Chapter 5
More images flickered on the wall. She walked deeper into the tunnel and suddenly all around her like a movie the scene of her last day with Gavin lit up the entire ceiling of the tunnel.
She stood in the bathroom in her apartment, in front of the mirror. It was early in the morning and the sun was coming through the small window. Her hair was pulled back in a bun, a messy bun with wisps of hair loose hanging around her face. Her eyes were wide as she stared down at the item in her hand. She seemed frozen in shock, her reflection a still image as if on pause. Only her chest expanded with deep breaths and her hands trembled.
She remembered. A knot of terror had built in her belly. When she looked up in the mirror a looked of shock and bewilderment covered her face.
The red plus sign on the pregnancy test in her hands felt like a bomb that only had a few seconds left before it detonated.
It said she was pregnant.
She couldn’t be pregnant.
How could she be pregnant?
God … Gavin.
What was he going to say? She knew exactly what he was going to say and that was why she was terrified.
He was going to lose his mind.
Gavin’s words from another day came back to her. Sure I want kids, but not for many, many years. I don’t know why people screw up their futures by bringing kids into the picture so soon. You have to establish yourself first. I don’t want to have kids until I’m ready and able to take care of them. I need to finish school, live my life a little more—spend time being happy with my wife, before kids come into the picture. Plenty of time for kids later. I’ve never understood why people rush into it. You want to be a artist and open your own gallery I want to get to start my own digital design business. We need to finish school to do that, and it will take a couple years to establish ourselves. Then, who knows …
She sat on the toilet that morning for God only knows how long. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t think of anything but how badly this news was going to ruin things between them. For at least an hour she sat there—full of fear—wanting to deny what she knew to be true. What she had dreaded for a couple of days now. She was going to have to tell him that his great plan for their future was over, or well … if it still included her it wouldn’t pan out the way he had planned it.
She was pregnant.
Oh God—she was really pregnant!
She was going to be a mom, and knew nothing, absolutely nothing about being a parent. Could she be a mom? Did she have it in her? That nurturer gene that so many women had? She had never been the little girl who played with dolls. Even as a teenager she’d been against her mother volunteering her as a neighborhood babysitter. Could she do this? Did she want to?
Like I have a choice.
What in the hell was she going to do? What would her parents say?
But the worst thoughts that kept replaying over and over in her mind was—would Gavin hate her for ruining his future? Would he stick by her or make her go at it alone? Was he going to break up with her and give himself and his sweet words and adoring smile to someone else?
Tears trailed down her face. She placed a hand over her heart and curled around herself.
When she heard the front door open and close, and footsteps echo down the hallway, a spike of utter fear skated through her. Her heartbeat pounded in her ears. And yet she couldn’t move.
“Car, you here still?” Gavin’s smooth and deep voice rang out. Her gut tightened.
“Car?”
She looked down at the plus sign on the pregnancy test one more time before panic finally had her moving. She scrambled up from the toilet looking around for somewhere to hide the test. As his footsteps closed in, she realized she’d only had time to put it behind her back.
Gavin stopped in the hallway at the bathroom doorway. His eyes were bright and they locked on her right away. “Hey, thought you’d be headed to class by now.” He swooped in to place a kiss on her cheek and wrapped his hand intimately around her hip giving it a light squeeze before he backed away and met her gaze. “You alright? You sick?”
“Yeah. I decided not to go to class today.”
“Oh, well. Okay. You need me to bring you anything when I come back? I just came to get my tablet. I left it here …”
His head tilted in that way it did when he studied her face. Her lips, and then his eyes drew down her body. “Car, is something else wrong? You look scared. Did I scare you? Didn’t you hear me come in?” He took in her face again, before his eyes followed the arm she had behind her back. The arm connected to the hand that shook unsteadily behind her.
His concerned gaze flickered up to her face. He knew her too well for her to hide her emotions. He’d always said that she showed everything she felt on her face. So she decided not to look him in the eyes and she turned her head.
“Car?” he said again. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she’d tried to say, but it came out weak and hoarse. After clearing her throat she tried again, “It’s nothing.” His eyes were bright and they locked on her face right away. She plastered a fake smile on her face and shrugged.
He raised an eyebrow, “Then what are you hiding behind your back?”
She flinched at his words, and at the darkening expression transforming his face. His eyes always had the power to soften her where she stood, and intimidate her when he was angry. It wasn’t just the color, it was the dark ring of long eyelashes around his eyes, and the way she felt like he could see into her soul.
“Car, please tell me what’s going on? You look like you’ve seen a ghost and your scaring the shit out of me.”
Her breath left her as she sighed and slowly pulled her hand forward revealing the pregnancy test. She reached out as if to present it to him. He actually stumbled back when he saw what she’d been holding. His breath caught, and he stared at it. Utter silence.
His breathing grew heavy.
His body had gone ridged, his shoulders, his jaw taut.
Then he’d said the one thing she’d never thought would leave his mouth. “How? Did you …”
She jerked back. And found herself replying with anger, “How? Did I what? Plan this? Try to trap you? Really, Gavin?” Her temper flared when she saw him shake his head. His hard and narrowed eyes focused on her, an accusation written all over his face. Like she had done this. Like she had planned it. Like she had somehow coerced him into having sex with her. Or maybe he thought she’d skipped her birth control on purpose. The only two times she had forgotten to take it was when they had visited his parents six weeks ago, and she’d forgotten to pack it. It had been his idea to have sex that weekend, although she hadn’t been opposed. He’d known she hadn’t taken it and had wanted to be with her anyway. He’d dismissed the risk like it was nothing at the time.
His hand came up and gripped his face over his eyes. “Car—I mean, I thought we were pretty safe. I don’t want kids. At least not right now. You know that. You said you were on the pill. Did you—”
“Don’t you are finish that sentence.” She pointed her finger at him and then realized that this was all wrong. He was right. They had messed this up. Their plan. Their lives.
Maybe she should …
Oh god. She needed to leave and think this through. She wasn’t going to be able to think clearly with him looking at her the way he was.
“Move.” She snapped at him. And she did her best to push herself past him through the doorway.
“Car—” Gavin tried blocking her exit from the bathroom, but she’d planted her hands on his chest and pushed him out of her way. His fingers had gripped her waist and they skimmed across her stomach as she moved past him. She wanted to cry when she imagined it might be the last time he touched her.
In her room, she grabbed the first piece of clothing that she came in contact with. A casual tank top dress she’d worn the day before. So angry she was seeing red, she rapidly removed her pajamas and pulled the dress over her head. Then s
he grabbed her socks and her boots. They would be a pain to lace up, but she didn’t know if she was going to go for a walk or going to take her car. She’d laced on her boots with jerky movements, cursing him and the situation the entire time.
“Where are you going?” Gavin asked in a frustrated tone. His voice also was low and filled with uncertainty. He leaned into her room both of his hands braced against the wall. “We need to talk. You can’t just run out, Caroline. This isn’t a problem you can run away from.”
“Don’t you think I know that? We’ll talk later. I can’t talk to you about this right now.” She lifted her head and glared at him, all the while she continued to lace her boots aggressively. “I’m going for a drive, okay? I just … can’t be around you right now. How Gavin, really? You of all people should know how and in case you’ve forgotten, it takes two.”
“Jesus, Car. I know that baby. I’m sorry I said that. It’s just—Just give me a minute to process this. This isn’t something you find out every day. You already know how I feel about this. About having a baby and what it will take from us.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. She couldn’t look at him. She’d never been so angry in her life. “This could ruin everything.”
At his last words her head jerked up again. “You don’t think I know that? You ass. This is my life too.” She tried to leave the room and he reached out to grab her. She wrestled away from his grip on her arm.
“Dammit, Car. Don’t go running off. We need to talk about this. You can’t keep running when things get hard. You do it every time. Stay and talk to me. We’ll figure out what to do.”
She pushed him back and ran grabbing her keys off the counter. As she flew past the kitchen, she saw the rain pouring down outside through the kitchen window. But she didn’t care. She had to get away. She opened the front door, turned and met his eyes from down the hall. Damn those eyes had been her undoing. So had his handsome, flawless face. She’d never had a chance when it came to falling for him. Even his stupid wake-up-and-go, messy hair was sexy, and a work of art, just like him. The same hair that looked dark brown outdoors in the sun, but blackish-brown inside—almost like perfect streaks. Her eyes fell from his face to his black t-shirt. His favorite shirt. The one he’d designed as his logo shirt for the company he’d wanted to start. It had a white outline of a saber-tooth tiger, something he’d drawn himself and had printed on a plain T. He wore it at least twice a week and it annoyed the hell out of her.
He’d leave her now and find someone new. Someone that fit better into his life plan. And she’d what? Be a mother and college dropout at twenty-five? So mad she couldn’t bear to see his stunning face for one more second, she slammed the door, cutting him off from her view.
The weather had been horrible that day. The roads had been slick. Rain and hail were falling, and hitting her windshield. She’d been heading towards the tunnel to take her to her sister’s house. She kept hearing Gavin’s words about not wanting kids for many, many years filling her head. And then he’d acted like she’d what … she’d planned this? Of course she hadn’t planned it. She’d taken her pills each and every morning except for while at his parents.
He didn’t want a child, not so young. She wanted to finish college first too, but what could she do now? She’d have to be a mom. Unless … no, she could never do that. Not even if Gavin wanted her to, she would never have an abortion. This was her responsibility, it was Gavin’s whether he wanted it to be or not. He’d have to choose whether he took part in her child’s life or not.
Rain continued to pour down. Between that and her tears it was hard to see the yellow lines on the road. At least in the tunnel it would by dry. Her cell phone ringtone rang out for the fourth time since she’d gotten in the car. She knew it was Gavin. Her heart melted and she considered turning back around and going back to talk it out with him.
The car in front of her hadn’t had its lights on, and by the time its brake lights flared red, it was already too late. At the same time that a horrible grinding metal sound rung out, her body was thrown forward. Sharp pain hit her in multiple places all at once. Like a rag doll she was flung forward and back and again until she fell limply back in her chair slumped over the stirring wheel. The world filled with gray, and then black. Darkness closed in around her.
Chapter 6
“Wake up, Caroline. Come back to me.”
Someone squeezed her hand. There were noises in the background but what had awoken her had been a male’s voice. Gavin’s voice. “Listen to me, Car. Don’t go to the light, okay, baby. I need you hear with me. Stay with me, Caroline.” That’s all she heard when she’d tried and failed to open her eyes. The voice dimmed and so did the light she’d been trying to reach.
“When is she going to wake up?” this from her mother’s worried voice. “Gavin said she reacted the other day to his voice. You said it may mean she was close to coming out of the coma, but she didn’t wake up and I’m getting more worried about her. And the baby.”
“They’re both doing fine. She’s breathing on her own, and we’re giving both her and the baby what they need through the IV. I’m sorry, I wish there was more I could do, but she’ll wake up when she’s ready.”
Caroline had tried to fight her body’s stillness and open her eyes, but she’d been unable to.
Gavin’s voice pulled her to awareness again. In the background a beeping sounded. Voices murmured and could be heard in the distance.
Her body responded when she tried to open her eyes this time. Though her eyelids felt heavy, they fluttered open.
She expected to see a gray sky, filled with storm clouds. Instead, there where white square panels and fluorescent lights overhead.
“You’re awake! Thank God.”
She followed the voice with her eyes, which had her looking over to her right side. Gavin sat in the chair beside her.
“Caroline, do you know where you are?” he asked gently as he squeezed her hand.
Her eyes left his face to see her surroundings. The simple room, the medical equipment, and the white sheet and pale blue blanket covering her.
“You’re in the hospital, baby. You were in an accident.”
She tried to talk, and couldn’t. Her throat had never felt so dry. Panic and worried about her injuries, her eyes flew back to him.
“Shh … Don’t get upset. You’re going to be okay. The doctors have been taking really good care of you … and um … the baby.”
Their eyes met then and he wasn’t upset, Gavin was smiling. Not his full blown sexy smile, but a reassuring smile meant to put her at ease.
“Hold on a sec. I’m going to call your doctor in okay? And your parents, let them know you’re awake. They’ve all been here for you, Caroline. Waiting for you to wake up.” Then tears started to brim in his eyes and before she could find out why, he left her bedside and hurried into the hall.
Moments later when he came back into the room, his eyes were red, but clear of tears. He stood over her and one hand caressed her cheek.
She tried to talk again and felt frustrated when only a whisper came out. Gavin found a mug full of water and put the straw to her lips and helped her sit up a little. “You had a breathing tube down your throat. The doctor said it would make it hard for you to talk at first.”
She sipped at the water. The cold liquid relieved some of the dryness of her throat. She tried again to talk. “Why are you here?”
At her words, Gavin stepped back as if she’d shoved him. Shock and then regret covered his features. “How could I be anywhere else? You’re my life, Caroline. Always will be. Not matter what. I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean to say it … I just … I was in shock. I was afraid. And then you walked out and suddenly I’ve never been more afraid in my life. I thought you weren’t coming back. I thought you might break it off with me. Not give a chance to fix what I said. I called you. I was out trying to find you when your parents called and told me about the wreck. Then I thought I reall
y lost you and the only person I could blame was me.”
Her muscles were weak. But she couldn’t let him suffer like he’d obviously been doing since her wreck. She couldn’t let him think that this was all his fault. She’d been the one to spring it on him and run.
“It’s okay.”
“Oh, Baby. I’m sorry, Caroline. I was an idiot to let you leave like that. Especially in the rain. I’m so sorry, baby.”
Caroline felt weak and sleepy, but mixed with that she felt an ache in her head, back, arm and knee, just like before. Though now she knew why. She’d been in a car accident.
“Caroline, don’t leave me again.” His eyes were bright as he stared down into hers. “I—I can’t do this without you. I don’t want a future if you’re not in it.”
She didn’t want to start a fight but she had to know right then and there what he wanted to do about the baby. “Gavin?” it came out as a whisper and she tried to clear her throat again.
He smoothed her hair away from her face. Kissed her nose and his hand clenched hers. “Yeah?”
“What about the baby?” she asked.
He smiled then, meeting her eyes so she could see his sincerity, “The baby’s doing well. I heard the heartbeat. Doctor said it sounds really good.”
“I mean—”
“I want you and the baby, Car. How could I not? It’s our baby. Part of you—part of me. The second you left I realized I’d messed up. This whole time I’ve been so angry with myself, thinking that I messed up the best part of my life. I wish I could do that day over. I would say so many things differently.”
She realized something too. “You were in shock. So was I. Who wouldn’t be?”
“Yeah, babe I was. But you made me see that I almost lost the best thing in the world and I’m not going to lose it again. I’m not going to screw this up with you. I love you. I knew if you came back to me, that I’d have to find a way to make you see that I want you, and the baby. I will too. Make you believe me.”
“I do, Gavin.”
“You scared me, Car. I thought I’d have to come to the other side and find you myself and bring you back me.”
Six Shades of Romance Page 6