Consequences

by Liz Schulte

  My lungs burned, my chest tightened, and my mind refused to believe what my heart heard. I pulled my hand away and knelt in front her, forcing her to look at me. “This sounds an awful lot like goodbye, Liv.”

  She stifled a sob and glanced away, but not before I saw it in her eyes. This was goodbye. The world, my world, was spinning out of my control. She couldn’t leave. I needed her. “What’s happening? We can fix whatever it is. You can’t leave. I won’t let you.”

  She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against mine, running her hand down my cheek—tears streaming down her face. “You don’t have a choice.”

  I pushed her back. Determination warred against the despair threatening to consume me. I shook her softly. “Open your eyes and look at me.” She met my gaze with a sniffle. “We are strong together. Let me help you.”

  “I’ll try to come back to you. I’ll do everything I can.” She bit her lip and drew in a long shaky breath. “I need you to promise something.”

  “Olivia—”

  “Please, Holden. Uriel could take me at any moment.”

  I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Fine, anything.”

  “Take care of my mom.”

  “Of course.”

  “Promise you’ll leave the jinn and you won’t work for demons. You’re so much better than all of that. I’ve seen what you’re capable of when you love somebody, Holden. You could do so much good for the world.”

  I stared at her. I wanted to tell her that she was the only one I would ever love and if she left, all positive emotion within me would wither and make me hate the world. If she was going, it was cruel not to put me out of my misery. Instead I nodded the agreement I couldn’t bring myself to say.

  She wrapped her arms around my neck. “I’m sorry we didn’t have more time.” Her breath tickled my ear.

  I scooped her into my arms and squeezed as if I could hold her here. “No amount of time short of forever would have been enough.”

  Her body shook against mine and her tears soaked through my shirt. “You have to let me go.”

  I held her tighter. I would never willingly let her go, and I made no effort to hide the thought from her.

  “You’re going to be fine.” I couldn’t tell if she was reassuring me or herself, but she wrong and I was angry.

  “No, I’m not going to be fine.” I released her and took a step back. “You can’t come here, change my life, and then leave telling me I have to let you go. I’ll be fine. Fuck that. No. I’m not going to let you go. If you leave, you’re killing me—and however many people I decide to take out with me.”

  “Holden—”

  “No. You fight this, Liv. You fight this and you stay with me. You’re not controlled by your destiny. I don’t care if an angel or the devil himself has plans for you. Baby, you fight them every step of the way. That is who you are. You’ve never been compliant a moment since we met. Why would you start now?”

  A smile began to creep to the edges of her mouth, but then she flickered and the smile vanished. She threw herself at me, her lips clinging to mine. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  We fell into a sea of white and I could no longer feel her against me. A moment later I was on the floor in the warehouse by the brass doors.

  I love you, her voice said in my mind before an integral piece of me shut off. The incompleteness of my being demanded to be righted at once. But she was gone as if she had never been there. No trace left. No little light hiding in the back of my conscience. No trickle of her emotions. Not in any of her usual hiding places. Nothing. Olivia had vanished. It was different than when I thought she was dead. This felt like I was hemorrhaging and nothing could save me.

  I stood up and rammed my fist against the door. Pain surged through my arm like a crack of lightning, but I didn’t care. I hit it again and again. My knuckles left bloody dents in the brass. I screamed in frustration and agony. I kicked at and attacked the doors. I didn’t have any way to find her. Baker and Femi came running around the corner, but neither of them came near me. I wanted to destroy and hurt, so I continued my assault on the door hoping one of them tried to stop me so I could have the satisfaction of hitting an actual person—someone, anyone. My hand wasn’t recognizable as a hand. Purple, blue, and red streaked through the swollen mass, but I didn’t slow or stop. The pain kept me from going mad. My breath heaved in my chest. A flurry of profanity flowed from my mouth. Femi and Baker nudged each other closer, but still neither of them stepped into the ring.

  Was she at the trial? Was she dead? What in the hell had happened? Rage blinded me. I was no longer seeing, just swinging, until a light seeped in, filling the hallway. It wasn’t hers though—I knew exactly who it was.

  Thirty One

  Breaking the connection wasn’t a relief or breath of fresh air. It made me want to curl into a ball and never move again. He was more important than my arms or legs; he was the blood that used to flow through my veins, the air in my lungs... The guardians might not have to kill me. I might have killed myself. But I couldn’t think like that, not if I was going to get back to Holden. I would do anything to get back to him.

  I pushed myself off the ground. I was outside of two plain wooden doors with the words “Nolite iudicare ut non iudicemini” inscribed on them: “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” I swallowed and straightened my shoulders before pushing the door open and entering a huge auditorium with stadium seating. I walked down the gradual slope of the room toward a raised stage in the middle. As I walked past the rows, silence fell over each one until a whisper would’ve rang across the cavernous area. The first row circling the stage didn’t line up with the rest of the seats. There were seven large, white chairs spaced far apart. Serious looking men and women sat in the chairs and stared straight ahead; even Jace didn’t glance toward me. On the stage sat four golden thrones that emanated power. I didn’t slow or soften my expression as I approached them. If I didn’t have to put every spare thought into moving and not crumpling under the agony of missing Holden, I would have never made it to the stage. At least a thousand sets of eyes watched every move I made.

  When I reached the floor, the four people in the thrones shifted their gaze to me. All of their eyes were the same color as mine, blue-green with a halo of gold. I met their stares evenly, tilted my chin ever so slightly, and stepped on stage without waiting for invitation. “I believe you were looking for me.” My voice came out strong and calm, and my mind went blissfully blank as another part of me with more confidence took over.

  The woman in the throne furthest from me nodded toward the opposite side of the stage and a small, knobby wooden chair appeared. “Please take a seat.”

  “I’d rather stand.” Some of the crowd gasped at my comment; others chuckled softly. The four pairs of eyes staring at me looked less than amused.

  “Have a seat.” The deep voice, shrouded in authority, commanded. It came from the little man sitting one chair down from the woman.

  I had the urge to say “Make me,” but instead I shrugged and remained standing.

  “Insolent girl. Do you not respect our authority?”

  “You have done nothing to earn my respect.”

  We stared each other down, no love lost between any of us. What did they expect from me? They kept their existence hidden since the moment I crossed over. They tried to manipulate and run my life. They were accusing me of crimes I didn’t commit. They were micro-managing control freaks that did nothing to help the people they were sworn to protect. Those pacifist do-gooders could stand up and make me sit down or get out of my way. It occurred to me that Holden hadn’t rubbed off on me, he’d brought out a part of me that I too often chose to ignore. Even without him in my mind, I still had contempt for their passiveness.

  When it became clear I would not yield, the one with the deep voice and little body spoke again. “Olivia Martin. You have been accused of consorting with jinn, being an accomplice to the probable murder of over thirty guardians, and brea
king the truce between our races by stealing a jinni soul. How do you plead?” His words were cold and measured and his decision of guilt was already apparent in his eyes. This wasn’t a trial. It was a witch hunt. He did nothing to hide his disgust with me, so I would do nothing to hide mine.

  “You know my name, but I have yet to be introduced to you.”

  “I am Ezra,” the slight one with a booming voice said. He pointed down to the woman on the end. “Constance, James, and Phillip.”

  “Who accuses me?”

  “How do you plea?”

  “Do I not have a right to meet my accuser?”

  The four of them conferred then Ezra nodded his head and a familiar voice rang out behind me.

  “I am your accuser.”

  My heart sank at the sight of Jace. I didn’t understand. He would know I couldn’t have done it. Quintus would’ve told him no matter how angry he was. I was at a loss for words. I thought Jace was my ally. I scanned the crowd looking for Quintus, but he wasn’t there. All I could manage to do was shake my head slightly.

  “How do you plead, Olivia?” he asked, and I swear a smirk oiled his lips.

  “I don’t understand, Jace. What evidence could you have? Quintus knows I am innocent—surely he told you.”

  “You have bewitched Quintus. He isn’t reliable. And yet even he isn’t here to rise to your defense. Stop the charade. Confess your sins.” The longer Jace spoke, the stronger his presence became, like a snowball gaining speed and weight while rolling down a mountain. He didn’t feel like the same person I met in Paris.

  “What is your plea?” the deep voice demanded, making me whirl back around.

  “Not guilty,” I snapped.

  Ezra’s eyes flashed. “Do you deny you are living with the North American Jinn Commander?”

  “I do not.”

  “How is that not consorting with jinn?” James asked, crossing his long, thin legs and pushing his wire rimmed glasses up on his angular nose.

  I took a deep breath and held it. How would I explain this? “Holden and I fell in love before I became a guardian. He has risked his life and gone against his people to save me more than once. If you mean consorting as spending my time with a friend and loved one who has helped me look for the real traitor and protect the guardians, then yes I am guilty of that. But if you mean consorting as the two of us plotting against you people, then you are mistaken.”

  “So you are indebted to him?” Phillip asked, raising his nearly invisible blond eyebrows.

  I frowned. “I figured as a guardian and an elder you would have a better understanding of love. I love him and he loves me. We are not indebted to one another. Our actions reflect our hearts.”

  “You expect us to believe a jinni is capable of self-sacrificing love?” The condescension was thick in Constance’s voice.

  “You may believe whatever you like, but Holden has shown more courage and willingness to fight for what is right and follow his heart than any guardian I have ever met. He doesn’t hide behind ridiculous rules while his people are being killed.”

  “Then who is the alleged ‘real’ traitor?” Ezra asked.

  I struggled not to close my eyes or look down. “I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know?” he mocked.

  “We haven’t had time to figure it out.”

  “Perhaps that is because the Jinn Commander is the one behind this. Maybe you have been unwittingly telling him of your brethren.”

  I snorted in derision.

  “Do you think this is funny, Ms. Martin?” Ezra asked.

  It didn’t escape my notice that he was using my surname today. When I met Quintus’s friend Ruth she made it clear that guardians didn’t use surnames. Perhaps this was his way of putting me in my place, keeping me separated, an outsider, from the rest of the guardians. “Not at all. Though I do think that you, sir, are ridiculous. You send Quintus and me to watch a building where you know they are taking guardians, but you tie our hands and let us do nothing to stop them. When we were captured, you did nothing to help us. How many guardians did you willingly and knowingly let die? How could you not protect them? It was your job.”

  A soft roar broke out as the audience to this circus chattered and gasped. Ezra glared, but I was rolling.

  “You accuse me of betraying the guardians to Holden, but how could I have done what you say? I had no way of knowing where any of the guardians were located. I can count on one hand the number of guardians I’ve even met. How could I have shared information—intentionally or unintentionally—that I wasn’t privy to?” I fixed each elder in front of me with a cold stare then turned and addressed the audience. “It is my understanding that out of everyone in this room only a select few would have the knowledge required to betray us. We all know who they are.”

  “You will address us not the spectators, Ms. Martin,” Phillip all but snarled at me. Ezra also looked at me with murderous intent. Constance’s expression was filled with contempt. James remained inscrutable. Perhaps I had a hope of reaching him.

  “Fine.” I turned back to them. “How do you propose I was in the position to set anyone up? What would I have to gain?”

  None of them answered, but Jace’s voice came from behind me. “May I address this?”

  Ezra nodded.

  “You have powers greater and all but unknown to the rest of us. You pulled a soul from purgatory, you can push others to do your will—I’ve seen it myself—and you recognize those who are in need without being directed to them. Are we supposed to believe you couldn’t do something so easy as track a few guardians and point them out to the jinn who you have a relationship with?”

  “But I didn’t—I can’t—”

  “So you say.” His arrogance made my temper strain for release. “And as for why. Did you not confess to me that you have an animaphagist in your possession? As an elder you could run it and direct the powers to yourself. Perhaps that’s what gives you your strange abilities!”

  “No. We found it. I didn’t even know what it was until I asked you.”

  “And you expect people to believe that?”

  I stared at him.

  “How do you explain stealing the jinni’s soul?” James asked, his voice had taken on a soft, thoughtful tone.

  I looked back to him. “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t even know that was possible. Holden was being attacked by a demon because he helped me. I wanted it to stop.”

  Ezra jumped on my statement. “So you admit to breaking the treaty and starting a war?”

  I shook my head. “Has Hell declared a war? Have the demons or the jinn raised any objections to what I did?”

  The elders stared at me so long I thought they might not answer at all.

  “No,” James said when it was clear the others wouldn’t.

  “And would you like to know why?” I paused and said a silent prayer that they wouldn’t kill me on the spot. “It’s because you’re weak. None of them see any of you as a threat. You aren’t worth declaring war on. They can keep doing whatever they want. You don’t stand up for what you believe in. All you do is follow directives. You’ve let them take over. Why would Sparta declare war on a field of daises?”

  A heavy silence fell over the room. Anger and confusion were thick and palpable in the air. “Perhaps it is because you offered to free all the jinn,” Phillip suggested.

  “I did not—”

  “It’s all over the Abyss,” Constance said.

  “Olivia Martin, you have been accused of consorting with jinn, which you do not deny. You have been accused of breaking our treaty and exposing us all to violence, which you do not deny. You have been accused of assisting in the killing of guardians, which you cannot disprove. Is this all correct?”

  I swallowed hard. “You aren’t listening to me.”

  “Have I said something inaccurate?”

  “No, but—”

  “Very well. We will confer and return.” He nodded toward the chair I refused earlie
r. My knees shook with nerves so I sat without complaint. As soon as I did, I felt the mistake. The chair had its own gravitational pull—one so strong and heavy it was impossible not to slump. I didn’t think I could move even if I wanted to.

  The elders disappeared and I sat struggling to free myself. I thought of the animaphagist and I thought of Holden. I was glad he wasn’t here to witness this. It would’ve squashed the seedling of hope I’d been nurturing in him since the moment we first met.

  Thirty Two

  As the room came into view, the bone crunching, blood spurting sound of flesh meeting flesh filled in my ears. Momentary confusion prevented me from any sort of self-defense as the jinni’s fists flew at me with rage beyond comparison. His anger and hate grew, filling the hallway and coating the walls. He tried to wrap his fingers around my throat, and when that didn’t work, he rammed his elbow into my larynx cutting off my words. He was going to kill me. I removed the runes for nothing. Had I not been once again in complete and helpless agony, I would have laughed. Was he still angry about the kiss? Where was Olivia? I tried to transport again, but couldn’t. Instead I stood and let him beat me until the pain blurred together and I knew my end had to be near.

  Crack. Baker’s fist connected to Holden’s jaw with the force of a sledge hammer. Holden stumbled back and turned to look at Baker, spitting out a mouthful of blood and what looked like a tooth. I fell to my knees, gasping for air, and hoping the shifter knew what he was doing. Holden looked shocked. I tried to speak, but managed only a sputtering, choking cough.

  “Holden, calm down. Tell us what happened,” he said, fist clenched and ready to hit him again.