willey explores the daily pitfalls that females with AS may face, and suggests practical and helpful ways of overcoming them. The focus throughout is on keeping safe, and this extends to travel, social awareness, and general life management. With deeply personal accounts from the author’s own experiences, this book doesn’t shy away from difficult issues such as coping with bullying, self-harm, depression, and eating disorders. The positive and encouraging advice gives those with AS the guidance to safeguard themselves from emotional and physical harm, and live happy and independent lives.
This book will be essential reading for all females with Asperger Syndrome, their friends and families, and all professionals whose work brings them into contact with females with AS.
Asperger Syndrome and Social Relationships
Adults Speak Out about Asperger Syndrome
Edited by Genevieve Edmonds and Luke Beardon
ISBN 978 1 84310 647 0
eISBN 978 1 84642 777 0
Social interaction among neurotypical people is complex and in many ways illogical. To the person with Asperger Syndrome (AS) it is also woefully unintuitive. In this book, adults with AS discuss social relationships, offer advice and support for others with AS and provide necessary insights into AS perspectives for those working and interacting with them.
The contributors evaluate a range of social contexts and relationship aspects, including:
• online relationships – a worldwide social network based on non-verbal communication,
• the unwritten rules of neurotypical socialising,
• the need for mutual understanding between those with AS and neurotypicals,
• the effects of struggling socially on one’s self-esteem and frame of mind, and
• the opportunities provided by social skills workshops or interest groups.
This is essential reading for adults with AS, their family and friends, as well as service providers and other professionals providing support for people with AS in adult life.