I'm Over It (Kihanna in College #2)

by Mercy Amare

  The bathroom had just enough room for the tub, a toilet in the middle and a counter for a sink to the left with a wide mirror above it. The powder blue flowery wallpaper and a matching set of rugs made it feel cozy.

  I followed him, pulling the poncho away and bending over a little to pull it off of me. The green t-shirt underneath stuck to my body so much I might as well not have worn it at all. It was up against my breasts, even pushed up between them, clearly outlining the details of the underwire in the bra I was wearing. The cloth sucked into my belly button.

  His eyes followed where I was looking. I tried pulling the shirt away from my body but as soon as I let go, it fell back against me, attaching itself to my skin. His cheeks tinted red as he took the poncho from me and hung it on the shower curtain rod.

  He reached over for my left arm lifting it gently. In the light, I could see blood had dripped over my wrist from a gash. I sucked in a breath. Now that I was focused on it, the pain in my arm burned and throbbed.

  He lifted my arm closer to his face investigating the cut, using a gentle push of his forefinger to see if it was still bleeding. “My god,” he said. “I’m sorry. Really. This was my fault.”

  I shook my head at him, trying to look nonchalant about the pain. “It was your dog. Not really his fault. He was excited, I guess.”

  “He was excited,” he agreed. He moved away to open a drawer under the counter. He lifted out a red and white first aid kit, and reached for a bottle of hydrogen peroxide. “I’ve noticed the lead was getting thin in the middle for a while. When he smelled or heard you, he took off and it broke.” His eyes met mine as he tugged me gently closer by the elbow so that I would be at a better angle for the light. “He’s not usually that bad. He needed to go out but he hates this weather. So, I’m sorry about that. I should have replaced the lead before now. And I don’t know why he jumped on you. He never does that.”

  His eyes were emerald green and with the light from above us, or maybe it was the way his glasses were hanging a little lower on his nose, I felt my breath escape me. I found his eyes to be gorgeous. From the depths of my mind, even while distracted, I knew I was supposed to say something, but the way he was looking at me made my heart skip and my mind went blank. I wasn’t even sure why I felt the way I did. I only knew that he was making my insides flutter. “...name.”

  A brown eyebrow arched. “Hm?”

  “I don’t know your name.”

  The soft lips smiled at the corner, just enough. He was pleased with me. “I’m Kota.”

  Kota. It was different, like mine, so I liked it.

  He waited patiently for a moment and then chuckled, as if uncomfortable. “What’s yours?”

  It took me a moment to guess what he meant. My head was still foggy, so following the conversation was difficult. “Uh... Sang.”

  “As in, I sang a song?”

  I nodded. “I know it’s weird.”

  “No weirder than ‘Kota’.”

  I smiled a little. “I suppose not. Weird names are nice, though.”

  The crest of his high cheekbones tinted to a pink that looked nice on him. “It’s nice to meet you. And please don’t hate me.”

  “For what?”

  He applied a clean cloth with the peroxide to my arm. I had been so distracted by him that I hadn’t noticed he had prepared one. The sting went straight to my bones. The chill I was still feeling from the weather outside only made it that much more uncomfortable. A shutter ran through my body, wracking my bones together, causing the sting to radiate through me. I bit my lip, holding back the urge to cry out in pain.

  As he cleaned my arm, I turned my head, looking out into his bedroom. Not watching him not only relieved the pain but also the awkwardness I felt. I wanted to look at his face but I was too nervous to face him, and didn’t want to get caught staring.

  After the blood and dirt were washed away, he applied a large square bandage to cover the spot. “I think you’re patched up.” He gave the sides of the bandage a few more rubs to ensure they were sticking and then crumpled the plastic wrapper in his hands. “Anything else broken or bleeding?”

  I shrugged and shook my head. I didn’t want to mention my hip, which felt very sore. It wasn’t bleeding, so I didn’t think it was important to mention. “I’m fine.”

  He looked at me a moment, as if wondering whether I was being honest with him or not. He slowly nodded. “Okay. Well, Sang, I hope this won’t ruin your impression of me right off.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean we are neighbors, right? Your family just moved in?”

  My eyes widened. I guessed there was no hiding it. “Yes. No. I mean, don’t worry about it. It was just an accident.” I pursed my lips, unsure if I should say anything more.

  His forefinger moved to the bridge of his glasses and he slid them up. The muscle in his forearm flexed. “So what were you doing out so late?”

  I had been hoping he wouldn't ask. “Just taking a walk. I couldn’t sleep.”

  “With a book bag weighing a ton on your back? In the middle of this weather?”

  My face heated up and I didn’t know how to answer him. The silence stretched on between us as I struggled with words. I stalled for so long that I didn’t know if I could respond at all.

  A sympathetic, but confused, smile spread over his lips. “Hey, I’m sorry. Look, it’s personal. Whatever it was, did you have to do it in the middle of the night?”

  I sucked in a breath. “It felt like a good idea at the time.”

  The corner of his mouth dropped slightly but he caught it and his face relaxed and became unreadable. “Okay. Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to find you something dry to wear. I’m going to go downstairs to change. I’ll make some hot chocolate, too. If I come back and you’re not here, I’ll understand. If you are, you get to tell me what’s going on.” His head bowed a little until his forehead was so close to my own that I could feel his warmth from it. I had nowhere to look but into his beautiful green eyes. “I make a halfway decent friend, if you give me a chance.”

  I didn’t know how to respond to this either, so I simply nodded. A complete stranger was offering his friendship. Right here, in this moment, it was something I never imagined. I felt my eyes watering and I turned my face away from him to hide it. I couldn’t look into his eyes any more. It was like he could see into me and who I really was, and I didn’t want him to see me.

  He straightened up and stepped out into his bedroom. I stood in the doorway of his bathroom to watch. He opened the closet and pulled out a gray t-shirt.

  “It’ll be big on you,” he said. He dug around into the back and pulled out a pair of blue striped pajama bottoms. “These might be too big as well but they at least have a tie.” He hung the clothes over his arm and closed the closet door. I stepped backward into the bathroom and he held out the clothes. Our fingers brushed and his eyes held mine. “Just put your wet things in the bathtub for now. When they aren’t so soggy, we’ll toss them into the dryer.”

  I was unable to express to him how warm and welcome he was making me feel. I mustered up my warmest smile. It was all I could manage.

  When he spotted it, he paused in his motions to look at me. I wondered if I appeared crazy to him, so I tried to backpedal and look just normal -- pursing my lips and looking compliant.

  There was a change in his expression that I didn’t quite understand, but he turned away and closed the bathroom door behind himself.

  After he left, I flipped the lock on the door and stood in the bathroom, looking at my reflection in the mirror. My hair was strung out, even though the clip I had it twisted in hung on. My cheeks and nose were red and my skin looked so pale in comparison. I felt embarrassed that he saw me like that. The thought of leaving crept into my mind. This was more than I was prepared to handle. Spending a night out was one thing. Staying in a house with a boy pushed thoughts into my head, whispers my mother would recite to me. Rape. Sexual assault. Kidna
pping.

  Only Kota had shown more warmth and caring toward me than I’d felt from anyone in a long time. Here was proof against everything my mother had taught me about the dangers of the world. The first person I’d met took me in, was making hot chocolate and was inviting me to be his friend.

  My heart was pounding at the thought of him coming back. Despite his warmth, despite my own head telling me this was just what people did, that normal people were nice and helpful, I was still nervous at the thought of him knowing anything about me.

  Was it better to be alone?

  ♥♥♥

  I put on his shirt and pajama pants. The ends of the waist tie hung to my mid-thigh after I tied it off. I rolled the cuffs on the pant legs but my heels were still stepping on the cotton material. I didn’t want to be in the bathroom when he got back, so I tiptoed into his bedroom.

  The desk was so neat, it looked brand new. The bed was unmade but the corners at the foot were tucked in sharp angles. He must have gotten up to take out the dog. The sheets were calling to me, but I was too uncomfortable to sit on his bed, and I was too sore to stand. I moved to the window seat and knelt on the cushion to look out.

  Rain splattered against the window. In a way, I suppose I was lucky to have run into Kota. I picked a bad night to break into an empty house. Why hadn’t I considered the weather when I’d thought to do this? I knew the answer to that, though. Earlier that day my mother had made a point to lecture me as I was doing the dishes.

  “There was a little girl on the news today,” she had said, standing across our kitchen and watching as I rinsed plates. She had her arms folded under her heavy breasts, bulking up the material of her thin burgundy robe. “Three men kidnapped her from her front lawn and molested her. It took only a minute.”

  It was one of a hundred similar stories I had heard over the week. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from telling her there were millions of girls who played on front lawns that weren’t kidnapped. It wouldn’t matter. She wouldn’t listen. It was so overwhelming to me. I felt I needed to prove it to myself. It was my way of bringing myself into reality and not getting swallowed up into the nightmare she insisted was true. One night out of the house would be enough.

  “I guess you’re staying,” Kota said behind me. I turned on the bench seat to look at him. He was wearing a clean white t-shirt and a pair of green pajama bottoms. His brown hair was combed away from his eyes. He carried two navy blue mugs with steam spiraling off the top. “I hope you’re good with marshmallows.”

  I smiled. Who didn’t love marshmallows?

  He tilted his chin toward me. “Scoot over.”

  I tucked my knees into my chest and moved toward the window, my back pressed to the wall. Kota took the outside, his back against the opposite wall, and handed me the mug. The warmth from the outside of the cup was a little too much for my still chilly hands, so I held it carefully by the handle with my fingertips barely touching the bottom. Blowing gently to cool it, I took a sip, letting the warm, sweet liquid pool over my tongue before sliding down my throat.

  “So where did you move from?” He took a sip from his own mug, but his eyes fixed on me.

  I blushed and glanced out the window. “A tiny town in Illinois.”

  “Did you leave any friends?”

  I shook my head and turned back toward him. “No one I would write to. I really wasn’t that close to anyone.”

  His hands rubbed at the mug, his thumb tracing the lip and he cast his eyes to the marshmallows floating on top. He had a knee up on the cushion of the window seat. His leg was just a breath away from mine. The almost-touch made my heart flutter. “You’ll be going to the public school, right?”

  Why did he say it like that? “Like everyone else, I guess.” For which I was grateful. Despite my mother’s complaints about sending us to school, my father insisted we were allowed. It was the only thing he stood up to her about. I believed he was sure if we didn’t go to school she could never keep up with a home school system and the state would be after them.

  Kota looked up, confusion in his face. “What grade?”

  “Sophomore,” I said. I hoped it was okay to be honest.

  His head tilted, his eyes sparked. “Me, too. What are you going to take this year?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t really know what I want.”

  He blinked. A silence stretched between us. We sipped our cocoa together and my eyes flickered between his knee that was so close to mine and the window. It was a strange feeling, like something I had seen out of a movie. Two people sharing an evening together and dabbling with small talk. Did people really do things like this? My mind whirled with something to say, but I was never good at starting conversations.

  After a few moments, he spoke. “Do your parents want you to take something in particular?”

  I sighed and nodded. “The daughter of an electrical engineer should have a degree in something. My older sister already started in the arts. I’m getting pushed into science.”

  “Would it be that bad? Science is pretty awesome.”

  I grimaced. I didn’t want to insult him by being honest. I liked science but I wasn’t sure if it was my favorite. “I don’t know if I want to do that.”

  His head tilted as he gazed down at me. “What do you prefer?”

  “I’m not sure, really,” I said. Thoughts of the paperwork in my room filled my head. I liked this conversation better. It didn’t feel too personal. “There’s so many choices. I don’t know if I want to devote my life to science. Or art. Or something else. It all sounds good.”

  He laughed softly. “That sounds familiar.”

  I blushed again because I didn’t understand what he meant. I moved the mug up to my lips, mostly to feel the heat from the cocoa. “I don’t hate science. I don’t hate anything. It’s like I want everything. Not fully. I just want a touch.” I was rambling and took a sip of cocoa just to get myself to shut up.

  He fiddled with his own mug. “Sang... where were you going?”

  I kept the mug close to my lower lip and breathed deeply, letting the warm sweet air fill my lungs. “There’s that new house up the road. I was going to sleep there for the night.”

  “You were running away?”

  I closed my eyes. I hated those words. “No. Not for forever. I just wanted one night out of the house.”

  “So you wanted to break into a house? Alone? In the middle of the night?”

  My face burned and I turned my head away to look out into the night again. Only this time the sight was blurred by tears. “It sounds crazy.” I blinked a lot, trying to force the tears back. When I felt a little calmer, I turned again to look at him. “I wasn’t going to hurt anything. My parents are... different. I don’t get out much. I just wanted to get away for the night. I didn’t want to feel trapped anymore.”

  “You just needed a release.”

  My heart lifted. He understood! “It was just a bad night to do it. I probably shouldn’t have thought of the empty house. I just knew the back door was open and I wouldn’t have harmed anything.”

  The corners of his mouth lifted. “I have to admit, I can’t imagine you committing a breaking and entering. You don’t look like the bad girl type.”

  I made a face at him and he laughed. When he did, I couldn’t help it and giggled too. “I guess it seems pretty silly. It’s just a single night.”

  He tilted his head. “Why tonight? I mean, what happened today that you felt you had to get out?”

  I blushed again and I held a palm to my cheek, pretending to rub it so I could hide the redness. “It’s complicated.”

  “I’m pretty smart. Try me.”

  Now that I’d said all this out loud, it did seem dramatic and silly. “It seemed a better idea than hiding away forever. I don’t want to believe the world is all that terrible.” My voice shook as I spoke. I worried that I might cry in front of him.

  His smile softened and his eyes sparked again. “Sang, you’re an idiot.
”

  The insult made my mouth pop open and a rush of heat radiated from my face. “But... I...”

  He lifted a hand and dropped a finger on my open lips to stop me from talking. “Three reasons. For one, you picked a bad night to take off.”

  I couldn’t disagree with him. I also couldn’t think clearly. His finger remained on my lips and I wasn’t sure how to move. It was hard to concentrate on what he was saying.

  “Two, if you knew the house was empty, someone else could be lurking in there, too. Maybe a hobo or some other teenagers. It might not be true of you, but people who break into houses are often not very nice people. You’d be walking in on them.”

  I hadn’t even thought about that. “What’s the third?” I asked, even as his finger was still on me and I was more than mumbling. He grinned and moved his finger away.

  “If your parents caught you, you might have been grounded for a lifetime and I would have never met you.”

  My heart stopped in that moment. I thought he was just teasing me, but something in his eyes shimmered honest. It melted me at the core. He cared. About me? But why? How?

  He tilted his mug and drained the rest of the cocoa. “Do you have to be somewhere tomorrow?”

  I shook my head.

  “Are you still intent on staying out for the night?”

  Would he tell my parents about it? Somehow, I didn’t think he would. He was giving me a choice. Did I really want to do it? He was right about not going to the empty house. Walking out in the middle of the night was not the best way to prove anything other than I was taking a big risk. However, I couldn’t stand by and let myself be caught forever in the small world they built for us. “If I could figure something else out...”

  He put the mug down and then planted a palm on my knee. “So how about this, I’ll let you sleep here tonight. I think you’ll feel better in the morning about it all. After that, give me a month.”