How Do You Mend A Broken Heart

by Ali Vali

  The room was full of interesting architectural details and furnishings but one picture on the mantle grabbed her attention, and it brought tears to her eyes that Harry had kept it. The image had to be a harsh reminder of a time the doctor should've long ago forgotten.

  "It doesn't really go in here but I thought I'd allow her one little indulgence for sentimental reasons. Does it bring back memories for you?" asked Tony in a sarcastic tone. He was trying to be nice, but seeing the person who had brought Harry so much pain was making it difficult.

  In the old gilded frame was a picture of Desi and Harry with their caps and gowns from graduation, capturing one of the last happy memories the injured woman cherished. Both smiles lit up the room, and Harry's arm was draped over her shoulders. It was supposed to be the beginning of their life together, not the end.

  "Yes it does. I want to thank you for being Harry's friend all these years. It's good to know she wasn't alone after everything that happened." Desi's eyes never left the picture sitting on the mantle.

  "I may be way out of line here, but I think as Harry's friend I've earned the right to speak my mind."

  She sighed and nodded her head. "Go on, I'm not stopping you."

  "You hurt her, Desiree, so deep it took everything in our power to help her get past it. And here you are right back in her life like all those years never happened. The fact you are makes me see she still hasn't gotten over the hump, not really anyway. You learn to read her eyes after awhile. There's so little that brings life into them, but you do, and I'll be the first to admit, I don't understand it. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're back and I'm glad you're okay, but if you plan on walking out once that leg is healed, tell her now. I'm not eighteen anymore and she isn't either. It won't be so easy to get over it this time and Kenneth and I don't have enough magic left to put all those pieces back together again."

  She ran her hand over the soft duvet and tried to stem the tide of tears threatening again. There was no fight left in her especially since everything he'd said was true. "I don't want to hurt her. You have to believe that. I didn't mean to back then."

  "I know you may not have meant to, but that's what ended up happening, darlin'. She's carved out a life for herself, Desi. Don't take that away from her, that's all I'm asking. It's what'll happen if you just walk out without so much as a goodbye again. Harry has her parents, her work and us. It's not enough for what I'd define as a full life, but for her it is. No one's ever come close to that picture she has in her head about you, so I'm here to tell you, hurt her and I'll make you regret it. The first one was free, but this one's going to cost you." Tony finished his speech and sat next to the bed regarding Desi's reaction to it.

  "Fair enough, thank you for being honest with me. Was it really that bad when I left? I figured Harry would move on after a few weeks and find someone more her caliber. You and I both know I wasn't in her league. It was like second hand Rose meets the Vanderbilt's, she was better off," said Desi, still afraid to face him.

  "Bullshit, she was the one who had the right to know why you walked away from her. While you were busy cozying up to the ape Byron, Harry was going through hell. She'll never tell you that because she's not the kind of person who would want to make you feel bad. Tell me, when did Harry ever make you feel less than what you were because of your clothes or your house?" He wasn't screaming, but there was more than a trace of anger in his tone.

  Her eyes were shiny with tears when she finally looked up and pinned him with a glare. "You're right, she didn't do that. Would it help to know that it wasn't my choice to leave? That I've been just as miserable for all this time too, because I have…I have. It came as a big shock to me too that she offered to do this. I'd have thought she would have handed me off to the first doctor that walked by when she saw me lying there, but she didn't."

  He threw his hands up again in exasperation as if she hadn't heard a word he'd said. "Wake up. Of course Harry wouldn't have done that. She loves you, stupid. There've been plenty of women who wanted to be in your shoes, but Harry has turned them all down gracefully. I asked her why once. Even considering my sexual choices in life I can still spot beauty when I see it. Some of these girls were real lookers. I asked, why not just pick one and get on with living her life? I know she loved you, but she should've gotten over you years ago. She deserves to have someone in her life who loves her. You want to know what her answer was as to why she couldn't move on?" asked Tony softening his tone.

  "Yes I do." Desi's answer was so low Tony wouldn't have heard it if he hadn't been sitting so close. She was nervously running her fingertips over the pattern on the comforter Tony had pulled over her legs.

  "She said she couldn't in all good faith enter into a relationship, no matter how wonderful the girl, because she was damaged goods. 'You can't give away a broken heart,' is what she told me. I stopped asking after that because I felt like crying from the pain in her voice from having to admit that out loud. I care about her too much to keep reminding her of what she lost.

  "Kenneth and I have finally gotten her to go out with us and cut up like we use to, but only starting about five years ago, and as much as we'd like to pretend, it's not really the same. Harry's changed, and while for some people change is a welcomed thing, in her it's been like a slow withering of her heart. And now like I said, here you are." Tony put his hand down on hers, making her look up again and stop fiddling with the comforter.

  "Love, have you been rude to Harry's guest? I have to keep reminding him that our pal is bigger than the both of us, and I'm fairly sure she can beat me up, so I apologize on his behalf if he was," said Kenneth as he stepped into the room.

  He had been standing out in the hall listening to the conversation, quietly cheering his lover on. Someone had to explain to Desi what she'd done and how wrong it had been. Leave it to Tony to rise to the occasion the first opportunity he got.

  She wiped her face and tried her best to smile. "No, he was just explaining the choices he made in the house and why. It's nice to see you again. I know what Harry and Tony have been up to, now tell me what you've been doing with yourself since we last saw each other."

  "I'm a pediatrician here in town. I actually do what Harry does in that I work and teach at the medical school. It's been nice and it reminds me on a daily basis why I don't want kids, but I love all the ones I see in the clinics. I leave all the blood and glory to our girl and I just deal with rashes and runny noses."

  "Sounds like you enjoy what you do." Desi continued to smile for him, but Kenneth and Tony both could see it didn't go her eyes.

  "I do, but we'll have plenty of time to talk about that later. Right now it's time for you to get some sleep, after you take your pills. Get some rest, then Rachel, Tony and I'll bring you up some late lunch when you wake up." Kenneth sat at the edge of the bed and handed her three pills and a glass of water.

  "Is Harry coming home soon?" asked Desi trying to sound casual.

  "Don't miss out on getting some rest trying to sit up waiting on her. I heard about the accident on the way over here. My guess is her fingers will be cramped by the time they're done. It's days like this one that make Harry wish for a simple country practice I'm sure, but then she is addicted to the thrill of the operating room, so it's for the best we live in a fast town." He smiled as he put the glass back on the nightstand within reach in case she had need of it later. "Try and get some sleep. It's the only way you'll start the healing process."

  "Thank you both for everything."

  The two left Desi alone with her thoughts and her memories for the afternoon. She wondered what it would be like to live here with Harry without the fear. Wondering if after a long day at work, Harry would come home in the mood to beat the one she supposedly loved, or was she the same sweet soul she had known once upon a time?

  The answer really didn't matter, since any life with Harry was just a fantasy that would never play out. If life had taught her anything up to now, it was that fantasies were just dream
s little girls had that were crushed under life's boots time and time again.

  *****

  "I'll talk to you later, daddy, Byron should be home soon. It's our fifth anniversary and I still have plenty to do. His favorite dinner is in the oven but I just have a couple of other things I have to finish up before he gets here."

  Desi was trying to get excited about the evening, but so far her efforts hadn't gotten her any closer to that feeling. Her life had become somewhat mechanical, moving from one chore to the next only because it needed to be done and not because she had a burning desire to do so.

  "Desiree, you done good for yourself, girl. You got yourself a good man with a good job to take care of you, now you just need to make me a grandfather. Aren't you glad I introduced you to Byron and made you forget all those foolish notions you had?" The bar wasn't busy so Clyde had taken the time to call his oldest child in case she needed reminding of what her duties were. Now that Desi was settled it was time to start working on Rachel.

  "Thanks, daddy, for everything and we're trying. Byron's just been so busy lately down at the garage we barely see each other. His dad's business is picking up since their main competitor, old man George, retired. Talk to you soon." She rushed through the string of lies, the same ones she uttered whenever he wanted gratitude for trading away her happiness.

  Desi hung up the phone and sighed. The call came like clock work every year, even now when her father didn't have the same hold over her as before. There were days when she felt like she was just an actor playing out a role that was supposed to be her life, but that's all it was, an act.

  "Five years of my life gone. Harry, do you still think about me? Would you think my life was as much of a joke as I do? I miss you, baby, and I love you," whispered Desi out the kitchen window. She spun around at the sound of his voice but it was too late.

  "I didn't realize you thought of our life here as a joke, Desiree. I was the best you were going to get, you stupid bitch, so stop complaining about it or I'll give you something to complain about," screamed Byron from behind her.

  When she'd turned to face him, he saw the tears on her face, which sent him over the edge. Having his father call him stupid all day, then coming home to a woman crying over someone she should've forgotten a million years ago, was more than a man should have to put up with. All the beer he had at the corner bar couldn't drown out those feelings.

  "I work all day to give you a good life and this is the thanks I get?" he roared. "You fucking useless piece of ungrateful shit." The rage in his voice made her start running in fear but he was too fast for her.

  Byron didn't remember too clearly when he balled up his fists and sent them into Desi's face repeatedly, but there was no denying it the next morning. He apologized and promised it would never happen again, but there was always his father and there were always those tears in Desi's eyes. How was he supposed to ignore that?

  *****

  The house was dark when the blue Land Rover pulled in. It had been a long day that had culminated with Harry having to amputate a young girl's leg because the dash of the car she was riding in had crushed it beyond repair. Even with all Harry's skill she hadn't had a choice.

  Why the very young had to sometimes to deal with such tragic circumstances so early in their lives was a question she never had an adequate answer to. Especially when it was asked by a distraught parent.

  Grabbing a Yoo Hoo out of the refrigerator, Harry headed up to bed. The hospital staff promised they would cover rounds tomorrow for her, since the surgeon had been on her feet for sixteen hours straight.

  Heading up the stairs, Harry forgot about her houseguests and started stripping, as was her habit, while climbing the stairs. Living alone did have some perks, or at least living alone on Sundays and Mondays. She was naked by the time she reached her bedroom, and headed into the bathroom.

  "A hot shower so I won't feel so grimy then I can go to bed, and then I can dream about Mona's waffles," mumbled Harry as she stretched and moaned.

  When the light from the bathroom illuminated Harry's sleek form Desi thought she would swallow her tongue. Oh my God, what is she doing in here? The answer came in its own form of illumination as Desi realized what room Tony had put her in. It was the only room she saw on her way up here that was the sole reflection of its occupant. This was Harry's room. Tony you idiot, I'm going to remove some body part when I see you again, thought Desi as she tried to figure out what to do.

  When the light in the bathroom went out, a tired and sleepy body rolled into bed not noticing the woman already lying there. Please God, let her be wearing pajamas wished Desi. The breathing coming from Harry's side of the bed was already deep and even indicating sleep, giving Desi the freedom to look. Seeing the stark white t-shirt and boxers was disappointing in a way to Desi, but the light coming in from outside gave her a good view of Harry's profile.

  At thirty-four, Harry still looked like the girl Desi remembered. Taller than everyone else all through their lives, Harry stood at six one now. The only difference was the visible muscles that went up her arms and into the sleeves of the t-shirt. Lifting the blanket a little so she wouldn't wake her, Desi could see the continuation of muscle down the long tan legs.

  The black curly hair was shorter than it was when they were together, and at the temples there was a sprinkle of white. Desi could remember Harry telling her that her mother's side of the family turned gray prematurely and her hope was that Desi would still love her when she looked a little older. Harry's eyes were closed but Desi didn't need them to be open to know what shade of blue they were, that color had been seared into her brain.

  "I love you," Desi whispered as she moved one unruly curl off Harry's forehead.

  In Harry's dreamscape she visited the girl who held her heart. There, Desi would always be waiting with open arms and a soft kiss. The sides of her face around the green eyes would crinkle when she smiled, and her hair was always soft to the touch. It was the one place that everyday of Harry's life she could hear Desi say, "I love you," just like now. The only sadness of the dream was when she turned and walked away just before it was time for Harry to wake up.

  When Desi opened her eyes she noticed Harry was still sleeping, making her think the she must've been exhausted from the day before, and she noticed too that they were holding hands under the blanket. Harry hadn't moved all night and was snoring softly next to her, so she decided to close her eyes again and just lie there enjoying the warmth she'd missed for so long. Another noise coming from the door of the room forced Desi to look, almost crying out when she saw an elderly African American woman picking up articles of clothing from all over the floor.

  "If you think I'm going to be around to pick up after you for the rest of my life, you got another thing coming. I wonder if you're this messy when you're sewing people up? God only knows what you're leaving in there once you're done," Mona kept up her monologue as she picked clothes up off the floor. It was well rehearsed since she had been using the same one since she came to work for Harry six years prior. "Then she lets that fruitcake buy this big old house like I got nothing better to do than to pick up after her in thirty rooms instead of ten."

  "Good morning, you must be Mona?" asked a clearly amused Desi from the bed.

  "Sorry, miss, I didn't see you there. It's a wonder I can see anything in here through all the mess that one leaves around. I didn't mean to disturb you. Do you need anything?" Mona cocked her head to one side, sizing the girl up and knowing in a second who she was. The pretty face hadn't changed much from the picture on the mantle.

  "I really need to go to the bathroom. Could you see if my sister is up? Maybe she could help me." If her leg hadn't hurt so much, Desi would've been squirming by now.

  "Nonsense, girl, you got that big moose sleeping beside you. She can help you." Before Desi could protest Mona came over and slapped Harry in the head.

  "Goddammit, Mona, what did you do that for?" cried Harry lifting her head up and squinting h
er eyes together to block out the bright light coming from the French doors at the side of the room.

  "What have I told you about taking the Lord's name in vain in my house? Don't make me go get a switch from the bushes outside. Now get your lazy butt out of bed and help your lady friend go to the bathroom," ordered Mona with her hands on her hips.

  "Lady friend? What lady friend? Have you finally gone off the deep end?" asked Harry as her eyes closed and her head hit the pillow again.

  "For someone who has as many degrees as you do, you sure aren't too bright are you? No wonder you don't have anyone in your life if you can't even remember spending the night with a lovely girl like this. Get moving, Harry, the girl's got to go," ordered Mona making shooing motions from the foot of the bed.

  The fog of sleep lifted enough for Harry to realize that she wasn't alone in the bed. The fact that the whole left side of her body was warm and there was a small hand pressed inside her own were her first two clues. "I'm sorry, Desi. What are you doing here?" asked Harry turning her head and facing Desi.

  "Don't be sorry, that should actually be my line for intruding on you. Tony had them put me in here by what I'm sure was a mistake. I'm sorry I didn't realize this was your room before they left last night. After I go to the bathroom you can move me into one of the guestrooms. Could I bother you for a lift before I mess up your lovely bed?" asked a now frantic Desi.

  "Get up, slow britches, and you aren't moving out of this room, Miss Desi. Tony put you in here because it's the only room in the house with the type of bathing facilities you'll eventually need. Doc, the girl's eyes are turning yellow," Mona reminded her.